Dads & Dads-to-be

Vent (sorry, longer than I thought)

Hey guys! Sorry, you must get annoyed with these kinds of things, but I don't know what I should do...

Yeah. I need to vent, but was wondering if I was overreacting or what. My DH ignored me all through his work (which is all the time lately but I really didn't care. I got it. He's tired, hungry and busy) so when he gets home, he's short with me. Only talking to me if it was something about him and his interests, which, again, didn't care as much.

When my DDs therapist left, I tried talking again, and he told me it was the last night of his fu**ing stupid bet/diet thing at his work with his buddies. He is very close to winning from the sounds of it, so he decided today, he'd only eat cliff bars if he felt hungry (yes, not the greatest idea and he usually doesn't do things like this but he is so close to winning, he got a little crazy with it). So needless to say, he is hungry and ornary and told me so. I understood, but even talking to him sent him into a little pus*y-fit, and so I left him alone.

I am on a diet as well, but not doing what he is doing with his buddies, I am doing it for me. I am starving now as well, since I didn't get to eat dinner yet. I made DDs dinner, and it is taking a while for her to eat for some reason. The oven is preheated for a while now, and wanted to get my pizza in quickly, so I wanted DH to feed her for a minute tops, so I asked him to come over for that reason.

He came and sat down, looked at the food and said, "Wait, you're asking me to feed her? Are you?" I just stared and said, "Yes-" before I could finish, he immediately was like, "ugh, I am not. I am on my diet and looking at food is killing me. I am not going to do it." Which, yes, I understood, I am in the same predicament looking at the food as well. Still, I just needed him to do it for a fu**ing minute.

I told him "nevermind. Leave." many times, and he was getting more upset. Finally, it turned into how selfish I was and the least understanding wife in the world, and yeah.... So he left to hide in the bedroom, and I thought it over, and thought maybe I was in the wrong, so I went in there to apologize, and he told me "I had my chance earlier" so he wouldn't accept it. I am so pis*ed off. Am I wrong? I don't know what to do? Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry It's so long.

Buying A Home

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Re: Vent (sorry, longer than I thought)

  • Not a dad, obviously, but you two are fighting over eating. He needs to stop starving himself- that is one of the main reasons couples fight is hunger. He is probably in a bitchy mood because of it. As for you, please eat, not eating is not a healthy way to lose weight. Why can't you cook dinner with your daughters food?
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • My DH did that to win his bet for a diet that is finalized tomorrow with his buddies. I am on a diet (not starving myself) as well, and yes I was starving since the last I ate was lunch. It was dinner time. I couldn't eat because usually, my daughter is a lightning fast eater, so I thought I could squeeze it in while the oven preheated. My DD was taking forever, so I just wanted DH to feed her for a minute while I stuck in the pizza quick. He threw a pu*sy-fit. My daughter is very picky, and doesn't like pizza because she hates the pizza sauces.

     I know my DH is hungry, but after the fight we had, I realized that yeah, maybe I can just let this go. it isn't worth fighting over. I go in the room, and say that stuff to him, apologizing, and he "doesn't accept it" so what am i supposed to do?

    Buying A Home

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  • He is in the wrong.  Hungry or not, that doesn't mean he gets to abandon his responsibilities as a parent.  His response was over the top (probably hunger fueled, but still not a valid excuse), and the fact that he was unwilling to accept your apology because "you had your chance" is infantile.  Hopefully after he gets his winnings tomorrow, eats a sandwich, he'll come to his senses.  I wouldn't necessarily turn this into a knock down, drag out fight, unless this becomes a pattern, but he's definitely in the wrong.
  • Thanks Coltsdad. He is usually a good father and not that pisssy about things, so I knew it was fueled by hunger, which is why I even went in there to apologize. The only bad thing is that our anniversary is in 2 days. I feel like he should apologize to me, but he doesn't do it often. I hope he does. Thanks. I hate when we fight near our anniversary.
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  • Sorry to hear this, what doesn't help is that neither of you are dieting correctly which is making both of you hungry and moody.  I understand your husband's desire to win, but losing a lot of weight wrongly means that the weight will just come back on quickly and more once you both start to eat more regularly.

     

    Hopefully once you are both on a more sensible plan your lines of communication will get better.

     

    Also, as for the bothering him at work, my wife and I have an agreement not to bother each other at work unless it is an emergency, to quickly clarify evening arrangements, or when we are both on lunch.  A lot of companies now days are monitoring how much non-productive time people put in.

  • Actually... yes, I am dieting correctly. So is DH, aside from today. He doesn't care if it messed him up today because of the bet. He lost last year, so this year he is determined to win over his buddies. I am dieting correctly, I keep track of my caloric intake and use portion control and so on as does DH.

