Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Sleep Training - Ferber Advice

First off let me start off by saying... we have tried every single sleep solution. We have read multiple books, tried the pat to sleep, gradual extinction, co-sleeping, etc.  Ferber is our last resort.  So, if you clicked on this post to flame me for using the Ferber method please don't waste your time.  This is our very last resort, I already am upset about using it and really need support not scolding. Thanks.

 

We just started the Ferber Method yesterday. Our daughter is 15 months old.  The past 24 hours have pretty much been a living hell for her (and us).  All morning she has been a zombie. I just put her in her crib for nap time (she is starting to drop the mid-morning nap but she was falling asleep on the floor in the living room so I thought I would offer it) and I don't see how in the world she is still awake. She only slept laying down for about 3 hours last night... the rest standing up.  So here are my questions:

 

- Should I only let her CIO for the allotted mid-morning nap time (usually 45 minutes) or should I keep on until she cracks? I don't want to get her nap schedule off so I'm assuming it is the first.

- How long before we can expect her to finally crack? This is insane. She falls asleep sitting up when we get her out of her crib but still has the energy to cry in her crib. I feel horrible for her.

- Do you make her stay in her crib for the whole "bedtime" if she wakes up early in the morning?

 

BFP 6-29-10; EDD 3-10-10; Missed MC @ 10wks on 8-12-10; D&C 8-13-10
BFP 11-24-10; EDD 8-5-10; CP @ 4wks on 11-27-10
BFP 12-22-10; EDD 9-2-11 Baby girl born Aug. 15, 2011 via emergency c-section
BFP 9-5-12; EDD 5-20-13; Missed MC @ 8 wks on 10-9-12; D&C 10-10-12
BFP 1-7-13; EDD 9-20-13; PRAYING WE GET TO BRING THIS BABY HOME! BabyFetus Ticker BabyFruit Ticker

Re: Sleep Training - Ferber Advice

  • I'd follow the book.  If it says to let her stay in there for 45 min, then do that.  It usually takes about 3 days for true results.  Even then, it's often gradual.  

    She's probably still awake because she's overtired.  Once she starts to catch up on sleep, it'll be better.  That being said, be consistent.  She'll get it, but you're going to have to keep going to get there.  

    Hang in there.   

    BFP#1 4/17/10...EDD 1/6/11...M/C 5/28/10 BFP#2 11/19/10...EDD 8/4/11 Squeaker born 7/30.
  • image daisygrl8423:

    First off let me start off by saying... we have tried every single sleep solution. We have read multiple books, tried the pat to sleep, gradual extinction, co-sleeping, etc.  Ferber is our last resort.  So, if you clicked on this post to flame me for using the Ferber method please don't waste your time.  This is our very last resort, I already am upset about using it and really need support not scolding. Thanks.

     

    We just started the Ferber Method yesterday. Our daughter is 15 months old.  The past 24 hours have pretty much been a living hell for her (and us).  All morning she has been a zombie. I just put her in her crib for nap time (she is starting to drop the mid-morning nap but she was falling asleep on the floor in the living room so I thought I would offer it) and I don't see how in the world she is still awake. She only slept laying down for about 3 hours last night... the rest standing up.  So here are my questions:

     

    - Should I only let her CIO for the allotted mid-morning nap time (usually 45 minutes) or should I keep on until she cracks? I don't want to get her nap schedule off so I'm assuming it is the first.

     Hmmm, no advice on this one.  Like PP, I say follow the book.

     

    - How long before we can expect her to finally crack? This is insane. She falls asleep sitting up when we get her out of her crib but still has the energy to cry in her crib. I feel horrible for her.

    The best thing you can do is be consistent. Stick with your plan.  If you go in and get her out, it teaches her that crying=getting out of her crib.  I know it's hard to listen to, of course!  However,  remind yourself that eventually bedtime will be tear free and enjoyable.  

    - Do you make her stay in her crib for the whole "bedtime" if she wakes up early in the morning?

    Our rule was 6 am when we were trying to push back an early wake time.  Set a time and don't in before...and then you can push back that time by 15 minutes every day if you feel like DD isn't well rested.  

     

     

     

    Hang in there.  We sleep trained earlier and now have a very happy, consistent sleeper.  When babies are well rested they get sick less often, can deal with frustration better, and in general are happier-so many benefits to a good night's rest.  A nap/bedtime routine is key.  DS literally jumps into the chair we read books in when it's time for nap/bed.  I don't think he remembers the week of tears-even though I definitely do!   I hope you're all well rested soon!!

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  • Are you doing Ferber for both night sleep and nap sleep? I'm not sure if I'm clear on that. The reason I ask and I don't want to be the one to give you an "out" but we tackled nighttime sleep and then once that was decent, we did the nap time training. All of it at one time was much too hard, for us at least.

     

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  • We did Ferber's progressive waiting sleep program at 9 months.  I would imagine had we done it at 15 months it might have been a little more difficult with a willful toddler but still do able.  I tackeld both naps and night time but started the first progressive waiting period on a Friday night since I was working back then. At 9 months she was still taking two naps a day at home but not at daycare.  I would follow a very similar routing for naps as bed.  Night time was close the shades, put on sound machine,bath,pj's,lotion,books,nursing,singing then bed awake. Nap was closing the shades, sound machine, books, nursing, singing, bed awake.  At 9 months she was already walking and standing in the crib.  I remember the 1st night she fell asleep within 30min.  She was standing at the crib rail crying and eventually she fell asleep sitting up..2 hours later she was lying down.  She looked very uncomfortable but she was sleeping and did it on her own.  Only took a few days before she would actually lie down right away.  She took well to this method and would go right to sleep after a few days.  I never had to deal with her crying the whole nap.  If she did cry the whole nap I would have pulled her out at 30 minutes because sometimes she only took a 30min nap.

