June 2013 Moms

I got outed

I'm seriously annoyed about it. I went to lunch with a friend and she asked directly if I was pg. I told her the truth, since I suck at lying and on this kind of a thing, i think it has the tendency to bite you in the butt. I told her no one knew and we weren't telling anyone until after the next u/s, so please don't say anything. What did she do? Told her sister, who told my mom's friend, and it is already back to my mom.
The trouble is, now that it's out by acquaintances, my mom has to tell my family so that they don't hear it second hand.
I really didn't want anything out until after the NT, just to be sure everything looks ok, and I was really looking forward to announcing it myself in a month when I was in town. Now my mom is telling them at coffee today.
I'm tempted to send her a scathing email, but it just doesn't seem productive.
image

Re: I got outed

  • Aw, sorry to hear that.
    Honestly, if it were me, I would say something to the original chick. Maybe it would make her think twice about sharing someone else's important news next time.
    image


  • I would be super annoyed as well.  My friend's BIL mentioned something in front of a colleague last week.  I wasn't thrilled.  I would be careful what you tell this friend again.  She may have been so excited and people like to share happiness; however, it wasn't her happiness to share.  I don't think saying anything to her would be productive.

    It stinks that you were outed but I would just move on. 

    together since 2006
    full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
    married since 2011

    TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
    HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
    S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
    Bloodwork: normal
    2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
    Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
    New RE appt 8/14/12
    IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
    Beta #1 BFP! 97
    Beta #2 234
    Beta #3 4937
    ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
    10/20/12 graduated!!!
    EDD 6/7/12
    Team PINK!!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I would absolutely send her an email. What a horrible thing to do! Even if she never intended for the news to spread this far, you told her in confidence.




    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • That sucks. I would definitely say something! That friend obviously doesn't know how to keep a secret.
    And the rivalry begins

    image


    image


    image
    imageimage
  • If my mother found out through the grapevine bc I got cornered I would be nothing short of irate. She would be getting an earful.

    image

     


    BFP#1-EDD 3.3.13 - No HB @ 9w3d
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I completely understand!! My sisterinlaw decided to take it upon herself to announce it to her friends and it slowly started gettin back to us .. And then I was having a private conversation with my supervisor and this jerk off I work with walked by and overheard part of the conversation and chose to announce it to the entire office. It's incredible the level of disrespect some will show towards others!!
  • image LSquared1024:
    If my mother found out through the grapevine bc I got cornered I would be nothing short of irate. She would be getting an earful.


    FTR, my mom didn't find out that way in had told her a day or two after we found out. OMG! She would have been devastated!!!
    image
  • image IrishCoffee7:
    Sorry dude.nbsp; That sucks.nbsp; I will never understand someone who blatantly asks you point blank if you're pregnant.nbsp; It happened to me twice at DS's second birthday party in October and since I suck at lying I wound up admitting that I was. Luckily they have both been totally mum so word hasn't spread, but it still annoyed me.
    I'm sorry, it does sound like the cat is pretty much out of the bag.nbsp; I don't blame you for being frustrated.nbsp; I might just say something to your friend...I am assuming she doesn't have kids?nbsp; Just kind of "for future reference, choosing when to tell friends and family is a really personal decision and I really wanted to make the decision of when to tell people myself.nbsp; I'm not going to hold it against you or hurt our friendship over it, but it might behoove you to be more considerate of others in the future".nbsp; And leave it at that, knowing she probably meant no harm.

    Agree 100!
    image
  • image iamgrace:
    Email that ***. Do it now.


    This. What is wrong with people??

    BFP#1: 05/07/12, MC 05/13/12. BFP#2: 07/23/12, CP 07/28/12.
    8dpo progesterone = 5.8. Pom juice + progesterone = BFP#3: 10/15/12, EDD 6/27/13.
    Betas: 10dpo=29,14dpo=217, 24dpo=11835. HB at 5w4d=81bpm, 7w6d=154bpm!
    Great NT scan at 11w4d, HB=160bpm. A/S at 19w6d: We're team blue!
    Perfect baby boy born via unmedicated delivery on 6/10/13 at 37w4d.

