Parenting after 35

Why is parenting after 35 such a big topic?

Other than the Mayo Clinic and other research say some women may experience reduced fertility after the age of 35, that is the way society is going.   With women going to school and starting their careers, children may be pushed off to later in life.  Also, with women being healthier these days, is the age 35 really the big age for reduced fertility or is it more like age 40+?  I know many women who got pregnant and parented children after the age of 35.  My friends who parent children after the age of 35 tend to complain less about their children and really know how to raise their children.

 Why is parenting after 35 such a big topic?

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Re: Why is parenting after 35 such a big topic?

  • I don't think parenting after 35 is such a big deal, but TTC after 35 definitely is and pregnancy after 35 can be.

    It's all a personal thing and "being healthier" usually has little to do with getting KU when you're older, within reason of course. I have MS and get very little excercise because of it but am very fertile. Plenty of ladies take eating right and staying fit very seriously but experience significant difficulties getting KU.

    As for the complaining less, maybe it's the whole "with age comes wisdom" BS, or maybe it's because they've waited longer so are less likely to take parenthood for granted.

  • image stever:

    I don't think parenting after 35 is such a big deal, but TTC after 35 definitely is and pregnancy after 35 can be.

    It's all a personal thing and "being healthier" usually has little to do with getting KU when you're older, within reason of course. I have MS and get very little excercise because of it but am very fertile. Plenty of ladies take eating right and staying fit very seriously but experience significant difficulties getting KU.

    As for the complaining less, maybe it's the whole "with age comes wisdom" BS, or maybe it's because they've waited longer so are less likely to take parenthood for granted.

    Amen. I remind myself of this every time I feel like I'm losing patience with the screaming (or the nipple pulling, or the waking up at ridiculous hours for no apparent reason).

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  • image benniferbaby:
    image stever:

    I don't think parenting after 35 is such a big deal, but TTC after 35 definitely is and pregnancy after 35 can be.

    It's all a personal thing and "being healthier" usually has little to do with getting KU when you're older, within reason of course. I have MS and get very little excercise because of it but am very fertile. Plenty of ladies take eating right and staying fit very seriously but experience significant difficulties getting KU.

    As for the complaining less, maybe it's the whole "with age comes wisdom" BS, or maybe it's because they've waited longer so are less likely to take parenthood for granted.

    Amen. I remind myself of this every time I feel like I'm losing patience with the screaming (or the nipple pulling, or the waking up at ridiculous hours for no apparent reason).

  • All of the above. And to add, being a parent at 23 and being a parent over 35, it really is different, and I can personally vouch for that. I didn't have the drama and craziness that other young moms did, so seeing some of it on the other boards makes me cringe sometimes. So, short answer, our priorties tend to be different. And we tend to be more laid back, at least we are on this board. We haven't got the time and energy to be otherwise.

     


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  • I also think that I have more in common with the ladies here and am more willing to accept help and advice from them than a 21 year old because I am old enough to have graduated college with a BA, work a year and still be her mother
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  • image vanverth:
    I also think that I have more in common with the ladies here and am more willing to accept help and advice from them than a 21 year old because I am old enough to have graduated college with a BA, work a year and still be her mother

    I felt the same way.  While I don't discount advice from younger women, I find it easier to commiserate and seek advice from women who aren't young enough to be my child--had I given birth after high school instead of at age 39.

    And I think while in metro areas, having children after 35 is more common, it's still not the norm. And we also have challenges with older parents (ie. I'm 42 and my parents are 70) and being called "Grandma" by busybodies.

    That all being said, THIS board was created because a group of us who started on TTC after 35 and Pregnant after 35 felt we had no place to go on The Bump after we'd given birth. Thankfully this board was created and we are growing (though we are a slow board) and thriving.

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  • image robynlesley:

    image vanverth:
    I also think that I have more in common with the ladies here and am more willing to accept help and advice from them than a 21 year old because I am old enough to have graduated college with a BA, work a year and still be her mother

    I felt the same way.  While I don't discount advice from younger women, I find it easier to commiserate and seek advice from women who aren't young enough to be my child--had I given birth after high school instead of at age 39.

    And I think while in metro areas, having children after 35 is more common, it's still not the norm. And we also have challenges with older parents (ie. I'm 42 and my parents are 70) and being called "Grandma" by busybodies.

    That all being said, THIS board was created because a group of us who started on TTC after 35 and Pregnant after 35 felt we had no place to go on The Bump after we'd given birth. Thankfully this board was created and we are growing (though we are a slow board) and thriving.

    Yes
  • I never thought I'd say this, but there's a lot to be said about life experience when it comes to being ~35 (+) vs. younger...  There's a different perspective.  I also agree with the PP in that while it's still great to talk with other Moms of various ages on the boards, there's a different life experience over 35.  For example, we grew up when spanking wasn't out of style.  We grew up when there was no such thing as computers or the internet.  When we got to high school, computers were still new and many of us learned to type using a typewriter and not a keyboard.  When we graduated from high school cell phones (or should I say "Satellite Phones") were the size of a small shoebox.  When we grew up it was called "outside"...  Many of us didn't have cable TV until we got to college when a few of the gals on other boards were being born... 

