May 2012 Moms

ILs driving me INSANE! *might be long, I'm mad and rambling*

I'm sitting in my room fuming because my ILs (who have always been awesome by the way, I almost never feel the need to vent about them because they are genuinely very nice people) have suddenly decided to stop listening to anything I have to say now that DD is here. I swear I want to smack the stupid out of them lately. They had DD for the afternoon today while I ran some errands and went to a dentist appointment and DH came with me. I didn't want to leave her with them, but DH basically begged me because his mom guilt tripped him that she never gets to see her. Apparently as far as grandparents so she gets put on the back burner; all of our parents live hours away from us, but she lives the closest and since she doesn't work, comes up regularily while my parents see her on holidays.

I wasn't a fan of the idea because recently everything I say gets corrected by them in a "you'll see" kind of way or just brushed off! Like feeding her veggies before fruits is "pointless" because a sweet tooth runs in their family so it's unavoidable that she'll always want to eat sweets. We'll "give in" when it comes to giving her any juice or other sugary beverages. No cow milk before 1 makes no sense because my milk will dry up before that (like MILs did) and "then what will she drink?"; and so on (these gems are just on the subject of food so you get the idea of how annoying this is). Anyways, I caved for DHs sake, and honestly his sanity but today was basically the last straw.

We get back to the house and DD is losing her MIND in the other room (alone -_-). I go straight to her and pick her up and she grabs on to me for dear life. They proceed to tell me she has been like that for about 20 mins and they decided to let her cry it out; "besides, it's good for her lungs" (strike one). DD is teething and wants to be held more. I realised this is the cause of her recent tantrums because she is in pain and wants to be comforted more often; which I explained to them before leaving. I change her diaper and get her dressed in another onsie because the one she had on is soaked in tears and drool to her belly button.

I try to brush it off and ask how she ate today. They say she didn't take to her bottle. DD has never taken to her bottle well and it takes some patience and coaxing and holding her like she is about to be breastfed for her to take it now after 2 weeks of practice. I showed them this before I left and asked if they tried that and they said "no she was just in her high chair". WELL WHY THE EFF DID I SHOW YOU?? Was I lying and she actually takes the bottle fine while in her highchair? Did you even try the technique I showed you to get her to eat, no, of course not!!! (strike 2)

I say to DD, "oh my baby you must be hungry!", because I was gone for nearly 4 hours. I had some frozen purees in the freezer but did not tell them about it because DD is just starting on them and gets constipated if she has anymore than 1Tbsp per day right now. MIL stops me and says she had 2 crackers, a couple (she couldn't even recall how many) cubes of "the orange one" (carrots), and sucked the chocolate off of 3 cookies. Yes cookies. Celebration milk chocolate cookies, made for adults. (strike f*&%ing three).

Both DH and I had our cell phones and they never once said anything when we texted them. I'm so livid. I wanted to punch a wall. Everytime I asked them something they treated it like it was NBD or I was over-reacting.
Q: Why didn't you try holding her when she cried and chewed on her hands?
A:She's a big girl (amazing, I didn't know "big" encompassed 5 months)

Q: Why didn't you try the technique I showed you for her bottle?
A:She needs to learn how to take a bottle normally some day.

Q:Why didn't you ask me about the food in the freezer?
A:It's baby food isn't it? She's a baby.

Q:Why did you give her CHOCOLATE COOKIES?
A:It was the only thing she seemed to like and it kept her quiet. I think she likes them :) (Cue me wanting to punch FIL in the face).

So now DD is fed and back asleep, and I am fuming in our bedroom with my first glass of wine in over a year while DH figures out what to say to his parents when he calls them for a "talk". They aren't my parents therefore not my problem, but I AM DHs problem if this doesn't get this resolved. Congrats to you if you made it this far, and congrats to me if this makes sense between my keyboard smashing/typing and serious wine buzz.

*sigh*

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Re: ILs driving me INSANE! *might be long, I'm mad and rambling*

  • OMG, I am so, so sorry! That is horrible, and I probably wouldn't have been able to refrain from punching them both in the face, and I am as peaceful of a person as you will find. All I can say, is just WOW! I would make my child totally off limits for being alone with them personally.

