December 2012 Moms

Disappointing hospital tour

We went to a day long childbirth education class over the weekend that included a tour. I was really happy with everything, except that they had billed the rooms as having space for partners to stay in room. When we saw the actual room, there was nothing but a recliner which sort of makes a bed, but not really. I've visited other friends and family after giving birth and they had actual couch-like areas where someone could actually lay down.

So now, my husband is not happy about the idea of spending the night there and wants to go home to sleep.

Part of me is like, "suck it up," I'll have just had a baby and I don't really want to spend the night alone in the hospital (especially if I have a c/section and can't move that much).

But the other part of me thinks, "oh good," because he'll at least get a good night sleep so he can be at my beck and call when we go home.

Any STMs want to weigh in and share what they did? Maybe we should just wait and see how we feel later? 

 

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Re: Disappointing hospital tour

  • The bed chairs I think are the new normal. With our hospital when you move to the recovery floor it's this tiny room with bed, bassinet, and then the little pull out recliner thing. I told DH he is sucking it up. I'll need him with me too. It's not like you'll get any sleep or be comfortable in any way either. Those bed suck, plus add in learning to BF, PP crap, constant nurses checking up on you, and then newborn things. Nobody will get any sleep, period.
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  • Maybe the first night he could suck it up and then the 2nd night he could go home to sleep?  That way when he takes you home, he'll be fresh and In a good mood to be at your beck and call.
  • My hospital just has those recliner chairs.  Before my first kid my husband gave them the side eye and quietly muttered under his breath about having to sleep in it, but after we actually had the baby he ended up weirdly loving it.  He often jokes about how he wishes we had one for our house, and how when we had an extended hospital stay with our second pregnancy he was excited just because he got a few extra nights in the chair.  I've slept in one multiple times since one of our sons has lots of health issues and we're constantly living in hospitals, and while it's not ideal, you can assure him it's really not as bad as it looks.  All that said, my home is also 90 minutes from my hospital, so running back and forth for any reason isn't really a great option, so we make due with what we have :)  To be honest, though, it really wouldn't bother me if my husband did go home for the night.  Our nighttime deal with each of our kids has been that since I breastfeed I have to get up anyway, so he may as well get the best night's sleep that he can.  By day, though, he's my beck-and-call guy and if I want to sleep I sleep, if i want to eat he gets it,  he's completely responsible for our other kiddos, and he's in charge of doing anything I don't feel like doing during the day.  I actually feel like I'm getting the better end of the deal sometimes :) 

  • For DD, we were only allowed to stay one night (don't ask why - hospital policy?  good grief....but that's another story).

    DH did sleep on that sleeper chair extenda-bed thing, and while it wasn't the best, at least it was something.

    How about a compromise?  When the time comes, see how he feels and how you feel.  If you want him to stay because it makes you feel better for the first night, then do that.  If you feel that he'd be better off at home, then he goes home.  At least you're prepared for whatever case, and you can do what you want and feel to do.

    At the end of it all - it's one or two nights out of his entire life.

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  • I say make it a game time decision. You may find that he is adamant one way or the other once your LO is here. For me, DH stayed the first night on a hard chair, because by the time I got wheeled back to my room it was close to 1 in the morning.I had had an emergency c-section, so I really wanted him w/me, plus he wanted to be there. 

    Luckily I didn't have a room mate so it wasn't a problem. 

    The second time around, I had a roommate so he was not permitted to stay and actually I didn't feel like he needed to be there overnight. Between the nursing staff, & myself, I felt like it would be best for him to get one last good night's sleep :) 

    I have since switched hospitals/OBs and know they have the fold-a-bed thingys, but this hospital is only 15 min away & w/the other two kids at home, he'll be heading home.  

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  • my hospital also only has the recliners.  we live about 2 miles from the hospital, so no big commute.  i sent him home both nights- he snores, he would have been uncomfortable, we were both exhausted.

    i also sent my boys to the nursery from 12-6 and took an ambien to get some rest. thank goodness, because our first night home with the boys they took turns crying all night long and we didn't sleep at all!  

    if you need help moving around, the nurses will help you, too.  i preferred the peace and quiet, and just had my husband come back first thing in the morning after a good rest and shower in his own shower. 

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  • I'd tell him to suck it up. My parents slept on a chair recliner for six weeks when i was injured as a teenager. a night or two wont kill him if you really want him there. My hospital does not allow dads to stay the night, but it's a small town and my house is literally a 4 minute drive away, so SO will get to come home at night. 
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  • The hospital where I delivered my two daughters had those recliners.  DH said they were actually pretty comfortable.  Clearly they must have been because his snoring made me want to stab him.  If he had complained, I would have told him to deal with it.  If I'm not getting any sleep, neither is he.  I'm a cranky b*tch though.
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  • I actually don't mind if DH goes home to sleep but if he was adamant about doing it just becuase the sleeping arrangements at the hospital are uncomfortable I think I would be mad.  I mean, I just brought our child(ren) into the world, I am certainly not going to be "comfortable" so eff off if that is your priority. 