  • That's insane!!  Who does that??
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    BabyFruit Ticker

    4 losses: Natural m/c 8w 1/11, CP 12/11, CP 3/12, and our perfectly healthy baby girl Charlotte Grace, missed M/C 5/31/12 at 8w5d
    DX: Endo, heterozygous MTHFR, low progesterone
    Surprise unmedicated BFP 9/21/12!! Beta #1 9/22 (10 DPO) 46 Beta #2 9/24 (12 DPO) 226! Heartbeat 136 bpm at 7w! It's a BOY!  Theodore Joshua born 5/23/13 at 7:36am via c/s, 7lb13oz, 19.25in
    TTC#2 5/14, BFP 8/15/14!  Beta #1 16 (11 DPO), Beta #2 71 (14 DPO) Beta #3 164 (16 DPO) EDD 4/25/15
  • There is no way I would be able NOT to email the original friend. I would harbor a lot of resentment until I told her how upset I was.

    He's my fairytale, a dream when I'm not sleeping.

    <a href="http://s279.photobucket.com/albums/kk121/behapybride/?action=view
  • image spolan:
    I'm tempted to send her a scathing email, but it just doesn't seem productive.

    You don't have to send a scathing email, but it would definitely be productive to let her know that you won't be sharing any secrets with her in the future, and it's a shame that you can't trust her. She should know that you are disappointed/irritated/upset/annoyed/whatever.

    I was put in the same situation - a friend directly asked me and I told her because I just can't lie. Thankfully she didn't say anything.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

  • image behapy2day:
    There is no way I would be able NOT to email the original friend. I would harbor a lot of resentment until I told her how upset I was.
    This. There's no way I could be around this person without getting it off my chest in some way or another.



    image

    image

    image 

  • I totally called my Aunt when she outed me to a friend that I haven't seen in a few years.  I was so mad.  

    I was only like 6 weeks PG (I had to tell my family we were PG because they transported meds for our FET during a family emergency) I called her and told her that it is a secret until I'm further along plus it's my news to share not hers!!  I'm not surprised that she did it because last Thanksgiving she outed my cousins friend who has suffered with IF and losses and of course the next week she miscarried again.

    It's nobody's business but yours and DH and I would make sure your friend knows that. Hopefully it will stop her from outing someone else!! 

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

     Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    IF History in my Bio!

  • image behapy2day:
    There is no way I would be able NOT to email the original friend. I would harbor a lot of resentment until I told her how upset I was.


    Yup. I'm sorry this happened.

    Big Sister ~ Little Brother

  • That is so crappy! When will people learn the idea of a secret and if it isn't your information to tell then you probably should not?? I got pressured into telling everyone earlier than we wanted - we told everyone on Thanksgiving, parents and grandparents had been told  the couple of weeks before - however my mom was worried that my grandparents would spread the word to cousins/aunts/uncles and that people would take it upon themselves to post on Facebook! I would never do that!!! So crazy. I am sorry you are being forced to tell earlier but I guess just look at it as a great support system/group if something should happen since it is kinda out of your hands.

    GL 

              image image

    image
  • I agree with Irish Coffee.  This "friend" needs to learn proper etiquette about revealing other people's news.   When DS was born, my cousin posted on FB, "Welcome to Motherhood!"  while I was still in the hospital.  I know she meant no harm, but there were several close friends I wanted to tell that I had had the baby.   Friends were like, "You had the baby??"  And I felt badly about that, because they deserved a real phone call, not a FB announcement which I reserve for aquaintances.
     
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
     
     
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I have no reservations about lying in this type of situation but I'm sorry this happened. I would send an email because she needs to know how out of line she was. I also couldn't continue a friendship unless she apologized.
    image
    Married 05.24.08
    Missed m/c discovered 07.25.12 (EDD 03.01.13)- Forever in our hearts
    Amelia Catherine was born on May 30, 2013
    Lilypie - (cFu9)
  • You are 100% justified in calling her out about this, and I think all your bump friends will be mad if you don't say something to her :) She has to understand how upset you would be if you mother and family found out your exciting news- because of her and not because you were ready to share. I'm sorry this happened to you.
    imageimageimage
    My two girls Flower and Ayla Faye born on 6/21/2013 at 40w6d 6lbs 15oz 19in
  • Here's what I sent her.  I wanted to keep the language relatively simple and clear.  I know it's not super technically correct, but I wanted to be sure that she understood as someone who has never been pregnant (though she did struggle with infertility and was never able to have a baby).:

