Giving birth is very hard. You don't need anything to distract you or make you emotionally uncomfortable. I had a natural birth with my son and told my doctor that there couldn't be any students in the room. I felt like a complete b!tch, (I let students observe all other parts of my care) but I know myself and I knew that I wanted the least number of people possible so I could focus on the birth and not "entertaining" more people. (I had DH, the nurse, and the doctor)
Each person in the room should have a positive role. Medical staff has an obvious role, and your DH and mom are going to be your support people. "Spectator" is not a role you need filled. (Especially by people who guilt you into it and make you cry...)
I'd talk to your DH and tell him that this is a difficult thing you're undertaking and it's important that you are comfortable. Explain that you are not having your mom in the room to show her any kind of favoritism over his parents, she will be there as a support person for YOU.
I haven't made any decisions yet, but I've thought about it. I will either do ONLY DH or both of our moms. My mom is my best friend, so I really do want her there, but I don't want to leave out MIL. I really like my MIL though and we get along great. I think it really depends on your relationship with your in laws. I absolutely will not have the dads there though!
It?s YOUR pregnancy and YOUR delivery. Everyone needs to
make sure you?re as comfortable as possible. They are the selfish ones. My husband
and I don?t want my MIL in the room so he told her told that our hospital will
only allow two people in the room. So only my husband and my labor companion
will be the only ones there. I don?t understand why some people aren?t understanding.
During our hospital tour the nurse told us if we didn?t want
extra people in our room to let them know. They have no problem keeping people
out.
WOW. Absolutely ridiculous. It is absolutely your say. My MIL tried to come in the room nonchalantely WHILE I was in the middle of pushing and I heard her behind the curtain say "it's ok, I'm the mom". Um, first of all, you are not my mom and second of all, I already made it perfectly clear DH and I would be the only ones in the room. All I had to do was make a look at the nurse and she quickly told my MIL "nope, Doctor said no one else in!" and turned her right around and shoved her out the door before she had a chance to see anything but a curtain in her face. I thought, "how sneaky of her and how dare her!". But YOUR IL's and DH even, they are taking the cake. I hope you stand your ground. Don't let them in if you don't want them in!!
I can't believe that your in-laws would bring you to tears and think you'd want to be around them afterwards! Your husband should be on your side with this! Surely he can understand that what would be "fair" would be if he also stripped down naked and displayed his crotch for both his parents and yours, since that's what he's asking you to do. Yikes!
To my husband I would say this: "If you don't back me up you won't be in the delivery room either. Understand?"
This is an excellent time for "acknowledge, ignore, move on". Your IL's are not your problem, they are your husbands problem, and if he tries to make them your problem, I would hand him another problem to deal with. Mainly, a pregnant and pissy wife who has now kicked his non-supportive ass out of the delivery room until he as apologized with some roses and a good card.
*CHEERS!* Exactly. Your in-laws ARE your husband's problem! He needs to bridge the divide, and do it from your side.
This isn't a show. Having people in the room is to comfort you in a time of need. Not to be able to say they saw anything. I would tell them to f$&@ right off! And I think we have the same in-laws. This sounds like something mine would pull. Tell hubby to get over it. When he goes through surgery on his penis, his mom can come watch then.
Your the one giving birth-therefore you should ultimatly decide who is in the room with you.
I made it very clear that No one but my hubby would be in the room for the birth of our first daughter-when his mother kept saying she wanted to be there. Luckily, she isnt very outspoken and never (at least to my face) told me that she should be there.
But at the same time I can see your husbands point too. I know your comfortable with your mom there, but it kind of is selfish to have her and not your husbands mom. What if he wanted to share the experience and birth of his child with his mother present-just like you do? I know this time, no one will be allowed in the room again for the birth of this baby-I just want that time to be just us and the baby. Maybe you should consider allowing your mother and mother in law in there until its time to push-and then they could wait in the waiting room, and shortly after your baby is born come in and meet their grandchild at the same time-so no one feels left out.
Again, it is totally your decision!! Your the one giving birth! And ultimatly you should have the final say..