    But I digress.  I am trying to encourage DH to get a night or 2 of sleep at home this time so that he will be well rested when we get home. 

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  • image jquirke9881:

    I actually don't mind if DH goes home to sleep but if he was adamant about doing it just becuase the sleeping arrangements at the hospital are uncomfortable I think I would be mad.  I mean, I just brought our child(ren) into the world, I am certainly not going to be "comfortable" so eff off if that is your priority. 

    But I digress.  I am trying to encourage DH to get a night or 2 of sleep at home this time so that he will be well rested when we get home. 

    Ahhhhhhh. Children. ;)

    There is no way I'd send DH home to sleep just because he was pissy about the chair/bed. Like PP said, I'm not going to be the most comfortable or able to sleep much, and I don't want to be alone when I have people (nurses) coming in at all hours to check on us. ;) 

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  • I sent DH home to sleep after I had DD. Part of me wanted him to stay, but really there's no point. The nurses are there to help if you need anything and I'm pretty sure I slept better with him home. This time I'll definitely be sending him home so he can be with DD.
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  • My DH was way too tall for the chair. I ended up with a c/s after 27 hrs labor. By the time we were discharged he was so exhausted he ran a stop sign... Thankfully after we made it home safely. This time he will spend the first night with me and do short sleeping only stints at home. The nurses are there if he can't be, but once you get home if everyone is sleep deprived no one is any good. If its not too far away let him sleep at home with his phone so you can reach him if you need him.
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  • Those couch like things are probably not much different from the pull out chair.  They aren't the best, but they aren't much worse than a hospital bed.  DH takes his own pillow and he sleeps ok.  I like him there for the first night just in case something comes up with me or baby.  Docs and nurses are great, but they make mistakes or they forget things. I want someone who is there that can advocate.

    The second night I sent him home.

  • Our hospital also has the recliner beds but DH is going to sleep there regardless. I already told him that early on in the pregnancy and he knows better than to question me on it. I don't want to be alone at night and will need the support. Also, I am sure that he will be happy to spend time with our newborn. It would be selfish of him to not stay b/c of comfort, after I am not going to be comfortable myself and will need the help.

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  • We only live 12 minutes from the hospital, so I sent H home. He would have stayed if I asked, but I just didn't see the point.

    I will say this: our hospital has a policy that the baby can't sleep in your room if you are the only one there. I had no problem sending him to the nursery! They would then change him and bring him to me when he would wake up and need to be fed. But if you want baby in your room the whole time, YH might have to stay. Just something to consider...

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  • Our hospital only had those chair things - with #1, I was happy DH stayed because BFing was going so badly with DS, and the nurses were teaching us so many things that it was nice to have another person to remember it all.  When we got home, he remembered some of the tricks that they had taught us better than I did.  And BFing was so frustrating for me, it was nice to have someone else around! 

    With #2, he didn't have to have stayed.  We had sent #1 to my parents house for while we were in the hospital, so he didn't need to go home and he ended up staying with us.  He didn't help in the hospital as much as he did with #1 (and I didn't really need him to).  

    I think we will play it by ear this time, depending on when I deliver.  If he wants to stay fine, if not and I am feeling fine, he can go home.     

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  • Our hospital rooms are all different.. some rooms have an actual bed, others a pull out couch, and a few smaller rooms just have a recliner.

    Last time, we got lucky and got a bed, but waking up several times at night DH was exhausted so I sent him home one morning and stayed with my mom through the day so he could get some rest and a good shower. Is there a way someone can "cover" for him so he can go home and rest some? Otherwise, he can just suck it up; honestly, you guys won't be sleeping the night anyway..

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  • image Stillharbor:
    Maybe the first night he could suck it up and then the 2nd night he could go home to sleep?  That way when he takes you home, he'll be fresh and In a good mood to be at your beck and call.

     This is probably what we'll be doing.  Seems like a good compromise to me.  Maybe brining his fav pillow or something will help him sleep.

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  • Our hospital has the recliner chairs, but spouses are only permitted in private rooms.  I stayed at the hospital 2 nights after a c/s with DS.  There were no private rooms available during my stay so DH slept at home.  DS and I did just fine.  You can call the nurses if you need extra help, and it really wasn't a big deal to be there alone with DS.  I can understand though being upset by it seeming like your husband won't sacrifice 1-2 nights sleep to be with you and the baby.  
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