3rd Trimester

Middle name dilemma -- warning, prob. a little sad and long

    So, let me start this off with a little background. I've always been super close with my whole family and have always been daddy's little girl. My dad just lost a 16 month battle with lung cancer with brain metastases at the end of September. My brother has two boys and my dad really wanted a little granddaughter and he got to know that's what we're having before he passed. As RN's,and kind of the rock of the family, my husband and I were responsible for the majority of my dad's care. It was so difficult seeing such a strong and independent man rely on us and so hard to see him suffer. I'm grateful to have been able to help him, but it still haunts me. I miss him every day and wish he could've lived long enough, without suffering, to meet our little girl.

     On that note, I'd really like to give her my dad's first name, Dennis, as her middle name. I think middle names are generally unused, or just an initial, and no one would ever really have to know if she chose not to tell people. I like the idea of her middle name having meaning (vs. something that just sounds good), honoring him, and having him always be with the little girl he wanted to meet so much. (Side note: people kept telling me at the wake and funeral that he tried to hold on for her ... broke my heart. Not really comforting :(. ) Anyway, people generally think it's weird (or awesome, depending on who I talk to) and (the real issue) my husband really hates the idea of giving her a boy's name in any capacity. 

      What's the verdict? Think it's too weird? I think there are a lot of cases where girls are given a traditionally boy's name and it works out really well. It wouldn't be her first name and it would mean so much to me. I don't know how much to push the issue. And I don't want her to grow up hating her middle name either. 

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Re: Middle name dilemma -- warning, prob. a little sad and long

  • Could u use a more feminine form of the name like Denise?
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  I think your idea to have Dennis as your daughter's middle name is lovely.  As you said, few people will necessarily know her middle name and those who do may just assume that it is a family name/last name.  I'd go with it!!  It sounds like your dad would have approved, too.  
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  • I think if it means that much to you then you should do it! Like you said, it's not her first name and no one really uses their middle name.
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  • I would go with Denise instead.
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  • I think you should do it- clearly it's very important to you. I have a friend whose middle name is Dean after a male family member, and it doesn't bother her, so I think you LO would be ok with it..especially if you explain the significance of the name. Plus, like you said, middle names are rarely used.

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  • I would fight for his name, I think Dennis as a middle name is cute for a girl, and it means a lot to you. And if he wants a girl middle name go for it... But.... Keep the spelling the same, and say you could pronounce it as Dennise. The I could make an E sound, in Our LO's first name it makes an E sound. That way it is still there, and H will maybe go for it.  Just a thought. sorry about your father.

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  • I don't see anything wrong with giving her Dennis as a middle name.  However, your husband has to be on board with the idea too.  If he doesn't want it, you might have to compromise in some way.  Either feminize the name to Denise or maybe use your Dad's middle name?? 

    So sorry for your loss. 

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  • I think you really need to think about what your father would want if he were still here with you. He was excited to have a granddaughter, do you think it would bother him that you're giving her such a masculine name?

    I'm just thinking that because I wanted to use my grandma's MN and she said she hates the name so much that she would really not want it being passed on. Not saying that your father hated his name but would he think it's weird to name your daughter after him?

    I don't think it's too weird if it's really that important to you but I personally wouldn't use my father's name as my daughter's MN.

  • First, I am so sorry for your loss. I can imagine that this is very hard on you and my heart goes out to you and your family. 

    I totally understand the reasons behind your wanting to give her this name, however I think you may have your answer and not realize it. You say that you think the middle name is "generally unused, or just an initial, and no one would ever really have to know if she chose not to tell people". If you feel that this is so important to you, how would you feel if she did in fact not want to tell people?  How would you feel if your name were something you felt should be hidden? Also, how would you feel if your husband were insisting upon a name that you truly disliked or felt was inappropriate? 

    I don't think you should do away with your idea all together, frankly I think "boys" names for girls can be quite charming, such as Michael. Did your father have a name he particularly loved for a girl? Was there a girls name he truly wanted for you, but your mother had not cared to much for? That may work wonderfully for a middle name, and really honor his spirit. Also, a femnine form of your fathers name could be effective in honoring your father, soothing your wishes and keeping your husband happy, such as Denise.

    Lastly, would your father want his granddaughter to have the name Dennis? Even as a middle name? My mother has a beautiful name, however when my brother's daughter was named for her she was horrified and her first words were, "you CAN'T call her that!". As a result my niece is called by a "nick-name", and my mother feels awful for her reaction. Honoring your father is very admirable, and I understand completely, so take into consideration what your father himself would want in this situation, as he may be the first one to say "no" when you were to bring it up to him. 

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  • So sorry for your loss...

    I'm here in 3rd tri a few days early (hi everyone), but I say go for it. I lost my brother a few years ago, and we're using his first name as this DD's middle name.

