Single Parents

Fight for Child Support or Not?

Hi, I am a first time mom and am currently 21 weeks pregnant. The baby's father knows the child is his and only wants to be involved with the child if we are together as a couple. He actually broke up with me because we were in a long distance relationship, but as soon as I mentioned child support, he wanted to work things out. He makes minimum wage, so it's not like I would be getting much (about 200/month). I do not want him to have visitation until he takes parenting classes and the child is not around his parent's home. He leaves with his parents. His dad is an alcoholic and is abusive towards his mother when he drinks. He has stated in the past that 200 dollars would "support one life and ruin another" I do not want my child around a boy and he is obviously NOT a man. I can support the child by myself, but extra money would always be better. Especially because he would also be responsible for the medical insurance premium. I grew up in a messy custody battle and will not put my child through that.

 Would the benefits of child support really be worth the possibility of him being granted visitation? 

Re: Fight for Child Support or Not?

  • image psychoticnerd:

    Hi, I am a first time mom and am currently 21 weeks pregnant. The baby's father knows the child is his and only wants to be involved with the child if we are together as a couple. He actually broke up with me because we were in a long distance relationship, but as soon as I mentioned child support, he wanted to work things out. He makes minimum wage, so it's not like I would be getting much (about 200/month). I do not want him to have visitation until he takes parenting classes and the child is not around his parent's home. He leaves with his parents. His dad is an alcoholic and is abusive towards his mother when he drinks. He has stated in the past that 200 dollars would "support one life and ruin another" I do not want my child around a boy and he is obviously NOT a man. I can support the child by myself, but extra money would always be better. Especially because he would also be responsible for the medical insurance premium. I grew up in a messy custody battle and will not put my child through that.

     Would the benefits of child support really be worth the possibility of him being granted visitation? 

    paying child support =/= visitation

     

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  • Visitation and support are not linked. And something else is you cannot physically keep his child away from him. I understand you would love to but that is just how it is. Courts will not agree to that. The only time you will avoid a messy custody battle is if both of you will at least try to agree on things. 

    He doesn't sound all that awesome but legally you HAVE to give him a shot at being a dad. 

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  • I was in the exact same battle as you are.  My baby's dad isnt so hot either, and he tried to tell me the baby wasnt his for about the first 3-4 mos I was pregnant, even though we did the dirty pretty much every weekend for 6 months straight. IDIOT. Lol anyway... I had enough of his disrespect so I kept him out of the entire pregnancy and didnt tell him when I went to have the baby... then he emailed me after the baby was here and told me he was going to get a lawyer because I couldnt keep him from his baby.  so I decided to go to a lawyer, and the lawyer basically said he was right.  He advised me to work out something between the two of us so we dont have to have the courts basically running our lives the rest of our lives.  so...long story short....we worked out a visitation schedule and he gives me a set amount each month we agreed on... which is 200.00 a month.  I would advise to work out something between you two so you can avoid lawyers and courts fees.  Not cheap and not fun!
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  • Depending on your state, child support doesn't always mean he'll get visitation. Look into that. But if you feel he won't be a good father, then don't put yourself and the baby in that position. (Not to mention what are the odds the baby will be around his totally dysfunctional parents?!)

    Looks to me like if you can support the baby on your own, that would be your best option.

  • There are definitely ways to keep him of a child's life but they can be a little shady.
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