    The work issue was fine with me. It was about my DD's therapy. I needed an answer soon about something, so I asked him. His work doesn't allow them to use cellphones at all, but he still always has it on him, and checks periodically in case there is an emergency, which he hasn't done lately. He usually answers, aside from the past few weeks.Thanks for the advice though. Appreciate it.

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  • Not a dad, but lurking.  Stop being so defensive about your diet. If you were making pizza in the oven, I assume it was a frozen pizza. That is NOT dieting correctly, portioned or not.  So if you want relationship advice, you have to stop snipping at these guys about YOUR diet, that, no, is not health food. 

    I may be a big ol B sometimes… but...
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  • Sorry. If you guys are hungry/starving and snipping at each other, you are not dieting correctly. I have lost over 75lbs in the last year. That doesn't mean I get to be a *** head to my wife. And yes, your husband is being a *** head to you.

    If you are dieting correctly- why hadn't you eaten since lunch? I am a firm believer of the simplicity of calories in vs calories out. If you eat 1200 calories in one sitting and thats all you ate every day you would still lose wieght- but it isn't healthy from a mindset perspective. You will get hungry. You will get moody. Not saying you are doing that, but letting yourself get to the point of "starving" (your words, not mine) is not dieting properly.

    I, nor anyone else, here is judging you on your diet choices. You do what you feel works for you.

    I am more concerned with the fact all of this was going on infront of your kid. She is old enough to vocalize she doesn't like pizza due to the pizza sauce so she is probably old enough to understand that you guys are fighting in front of her. And that it is probably over who is feeding her. And all you are concerned about is how you are feeling and your anniversary is coming up. I hope your daughter is okay with you two fighting about who has to feed her. Right in front of her.  

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  • Sounds like the two of you need to learn how to diet better.  Most couples dive right into fighting when hunger creeps into the fold.

    Other than that, this seems like a lot of drama over nothing.  Eat some dinner and enjoy life with the each other and your child, who really is much more important than your little bickering. Life is way too short, and while you guys whine at each other you are missing time with your little girl, which is the real crime here.

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  • Oh my gosh, will all of you SHUT UP about her diet? Her story took place at ONE MEAL, certainly not enough for anyone to make a judgment about whether she is eating well or not. How many of us have had a day where we ate lunch and were busy and let ourselves get ravenous around dinnertime? I know I have. And just because she was eating pizza doesn't mean she has a poor diet. My husband and I eat lots of vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains, and we still have pizza once in a while. When you know about her daily eating habits, then you can talk. 

    I'm sorry that your husband was being insensitive and immature. He probably was angry because of the bet he was doing, but that doesn't excuse him from being a jerk to you or refusing to help with your daughter. If it were me, I'd probably tell him that I wanted to apologize and that I don't find it fair that he just dismissed my apology. Be honest about how you feel, and then try to ask him what's really bothering him. Let us know how it goes! 

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  • image babybrown2013:

    Oh my gosh, will all of you SHUT UP about her diet? Her story took place at ONE MEAL, certainly not enough for anyone to make a judgment about whether she is eating well or not. How many of us have had a day where we ate lunch and were busy and let ourselves get ravenous around dinnertime? I know I have. And just because she was eating pizza doesn't mean she has a poor diet. My husband and I eat lots of vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains, and we still have pizza once in a while. When you know about her daily eating habits, then you can talk. 

    I'm sorry that your husband was being insensitive and immature. He probably was angry because of the bet he was doing, but that doesn't excuse him from being a jerk to you or refusing to help with your daughter. If it were me, I'd probably tell him that I wanted to apologize and that I don't find it fair that he just dismissed my apology. Be honest about how you feel, and then try to ask him what's really bothering him. Let us know how it goes! 

    Excuse me???

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  • image ladyjenna13:
    image babybrown2013:

    Oh my gosh, will all of you SHUT UP about her diet? Her story took place at ONE MEAL, certainly not enough for anyone to make a judgment about whether she is eating well or not. How many of us have had a day where we ate lunch and were busy and let ourselves get ravenous around dinnertime? I know I have. And just because she was eating pizza doesn't mean she has a poor diet. My husband and I eat lots of vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains, and we still have pizza once in a while. When you know about her daily eating habits, then you can talk. 

    I'm sorry that your husband was being insensitive and immature. He probably was angry because of the bet he was doing, but that doesn't excuse him from being a jerk to you or refusing to help with your daughter. If it were me, I'd probably tell him that I wanted to apologize and that I don't find it fair that he just dismissed my apology. Be honest about how you feel, and then try to ask him what's really bothering him. Let us know how it goes! 

    Excuse me???

    I apologize for my harsh tone, I was just frustrated that everyone was being so judgmental about her diet when no one actually knows her eating habits well. My point was that her story only dealt with one meal, and we could cut her a break and assume that the pizza was a once in a while type of thing. It is not fair to judge someone's diet without knowing all of the facts. 

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