November 2012 Moms

How is your oldest coping?

I'm going in for my c-section on Sunday and I'm very nervous about how DD1 will react to having a baby in our house. She just turned two. I know people do it everyday, but she seriously has been the center of attention on all sides of our family since she was born. I'm a tad bit nervous. Any ideas, other than buying her a gift that she doesn't need, about how I can handle this?
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Re: How is your oldest coping?

  • While DS is not the only grandchild in DH's side, he's still been treated that way, so I understand your concerns. He's also almost 3, while your DD is 2, so I'm mot sure how big a difference there is as far as comprehension of what is actually going on. I have become more nervous and sad as we've gotten closer to my EDD. The whole PG we kept telling DS what a great big brother he will be and how much DD will love him. He tells us what he will do to help with DD. It will probably be a balancing act. Jealousy is something that we likely can't AVOID, but I think it can be managed if we are cognicent enough. I'm not big on the gift thing either, but a little something to DS from DD will make thigs easier I think.

    I say just try to go with the flow and give DD as much special attention as you can. Kids always adjust... some times are just harder than others.
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  • DD has been beyond the center of attention and spoiled for the past two years and she is doing great. We just talked about the baby the whole pregnancy, she would tell us what she wanted to teach the baby, etc. we didn't buy her a present, I didn't find it necessary, but others did bring her little things when they brought gifts. Though I don't think that was necessary. I involve her in the care, so she is always bringing me the diapers, helping with bath time, etc. I was nervous and she took to it beautifully. She is also fine when I nurse. She snuggles with us or I read to her or she just plays. I try not to tell her I can't do things with her bc I need to take care of the baby very often. Thus I'm getting good at nursing while walking around!

    I think just be fair, keep giving attention and make sure he gets out of the house when possible to do fun things too.

    Don't worry, I have found moms have tons of love and attention that can be spread around!

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  • My son is almost 4 and the only GC on both sides. He's been wavering between jealous, affectionate and has said 'I want things to be normal' and 'things will never be the same'

    It's been hard we tried to prepare him and get excited but he knows...

    Good luck !!!
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    JHB 1/19/09
    Baby girl due 11/22/12!
  • Mine have done well, baby is 2wk and so far they are still in love with her. But I know the honeymoon won't last.

    When Ds was born I tried to make it all about Dd who was 2.5. It was about her being big sister and her helping mommy, etc. I sat on the couch to bf so she could "help" hold ds at the same time. Or I would play pretend games with her while bfing... Games like "zoo" where she piled all her stuffed animals around me and ds while I just sat and talked about the animals with her . I also kept ds in a sling a lot so I could help dd as needed on the potty or whatever, and we could still walk to the park as usual instead of changing dd's normal routines.
    - Jena
  • I'm a FTM, and since I don't have the personal expeience, I thought I'd share what a good friend told me about hers this past summer.

    Her DD1 was 2 when DD2 was born, and when they brought her up to the hospiltal, DD1 kind of looked at her and was unimpressed, but after a while she liked seeing Mommy take care of DD2.

    After they got home, DD2 started mimicking Mommy more. It was really cute, soothing her baby sister, talking sweet to her, etc.
    My friend shared that DD1 was the apple of their eye for so long, she did wonder how she'd do with a new baby sister, but with her having an infant again, she realized how much DD1 has grown and how much she wants to grow up.

    They have their days, I remember one time when we went over DD1 was playing with a drum and was singing 'Go away Sister'. But DD2 had had a difficult day, no nap and was coming down with something, so Mommy had to take extra time with her.

    I think everything will work out great for you guys and I wish you all the best.
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  • My DD is on the younger side at 18mo but she has been great. She was really confused at first when she came to the hospital but once she checked out the room and all the buttons and everything else, she really got into her little brother, even started giving him kisses and petting him (like our cat, lol). Since we've been home, the first week was a little rough because I wasn't as available as she was used to but now that I'm up and around more, things are great, really. She loves giving him attention, she just doesn't know her own strength so we have to remind her a LOT to be gentle. And there have been times she's tried to climb into my lap while I'm BFing so I just do my best to make room for her while protecting DS and making sure my nipple doesn't get ripped off Wink Really, it's been so much better than I thought it might be.
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  • I had dd meet ds first. I made sure she had plenty of one on one time with him before we had other visitors. I asked visitors to acknowledge dd before ds (she WILL remember, SHE will care .. he wont know the difference). I also asked that they ask dd about HER brother and ask dd if it was ok for them to see HER little brother, and if SHE could show them her little brother. She loved it! She was very scared when he cried, so i suggest having her there for short times and having some one take her to the waiting area to play when feeding/changing time. It freaked my dd out a lot. I feel I may be able to deal with it better at home. Good luck!

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  • Ds1 is 3. He's a very happy child so people like to be around him. He's the star wherever we go. Even though nephew is nearly 5 and niece is 2.

    We tried very hard to prep ds1 for ds2's arrival. Books, home Doppler, took him to ultrasounds, talking and singing to my belly, etc. Since I'd been in the hospital for 35 days before ds2 came and then was there for about 6 hours every day for 21 days until he came home, I was worried. Ds1 came to the hospital almost every day for those 8 to 9 weeks and I held him a lot. Read to him. And when ds2 came, he held his hand then held him and helped with baths.

    When he came home, it was like ds2 had always been there. He loves him! He talks to him, gives him kisses and hugs, wants to hold and burp and feed him, and likes to put my pump parts together and turn it on. It's great. We try very had to give him lots of attention apart from ds2. I know this wont last forever, but it's wonderful now.

    ETA he got a bunch of toys and clothes from everyone too. Didn't hurt!
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  • DD was a little hard to warm up at first. But she came to hospital with DH and after seeing him talking to DS she began o warm up. When I came home it took her a minute to warm up to me again but I sat just with her and played/watched a movie then it didn't take long. I got her dinner and gave her a bath and she fell right back into routine and me. She kissed her brother goodnight last night and I've been having her sit with me while I feed him or she helps with his diaper changes. She's doing pretty well. Make time for your DD when you first get home and have her involved inwhat you do for new LO.....she'll be fine
  • My son is 3 and I was so worried how he would be. Honestly I can't believe how smooth this transition has been. I keep thinking I'm jinxing myself and that everything is going to fall out from under me because it can't possibly be this smooth of a transition LOL. We make sure to have just DS1 time and make sure not to use our little nicknames for DS2 and really playing up the big brother helper role. Hopefully your transition is as smooth!

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    Little Dude '09 Littlest Dude '12
  • Thanks for all of the advice. I think the thing that scares me the most is recovering from surgery with two children. DD1 will want to climb into my lap, want to be held, etc. and I won't be able to do it. 
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