My dd will be baptized in a private catholic baptism next month. I was raised in a Church that doesn't practice infant baptism and I have never been to a private catholic baptism (only witnessed the ones during mass). So I have no idea what is expected, and I need some advice about what typical etiquette is. Do I send invitations or is e-mail/word of mouth acceptable? Do I invite only Catholics (DH family is catholic mine is not) or family and friends of all faiths? Is a reception expected? If so who hosts, parents, or godparents, or both? Is cake and punch acceptable for a reception or is a full meal expected? Other etiquette I might not know?
Anything information on your experiences with infant baptisms you've attended would be much appreciated.
Re: Baptism
I have had both my daughters baptized Lutheran and will do the same with DS. I believe Lutheran and Catholic baptisms are very similar.
For both girls, the ceremony was private. We hosted a party at our house following the ceremony and had lunch type food and cake to serve to people. It was laid back. We invited family and close friends and it didn't matter to us the faith of the attendees. One of my best friends is Jewish and she still attended the church ceremony and party following.
This time, we are planning on have a brunch at a restaurant following the ceremony. This is mainly because I now have three kids and don't want to have to prep the house for a party and then clean up the house following the party all while taking care of three kids. I would rather spend a little more money and be able to walk in and then walk out with no prep.
We sent invitations for the baptism but this time will likely invite people by word of mouth depending on when we are able to schedule the baptism. I think it depends on how many people you are inviting and how formal an affair you will have.
This time I would like to have the baptism during mass and will host at a restaurant. Like the pp I don't want to have to get my house ready for a party.
Either way I would send out some sort of invitation just so you can get a head count!!
And invite anyone who is important to you! They are celebrating your child and its up to them to make the decision to come!
JHB 1/19/09
Baby girl due 11/22/12!
First, I'll address the Church stuff:
Absolutely, positively invite anyone you choose, regardless of faith traditions. My SO is not Catholic, and neither is one of the godparents. What matters is that the baby is Catholic.
I would advise, though, that you do explain some things to people who may have been to a Catholic church before. For example, only Catholics receive communion, and it's proper to keep shoulders covered (though that is not generally a problem in December!). A lot depends on how conservative the individual parish is. I was raised Orthodox, so I personally tend toward the more traditional and conservative end of things, though my family now goes to a Roman Catholic parish that is generally pretty progressive.
Now the party stuff:
Invitations should be physical, not FB or word of mouth. My favorite invites are the photo ones, and they're pretty cheap on Shutterfly. If your email inbox looks like mine, you probably have a million coupons anyway.
Afterwards, a reception is expected, but what you serve is more dictated by your culture/circle of friends. Personal, our families are predominantly Irish and Italian. If we threw a reception and didn't feed and booze people, we would probably be stoned. However, I've been to plenty that are simply cake and punch. It also depends on when the baptisms are. Our church does them at 4pm on Sundays, so dinner is a must. If it were at 2pm, I might just do a tea time reception in the church hall.
HTH!
We kept our baptisms very small, just immediate family as well as the great grandparents. Thus we did word of mouth and had a lunch simple cookout for dd1 in July, this will probably be crockpot of something and sides in Jan. Cake and punch would be fine but I would be sure people know that. If you are capable of pulling it together I'd have light food like finger sandwiches, munchies and fruit at least.
And it is your job to host. Though my mother in law offered to host if we wanted to invite our aunts and uncles and friends, since we have a townhouse. But we kept it small so out house could handle the gathering.
Our first family photo!
I should preface this with I'm not Catholic. I was married to a Catholic man. I've been to many Catholic and protestant baptisms (for a broad range of protestant faiths) and even within the same church, the baptism and associated receptions vary greatly.
Since you are having a private baptism I think you have a lot more freedom than if you were doing it during the mass. In the churches I attended as a kid, if the kid was baptized publicly you and you intended on having any sort of celebration afterwards, particularly in the church hall, you were under pressure to host the whole congregation. In the case of the churches I attended, usually the congregation would bring squares etc.. It often ended up being a potluck.
All of that said, you have a private baptism and in my view that means you can more or less as you please. It might be nice to take the attendees you will have to lunch afterwards (i.e. godparents) - but you can throw a reception just for friends and family. It's your choice. In my experience these receptions range from formal events with printed invites, to casual lunches at home with phone or email invites. As previously mentioned, no matter what you choose to do you should probably give your priest a tip. Depending on the church they might expect or ask for a tithe, but personal money to the priest is usually expected. It's an important supplement to their salary.
I had an experience once where a priest told me what he expected to be paid for his services. It was unsolicited information and he gave me an acceptable range of payment. They usually don't do that - in my experience it's an unspoken expectation.