     

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  • I appreciate this board.  I think some of the issues and viewpoints are different for us (35+) than a mom who is 24- 34 or so.  I'm at a later stage in life, career, etc.  I do think and do things differently so it's nice to have this board.  
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  • As well as what the other ladies have said, some of the younger Mums don't necessarily want to hear advice from "old women" either. It's easier to hear advice and ideas from your peers because you know that they are likely in a similar position and stage of life to yourself.

    I was chatting with a friend who is 25 and another friend who is 35ish. The 25 yr old some comment about how some Mums just give up and dress like they're in their 30s. To which me and the other Mum threw up our hands in mock disgust and said, "Oh no not your 30s." The 25yr old backtracked, apologised and complimented both of us on our dress sense, but the reality is that when you're younger it's easy to view people in their 30s as being so much older. 

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  • image KateLouise:

    I was chatting with a friend who is 25 and another friend who is 35ish. The 25 yr old some comment about how some Mums just give up and dress like they're in their 30s. To which me and the other Mum threw up our hands in mock disgust and said, "Oh no not your 30s." The 25yr old backtracked, apologised and complimented both of us on our dress sense, but the reality is that when you're younger it's easy to view people in their 30s as being so much older. 

    I had to LOL!  I wear so many of the same things now as I did in my 20's only a much different size..  Oh well... (when I was younger, I was taught to "hide my age" because my income depended on it...)

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  • I agree with the idea that perhaps we value this more because we waited so long.  My brother in law the other day was saying that I just need to "get through" "this stage".  I was sort of shocked and replied, "this is why I had children...to experience ALL of this."  Unless I'm having a really bad day, I view every little thing as something to cherish and try to remember.
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  • Your posts all read like you're not asking for yourself or personal reasons but for an article or research for something...just saying that it would be nice if you were up front about it if that is the case. 
  • image groovygrl:
    Your posts all read like you're not asking for yourself or personal reasons but for an article or research for something...just saying that it would be nice if you were up front about it if that is the case. 
    Agreed.
  • image stever:
    image robynlesley:

    image vanverth:
    I also think that I have more in common with the ladies here and am more willing to accept help and advice from them than a 21 year old because I am old enough to have graduated college with a BA, work a year and still be her mother

    I felt the same way.  While I don't discount advice from younger women, I find it easier to commiserate and seek advice from women who aren't young enough to be my child--had I given birth after high school instead of at age 39.

    And I think while in metro areas, having children after 35 is more common, it's still not the norm. And we also have challenges with older parents (ie. I'm 42 and my parents are 70) and being called "Grandma" by busybodies.

    That all being said, THIS board was created because a group of us who started on TTC after 35 and Pregnant after 35 felt we had no place to go on The Bump after we'd given birth. Thankfully this board was created and we are growing (though we are a slow board) and thriving.

    Yes

     

    This!! Yes

     

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
  • image stever:
    image groovygrl:
    Your posts all read like you're not asking for yourself or personal reasons but for an article or research for something...just saying that it would be nice if you were up front about it if that is the case. 
    Agreed.

    Yes, I thought this too, which is why I didn't answer right away.

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
  • image NewMrs07:

    image stever:
    image groovygrl:
    Your posts all read like you're not asking for yourself or personal reasons but for an article or research for something...just saying that it would be nice if you were up front about it if that is the case. 
    Agreed.

    Yes, I thought this too, which is why I didn't answer right away.

    I'm not really one to dig for stuff on here but this post made me want to a little-- all Michelle's posts smack of someone writing a 'Dear Michelle' column and she is trying to get answers to the questions to write her article, which isn't necessarily a bad thing unless you're passing off other people's ideas/writing as your own.... So Michelle, if I'm totally off, then I apologize but I don't think I am. I won't C&P them or any of that but let's say they're a little suspect. 

  • image Michelle3081:

    ...say some women may experience reduced fertility after the age of 35...

    Always managed to avoid pregnancy until now...apparently there is NO problem with reduced fertility at 38 yrs old.

  • I was just thinking this.  Almost all my friends started their families in their 30's and many of them in their late 30's.  It seems like the norm to me.  I had my first baby at 37.  It was a bit of a challenge to conceive though.
    Carrie An infertility veteran, survivor and champion. However, have a beautiful son and another one on the way!
  • Had my first at age 36.  I am super healthy and fit and I like to think that had something to do with me not having any adverse pregnancy symptoms at all (except horrible morning sickness, but that's different IMO.)

    I do think DH and I are calmer than a lot of the younger parents we know.  We've had a relatively easy time with parenting.  We don't freak out over little things.  We love our daughter to death, but also love our alone time and have a wealth of babysitters and family members she is happy to spend time with. 

    I feel like we have a very healthy balance between family time, couple time and alone time.  We're very much looking forward to traveling with DD and enrolling her in ski school when the time comes.  We want her to love the things we've loved for so long. 

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  • image letzgoracing81:
    image Michelle3081:

    ...say some women may experience reduced fertility after the age of 35...

    Always managed to avoid pregnancy until now...apparently there is NO problem with reduced fertility at 38 yrs old.

     

    Had my son at 39 but it did take us a year to conceive. It wasn't easy at all.

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
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