March 2013 Moms

Taking the name and running with it......

So my in-laws came to visit this weekend. It was great to see them and they were beyond generous with helping us get some items preparing for the new addition to our family.

One of the first questions that they ask, of course, is "What are you going to name him?" Everyone has been pressing this point and thus far we've been dodging providing a response but.....these are my DH's parents. So, we proceeded to explain we had a very long list of contenders and we were still working on a final decision. We gave them some of our top choices at the moment.......MISTAKE!!!!

They were open about the ones they liked and open about the ones they didn't like. I always find the negative comments a little hurtful (it's our choice ultimately, I didn't ask for opinions, "If you don't have anything nice to say....")

They grabbed ahold of one that they liked the most and continued to refer to the baby with it all weekend. The conversation was continually brought to what they felt the baby's middle name should be (after we had explained we wanted to be firm on the first name before we selected a middle name.) The pressure to continue to give positive feedback about all names suggested grew as the weekend went on.

I am dreading the situation, should it occur, that we choose a different name that they perhaps don't like.... or the conversation that will inevitably occur when we select a middle name that they disagree with (opening another can of worms.)

Naming this baby is frustrating... it's a lose-lose situation... don't share, and people get upset... share, and you have to sit through everyone?s negative opinions about choices that you make. This should be fun... too many cooks in the kitchen.

Re: Taking the name and running with it......

  • This is my 4th child so I have learned I just don't share.. I actually went as far as to tell my family we don't know what we are having and not finding out so I didn't have to tell them any names we had in the running. Meanwhile we know its a girl and have 2 first names that we are still weighing between.. My last daughter we named Delaney and my MIL didn't like that name at all.. Oh well we still named her it and all I get are compliments and we love it.. You have to do what you want and eventually they will come along my MIL finally did. Although she says to me with this one can you pick a name we can actually find to buy things for the kid I said nope you will just have to get them stuff made up if we pick rare names like we have. 

  • Opinions are like @$$holes...

    We are not telling anyone our chosen names for this baby...because we also went on the middle name merry-go-round with my MIL. We ignored everything she suggested and eventually she quit. We love our son's name and our future child's potential names. Just don't bring it up again. They'll find out when the baby is born, just like everyone else.

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  • We don't tell the name til we have it one firmly chosen including middle name...
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  • my MIL openly disliked the name we have chosen for our little boy - complete with faces of disgust and all, followed by "well i like the middle name" (DH's middle name). I finally looked at her and said "Lucky for you, you had three chances to name your children whatever you wanted and we are doing the same." shut her right up.

    Your kid, your name choice, end of story - someone is bound to not like it and they will get over it. you go with what you love and don't worry about anyone else's opinion. :)

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  • You are right, it's lose-lose either way. It seems better to not tell people, but they either get mad or come up with their own name to call baby anyway. We have two names we are choosing between, and haven't told many people the names yet. My grandpa keeps calling the baby Adrianna. It's seriously aggravating me. He just came up with this name out of nowhere and hasn't let it go. I want to pick a name and tell everyone so he can stop calling her by a name we will never use.

    On the other hand, when I was pregnant with DD1, I told my mom and MIL the 3 names we liked at the time and there was utter silence from them and then MIL said, "How about Jessica?" I seriously think both of our families hated DD's name until she was born, and then it just fit and they loved her and I haven't heard a negative comment since.


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  • So sorry you're dealing with this, pleople can be so insensitive!

    We decided not to tell anyone our top name for exactly that same reason. We don't want anyone to give us any feedback on our name selection, and we don't want to get pressured into a name we don't love. We've been telling people that we have a few names, but we aren't sharing because we're waiting until we see the kid to make a final decision.

    To answer all the name pressure, we've just been telling everyone that we're name our baby Herbert.....which is one letter off from our last name. The combined name is so ridiculous that it usually makes people laugh, and breaks the tension a little bit. We've been referring to the baby as Herbert for awhile now, and people have pretty much just stopped asking us about the name.

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  • Man that sucks. We aren't sharing any of our top name ideas with anyone, not even our parents. DH is mad bc he wants to and I firmly said HEL NO. For this very reason. Thankfully he seems to be respecting my wishes.

    Maybe this can help you, what we tell people when they ask is that we've decided to meet our LO first before deciding on a name. That has shut everything down, no one has come back with a question on if we have any top picks.
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  • we've been positive of our name from the get go, but we got into a kind of similar situation. i told my mom the name, and LO's middle name will be my grandma's name and also my middle name, which made her very happy. at first it was cute that she was so excited about the middle name. but then she started COMPLETELY ignoring baby's first name and refering to her by her middle name only. 

    needless to say, this drove me so batshit crazy that after many MANY times asking her to either use the first name or to not refer to the baby by name at all, we had it out. i mean, she went so far as to tell me point blank that she didnt really care about the name we had picked, that she would be calling LO by her middle name once she was born. oh HELL to the no! this was also the conversation where she told me that she couldnt believe how difficult i was being and that she was so very hurt and offended that i wasnt letting HER enjoy this pregnancy. i nipped that *** in the bud and havent had another problem.

    my only advice for you is to pick a name, regardless of what people say/think and stick to your guns. it's such an important time in your life, if you let people do what they want now against your preferences you'd be crazy to think it'll suddenly stop after baby is born. it's almost like giving people a sense of ownership over something concerning the baby, and you know how the saying goes, give people an know the rest.

  • Ugh I'm sorry, that's awful.  We've decided to say we don't even have a list at this point.  We generally say "Oh we're having so much trouble!  Girls names are hard!" and that seems to work, haha.  Not sure how long it will last though...

     Please don't feel pressured into a name because your IL's want it.  This is your child and your decision.  I just don't understand how people think they get to have a say in naming someone else's kid!!  Good luck :)

  • This weekend we were with DH's family and everyone was throwing out names...some were nice, some were awful. DH and I just kept saying NO every time a bad one was thrown out! Fortunately, many people including my mom do like our top choices. There is no discussion on middle name because family tradition is that she will have my name or some version of it for her middle name. 
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