Stand your ground! It's your body and you are the one who is doing all the work. If you want or don't want someone in there then you get final say. Tell your DH to grow some balls and stand up to his parents. Tell the in-laws that they will not be allowed in the room and you will let the hospital know that they are not allowed there while you are in delivery. Selfish because you want some alone time with DH and LO ... ask them what they did when they have their children.... did the whole world come into the delivery room and watch your MIL be spread eagle and push out a baby? My thought it no, and my other thought is that they probably didn't have a crap load of people in there after your DH was born. Talk about being selfish. Stand your ground, state your point, then tell the hospital who will and WON'T be in the delivery room. Afterwards, blame it on your hormones GL!
This is why I'm only allowing my DH in the room. I don't want my MIL to have any excuse to be mad at me and my mom (we are super close) and I'm sure she would if my mom was in the room.
Your the one giving birththerefore you should ultimatlynbsp;decide who is in the room with you.
nbsp;I made it very clear that No one but my hubby would be in the room for the birth of our firstnbsp;daughterwhen his mother kept saying she wanted to be there. Luckily, she isnt very outspoken and never at least to my face told me that she should be there.
nbsp;But at the same time I can see your husbands point too. I know your comfortable with your mom there, but it kind of is selfish to have her and not your husbands mom. What if he wanted to share the experience and birth of his child with his mother presentjust like you do? I know this time, no one will be allowed in the room again for the birth of this babyI just want that time to be just us and the baby. Maybe you should consider allowing your mother and mother in law in there until its time to pushand then they could wait in the waiting room, and shortly after your baby is born come in and meet their grandchild at the same timeso no one feels left out.
nbsp;Again, it is totally your decision!! Your the one giving birth! And ultimatly you should have the final say..
I don't see how it's selfish that she doesn't want her vag to be on display for a woman she's not even close with. Clearly she's got a strong bond with her mother that causes her to want her there for support. My DH will be in the room to hold my hand, but my mom will be there to help talk me through things and be supportive as the woman who raised me. If my MIL wanted to be in the room, shed be SOL. OP will already be uncomfortable enough, she shouldn't have to worry about a clearly pushy MIL hovering over her.
And I think FIL not being there goes without saying. Weird.
Your vagina is the one that will be on display, therefore, you are the one that gets to decide who's in the room.
This exactly. And your husband is extra wrong - he should understand this giving birth isn't exactly easy and it's really all about what will make YOU comfortable, not the ILs.
Put your foot down. You husband & mom & you get to decide when anyone else is going to see you and the baby after the birth.
Your vagina, your decision!
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Listen, you are going to be a momma soon and being a momma sometimes means you have to put your needs and the needs of your child before the desires of selfish adults. You are not having your mom there to spite them, she is there because she will be able to support and comfort you in a way that your husband can't. Considering you are going to go through the most uncomfortable pain in your life, you are entitled to that. This isn't an issue of bein fair or equal, it is a matter of your comfort, that is all.
Now is the time to release that inner momma bear, a bear that won't be a pushover, a bear that won't put herself and her well being last and a bear that will fight for the birth experience she wants ( because you will never get this experience again). I promise this won't be the last time the ILs try to test your boundaries and try to manipulate you. Now it is the labor room, next it will visiting you post partum, then it will be holidays, then it will be the baptism, then it will be how much time they get to see the baby. Trust me, TRUST ME, you have to nip this nonsense in the bud or it will only get worse.
Oh and if your husband gives you any trouble you should look at him straight in the eye and say " Look here buddy, you have a choice here. You can either make your mommy and daddy happy or you can make me happy, you know the woman you made vows to put above all others and the woman who is the mother of your child and the woman you sleep with every night in bed. All of us can't be happy in this situation, so who are you gonna choose, them or me."
it's not up to them - and your husband should stand up for you!!! if he's not on your team 100% then he's being rediculous...he needs to call his mother and tell her it was so unfair that they upset you like that.
the fact that your dad isn't coming in and your FIL wants to...i'd be mortified!
it's your delivery and NO ONE can ruin this for you...tell them NO and stick to your guns!!
Your vagina, your choice as to who gets to be there. Period. Your husband has absolutely no say.
It would be one thing if your DH was saying that he wanted it to be just you two, no other family, then it would be up for discussion between you as a couple, but that is not the case here. He is holding his parents over your head, and that is just plain wrong.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12 BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day! My BFP Chart
Tell him if his mom and dad are there, he has to drop trou, spread his legs and give both your parents a nice view of his twig and berries. He has to stay on display for 1048 hours. Its only fair.