    At 18 months I still close the shades, sound machine, books, sing, kiss her animals good night then her.  She recently started trying to delay me leaving by asking me to sing again, go pee, drink but I tell her good night and walk out the door. 

     

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  • image jc&cat:

    Are you doing Ferber for both night sleep and nap sleep? I'm not sure if I'm clear on that. The reason I ask and I don't want to be the one to give you an "out" but we tackled nighttime sleep and then once that was decent, we did the nap time training. All of it at one time was much too hard, for us at least.

     

    ditto.  we tackled night, then naps, although i'm sure doing both is ok, probably more consistent.  we did ferber at 6-7 months, so like PP, a toddler might be a bit more challenging.  that said, it took a good week to get it through DS's system, but every day was a little bit better.  sure we had setbacks or sleep regression from time to time, but all in all, after that week, it's been smooth sailing and he's almost 2 now!

    good luck - it's a true test of patience and will, but y'all will get there.

  • Thanks so much ladies for your advice and encouragement.  

    We were going to just do night time sleep but I think a lot of her issues are all correlated - she naps too long and we hold her to nap, so she has to be held at night.  We decided to just go ahead and rip it off like a bandaid and do it all at once.  Our pediatrician recommended going ahead and doing both b/c these sleep issues have been going on for a while now.  Even being held she isn't sleeping well anymore. 

     

    She just put herself to sleep in her crib after only 3 minutes of crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It may only last for about 30 minutes but hey I'll take it! 

     

    I guess my question is this... if she takes a 2-2.5 hr long afternoon nap and is still crying 2 hours in do you pick her up and wait until bedtime or keep trying to get her to nap?  If she wakes up one hour in do you make her stay in her crib until the 2 hours is up? 

    BFP 6-29-10; EDD 3-10-10; Missed MC @ 10wks on 8-12-10; D&C 8-13-10
    BFP 11-24-10; EDD 8-5-10; CP @ 4wks on 11-27-10
    BFP 12-22-10; EDD 9-2-11 Baby girl born Aug. 15, 2011 via emergency c-section
    BFP 9-5-12; EDD 5-20-13; Missed MC @ 8 wks on 10-9-12; D&C 10-10-12
    BFP 1-7-13; EDD 9-20-13; PRAYING WE GET TO BRING THIS BABY HOME! BabyFetus Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • Don't give up! I feel so rested after 11 months of exhaustion thanks to Ferber. Three nights/ days and it will be better if u stay consistent! It's hard I know. Find something u enjoy a magazine paint your nails something for the time in btw that u have to not go in. It's hard but so worth it! Stay strong mama bc you will get a full nights sleep soon! It took us a good week but we are a rested family!
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  • If my dd slept a good hour for a nap at this point in your situation. I would not fight it. I'd get her up and play hard. So she will be ready at bedtime. I found that w our 8ish bedtime I need her to be up by 3ish also. She is 12 months and wakes at 6 naps from 12 to 2 or so and then bed at 8. Get a good routine if that means bath every night bc that makes a huge difference.
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  • image daisygrl8423:

    Thanks so much ladies for your advice and encouragement.  

    We were going to just do night time sleep but I think a lot of her issues are all correlated - she naps too long and we hold her to nap, so she has to be held at night.  We decided to just go ahead and rip it off like a bandaid and do it all at once.  Our pediatrician recommended going ahead and doing both b/c these sleep issues have been going on for a while now.  Even being held she isn't sleeping well anymore. 

     

    She just put herself to sleep in her crib after only 3 minutes of crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It may only last for about 30 minutes but hey I'll take it! 

     

    I guess my question is this... if she takes a 2-2.5 hr long afternoon nap and is still crying 2 hours in do you pick her up and wait until bedtime or keep trying to get her to nap?  If she wakes up one hour in do you make her stay in her crib until the 2 hours is up? 

    If she usually takes a long nap (2 - 2/5 hours) I don't think it matters.  I believe you give them a certain amount of nap time (45 minutes I think) and if they are still awake and crying you just end the nap.  But I'm not totally sure, you should check the book. 

  • I go in and get my LO even now when she wakes up from her nap and cries or calls for me.  Most days her naps are 2 hours but she has off days where she only sleeps 40 min.  If it is a few whimpers I let her try to get back to sleep but if she cries for a few minutes I consider the nap over.  My LO usually does 7pm-7am and I put her down for her nap around 1pm.
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  • We did Ferber at 6 1/2 mo and it took about 3 nights.  As PPs said, I'm sure it is different with a toddler, but stay strong!  Try to remember that you will be a happier mom with a happier toddler when DD can sleep through the night.  I actually think I would be doing my child a disservice if I DIDN'T train her to STTN.  Good for you for sticking with it this far- I know it's hard but you can do it!

     

  • Hang in there!  The sleep plan matters less than being consistent and not back tracking! I am a baby sleep consultant and specialize in older babies/toddlers.  If you find you need extra support don't hesitate to contact me! 

    You are not alone and you can do this.  

    Since you are following Ferber, i would do incremental checks in the morning until her wake time.

    It is hard work for both you and your little one.  If you have been consistent and are not having success after 5 days, i would reevaluate at that time!

     www.sweetdreamspdx.com

     

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