    Hey,
    My mom heard from someone, who heard from someone, who heard from you that I was pregnant.  Unfortunately, that meant that my mom had to tell all of our family friends before I was ready, so that they didn't hear it secondhand through the grapevine.
    I guess I am really disappointed, because I was hoping to share the news myself when I am home in a few weeks.  I also haven't had my second ultrasound, which is crucial to me as the first trimester is the most "dangerous" and the risk of losing the baby is quite high.  This ultrasound also looks for any fatal genetic deformities.  After having lost my first pregnancy, I am extremely conscious of the possibility it won't stick, and it is hard, and painful, to "untell" everyone and then there are all the emotions that go with it.
    What's done is done, and there is no point in dragging it out and making an unpleasant ordeal of it all, but I just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully give you some perspective should you ever be in a similar position with anyone else.
    Bises!
    image
  • I would be so angry if my mom found out that way. I would for sure say something so at the very least she knows how far her big mouth went and you would appreciate keeping your secret a secret next time! I wouldn't go all out nasty catty because she is obviously a friend but, I would let her know she hurt you and ruin a special moment for your family. 

    TTC #1 since Oct. 2010 6 unsuccessful Clomid cycles HSG- clear
    January IUI #1 femara 2.5 mg+ovidrel=BFN
    February IUI#2 Femara 2.5mg+Ovidrel=BFN
    March Femara 2.5mg+Ovidrel+ TI=BFN taking a break from RE
    BFP 10/13/2012 beta #1=280 beta #2=714
    BabyName Ticker image
  • Super shitastic homie! I am not a non-confrontational person so I would have already picked up the phone and told this moron how I felt. For me getting it off my chest is better than keeping it to myself. I think everyone deals with agitation and confrontation differently, but I would have already been on the horn with this gal reading her the riot act on so many levels.  Also, this gal does not sound like a good friend.  I would consider the friendship in general and where you see her in your life and your kid's life in the future. She is poopy! Boooo!
  • image spolan:
    Here's what I sent her. nbsp;I wanted to keep the language relatively simple and clear. nbsp;I know it's not super technically correct, but I wanted to be sure that she understood as someone who has never been pregnant though she did struggle with infertility and was never able to have a baby.:Hey,My mom heard from someone, who heard from someone, who heard from you that I was pregnant. nbsp;Unfortunately, that meant that my mom had to tell all of our family friends before I was ready, so that they didn't hear it secondhand through the grapevine.I guess I am really disappointed, because I was hoping to share the news myself when I am home in a few weeks. nbsp;I also haven't had my second ultrasound, which is crucial to me as the first trimester is the most "dangerous" and the risk of losing the baby is quite high. nbsp;This ultrasound also looks for any fatal genetic deformities. nbsp;After having lost my first pregnancy, I am extremely conscious of the possibility it won't stick, and it is hard, and painful, to "untell" everyone and then there are all the emotions that go with it.What's done is done, and there is no point in dragging it out and making an unpleasant ordeal of it all, but I just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully give you some perspective should you ever be in a similar position with anyone else.Bises!

    Did she reply or call to apologize?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image heavenpaige:
    image spolan:
    Here's what I sent her. nbsp;I wanted to keep the language relatively simple and clear. nbsp;I know it's not super technically correct, but I wanted to be sure that she understood as someone who has never been pregnant though she did struggle with infertility and was never able to have a baby.:Hey,My mom heard from someone, who heard from someone, who heard from you that I was pregnant. nbsp;Unfortunately, that meant that my mom had to tell all of our family friends before I was ready, so that they didn't hear it secondhand through the grapevine.I guess I am really disappointed, because I was hoping to share the news myself when I am home in a few weeks. nbsp;I also haven't had my second ultrasound, which is crucial to me as the first trimester is the most "dangerous" and the risk of losing the baby is quite high. nbsp;This ultrasound also looks for any fatal genetic deformities. nbsp;After having lost my first pregnancy, I am extremely conscious of the possibility it won't stick, and it is hard, and painful, to "untell" everyone and then there are all the emotions that go with it.What's done is done, and there is no point in dragging it out and making an unpleasant ordeal of it all, but I just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully give you some perspective should you ever be in a similar position with anyone else.Bises!
    Did she reply or call to apologize?

    She hasn't read it yet.  I sent it on Facebook so I could monitor O:-) 

    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards