3rd Trimester

MIL wants in the delivery room! (Need to Vent)

So from day one I only wanted my husband and mother in the delivery room with me, but the other day at 38 weeks my MIL and FIL sat me down for a talk.  They told me that are always left out (constantly make themselves the victims) and that they should be in the room too, and that DH and I's decision to have bonding time with baby before visitors came in was selfish.  Basically they had me crying telling me that I was treating them unfairly for an hour. It was horrible.  Talked to DH about how uncomfortable I would be, especially with FIL, my own dad isn't in coming in there. So DH says if I don't want them in there then my mother shouldn't be either because it wouldn't be fair, SERIOUSLY!! Is it just me or should what the woman who will be giving birth  get to decide this and not be questioned on it. I am now torn I don't want to fight with my husband or in laws but I want to have a comfortable environment while in labor. 
imageimageimage
Naomirod13huskerschick06mrssitkowski2015
«13456789

Re: MIL wants in the delivery room! (Need to Vent)

  • It's all up to you. If you don't feel comfortable with all of them in the room then that's your decision. I am only letting SO and my mother in the room.

    image
  • Is your mom leaving right after the baby is born so you and DH can bond? That is the only place I would have a question about it. If your mom is there to support you and then leaving before holding the baby and coming back in with your in-laws later then this seems totally fair. If she is going to get to hold and meet the baby before your in-laws then I see your DH's point.
    image
    CassieBeesKnees
  • Umm no way in HELL will any man (who is not a medical professional or the one who knocked me up) be in that room with me.  NO WAY! 

    Also what PP said.  It's your body.  DH and his family will have to suck it up.  If you want your mother in there and not his, that is your choice.

    Could you maybe change your rule to allow them to see the baby sooner than everyone else but tell them you do not want them in the room with you?  This way they feel included but you don't have to be on display.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Many facilities recommend/allow only 2 people present in the delivery room.  Talk with your doctor and then maybe tell your inlaws "my doctor prefers that only 2 people be present..my husband and my mom."

    When our DS was born, we had already agreed that it would only be the two of us.  Thank GOD!  By the time he was delivered, after 3 1/2 hours of pushing, there were 3 staff nurses, a nursing student, an OB resident, my doctor and 3 NICU nurses.  Plus my husband, equipment, the bed...it was a tight "party".  There were some issues immediately surrounding his birth, the cord was doubly wrapped around his neck, he was anterior presentation (ouch!) he wasn't breathing and had to be "jump started".  I can only imagine how emotional and possibly annoying it could have been if there were other famly members in the room.  My doctor had even made it respectfully clear that the only person he answers to in the delivery room is the birthing mother.  Not the grandparents or inlaws who may have "questions and concerns".

    image pregnancy calendar Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    somerandomchickAprilShowers4175
  • image bearkatjen:
    Your DH and your in-laws are being ridiculous. You are the one laboring and pushing the baby out. It's not an event for spectators. The only people who need to be in the room are people that you need for support and coaching. If that's your DH and your mom, well then that's that. This is about YOUR needs, and nobody else's. Selfish? Give me a break!

     This!!! Sending you love and strength so you can be assertive about your needs! 

    IAmPregnant Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • I would definitely stand your ground about who you want in the room.  If it becomes an issue tell them you will not call them until you are ready....it might change their perspective. I do agree with a PP though, if your mom gets to see the birth, the hold the baby and everything before or during your's and DH's bonding time, that doesn't seem fair.  Having her support you during the labor, then head out for a bit seems like a fair compromise.  Show DH a couple of  labor videos, remind him that will be you, then maybe he'll see things your way :)
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • It is your decision.

    Hands down.

    Period.

    Do not let them guilt you into being uncomfortable. DH needs a huge reality check about trying to tell you what is and isn't fair in this situation. The important thing is who will be there for YOU and who will be supporting you. I'm wishing you the best of luck for L&D and hoping your ILs get a freaking clue.

    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    somerandomchick
  • Also,  I don't get this whole "it's only fair who gets to hold the baby first" stuff.  I could really care less who feels like it was "fair" that they were first, second or last.   Guess what? I will be the FIRST person to hold my baby (aside from medical personnel.) 

    A friend of mine felt totally cheated because her inlaws, sister AND mom ALL held her baby while she was being stitched up.  That to me is horrific.  I wouldn't want that possibility.  Nope.  Your mom and your inlaws already got their moments in the sun when their children were born.  This is your delivery, your moment in the sun.  Your decisions. 

    image pregnancy calendar Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Grow a pair.  Seriously.

    You're a big girl.

    image
    wyntxs
  • They are being ridiculous.