Bahahaha! This is almost exactly what I told DH. I also added something about his privates exploding into shreds and my parents watching but it worked, he is totally backing me up! I just want DH in there with me besides the staff. Good luck with your guy and in laws!
Do we have the same in-laws??? LOL, this is something I would TOTALLY expect from my MIL and FIL if I announced my mom would be in the room. I decided to have just DH and I just so I wouldn't have to deal with this drama but I reserve the right to call her in if DH isn't cutting it! I completely agree with PPs, YOUR BODY, YOUR DECISION!
Even though I say I avoided having this dilemma by not inviting mom into the labor room, if my ILs were to say something like this to them, I would FLIP!!! Which is what I am trying to avoid...but seriously, I would flip out and go bazerk. THis is a totally selfish thing for them to put on you. Be strong and say HELL NO!
TTC since March/April 2010
DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
IVF - January 2012: BFN
FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
Seriously? Its not about fairsies. Its about your comfort level and who you feel would give you the most support while you're IN. LABOR. IMO a FIL has NO place in the delivery room especially if you're not comfortable having your OWN father in there; I'm sorry thats just weird. I'm worried you would feel self conscious or uncomfortable with them in there. If they're bringing this up at 38 weeks, who knows what they would say/ how they would act during labor. Also, many hospitals limit support people to two. I don't even know you and I'm frustrated over this.
Your the one giving birth-therefore you should ultimatly decide who is in the room with you.
I made it very clear that No one but my hubby would be in the room for the birth of our first daughter-when his mother kept saying she wanted to be there. Luckily, she isnt very outspoken and never (at least to my face) told me that she should be there.
But at the same time I can see your husbands point too. I know your comfortable with your mom there, but it kind of is selfish to have her and not your husbands mom. What if he wanted to share the experience and birth of his child with his mother present-just like you do? I know this time, no one will be allowed in the room again for the birth of this baby-I just want that time to be just us and the baby. Maybe you should consider allowing your mother and mother in law in there until its time to push-and then they could wait in the waiting room, and shortly after your baby is born come in and meet their grandchild at the same time-so no one feels left out.
Again, it is totally your decision!! Your the one giving birth! And ultimatly you should have the final say..
I do not agree with this at all. Having your mother is very different from having your husband's mother there. Its your body and you are the one who decides who you will be comfortable with in the delivery room. Its nto about fair. You are not being selfish!!!! Your husband can't share the experience with his mom like you can share it with yours because ITS YOUR VAGINA!!!!!
Your vagina is the one that will be on display, therefore, you are the one that gets to decide who's in the room.
This, exactly! There is no way - NO WAY - I'd ever let my MIL or FIL see my stuff. Gross. I'd never be able to look them in the face again. Awful thought.
Yikes. Here's what I would do... Get your doc to 'make a rule' that only two people are allowed in. Makes the decision pretty easy then... my doc said he has done this for a few of his patients when there have been problems. Then its not totally on you.
HOWEVER...your hubby should have your back 100 percent on what you want. YOU have the vagina. Tell him to grow a set and tell his parents to back off!!!
Your the one giving birth-therefore you should ultimatly decide who is in the room with you.
I made it very clear that No one but my hubby would be in the room for the birth of our first daughter-when his mother kept saying she wanted to be there. Luckily, she isnt very outspoken and never (at least to my face) told me that she should be there.
But at the same time I can see your husbands point too. I know your comfortable with your mom there, but it kind of is selfish to have her and not your husbands mom. What if he wanted to share the experience and birth of his child with his mother present-just like you do? I know this time, no one will be allowed in the room again for the birth of this baby-I just want that time to be just us and the baby. Maybe you should consider allowing your mother and mother in law in there until its time to push-and then they could wait in the waiting room, and shortly after your baby is born come in and meet their grandchild at the same time-so no one feels left out.
Again, it is totally your decision!! Your the one giving birth! And ultimatly you should have the final say..
WTF? Are you nuts? She is the one who is going to be giving birth! The person having the baby gets to decide who she is comfortable with having in the room. Giving birth is difficult, and it is ridiculous to suggest she have someone in the room that she may not have a close relationship with out of "fairness." It is NOT the same thing at all, and it certainly isn't selfish! Wow.
If they ask again, say point blank that your mom has seen and handled your vagina. They have not, and will never be welcome to.
