May 2013 Moms

Gender comments driving me crazy

Anyone else undecided about finding out the sex and/or sure they do not want to and being overwhelmed by family asking?

I know they are well-meaning, and just trying to bond with me about the baby-thing, but I have had at least 6 women in my family (LO's grandmoms, aunt, half-sister, etc...) tell me how much they want a girl and then proceed to express sincere disappointment that I haven't committed to finding out yet. All of these comments were unsolicited.

Not one person has said they want a boy (I have a son.) I feel like I'm going to disappoint them all if it's a boy - or worse LO is going to disappoint them. What pressure for an unborn child!

The more they ask the more I don't want to find out...I didn't really care at first but it's happened so many times I'm beginning to get irritated. I think it's pretty silly of me to care what they all think, but I'm afraid my prego hormones are totally starting to rage and the next time someone asks I'm going to say something rude.


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Re: Gender comments driving me crazy

  • You will not disappoint them if it's not a girl.  And if they are, for some reason, they are not good people.   If people need to be put in their places because they are making thoughless comments, then do it.  Dont worry about being rude.  Worst case scenario...you can apologize later.  Best case scenario,they realize they are being assshats and stop. 

    Everyone and their cousin has asked me when we will find out, and we have decided that we will since my husband really wants to know as soon as possible.   I would like to be team green....but that's fine.   The only person that has said anything rude is actually my mother.  She insists that it's a girl, that it HAS to be a girl, and she actually got mad at me for referring to the baby as "he".   She raised her voice and told me to stop calling it a "him".   I was not pleased.  


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  • Yes! That has happened to me. My husband and I actually DO want to find out, but it's still too early. My mom and sister, however, have been asking me about it since I was 6 weeks along!!! I keep trying to explain to them that you can't tell until the 18-20 week, but that doesn't keep them from asking every time they call. And of course all of them want a little girl and my husband and I honestly don't care what the sex is, as long as we have a healthy baby.

    The absolute ONLY thing that helped was us actually scheduling our a/s. I told them that my husband and I are going to find out on December 18, and that we wouldn't tell ANYONE in the family until Christmas dinner (we're doing the cake thing to reveal the sex of the baby). For some reason having that set date really made them understand and get off my back. 


  • My in-laws were very vocal about what we 'should' have when we told them, as if we have control over it. My MIL also said right away that she hoped we didn't torture her by waiting to find out, because that was really unfair. 

    Needless to say, we don't have the best relationship.

    And you know what? We already know, but I didn't tell them just because of that! ha! 

    ETA - Of course, what we 'know' is just an educated guess at this point, so it could still change.  

  • Oh, another little gem from my mother about wanting a girl.....she said that she didnt have to worry about it being a boy because my husband is old and older men usually have girls. 

    My husband is 34.   Since when is that "old"? 


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  • I feel you! My SS's mom just had a baby boy last month. So wants a sister, and has said he will be really disappointed if its a boy... My SILs both say they want this one to be a girl. We have has 3 techs tell us they are sure it's a boy, but we have the AS scan on 12/14.... I've said several times that everyone will be disappointed when they find out its a boy!! DH assures me they will love him no matter what! And deep down I know they will..., just like your family will love your LO no matter what!
  • That is actually one of the reasons we are going team green. We already have DD and so everyone keeps saying stuff about this one being a boy, or whether we want a boy, or how they hope it's a boy.  I don't want to deal with their comments so we are waiting to find out until LO gets here and then the baby actually being here will be the focus and not what sex he/she is.

    I mean that isn't the only reason we're team green but to me it's an added bonus. :) 

      
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  • This is my first child and I had a few people really wanting a girl, but I found out it was a boy.  When it all comes down to it, I'm pretty sure a healthy baby is priority over gender.  So just see if it's a boy or a girl and shut them up.  Then they wont ask anymore.
  • Ugh, sorry you have to deal with this! We have been Team Green since we first started talking about having kids, but that still doesn't stop EVERYONE, sometimes the same person multiple times, from asking if we're going to find out. People just seem to have this burning need to know, and it's not even their kid.

    As hard as it is, I hope you'll be able to tune out all the voices and decide based on what feels right in your heart, either way you choose.

    Married to the love of my life for 3 years :)
    First pregnancy - blighted ovum, miscarriage at 10 weeks, Apr./May 2012
    Second BFP 9/19/12 - Hoping for our Rainbow Baby! :)

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  • I feel for ya, I know how it feels. We were team green with DD and all I heard was comments on what it should be. My MIL actually told me even before I was engaged to her son that we had to have a girl. She drove me crazy and it was one of the reasons I wanted to be team green. The other reason is I love hearing my DH saying "Its a...." in the delivery room. Anyways, the comments went from how it had to be a girl, to this means its a girl, to what are you naming it. It probably wont get better but dont worry if you have to be rude. I started making up horrible girl names so she would leave me alone. This time around she has not even asked yet if we are finding out or not and has not pressured me on anything yet.....

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  • I just announced to friends and family over the last two weeks. I was surprised by most people's first response: "do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" WTF? Then so many people asked me if I have a preference. I don't have a preference. Get over it everyone, jeez. Rant over. 

    Sorry you're going through this. I wish people would just butt out.

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  • I have a boy and a girl so I definitely do not have a preference. Id be thrilled with either one I just want to know as soon as I can! My husband wants a boy badly though because I told him that this child could be a Jr. if it's a boy.
    "It is very true, that the way you think creates reality for yourself." Expecting my third child!
  • My husbands convinced we're having a girl, my mom and her oldest sister really want me to have a girl, my brother-in-law and mom's middle sister want me to have a boy...  It would be neat to have a girl because there are already 5 boys and no girls on my dad's side, but I'm happy either way and I know that eveyone will be happy as long as the baby is healthy. 

    We have decided that we're going to find out, there is a place near me that guarantees accuracy as early as 15 weeks, so we're scheduled for Dec 3rd.  One of the bonuses of it is that as many people as I want can come to this ultrasound where as the regular health ones they only allow 1 or 2 people.

    If we hadn't decided to find out I think I would just tell everyone that my husband and I want to be surprised.  I don't want to sound mean, but if they don't like it  tough, they can get pregnate and decide to do it differently...

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  • I'm sorry you're getting so many comments. DH and mil want this LO to be a boy. My mom and various friends are pulling for a girl. I don't really care other than I think it would be great to have 2 boys close together and we already have a ton of boy clothes, etc.

    Someone will be disappointed on dec 17, our as, and all I know is it won't be me!
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  • image MAdams728:

    Oh, another little gem from my mother about wanting a girl.....she said that she didnt have to worry about it being a boy because my husband is old and older men usually have girls. 

    My husband is 34.   Since when is that "old"? 

    What? This makes no sense! How is that "old"? FWIW, DH was 33 when I got pregnant with DS and he is definitely a boy!

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  • image 2013sarabelleATX:

    I just announced to friends and family over the last two weeks. I was surprised by most people's first response: "do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" WTF? Then so many people asked me if I have a preference. I don't have a preference. Get over it everyone, jeez. Rant over. 

    Sorry you're going through this. I wish people would just butt out.

     

    This is seriously the first thing everyone asked me when I told people. Either that or "WHEN will you find out if its a boy or girl?" It's kind of crazy that its the first thought for most people. I also got a lot of "Was it planned" questions but that is a different rant entirely haha 

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