    It's not a spectator event, and it's not a time for social hour.  There's not a lot of space in those rooms, and you don't need it jammed up with a bunch of people.  The medical staff needs that space to do their jobs.

     

     

     

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    somerandomchick
  • image MrsT1108:

    Grow a pair.  Seriously.

    You're a big girl.

    This. It's your decision not anyone else's. Your husband should be supporting you not trying to baby his parents. 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • image Mrs&Dr2b:
    Is your mom leaving right after the baby is born so you and DH can bond? That is the only place I would have a question about it. If your mom is there to support you and then leaving before holding the baby and coming back in with your in-laws later then this seems totally fair. If she is going to get to hold and meet the baby before your in-laws then I see your DH's point.

    Yes the plan was for my mom to leave right away 

    imageimageimage
  • image MissNikki007:

    Your vagina is the one that will be on display, therefore, you are the one that gets to decide who's in the room.

    This. And legally, you are the patient so I'm pretty sure YOU AND ONLY YOU get to decide who is in that room.

    Tell DH to shut up, tell your IL's to shut up.

    Sammie born 04/23/09! Peanut allergy/Avoiding Tree Nutsimage



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image



    2013 Books Read: 8 2012 Books Read: 125 - 2011 Books Read: 150 - 2010 Books Read: 117


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    [The Hubby's Cooking/Grilling Blog]



    Jen748's

    gena8223
  • Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.
    imageimageimage
    Kstowe07ranaverde
  • image grace1404:
    Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.

    Do not compomise here.  First of all, the more stressed out and uncomfortable you are, the more stress you will put on the baby.  Tell your H that - would he want to risk the health of the baby in order to make his mommy happy?  Your MIL had her moment when she had her kid(s).  Now it is your turn.  She'll get over it.

    image 

    image 

    BabyFruit Ticker


    ranaverde
  • What the heck is wrong with people? It is not their call and I don't see why they wouldn't understand your need for privacy!!! Why the heck would they WANT to be there?? Isn't it enough to see the baby after it's born?

    My hospital has a policy that you only get one support person unless you make special arrangements. I guess you don't have anything like that to help you out?

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • image MissNikki007:
    Your vagina is the one that will be on display, therefore, you are the one that gets to decide who's in the room.


    This exactly!!
    Mommy of 3! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Good.  You never know-you may kick your mom and DH out at any time too!
  • image Mrs&Dr2b:
    Is your mom leaving right after the baby is born so you and DH can bond? That is the only place I would have a question about it. If your mom is there to support you and then leaving before holding the baby and coming back in with your in-laws later then this seems totally fair. If she is going to get to hold and meet the baby before your in-laws then I see your DH's point.

    Agreed. This would be the only point I'd find iffy. 

    Sept 2013 started TTC#2 (never got PP period so hoping for the first egg to drop)
    Jan 2014 - diagnosed POF (Premature Ovarian Failure) and told pregnancy not possible without egg donor because my ovaries would never function again with my hormone levels (FSH 136, LH 98.6, AMH <.03) - using acupuncture, chiropractic care and TCM herbs / supplements
    March 11, 2014 ovulated despite every doctors prognosis!!!
    May 31, 2014 BFP but ended in CP within hours - I've come a long way from non functioning ovaries. Stick next time baby!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
    image
    Read all about my TCC Journey here in my Blog Taking Back My Ovaries
  • Just tell them

    image 

    Seriously though, you have the final say. And why do they want to be there anyway? It's not some public service; it's labor. They'll get to see and hold the baby in due time but this is your body, your baby, and your decision. They'll get over it.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    grace_smith03
  • I agree with the PP that it is your decision and your body.  But with that being said, I have a friend that recently delivered that went through a very similar situation.  Her MIL is very overbearing and extremely loud and pushy.  Originally she was only going to have her husband and her mother in the room.  Her husband is an only child and she began to feel bad about her MIL never having the experience of being in the delivery room.  In the end, she decided to allow her in.  Amazingly enough, she was a huge help for my friend's mom and her husband and she did not interfere at all. 

    Ultimately it is your desicion - no one else's.  The fact that your FIL wants to be included seems extraordinarly creepy!!!  He can wait just like everyone else. 

    I personally will not have my MIL in the room and don't feel bad about the decision at all.  I want her to be included in my child's life as much as my parents but the delivery room is not about that!

    GL with your decision.  T&P your way!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker
    image

    micaelasmakeup
  • image grace1404:
    Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.

    WTF was there to validate?  You needed internet strangers to tell you to be a big girl?  You need us to tell you that it's YOUR body and YOUR decision?  You  couldn't figure that our on your own?

    Oy.

    image
    yeasure6lattissimus
  • I believe that is the your choice...With me my in-laws won't even be called until she is born.  
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards