June 2011 Moms

I have lots of questions

I hardly have any time to post anymore so I've been saving them up :)

Using utensils - normal to still be not so great at it?  Mostly he uses them to push his food around the plate, onto the table and (see next question) onto the floor.  If we load up his fork, he'll eat off it but he can't load it himself and he definitely doesn't get keeping either a fork or a spoon flat on the way to his mouth so the food doesn't fall off.

Scattering food - he's been doing this forEVER and shows no signs of stopping.  It drives me absolutely nuts!!  He'll get started with a sort of tentative shove at whatever's on his plate and then he immediately starts in overdrive scattering everything to the 4 winds.  I have to snatch the plate away super fast or I'm cleaning up the floor, the table, the walls, myself...  When he does it, mealtime is over but that doesn't seem to phase him.  I figured he would have caught on by now.  Seriously, it's been at least 9 months.

Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes - I know this is probably normal but it's like it's a game to him and I don't know how to break the cycle.  Any reaction or no reaction from me, doesn't make any difference.  Scolding makes him laugh, ditto trying to hold his legs still or just going about my business and pretending like it's not happening.  I'm at a loss here.

Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter - I know separation anxiety is normal but he is the biggest cling-on lately!  And MH is talking about quitting his job just so Nikolai doesn't cry when we leave him downstairs with the sitter.  He's worried about permanently harming him by abandoning him with the sitter.  I just don't know what to do about it.  He's generally fine after 5 or 10 minutes but then we're prisoners upstairs because any time he sees or hears us, he freaks out all over again.  Not workable.

Help?

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Re: I have lots of questions

  • image gymnst1013:

    I hardly have any time to post anymore so I've been saving them up :)

    Using utensils - normal to still be not so great at it?  Mostly he uses them to push his food around the plate, onto the table and (see next question) onto the floor.  If we load up his fork, he'll eat off it but he can't load it himself and he definitely doesn't get keeping either a fork or a spoon flat on the way to his mouth so the food doesn't fall off.

    Normal. I think if he gets it in his mouth he's in good shape at this point. Actually being able to manuever the spoon so it stays flat or load up the utensil is still more in the future.

    Scattering food - he's been doing this forEVER and shows no signs of stopping.  It drives me absolutely nuts!!  He'll get started with a sort of tentative shove at whatever's on his plate and then he immediately starts in overdrive scattering everything to the 4 winds.  I have to snatch the plate away super fast or I'm cleaning up the floor, the table, the walls, myself...  When he does it, mealtime is over but that doesn't seem to phase him.  I figured he would have caught on by now.  Seriously, it's been at least 9 months.

    My first reaction to this is that it's how he's telling you he's done. If it's always been consistent that he's done eating if he does that, and he isn't upset that he's done, perhaps it's just his way of telling you he's done. He knows the connection just the same as how kids learn signs or words. If I do x mom/dad does y. I should do x if I want y to happen.

    Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes - I know this is probably normal but it's like it's a game to him and I don't know how to break the cycle.  Any reaction or no reaction from me, doesn't make any difference.  Scolding makes him laugh, ditto trying to hold his legs still or just going about my business and pretending like it's not happening.  I'm at a loss here.

    Yep, they do this. With DD, I know she knows the words for "lay down" so I tell her in a firm voice, "ugh, uh, lay down." I think it's easiest to do changes on the floor, put LO between your legs, and then sort of block their rolls by keeping your legs close to their sides. When they get bigger and even more wiggly, you can cross your leg gently over their chest so they can't turn as much.

    Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter - I know separation anxiety is normal but he is the biggest cling-on lately!  And MH is talking about quitting his job just so Nikolai doesn't cry when we leave him downstairs with the sitter.  He's worried about permanently harming him by abandoning him with the sitter.  I just don't know what to do about it.  He's generally fine after 5 or 10 minutes but then we're prisoners upstairs because any time he sees or hears us, he freaks out all over again.  Not workable.

    How do you feel about CIO? I look at this crying with the babysitter as the same sort of thing. It isn't for everyone, but I think it's a perfectly acceptable path to take. He'll learn to adjust and it sounds like he has to the extent that the fits aren't very long lived. As far as being trapped upstairs goes, can you text the babysitter so she can change rooms when you need to access a certain one downstairs? That way he doesn't hear your voice or see you but you can move about a little easier.

