March 2013 Moms

sleeping with baby or not?

First time mom here, so I have no idea which is best... I plan to sleep with baby in our bed til he/she's 3 months then transfer to it's crib. What's everyone's experience regarding sleeping with the baby in your bed and Is it difficult to transfer to crib after? Any thoughts? Thanks!

Re: sleeping with baby or not?

  • Our plan is to have her sleep in her bassinet which will be right beside the bed. Then after a few months move her to the crib. 
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  • Personally, I'm against having a baby sleep in bed with me. Accidents happen that way and it scares the heck out of me. But, there are moms that do it. I guess it's personal preference. With DD, I tried a bassinet in my bedroom but after a couple of nights of her completely fighting sleep, I moved her to her crib in her room and she has slept 12 hours a night ever since. She was a week old. I plan on just putting this baby in the crib from the start.

    ETA: if the baby actually sleeps with you, it may be harder to transition to the crib at that point.
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  • A good rule I've heard is wherever you and baby get the best/ most sleep, thats what you should do.

    I am all for co-sleeping. We had a crib and a bassinette for our 1st baby, but that kid refused to sleep anywhere but next to Mommy. When I brought him to my bed, he got more sleep, I got more sleep, and it worked great for us.  I never felt right about putting such a teeny tiny baby into a crib to sleep all alone anyway. I mean, where in nature do you see parents do that? You would never see a Mama bear make her brand new baby bear sleep all alone on the other side of the cave, right? :)

    When our daughter was born, she was a much easier baby and she probably would have been fine sleeping in a crib, but I found it was just so much easier to keep her in bed with me. She would *kind of* wake up looking to nurse, and I could latch her onto my breast while barely opening my eyes, and then we would both drift back to sleep. The alternative is that when a baby in a crib wakes up, she ends up crying loudly to get your attention, and then its a lot harder to get her back to sleep. Plus, I don't know how Moms can sit in a rocker in the middle of the night nursing their babies without falling asleep and risk dropping their babies.

    We kept each of our kids in our bed till they turned 2, then it was an easy transition to put them in their own beds. I know some kids have a hard time moving into their own beds, but we didn't have any trouble.

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  • I slept with DSin the cosleeper next to the bed until he was 6 months, then we put him in his crib in his own room. Personally, I would not sleep with my baby in bed with me, I have heard/seen too many horror stories about accidents happening. i don't think I'd get any rest with the baby in bed with me anyway.
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  • I did not intend on cosleeping with DD and I honestly wish I had never given into it. I was not worried about smothering her in my sleep because I am a very light sleeper.

    We had an awful time getting DD to sleep in her own bed. In fact, she never used her pack and play with the bassinet or her crib. She only moved into her own bed this past February and it was a hard transition.

    Other things to consider are things like intimacy with your SO. If you have a LO in your bed, sex is not happening there and you don't want to leave LO alone on your bed. Also, my DH ran out of room in our bed as DD grew.  

  • In the beginning I would put my infant to sleep in her bassinet next to my bed. When she woke I would BF and co sleep the rest of the night. I started putting my LO in her crib for naps and bed in her room at 2 months. When she woke at night I would BF in bed and let her sleep with me. At 9 months this no longer worked for us...I was in her way when she was trying to move around and it would wake her up. We did progressive waiting at 9 months and it worked like a charm. She has been sleeping in her crib 7pm-7am ever since.

    I know this worked with #1 I will just have to wait and see what kind of sleeper #2 turns out to be.   

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  • I agree with the PP who said whatever works best.  You just don't know until you meet your baby.

    DD was in a cosleeper for awhile, then wound up in bed with us for MOTN feedings once she was bigger.  For 6+ months, DD would fall asleep in her crib, I'd nurse her around 11, and then any feedings after that I would just pull her into bed with us.  Honestly, I loved the snuggles and we ALL got more sleep, so it benefited all of us.

    She self weaned off of night feedings and we never had any other sleep issues.  And now she HAS to sleep in her bed.  She has never been the type of kid who could fall asleep anywhere.   

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  • We haven't made any hard decisions yet.  We have a bassinet and plan on using that for the first couple of months and then transferring to the crib.  The thought of co-sleeping makes me nervous, but obviously I've never done it so I won't say never just yet.  
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  • With DS, he was in his crib in his room from day 1 and that's our hope for this baby too. As for bed-sharing, I don't think I ever could. I just keep thinking "what if..."


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  • With DS1 we planned on using the co-sleeper but when DS1 was 2 days old the Doctor called and said his newborn screening test came back abnormal and to watch him for seizures!!! I was terrified so I didn't let him out of my sight. He slept in bed with me or we slept on the couch (I didn't sleep more than an hour at a time for 4 days) after 2 months of testing DS1 was cleared of any problems but I couldn't let him sleep alone yet. At 8 months we transitioned to the crib but there are still nights that he wakes up and we bring him into bed with us. Its ok for us for now. We are going to enforce the crib more strictly within the next month. So from my experience, do whatever works for your situation.
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  • My 7 month old slept in her bassinet for a little bit and now she is in her crib full time. Now my four year old, well, she's laying right next to me as I type this. lol It's okay though, DH is out of town and I hate sleeping alone. 

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  • DH and I definitely did not plan on bedsharing at first, but it was what worked for our family. She would sleep for short periods of time in her crib or PnP, but would only sleep for long periods when she was with us. The first few weeks were pure survival; we slept when she slept, as much as possible. Once she started sleeping a little bit longer, we'd put her down at night in the PnP next to our bed. It gave us some alone time, so we were able to cuddle on the couch (or have sex), and then when she woke for the first night-time feeding, I'd nurse her in bed and then bedshare for the rest of the night. We did that until she started rolling over at 5-6 months, then moved her to the PnP alone for another 3 months or so. We transitioned to the crib when she was around 9 months. It worked really well for us, and we had no problem transitioning her from one sleep space to another.
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  • We tried the RnP at first but after me waking to every single sound (and him not getting good enough sleep), we moved him to his own crib across the hall where we were (are) much happier. 

    He went through some rough patches where he would only sleep being held so those made for some fun nights.  I was absolutely paranoid sleeping with him and would definitely want to avoid it if I could get my baby to sleep on his own.  (as in not in the bed).  Now at 13 months, he usually wakes up about 6 and I bring him to our bed for another hour or two and I feel totally fine doing that. 

    My sister has had her son (now 18 months) in their bed pretty much from the start because he was such a horrible sleeper.  It was something she said she would never do but sometimes you just do what works.  She has a 4 month old now so obviously it didn't totally kill their relationship.  

     

  • DH is not a graceful sleeper -he does this thing when he is turning over in his sleep that is like a whale jumping out of the water and belly smacking into the ocean.  Luckily I have learned to not sleep close enough to get turned into a pancake...but it made the cosleeping with our LO a very easy decision!
  • We had our pnp in the room with us. We alternated between that and our be for the first two months of so just because I couldn't sleep with her in another room. Once she was in her own crib though she started to sleep longer periods of time and more soundly. I will probably do the same for this one. I did not sleep as well when she was in the bed with me because I was so scared I would hurt her.
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  • Sleeping in the same room is fine with me but sleeping in the same bed is NOT fine with me. Of course everyone has their opinions and what is best for them. I personally don't like the idea of having baby sleep in the same bed because in our small town a father accidently rolled onto the baby and suffocated the baby. The baby was only 2 months old. It was really sad. So for me it isnt worth the risk. I would rather have a bassinet or PnP or something in the same room. That is just my opinion and feeling though.
  • So I agree with others...what gets you guys the BEST not the most rest is what you should do. Here is my "opinion."

    I cannot sleep with a child in my bed. We have a king but sleeping with my floppy DH is hard enough. Even today if my kids are sick or scared...I will go to them for a while or if worse comes to worse...let them have my spot with DH while I go to their bed!