I actually did invite my MIL. She, however, said she's not doing that to a new mom, and will wait a few weeks after birth. My dad was the one I had to talk down from wanting to be in the room. He literally expected me to keep covered up for the whole of labor. smh
I can't believe your husband let his parents lay into you like that. He chose to marry you, you are bearing his child, he needs to grow the ** up and defend YOUR choices.
That being said my husband had some strong feelings about not wanting my mum there, and at first I was a bit hurt, but later I realized I wanted her there for support...support she actually couldn't give me. So we hired a doula. Now it will be me, DH and the doula. No parents; they can all wait until after!
As for the bit your IL's said about you being selfish for wanting to bond with your baby...UH, WTF? You NEED to bond with your baby, and begin the breast feeding process without any outside interruption. Having them there that early would actually be harmful. Clearly, they aren't educated on newborn needs at all. THEY are the ones being selfish, not you.
As PP have stated, your vag, your birth, your choice. Your DH needs to get on board with this.
Your the one giving birth-therefore you should ultimatly decide who is in the room with you.
I made it very clear that No one but my hubby would be in the room for the birth of our first daughter-when his mother kept saying she wanted to be there. Luckily, she isnt very outspoken and never (at least to my face) told me that she should be there.
But at the same time I can see your husbands point too. I know your comfortable with your mom there, but it kind of is selfish to have her and not your husbands mom. What if he wanted to share the experience and birth of his child with his mother present-just like you do? I know this time, no one will be allowed in the room again for the birth of this baby-I just want that time to be just us and the baby. Maybe you should consider allowing your mother and mother in law in there until its time to push-and then they could wait in the waiting room, and shortly after your baby is born come in and meet their grandchild at the same time-so no one feels left out.
Again, it is totally your decision!! Your the one giving birth! And ultimatly you should have the final say..
Sorry, it's about the woman giving labor, not the man standing helpless nearby. LIke a pp said, it is not a show.
Ohhh no, no, no!
NOBODY has the right to tell u, when, where or how to bring your child into this world. Wtf to ur IL's..how selfish are THEY to even put u in this situation! Your IL's are pissing me off and I don't even know them..lucky for them cause I would flip out on them for you lol. Um and how sick is FIL for even wanting to be there...no wayyyy that's just way to weird. Stay strong girl and stick by what u want. Hope ur DH gets a grip and starts supporting you
You have to stand your ground! The only people I am having is my husband and mother. My MIL really wants to but I am so uncomfortable with that. My husband completely understands and supports me. It is your body on display, not his!
A lot of nurses and doctors are willing to arrange a specific number of people "allowed." They will even say it's hospital policy, even if it's not! Nurses are very firm, and won't allow anything to happen that you don't want. It's your ladyparts on display! Do what makes you comfortable!
Is your mom leaving right after the baby is born so you and DH can bond? That is the only place I would have a question about it. If your mom is there to support you and then leaving before holding the baby and coming back in with your in-laws later then this seems totally fair. If she is going to get to hold and meet the baby before your in-laws then I see your DH's point.
Agreed. This would be the only point I'd find iffy.
This is ridiculous! It is YOUR choice which includes if you want your mother there!! She gave birth to you and changed your diaper that is absolutely not the same thing as your in-laws! If you feel better having your mother there you have her there. In the end it is up to you and you only your DH is not the one who will be on display and shame on your in-laws for putting you on the spot like that!
My DH and I decided that we wanted no one in the room with us when I started to push... While I was in labor they could come say hello and give comforting advice but just so know one would feel left out it was just him and I when my vagina was on display.
My MIL is not very good with boundaries yet I couldn't imagine her even dreaming of asking to be allowed in the delivery room. And I don't even feel the need to comment on FIL. That's just ridiculous. Your mom is your MOM, she changed your diapers, she comforted you when you were sick or unhappy. It's about her being there to support YOU, not some competition about who gets to see the baby first.
I went through the same thing, except that my husbands grandparents also wanted to be in there too.
I put my foot down and said no... I offended them, but it DOESN'T MATTER. This is an amazing experience that you need to enjoy without feeling like you have to entertain family.
I got lucky and went into labor at 2am, so we didn't call anyone until she arrived : they got over it. No one cares anymore and it's only been 4 weeks.
I wish you the best birthing experience!! Do it how YOU want to!!!