    Help?


  • We've introduced utensils, but DD can in no way use them.  She will help me hold the spoon once I get yogurt or whatever on it.  So basically all she does is help me transfer it to her mouth.  I don't think she's ready yet, so I'm holding off.  She's been like that with a lot of things...we introduce for a week or two, then we back off for a few weeks/months, then she picks it up like she's always been doing it.

    DD scatters food all the time.  We've started only putting a little on her plate/tray at a time.  She will scatter and then start throwing it when she's finished.  She doesn't have any words, so I'm trying to teach her sign language in hopes that she will tell me done instead of throwing food.  She does the same with her toothbrush...she throws it when she's finished.  Drives me nuts.

    In the past month or so, DD HATES getting her diaper changed.  She has never really put up a fight before.  I either give her a toy that she doesn't get to play with often (a special toy...even my cell phone, remote if I'm desperate) or I let her brush her hair, brush her teeth, put lotion on, etc.  It seems to help sometimes.

    I don't have any advice on the separation anxiety.  We're not going through it right now, but I know it's probably in our future.  I was like that as a kid.  I cried every single day my mom dropped me off at daycare.  But I loved daycare, so go figure.  I'm currently reading Happiest Toddler on the Block.  I think there is a chapter on separation anxiety, so I'll let you know what it says when I get to that part (if you don't get any advice on here).

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  • image gymnst1013:

    I hardly have any time to post anymore so I've been saving them up :)

    Using utensils - normal to still be not so great at it?  Mostly he uses them to push his food around the plate, onto the table and (see next question) onto the floor.  If we load up his fork, he'll eat off it but he can't load it himself and he definitely doesn't get keeping either a fork or a spoon flat on the way to his mouth so the food doesn't fall off.

    DD does ok with a spoon. A lot of food falls off, but some makes it into her mouth. I haven't even attempted to give her a fork! I still cut most things into tiny bites and she eats with her hands. She only uses a spoon for applesauce, etc. I think it's still perfectly normal right now. I'm not worried about pushing perfect utensil usage.

    Scattering food - he's been doing this forEVER and shows no signs of stopping.  It drives me absolutely nuts!!  He'll get started with a sort of tentative shove at whatever's on his plate and then he immediately starts in overdrive scattering everything to the 4 winds.  I have to snatch the plate away super fast or I'm cleaning up the floor, the table, the walls, myself...  When he does it, mealtime is over but that doesn't seem to phase him.  I figured he would have caught on by now.  Seriously, it's been at least 9 months.

    DD was so bad about this. She has gotten better and about 50% of the time she will hand us her food when she is done. I don't really know what made the change. Whenever she swipes the food off the tray I always quickly grab it and then get her to sign 'all done'. I totally feel your pain. I only give her a little bit at a time, as well. Even if she throws her food on the floor it's not a HUGE mess because it's not a lot of food. It feels like a lot of work to feed her because I'm contstantly watching her tray, filling it up a little at a time, watching for signs of her throwing her food, etc. Because of this, I feed DD seperately at dinner time. I feel like we should be eating as a family, but it seems impossible.

    Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes - I know this is probably normal but it's like it's a game to him and I don't know how to break the cycle.  Any reaction or no reaction from me, doesn't make any difference.  Scolding makes him laugh, ditto trying to hold his legs still or just going about my business and pretending like it's not happening.  I'm at a loss here.

     I find that distraction works best. I give her something that she normally can't play with (fingernail clippers, phone, baby thermometer, baby wipe) right before I actually lay her on the changing table.

    Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter - I know separation anxiety is normal but he is the biggest cling-on lately!  And MH is talking about quitting his job just so Nikolai doesn't cry when we leave him downstairs with the sitter.  He's worried about permanently harming him by abandoning him with the sitter.  I just don't know what to do about it.  He's generally fine after 5 or 10 minutes but then we're prisoners upstairs because any time he sees or hears us, he freaks out all over again.  Not workable.

