April 2013 Moms

Bad news - update

Thanks everyone for all the sweet and thoughtful messages earlier this week. We saw an OB specialist on Tuesday late in the day. He is incredible and saw us at 6 pm even though his appt day was way over. And he was able to get me in for the procedure on Wednesday at noon. In some ways it has felt like a whirlwind, but as we knew this was possibly coming, it was a decision we had talked about endlessly for almost as long as we've known each other.

We found out we were having a boy, which makes it more real. I know some people wouldn't want to know, but I felt like if I didn't know, it would make it seem like nothing and I wanted it to be more than that. I was really hoping for a boy. <3

Anyhoo, some people asked about us trying again and adoption and what not. As for trying, there is a 50/50 chance every time that this could be the case. We said we would try once and see what the universe/God had in store for us. And it seems we got our answer. Neither one of us, at least at this point, can imagine going through this again and potentially having the same results. 

For adoption, we looked into it prior to trying the old fashioned way. Private adoption here is hard to come by and the chances of getting a baby are slim to none (something like 15%), so really our odds are better to try to have our own healthy baby. Overseas adoption is way too expensive. We have thought about trying to foster, but that seems to come with its own hurdles and heartache potentials. Still a possibility though, so we might reevaluate in a year or two and see how we feel. The other option is in-vitro - they can test my eggs and get the healthy ones and then implant them, but again, the cost and chance of actually conceiving is low.

While we would LOVE to have kids and we would make great parents, for now, we also know that we're happy as we are and we knew before getting married that this could happen so we were prepared to be childless. Easier said in theory than practice though of course. In many ways I feel horrible for DH as this is my "fault" (I know it's not my fault exactly and I'm not to blame, but it is my stupid DNA :P).  But he is happy as we are and for now, we'll enjoy each other and spoil the crap out of our adorable niece.

Thanks again for all the kind words. It was great being pregnant with all of you for the past 4 months. 


Re: Bad news - update

  • I am so sorry for your loss
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  • I'm crying for you, and it isn't just the hormones. I am SO incredibly sorry you have to go through this. Thank you so much for explaining everything to us in such great detail. Not that it matters one bit, but I really respect and understand your decisions. I hope you have a fast recovery and that you and your husband take your time, enjoy each other, and perhaps consider those other options some day down the road. 

    My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. If it isn't too upsetting for you, I hope you stop back in and to keep in touch with the board. Lots of love and hugs. 

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  • I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
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  • As I said before, I am so sorry for your loss.  You and your DH sound like an amazing, strong couple and I am so glad you're able to be at peace with your decision.  As time goes on, perhaps the right opportunity will arise for you, but if not, think of all the fabulous and exciting things you and your DH will be able to do together child-free!  We'll miss you.
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  • Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little boy.  I hope you and your husband can find some peace in the months and years to come.  
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  • I'm very sorry you are going through this.  I hope you find peace and comfort soon. 

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  • I am so sorry to hear this, I can only imagine how tough the past few days must have been for you and your husband.  It sounds like you have an amazing relationship with your husband and a wonderful attitude.  Wishing you much peace for the future, regardless of what steps you decide to take.  Take care, we will miss you on the board.
  • I am so so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and I hope you two take comfort in each other.

    Thank you for sharing your story and you will be missed on this board.

    Lots of thoughts and prayers.

  • First, I am so sorry for your loss.
    Second, if you are really interested in private domestic infant adoption, it is totally possible. I encourage you to look more into it when your ready. It may take awhile, but it does happen. Don't rely only on local agencies, look outside your area too. I highly recommend checking out the adoption board.
    I adopted my first . We waited for 16 months. It was so worth it.
    Third, whatever you decide, I respect that and which you peace in your decision.

    TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption! 


    Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!

  • image Fremdschamen:
    As I said before, I am so sorry for your loss.  You and your DH sound like an amazing, strong couple and I am so glad you're able to be at peace with your decision.  As time goes on, perhaps the right opportunity will arise for you, but if not, think of all the fabulous and exciting things you and your DH will be able to do together child-free!  We'll miss you.

    Thanks everyone.

    I'm typically a very optimistic person and focusing on all the things we can do has helped me get through. That's not to say I'm happy about what's happened, but DH and I are focusing on the trips we can take and the money we can use to pay down the house early, save for retirement, etc. I know we can be happy either way. Just hard to be happy at this current moment.

  • So sorry for your loss, I really hope that whatever avenue you try works out for the best for the two of you.

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss, not just of this child but for the potential loss of the family you desire. I hope you can find peace.
  • I am in awe of your strength in this. So sorry for your loss. You have a very lucky niece and I hope someday, in some way you are able to be a parent if that is what you decide you want.

    My heart is with you.
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  • You seem like an amazingly strong woman and God has good things in store for you, I know it. You'll follow the right path for you and your DH. I wish you nothing but the best. Prayers and hugs to you.
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  • I'm so very sorry for your loss. T&P's to you and your husband.
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  • So sorry for your loss. Sending you love and happiness wherever you are.
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  • I am so incredibly sorry.  Your strength and view of life are inspirational.  So many thoughts and prayers for your loss.
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  • I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Keeping you and DH in my thoughts.
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  • I'm so, so sorry for your loss. 

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  • I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. You have my deepest condolences. Many blessings and much success in all that you do.

  • I am so so sorry for your loss. Many thoughts and prayers coming your way.

    i am echoing te sentiments of others - you seem like a strong and amazing person as does your husband. I'm glad you guys have each other to lean on.

    Lastly I am currently pregnant through In Vitro- I had a very good experience and if you have any questions or ever want to chat (now or down the road) feel free to ping me.



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  • You and your husband seem like incredible people.  So very sorry for your loss.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  I wish you and your DH all the best and I'm so glad you have each other.  
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  • My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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  • This brought me to tears :(

     Sorry again for your loss and good luck with whatever you and your H decide to do in the future.

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  • I'm so, so sorry. Thoughts and prayers for you and your husband.
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  • It sounds like you are really handling this as well as can be and considering your options.  It is amazing how well you and your husband are supporting one another, and feel content and happy enough in your marriage to be satisfied with any of the decisions you will make in the future about children. 

    I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out the way you hope.

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  • so very sorry for this. lots of T&P!

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your husband the best in your marriage and as you figure out what path is best for you. You will both be in my thoughts.
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