I just mentioned your dilemma to my dh and he said "she should tell her husband to grow a pair and quit being a mommas boy" I have to say, I couldn't agree more. Good luck
My MIL did the same thing to me, minus the FIL. I told her absolutely not. I actually literally told her no because I would kill her. She drives me nuts even when she's trying to be nice. You need to be the most comfortable you CAN be given the situation and having in laws in the room does not scream comfortable safe environment. Men also don't get it since it's not their vag on display. And as the woman doing the work YOU get the say of who is there. They can wait in the waiting room. And as you said, shame on them for being selfish and making this about them. This is about you and your partner and the baby you are bringing in. Stand up to them or be prepared to be walked on for the foreseeable future.
What a terrible spot to put you in, all three of them! I'm not even allowing my mother in! She is terribly pushy and trying hard to put the guilt trip on me. I don't have a close relationship with my mom like a lot of ladies here seem too. My support is my husband and its our choice. My hubby is supper supportive, but I have birthed before too. No way in hell is my mom who I consider stressful and creepy going to set the ambiance in my babies birth!
If mommy is stressed so is the baby and it can cause a lot of unnecessary complications. Trust your instinct, I personally am way to private to even see a male doctor or most health professionals. I birth at home, with this baby we want to do it alone. I don't want anyone bothering our intimacy.
Besides, your going to be in a lot of strange positions, your going to expel stool, your going to sweat, grimace, cry, laugh, have uncertainty, bleed, possibly tear and what ever else. Animals don't want to be seen doing this, which is why they hide, so why would you. You could just say something like. "well if you want to be in there you have to be naked too and I'm not comfortable with seeing you naked nor am I comfortable with myself being naked in front of you." I love saying things like that which embarrass people back into place hehe.
Re: MIL wants in the delivery room! (Need to Vent)
Giving birth is very hard. You don't need anything to distract you or make you emotionally uncomfortable. I had a natural birth with my son and told my doctor that there couldn't be any students in the room. I felt like a complete b!tch, (I let students observe all other parts of my care) but I know myself and I knew that I wanted the least number of people possible so I could focus on the birth and not "entertaining" more people. (I had DH, the nurse, and the doctor)
Each person in the room should have a positive role. Medical staff has an obvious role, and your DH and mom are going to be your support people. "Spectator" is not a role you need filled. (Especially by people who guilt you into it and make you cry...)
I'd talk to your DH and tell him that this is a difficult thing you're undertaking and it's important that you are comfortable. Explain that you are not having your mom in the room to show her any kind of favoritism over his parents, she will be there as a support person for YOU.
It?s YOUR pregnancy and YOUR delivery. Everyone needs to make sure you?re as comfortable as possible. They are the selfish ones. My husband and I don?t want my MIL in the room so he told her told that our hospital will only allow two people in the room. So only my husband and my labor companion will be the only ones there. I don?t understand why some people aren?t understanding.
During our hospital tour the nurse told us if we didn?t want extra people in our room to let them know. They have no problem keeping people out.
*CHEERS!* Exactly. Your in-laws ARE your husband's problem! He needs to bridge the divide, and do it from your side.
Your the one giving birth-therefore you should ultimatly decide who is in the room with you.
I made it very clear that No one but my hubby would be in the room for the birth of our first daughter-when his mother kept saying she wanted to be there. Luckily, she isnt very outspoken and never (at least to my face) told me that she should be there.
But at the same time I can see your husbands point too. I know your comfortable with your mom there, but it kind of is selfish to have her and not your husbands mom. What if he wanted to share the experience and birth of his child with his mother present-just like you do? I know this time, no one will be allowed in the room again for the birth of this baby-I just want that time to be just us and the baby. Maybe you should consider allowing your mother and mother in law in there until its time to push-and then they could wait in the waiting room, and shortly after your baby is born come in and meet their grandchild at the same time-so no one feels left out.
Again, it is totally your decision!! Your the one giving birth! And ultimatly you should have the final say..
I don't see how it's selfish that she doesn't want her vag to be on display for a woman she's not even close with. Clearly she's got a strong bond with her mother that causes her to want her there for support. My DH will be in the room to hold my hand, but my mom will be there to help talk me through things and be supportive as the woman who raised me. If my MIL wanted to be in the room, shed be SOL. OP will already be uncomfortable enough, she shouldn't have to worry about a clearly pushy MIL hovering over her.
And I think FIL not being there goes without saying. Weird.
This exactly. And your husband is extra wrong - he should understand this giving birth isn't exactly easy and it's really all about what will make YOU comfortable, not the ILs.
Put your foot down. You husband & mom & you get to decide when anyone else is going to see you and the baby after the birth.
Your vagina, your decision!
Listen, you are going to be a momma soon and being a momma sometimes means you have to put your needs and the needs of your child before the desires of selfish adults. You are not having your mom there to spite them, she is there because she will be able to support and comfort you in a way that your husband can't. Considering you are going to go through the most uncomfortable pain in your life, you are entitled to that. This isn't an issue of bein fair or equal, it is a matter of your comfort, that is all.
Now is the time to release that inner momma bear, a bear that won't be a pushover, a bear that won't put herself and her well being last and a bear that will fight for the birth experience she wants ( because you will never get this experience again). I promise this won't be the last time the ILs try to test your boundaries and try to manipulate you. Now it is the labor room, next it will visiting you post partum, then it will be holidays, then it will be the baptism, then it will be how much time they get to see the baby. Trust me, TRUST ME, you have to nip this nonsense in the bud or it will only get worse.
Oh and if your husband gives you any trouble you should look at him straight in the eye and say " Look here buddy, you have a choice here. You can either make your mommy and daddy happy or you can make me happy, you know the woman you made vows to put above all others and the woman who is the mother of your child and the woman you sleep with every night in bed. All of us can't be happy in this situation, so who are you gonna choose, them or me."
F them!!
it's not up to them - and your husband should stand up for you!!! if he's not on your team 100% then he's being rediculous...he needs to call his mother and tell her it was so unfair that they upset you like that.
the fact that your dad isn't coming in and your FIL wants to...i'd be mortified!
it's your delivery and NO ONE can ruin this for you...tell them NO and stick to your guns!!
i'm so upset for you...so silly
Your vagina, your choice as to who gets to be there. Period. Your husband has absolutely no say.
It would be one thing if your DH was saying that he wanted it to be just you two, no other family, then it would be up for discussion between you as a couple, but that is not the case here. He is holding his parents over your head, and that is just plain wrong.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
Bahahaha! This is almost exactly what I told DH. I also added something about his privates exploding into shreds and my parents watching but it worked, he is totally backing me up! I just want DH in there with me besides the staff. Good luck with your guy and in laws!
BFP: 3/15/12 EDD: 11/25/12 DOB: 11/12/12
Do we have the same in-laws??? LOL, this is something I would TOTALLY expect from my MIL and FIL if I announced my mom would be in the room. I decided to have just DH and I just so I wouldn't have to deal with this drama but I reserve the right to call her in if DH isn't cutting it! I completely agree with PPs, YOUR BODY, YOUR DECISION!
Even though I say I avoided having this dilemma by not inviting mom into the labor room, if my ILs were to say something like this to them, I would FLIP!!! Which is what I am trying to avoid...but seriously, I would flip out and go bazerk. THis is a totally selfish thing for them to put on you. Be strong and say HELL NO!
TTC since March/April 2010
DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
IVF - January 2012: BFN
FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
Seriously? Its not about fairsies. Its about your comfort level and who you feel would give you the most support while you're IN. LABOR. IMO a FIL has NO place in the delivery room especially if you're not comfortable having your OWN father in there; I'm sorry thats just weird. I'm worried you would feel self conscious or uncomfortable with them in there. If they're bringing this up at 38 weeks, who knows what they would say/ how they would act during labor. Also, many hospitals limit support people to two. I don't even know you and I'm frustrated over this.
Stick up for yourself girl!
I do not agree with this at all. Having your mother is very different from having your husband's mother there. Its your body and you are the one who decides who you will be comfortable with in the delivery room. Its nto about fair. You are not being selfish!!!! Your husband can't share the experience with his mom like you can share it with yours because ITS YOUR VAGINA!!!!!
This, exactly! There is no way - NO WAY - I'd ever let my MIL or FIL see my stuff. Gross. I'd never be able to look them in the face again. Awful thought.
Yikes. Here's what I would do... Get your doc to 'make a rule' that only two people are allowed in. Makes the decision pretty easy then... my doc said he has done this for a few of his patients when there have been problems. Then its not totally on you.
HOWEVER...your hubby should have your back 100 percent on what you want. YOU have the vagina. Tell him to grow a set and tell his parents to back off!!!