    DD is fine when I leave her at daycare, but if we are at home and she knows I'm in the other room she wants me. She is such a momma's girl. If we are in the same room and I walk into the kitchen she is following me (even if Daddy is in there with her). I think that Nikolai is perfectly normal. But, I don't really have to have a solution. 5 or 10 minutes isn't too bad. Even if you have to go downstairs and back up once or twice a day, that much crying won't hurt him. If he is generally happy with the babysitter once you are out of sight, I wouldn't worry too much (even though it's hard to hear him cry).

    Help?

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  • Using utensils - DS *just* started getting the hang of this in the past week or 2. I trust him with a fork, but the spoon he still has a fair amount of trouble keeping it level. And also, once he accidentally flings it and food flies everywhere, he thinks that's awesome so I have to take it away at that point. I've heard that kids don't get really good/reliable with this until considerably later.

    Scattering food - DS does this too, it's SO obnoxious. We end the meal at that point. I have no advice, but you're not alone!

    Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes - DS is a pain about this too. I just change him as fast as I can and move on. Sometimes singing helps or handing him a spare diaper so he can gaze lovingly at Elmo (printed on the diaper).

    Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter - I agree with pp about a sort of CIO thing here. Does the babysitter ever take DS out of the house?

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  • Wait, when were you visiting my house? :-)

    We are dealing with all of this and throw in the arching of the back, kicking thing getting in the car seat. Sometimes the best help we have is DS who will sing or play peek a boo with her during diaper changes or when getting in the car. Sometimes he'll do it, other times I ask him and he won't Indifferent.

    DH works from home 2 days/week and we have a sitter those days. DD is great with the sitter but if after a bit, DH resurfaces from the office downstairs for a snack or something and it's tears. She is so attached to daddy. Typically after a few minutes the sitter has distracted her and she's ok.

    As far as I think, it's all par for the age. DS did all of this too and he's ok!

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  • image gymnst1013:

    I hardly have any time to post anymore so I've been saving them up :)

    Using utensils - normal to still be not so great at it?  Mostly he uses them to push his food around the plate, onto the table and (see next question) onto the floor.  If we load up his fork, he'll eat off it but he can't load it himself and he definitely doesn't get keeping either a fork or a spoon flat on the way to his mouth so the food doesn't fall off.

     

    Yes, DS1 didn't master utensils until he was 2 and even still sometimes has trouble controlling a fork.

    Scattering food - he's been doing this forEVER and shows no signs of stopping.  It drives me absolutely nuts!!  He'll get started with a sort of tentative shove at whatever's on his plate and then he immediately starts in overdrive scattering everything to the 4 winds.  I have to snatch the plate away super fast or I'm cleaning up the floor, the table, the walls, myself...  When he does it, mealtime is over but that doesn't seem to phase him.  I figured he would have caught on by now.  Seriously, it's been at least 9 months.

    DS2 still does this as well.  DS1 did it for a long time too and it was usually when he was done eating so we taught him sign language for done and he started doing the sign instead of throwing food on the floor.  We also take DS2's plate away as soon as the first item is on the floor or thrown.

    Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes - I know this is probably normal but it's like it's a game to him and I don't know how to break the cycle.  Any reaction or no reaction from me, doesn't make any difference.  Scolding makes him laugh, ditto trying to hold his legs still or just going about my business and pretending like it's not happening.  I'm at a loss here.

    This won't stop.  You'd think those huggies pull on diapers would be helpfull but not when you need to wipe their bums.  It is a pain no matter what.  I know this sounds horrible but when its time for a diaper change I lay him on the floor and pin his arms under my legs, it does help prevent movement.  But I only use this method as a learning circumstance because after a few times they sit still through the change and realize it goes much quicker when they sit still.  (I also do the arm pin when he is trying to reach down into his messy diaper.

    Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter - I know separation anxiety is normal but he is the biggest cling-on lately!  And MH is talking about quitting his job just so Nikolai doesn't cry when we leave him downstairs with the sitter.  He's worried about permanently harming him by abandoning him with the sitter.  I just don't know what to do about it.  He's generally fine after 5 or 10 minutes but then we're prisoners upstairs because any time he sees or hears us, he freaks out all over again.  Not workable.