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  • Holy crap. I thought my MIL was crazy but I stand corrected. That's just...wow... I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! I got a headache just reading!
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  • I need a glass of wine just reading that! So sorry they were like that!!
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  • Wow!! I'm sorry. My mil may think I'm nuts so starting with avocodo but she respects my wishes. The whe bottle thing makes no sense most babies need to be held whe having a bottle. Wow I'm sorry I'm all worked up for you.
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  • I am SO sorry! I would be more than fuming, luckily I am pregnant so I could have blown up at them and blamed it on pregnancy hormones.

     This is actually my entire fear with leaving my son with my MIL. She just does what she wants, but the diff is, she won't tell you what actually happened. I know b/c of something that happened when my son was only 6 weeks old. (It's funny, though, b/c I posted it on here b/c I was so mad, and a lot or responses were "Well, she raised your husband and he turned out fine.....") 

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  • And just when I thought I'd slept off some of the rage, DD is gassy and constipated today (shocker!). Her first diaper of the morning had a quarter sized solid poo. This is going to be a long day. Thanks for the support ladies, I had to vent in a safe place. I can't even talk to DH about it right now because I'm afraid I'll start yelling at him and I don't want him to think I blame him for it. I just need him to deal with it because it's not my place or probably even a good idea for me to talk to them about it. Either way it will be a VERY long time before they are alone with her again.
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  • Um, yeah, I would have flipped my lid, especially about the cookies.  WTF are they thinking?  I hope YH is able to knock some sense into them.  This makes me even happier that we live a thousand miles away from my ILs.


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  • Basically they proved that they can't be trusted, and they will never, ever be left alone with your daughter again. The end.

    My MIL has never babysat for us, and never will.  She doesn't like it, and I don't give a f*ck.  She can't be trusted to follow our directions.  

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  • image rubber_chicken:

    Basically they proved that they can't be trusted, and they will never, ever be left alone with your daughter again. The end.

    THIS.

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  • omg i would be soooo upset. this is why i dont trust anyone besides my mom and stepmom to watch DD. My MIL has been left alone with DD twice and both times i just never felt good about it. If i were you, I would say something to them myself. Yes, they are DH's parents, but you are a part of the family too since DH is your husband. Maybe you both could say something together. Write down your thoughts and feelings ahead of time so you dont totally lose it on them when you talk. I know some people will agree that your DH should be the one to deal with this, but i have always had the mentality "if you want something done right, do it yourself."
  • OMG, I am livid for you! As I'm reading what happened I started to bounce my leg and tighten my mouth I was so pissed. You're a much better woman than I am because I would not have been able to keep my cool. 

    A few months ago when my IL's were in town I went to change my clothes and left DD with my MIL in the living room. I started to walk towards the living room after I changed and heard DD crying, MIL didn't know I was there and I saw her lean down towards DD and say, "If your mommy wasn't here I would just let you cry." that's when I said, "excuse me?" and she said, "oh, did you just hear that?" I said, "yeah, I did." and gave her a look like how dare you. Needless to say I am now terrified to leave DD with her.  

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  • image lyndsey774:
    image rubber_chicken:

    Basically they proved that they can't be trusted, and they will never, ever be left alone with your daughter again. The end.

    THIS.

    Definitely this!!!, I would have lost my $&%#! Chocolate cookies?! Are you freaking kidding?! I'm pissed for you. You don't have to like my decisions as her mom but you damn will respect them! I agree with PP, I would address this with DH just to make sure they know just how far out of line this was. Never, ever would they watch my child again! I'm so sorry you IL are insane.

  • OHH MY!!!  Sad to think this woman was even a parent to begin with!   I feel so badly for you.   I hope that what happened confirms that they cannot be trusted.  I do truly feel your pain but hope you and DH had a good time at least while you were out even tho it was only for a dentist appt  ;)  
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  • Yikes!  I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your ILs.  I would have been LIVID.  My MIL is sort of bossy but she respects my wishes.  However, once she did get a pitcher of iced coffee confused with the formula pitcher and gave my 2.5 month old daughter a bottle of iced coffee.  Thank GOD my FIL realized that it looked a little too brown and told her to stop and ask me to be sure.  Indifferent  The chocolate cookie and cracker thing would've sent me right over the edge.  I don't know how you held it together!
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    Emmie Kate & Ben ~ May 17, 2012
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