    I believe sleeping to be fundamental to overall health.

    With DD, she slept in her crib in her room from day one. Her crib was very close to ours and I could BF her quickly and get there back down. She was one of those way too easy babies that started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and never looked back.

    With DS, his room was further away and very close to our great sleeping 18 month old so I put him in a bassinet in our room for the first 3 months. At that point he was almost sleeping through the night...with a 1030pm feeding and he would wake around 4 or 5. But we moved him because he became aware we were in the room. If DH turned over in the bed...I could hear Sawyer wiggling or changing position. DH and I agreed it was time for him to move out : Don't get me wrong. Some nights it was a lot of work to get him to
    Comfort himself when he would wake or settle back in after a feeding. I spent may hours outside his room making sure he was settled or quietly rubbing his back or replacing a paci. But it paid off in the long run. I have two kids who put themselves to bed in their own rooms every night.

    Obviously we are not Attachment parents...buy we are very bonded with both pf our kids. We feel very strongly that our bedroom is our sanctuary. And the same for the kids and their rooms! Its the place we go to rest, pray, be alone, make love and so on. We don't watch TV in our bedrooms either.

    We have a very casual living room where we often wiggle on the sofas it make a huge family pallet on the floor for movie night. We LOVE to hold and snuggle our 8 and 7.5 year olds but nit sleep with them.

    I have so many friends who have either coslept with thirty children by choice or who have given in to fatigue and end up with toddlers in their beds. Their biggest complaint is loosing connection and alone time with DH. Other cosleeping friends complain that it gets really hard once other children are born and that it is difficult to have a night away from the kids because cosleepers are less likely to settle themselves to sleep without mom or dad. I cannot speak to these issues...just sharing what my friends say. None of this may be an issues for you so again, you gave to do what works best for your family!
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  • I'm an FTM as well, but I recommend reading some books on getting baby on a regular sleeping schedule.  You might find your answer there.

    My SIL recommended Baby Whisperer and Baby Wise.  Her baby has slept through the night without a problem almost from the beginning.

    For us, we are planning on using a cosleeper in our room next to the bed for the 1st month, and then transferring baby to her crib so that the sleep pattern is established early.

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  • I bedshare. I've done so with all 5 of my kids and will do so with this baby, as well. They sleep much better and I sleep much better. 5 kids and I can honestly say I've never felt sleep deprived, even in the newborn phase. My kids have always been great sleepers and I have no doubt that it's because they sleep next to me, where they spent their first 38 weeks at. Yes, accidents do happen... whether they're in your bed or in their crib. I'm a very light sleeper, I sleep with one folded up pillow and 1 blanket. Baby stays between me and the wall at head level with me so the blanket does not make it's way over their head. Dh is a hard sleeper so I don't put baby between us, and I'd never bed share while under the influence of alcohol, obviously. 

    With all that said, I'm honestly not sure how a transition to their own bed/room at 3mos would work, because I've never been there. We always transition at 2yrs and thankfully all of my kids have went straight to their own room & beds just fine. I've never had a problem with them napping in the PNP during the day, though. They always do so just fine.

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  • We had DS in a bassinet in our room until he was 6 months. We'll probably do the same with #2 (longer if we need to, because we're hoping to move to a bigger place by then since #2 has no room and DS's room is too small to share). It wasn't hard to transition  him, but at the time he was still nursing to sleep, so where he ended up sleeping didn't seem to matter to him.

    ETA: I wouldn't bedshare. It's not really safe, and I'm sure it would make for a harder transition. 

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  • We won't be.  I sleep too deeply to be comfortable sharing a bed with our LO and DH is clingy like a baby monkey so that is no good.  LO will be safest in their crib in their room across the hall from us.
  • DS slept in a bassinet in our room until he was about 3 months. Then we moved him into his crib. Around 4 months we hit a rough patch and he was in our bed nearly every night. I was exhausted. He slept great in our bed but I did not. I was very paranoid that I'd hurt him and I never felt like I could get comfortable. We moved him back to his crib around 6 months (had to do some sleep training) and I think we were all happier overall with that arrangement.

    That said, you really have to do what works best for you and your family. Some families love bedsharing and that's great. There are definitely safe ways to do it if you do some research. But it just didn't work for out for me. 

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  • image emriley84:
    I slept with DSin the cosleeper next to the bed until he was 6 months, then we put him in his crib in his own room. Personally, I would not sleep with my baby in bed with me, I have heard/seen too many horror stories about accidents happening. i don't think I'd get any rest with the baby in bed with me anyway.

     

    This. I would really get an Arms Reach Co-Sleeper. Much safer and you'll both get a better rest. 

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  • My boys slept in my room for 6-7 months.  DS1 had terrible silent reflux and would stop breathing.  He turned blue and fainted at 4 months and there was NO WAY he would be out of my reach after that until the reflux was under control.  He moved to his crib easily at 6 months.  However, he has a very laid back personality in general.  DS2 also had reflux, but his was more like what most babies have.  He screamed and cried and never slept...unless he was on me.  He slept in my bed because that was honestly the only place he'd sleep longer than about 30 minutes.  Around 2 months, we were able to have him sleep in his car seat.  He moved to his pack n play next to our bed about a month later, and to his room at 7 months.  DS2 does not have a laid back personality and to this day, any little change throws him for a loop.  It was a disaster.  I think it just depends on the child's personality.  I swore I'd never let my child sleep in my bed, but in the end, it worked for us and I'm not against it with this one.  She will also be in our room for 6ish months.

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  • We are planning on having baby sleep next to our bed for a while, then transfer her to the crib. I don't want to put her in the bed with us because I've heard that the transfer is really hard. I don't have any personal experience with this though, as I am a FTM too :)
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  • DD slept in our room for the first 2 months and then we transitioned her to her crib.  Because she was so young, it was not an issue when we moved her.  

    Not to sound holier than thou but I would NEVER put my newborn in my bed to sleep with me.  Our mattress is soft and we have a down comforter on the bed.  It just is not a good idea.  Too many things can go wrong.  Not to mention I don't want to start the habit of having a LO in my bed.  Other than on vacation once or twice, DD still has never slept in our bed and she is 3.  

     


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  • Saw that someone said they weren't worried about smothering baby? Not sure if anyone knows this but the carbon dioxide you breathe outa actually can smother baby and cause them to lose oxygen. Cosleeping and sleeping w baby are way different!!! Check out cosleepers!!!
  • image MamaG2821:
    Saw that someone said they weren't worried about smothering baby? Not sure if anyone knows this but the carbon dioxide you breathe outa actually can smother baby and cause them to lose oxygen. Cosleeping and sleeping w baby are way different!!! Check out cosleepers!!!

    The issue you're referring to is called "rebreathing" and it's more of a concern of baby rebreathing their own exhaled air, which can happen in their own bed if they roll onto their stomach or a blanket makes its way over their face. Basically if their face is pushed against their mattress or blocked by a blanket, when they exhale they then inhale (rebreathe) the same carbon dioxide they just exhaled which in turn can cause their Co2 levels to rise to dangerous levels and cause suffocation. A parent would have to be literally nose to nose with baby in order for a baby to suffocate from the air their mother or father exhales. It's highly unlikely for it to happen that way.

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  • DS Slept in the RNP next to our bed.. Sometimes I'd bring him into bed not between us... And I'd have nightmares of him being lost in the bedding ir DH crushing him I woke up screaming at DS onetime.. any solid sleep went out the window with him in our bed... these nightmares would take place When he wasn't even in our bed!
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  • My younger brother slept with my parents because he was hooked up to a machine that monitored his heart rate (my parents felt safer with him in the bed).  After a few months they could not get him to sleep in his crib.  He slept with them until it was time for him to move into his toddler bed.  He wouldn't even nap in his crib.  
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