    As a 2nd time mom, he will be fine.  As the mother of my DS2 who is extremly clingy to me and screams bloody murder when I leave him with new people (it took a month to get him used to the babysitter and now she has had to leave us so I don't know what I'm going to do) or when I put him down to nap or for bedtime.  Heck even when I go to the bathroom he gets ticked.  I understand how frustrating it is.  Our sitter also makes sure DS2 has started playing with something before I sneak out....it helps soo much.  I swear though that DS1 never had any seperation anxiety or sense of aversion to strangers.  I  really didn't know what to do when DS2's anxiety started.  I know everytime you hear him freak out it just breaks your heart but at the same time you have to do what you have to do and let your LO find a coping mechanism.

    Help?

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  • Is he teething? Cole is so so SOOOOO clingy when he's teething. And that was pretty much non stop for him til about 15 months. He has all of his teeth now, just waiting on the 2nd year molars. Also, I think a lot of the time when I walk out the door to leave now, he's more upset that he's not coming outside then he is upset that I'm leaving
  • All of your questions fit with exactly how Jake acts!! No suggestions, but yep, could've written this myself!!
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  • I agree w/pps on everything. Cutlery is tough and he's still dev. those fine motor skills. Just keep encouraging him to try.

    Also maybe try cutting down the portions to curtail food waste, he can always have more. Ps...does he sign? If not, help him express all done either by signing, handing you his plate, etc.

    Squirming at diapertry changing him standing. It'll take some practice, but it's a breeze after like the 3rd time. But have him hold the wall to balance. If he made a BM then you can lift one leg up and wipe, then make him gace you to clean his front diaper area. If you CD just prep your diaper before you start changing.

    You are going to have to do some tough love as far as the work at home w/a sitter situation. Like PP suggested maybe let the sitter take him out to play in the yard/on a walk. Totally normal for his age. But what I tell my parents when they drop off, say goodbye once and leave. The kiddos cry for a short time and then move on, are redirected/distracted easily. If you have a basement that is conducive to make a day area...play and access to outdoor activities, for ds and sitter you can try to set it up so you can move around more freely. But don't quit, it's just a little longer, but you have to just be firm...Mommy/daddy is working, I love you, and will see you after "fill in the blank".

    I hope that makes sense, mobile bumping and it got long
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  • Using utensils - normal to still be not so great at it? 

     Ash has just figured it out, although he still doesnt realize he cannot get excited and throw his arms up in the air when he has food on his spoon without it landing on his neck! We just kept giving him the fork or spoon and occasionally demonstrating. It took a long time but he finally got it. He can even eat cereal now, it seemed like the click happened over night!

    Scattering food - he's been doing this forEVER and shows no signs of stopping. 

    Ash still does this, he thinks it's funny. It has nothing to do with being done or knowing how to do it. It just depends on his mood. I have no idea how to stop it, but you are not alone. I am so tired of sweeping and mopping.

    Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes -

    Ash only does this too me, he is fine for EVERYONE else. He either laughs or screams like I am hurting him. It has gotten better, unless he has a rash and then it is a total battle. I just held my ground and eventually he (mostly) gave up. 

    Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter -

    Ash has gotten clingier lately too, but he gets over my leaving quickly. I would guess it would be different if I were in the same house though. I think that having your husband stay home would only prolong the issue though because it would limit his contact, and time away form you even further. Have you considered an out of home daycare? Maybe knowing you are not in the same building will help, plus you will no longer be hostages.

  • Our son doesn't do well with utensils even when helping to cook, he pushes the food hard so it goes flying.  He also doesn't use his utensils much to feed himself, he likes to feed me though.

     For scattering food, he does this more at my eggo=preggo parents house then our house.  He usually does this at the beginning and end of the meal.

     When he wants to he can be very reluctant to get a diaper changed, if we distract him though it works a lot better so we usually have him hold one of his cars.

    We can't leave our son at the gym child care room because he starts to scream as we drop him off and doesn't stop until I am paged to get him 20 minutes later.  Doesn't help that MIL is the babysitter and he cries when we pick him up.



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  • Bell does ok with a spoon.  She tries to use a fork the same way (doesn?t realize the difference) so we stopped giving them to her.  Also while she has the concept down a lot of food still misses her mouth.