I don't even plan on having my inlaws visit the hospital while I'm in there.
No f-ing way would I have either my MIL or FIL in there during delivery. This is my kid, not theirs.
Too many times I hear about grandparents hijacking their grand kids and leaving the mom in the dust, thinking they are no good or don't know best.
Ladies, stand up for yourself and what you believe in, if you don't want them there, tell them to get the hell out.
Don't give an inch now, because they will take a mile later on!
WTF? Are you nuts? She is the one who is going to be giving birth! The person having the baby gets to decide who she is comfortable with having in the room. Giving birth is difficult, and it is ridiculous to suggest she have someone in the room that she may not have a close relationship with out of "fairness." It is NOT the same thing at all, and it certainly isn't selfish! Wow.
Holy crap.
If they ask again, say point blank that your mom has seen and handled your vagina. They have not, and will never be welcome to.
I actually did invite my MIL. She, however, said she's not doing that to a new mom, and will wait a few weeks after birth. My dad was the one I had to talk down from wanting to be in the room. He literally expected me to keep covered up for the whole of labor. smh
I can't believe your husband let his parents lay into you like that. He chose to marry you, you are bearing his child, he needs to grow the ** up and defend YOUR choices.
That being said my husband had some strong feelings about not wanting my mum there, and at first I was a bit hurt, but later I realized I wanted her there for support...support she actually couldn't give me. So we hired a doula. Now it will be me, DH and the doula. No parents; they can all wait until after!
As for the bit your IL's said about you being selfish for wanting to bond with your baby...UH, WTF? You NEED to bond with your baby, and begin the breast feeding process without any outside interruption. Having them there that early would actually be harmful. Clearly, they aren't educated on newborn needs at all. THEY are the ones being selfish, not you.
As PP have stated, your vag, your birth, your choice. Your DH needs to get on board with this.
Sorry, it's about the woman giving labor, not the man standing helpless nearby. LIke a pp said, it is not a show.
vegan mama, military wife
NOBODY has the right to tell u, when, where or how to bring your child into this world. Wtf to ur IL's..how selfish are THEY to even put u in this situation! Your IL's are pissing me off and I don't even know them..lucky for them cause I would flip out on them for you lol. Um and how sick is FIL for even wanting to be there...no wayyyy that's just way to weird. Stay strong girl and stick by what u want. Hope ur DH gets a grip and starts supporting you
A lot of nurses and doctors are willing to arrange a specific number of people "allowed." They will even say it's hospital policy, even if it's not! Nurses are very firm, and won't allow anything to happen that you don't want. It's your ladyparts on display! Do what makes you comfortable!
This is ridiculous! It is YOUR choice which includes if you want your mother there!! She gave birth to you and changed your diaper that is absolutely not the same thing as your in-laws! If you feel better having your mother there you have her there. In the end it is up to you and you only your DH is not the one who will be on display and shame on your in-laws for putting you on the spot like that!
I put my foot down and said no... I offended them, but it DOESN'T MATTER. This is an amazing experience that you need to enjoy without feeling like you have to entertain family.
I got lucky and went into labor at 2am, so we didn't call anyone until she arrived : they got over it. No one cares anymore and it's only been 4 weeks.
I wish you the best birthing experience!! Do it how YOU want to!!!
What a terrible spot to put you in, all three of them! I'm not even allowing my mother in! She is terribly pushy and trying hard to put the guilt trip on me. I don't have a close relationship with my mom like a lot of ladies here seem too. My support is my husband and its our choice. My hubby is supper supportive, but I have birthed before too. No way in hell is my mom who I consider stressful and creepy going to set the ambiance in my babies birth!
If mommy is stressed so is the baby and it can cause a lot of unnecessary complications. Trust your instinct, I personally am way to private to even see a male doctor or most health professionals. I birth at home, with this baby we want to do it alone. I don't want anyone bothering our intimacy.
Besides, your going to be in a lot of strange positions, your going to expel stool, your going to sweat, grimace, cry, laugh, have uncertainty, bleed, possibly tear and what ever else. Animals don't want to be seen doing this, which is why they hide, so why would you. You could just say something like. "well if you want to be in there you have to be naked too and I'm not comfortable with seeing you naked nor am I comfortable with myself being naked in front of you." I love saying things like that which embarrass people back into place hehe.
Best of luck, its your birth, enjoy it.