    I have a "boy's first name" middle name too (although it's actually a last name in my family). I love it, always did, and I never had childhood moments of wanting a girly MN.

    Keep in mind, though, that I was never a fan of "just because it's pretty" names... I love family names in general, and I always felt sorry for my friends with what I thought were "plain" middle names (read: pretty, normal ones like Marie, Julia, Elizabeth...) because they didn't have a legacy like I had. So it might be just me.

    Still, I can't see your daughter "hating" (as you put it) a family name with a meaning as special as Dennis has for you, even if she has childhood moments of wanting to change her name to something girlier... So if you love it, and DH is on board, go for it.

    Wishing you lots of peace this holiday season - such a tough time after you lose a loved one, I know.

     

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  • image tinktink20:

    I don't see anything wrong with giving her Dennis as a middle name.  However, your husband has to be on board with the idea too.  If he doesn't want it, you might have to compromise in some way.  Either feminize the name to Denise or maybe use your Dad's middle name?? 

    So sorry for your loss. 

    I agree. Your H has to be on board before you can finalize her name. If he is admently against it, maybe compromise by using a D name to honor him? Or your dad's MN or even LN (your maiden name.) Or what about his mother's name? 

    I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you can come to a happy conclusion.  

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  • First off I am very sorry for your loss.  I think it is a really nice way to honor you father's memory.

    If your husband is not feeling it, you might have to compromise a bit. Maybe your Dad's middle name as her middle name? Or your maiden name as her middle name?

    My husband's best friend died of colon cancer at 33 years old last thanksgiving.  We are expecting our baby girl in December and with the family's blessing we are using his first name (Blake) as her middle name.

    At first I was worried what their other friends thought, but really I don't care what other think. My husband and I want to pay tribute to him and his friend's family is completely on board with us giving our daughter his name. That is all that matters to us.

    It makes us feel closer to him.

     

  • image Ladymouse:
    I would go with Denise instead.

    This is a great idea and wonderful way to honor your father! 

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  • I absolutely think it is fine and a beautiful thing to bestow upon your daughter.

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  • A male name as a middle name wouldn't bother me one bit, especially with the reason behind it in your situation. I don't get your husband's hatred toward it, and would probably be pissed at him, but in most situations, I'd say if he hates it, don't do it. And, FTR, I really don't like Denise as a substitute. What was your dad's middle name?  Could you use that?
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  • I think it's lovely and has so much meaning... I love hearing the stories behind people's middle names. I actually find it quite odd when I hear that someone's middle name is just a random name that their parents like. For whatever reason, I feel like the middle name is the "meaningful" name, so I think Dennis is perfect! (And I have a random, non-meaningful middle name, Marie, and I hate it.)
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  • I say Dennis. Do not make it feminine. I think it has special meaning and that's all that matters!
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  • Your story makes me cry. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Please use his name as the middle name. It will mean so much to you and eventually your daughter. It doesn't matter at all what other people think.
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  • I would totally use it!! I would be proud to have a manly middle name if it were honoring such a wonderful man. Just go for it!
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  • Ditto this. Except I was given the middle name Anne. When I got married, I changed it to my maiden name, and I didn't even hesitate to get rid of Anne because it meant absolutely nothing to me or to anybody else. I think that meaningful middle names are so much more special, and all of my kids have/will have meaningful middle names. I'm about to have a girl, actually, and I'm giving her my mom's maiden name (not a girl name at all, BTW) as her middle name.  

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    I think it's lovely and has so much meaning... I love hearing the stories behind people's middle names. I actually find it quite odd when I hear that someone's middle name is just a random name that their parents like. For whatever reason, I feel like the middle name is the "meaningful" name, so I think Dennis is perfect! (And I have a random, non-meaningful middle name, Marie, and I hate it.)
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  • I absolutely think you should go with Dennis.  

    My mom passed away almost 7 years ago. We are using either her name as the middle name for a girl, or a variation for a boy. ( we don't know the sex yet, but I'm due any day now)

    I had a niece pregnant at the time of my mom's passing. She said she would be naming her LO after my mom, but didn't.  That kinda saddened me, but I understand.  

    I am 39 and this was a surprise pregnancy, and being due in my Mother's birth month has made me feel even more strongly about naming baby after her.

    I think Dennis is a fine name for baby. And she will definitely feel a special connection to your dad.  Best of luck!! 

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  • I think it's a lovely thing to use your father's name. In fact, I've considered using my own step-father's name as our little girl's MN. 

    I think if you and your DH agree, I wouldn't even use Denise, I'd use Dennis.  


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  • I think it's beautiful and I'd do it. My daughter has my maiden name as her middle name - it's definitely not a "real name" but it was meaningful to us.

    I'm sorry about your dad. We lost FIL in September and it's so hard. Hugs, mama.

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  • I LOVE Dennis as a middle name for a girl....especially given the beautiful meaning behind it.
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