    Spreading food (in our case throwing it) is normally a sign she's done or doesn?t care to eat what?s on her plate.  Most of the time i'm ok with the amount she's eaten so i just end the meal.  A few times i attempt to try again in a min, which works sometimes.

    As for diaper changes we've been firm about the no wiggle from the start.  She's great with DH and I.  My parents on the other hand chase her around the room, defiantly a game for her with them.  She knows mommy doesnt play

    Bells been in daycare from the beginning so she's does well with it.  She will cry on days when she doesnt feel well (teething days) 

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  • image gymnst1013:

    I hardly have any time to post anymore so I've been saving them up :)

    Using utensils - normal to still be not so great at it?  Mostly he uses them to push his food around the plate, onto the table and (see next question) onto the floor.  If we load up his fork, he'll eat off it but he can't load it himself and he definitely doesn't get keeping either a fork or a spoon flat on the way to his mouth so the food doesn't fall off.

    We have just started using a fork really well and she wants to eat most stuff using the fork.  Spoon we still spill before we get it to our mouth.  I'd say 50/50 on using silverware vs fingers. 

    Scattering food - he's been doing this forEVER and shows no signs of stopping.  It drives me absolutely nuts!!  He'll get started with a sort of tentative shove at whatever's on his plate and then he immediately starts in overdrive scattering everything to the 4 winds.  I have to snatch the plate away super fast or I'm cleaning up the floor, the table, the walls, myself...  When he does it, mealtime is over but that doesn't seem to phase him.  I figured he would have caught on by now.  Seriously, it's been at least 9 months.
    Sorry never been a food thrower...

    Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes - I know this is probably normal but it's like it's a game to him and I don't know how to break the cycle.  Any reaction or no reaction from me, doesn't make any difference.  Scolding makes him laugh, ditto trying to hold his legs still or just going about my business and pretending like it's not happening.  I'm at a loss here.

    We are in the same boat.  She is really interested in the potty right now so I'm finding if I do changes in the bathroom and let her sit on the potty after taking off her diaper then putting it back on is a lot easier. 

    Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter - I know separation anxiety is normal but he is the biggest cling-on lately!  And MH is talking about quitting his job just so Nikolai doesn't cry when we leave him downstairs with the sitter.  He's worried about permanently harming him by abandoning him with the sitter.  I just don't know what to do about it.  He's generally fine after 5 or 10 minutes but then we're prisoners upstairs because any time he sees or hears us, he freaks out all over again.  Not workable.

    Anyway the sitter can take him out for parts of the day.  Like go to the library, park, store for a while in both the am and pm so you can have free roam of the house.  I would have a hard time working from home and listening to Kaci play/cry/tantrum in another room.  We get clingy every day at daycare drop off  but then I have to corral her to get her to go home at night because she doesn't want to leave. 

    Help?

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  • Spoon/utensils--Just came back from her 18 mo dr visit and her dr asked about using a spoon.  All she was really concerned with was did she get the concept of picking it up and putting in her mouth.  Not worried that she can't really scoop anything onto it.

    Shoving food--Have you tried using the sign for "all done" when he starts this.  I think you need to provide an alternative way for him to show you he is done.

    Diaper changes--Yes many times she is a pain.  I try to distract her a lot of ways, but the one that works best is blowing air onto her face and booty!

    Seperation anxiety--I don't leave DD that much, so I am not much help.  I don't think you are permenantly scarring him if he is only crying 5 or so minutes though.  Maybe he is sick or teething and that is the reason for being so clingy?






  • Using utensils - C is super hit or miss with utensils.  Some days she does great although she is always super messy.  Some days she just uses them to push food off her plate/high chair.

    Scattering food - C does this when she is done.  She says all done and if I don't immediately get the plate off the table she starts throwing food and then will pick the whole plate up and throw it or dump it.  It's awesome.

    Kicking, squirming and generally being a pain about diaper changes - She does this a lot too.  I try to just ignore it when she's bad... although I don't think that really does anything either.

    Wailing when I leave the room and leave him with the sitter - C has also been a lot worse with this all of a sudden.  She did start daycare a month ago so that could be the start of it but now whenever I leave the house she throws a huge fit.

      
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