Dads & Dads-to-be

Woman asking dad question

A male friend of mine and his girlfriend are expecting their baby girl in 2 months and all of the sudden she comes home and tells him she wants to move in with her mom. Who lives about 40 minutes from him. She says she still wants to be with him and he can come and stay whenever he wants. As if he's supposed to be okay with that. Her mother is controlling and he said she came home after spending a day with her mom and had all these financial fears and terrified that she couldn't be a mom. I get those fears I have two children but my husband is my support not my mother. Anyway he's afraid of the what if's. What if she comes home but changes her mind again? He needs to cover his ass I think. Does anyone know the laws in this situation? What if they try to keep him out of the delivery room? What if they dont let him sign the birth certificate? I dont even know if thats in someone elses power to do that. If he's not on the certificate does he somehow wave his rights as a parent?

Re: Woman asking dad question

  • Parental laws tend to differ by state. If he is really worried he should consult privately with a lawyer who specializes in this sort of thing.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Yes, the laws vary by state.  In some states you can name the father and have him put on the birth certificate without his knowledge, signature or consent, others are different.  As far as the delivery room, if she doesn't want him in there, I don't think he's really got any rights legally to fight to be in there.

     

    There are a great deal of details missing in terms of the relationship, so beyond the legal ramifications, I'm not even going to venture any kind of input.

  • I am a chick so generally don't post here and I just lurk. I agree with getting a lawyer. And what was said about if the woman giving birth doesn't want him in there then he doesn't get to go in there. I mean she can kick who ever she wants out. If she doesn't want her mom in there then she gets kicked out too. Sure he has rights as a parent but she has rights also when it comes down to who gets to see a kid come out of her. 

     

    **lurks back into the dark** 

    Visit The Nest!

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  • Laws do vary by state.

    And this is one practical reason to Put a Ring On It. Seriously, I'm pretty liberal and easy going, but people seem to forget there are huge advantages to being married. I realize babies can happen by accident and a baby isn't always a reason to get married, but I also know people who have bought houses together and PLANNED babies without getting married first, both of which to me are much bigger commitments.

    http://i.imgur.com/LQTLw2Q.jpg
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
  • Legal help is a great idea.  Also making a birth plan, in writing and both the father and mother signing it and discussing that birth plan with the OB/GYN as well as the nursing staff at the birthing center can help eliminate some of the what ifs.  I think that if the mom is controlling than she should be included in the making of the birth plan with the couple so she knows what is wanted from all sides.  Marrying the girl could help solve a lot of the legal issues.  By showing the mother that he is willing to sit down and help make a birth plan might show her that he is a man and will take care of her daughter which will go along way in her thinking she has to protect her daughter.  While each situation is different, being proactive rather than reactive will be his best bet.
  • image dkaplan76:
    Parental laws tend to differ by state. If he is really worried he should consult privately with a lawyer who specializes in this sort of thing.

    This. Definitely.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Female lurker here too

     Yes, laws vary in states but speaking from an unmarried woman's perspective in PA here is what I know.

    I could tell the hospital who I wanted to be let into my delivery and recovery rooms. I could also have them list me under a different name or not at all so nobody could find me at the hospital.

    In most states a father has to sign some type of acknowledgment  that he is in fact the father if the couple is not married. In PA it is called the Acknowledgment of Paternity (AOP). Once that is signed the father is put on the birth certificate. The father can even sign this without the mother if he believes he is the father.

    The mother or parents can name their child anything they want so if she wants to give the child her last name she can.  

    If the father does not sign the form stating he is the father then he can request a paternity test.

    In PA if the father is not listed on the birth certificate or no paternity test has been done then he has no rights to the child if the couple is unmarried. Even after a paternity test has been done the father still has to file for custody/visitation with the court or the mother can keep the child away.

    In my case my LO's father signed the AOP a few weeks after the birth, took it back and said he wasn't the father, then a paternity test was done, child support was order, then he filed for visitation a few months after that.

    Your friend should seek legal advice though even if she does stay with him because things can always change. 

  • image Mountaineers:

    A male friend of mine and his girlfriend are expecting their baby girl in 2 months and all of the sudden she comes home and tells him she wants to move in with her mom. Who lives about 40 minutes from him. She says she still wants to be with him and he can come and stay whenever he wants. As if he's supposed to be okay with that. Her mother is controlling and he said she came home after spending a day with her mom and had all these financial fears and terrified that she couldn't be a mom. I get those fears I have two children but my husband is my support not my mother. Anyway he's afraid of the what if's. What if she comes home but changes her mind again? He needs to cover his ass I think. Does anyone know the laws in this situation? What if they try to keep him out of the delivery room? What if they dont let him sign the birth certificate? I dont even know if thats in someone elses power to do that. If he's not on the certificate does he somehow wave his rights as a parent?

    Time to lawyer up, for sure!!!

    At this point, the delivery room is meaningless.  While a lawyer is pricey, it is also the only way that this guy will be able to make sure his rights, as a parent, are protected. the laws vary so much from state to state that the only way to make sure his ass is covered is to get a lawyer involved.

    If he waits until some point after the baby is born there will be so much more drama in terms of custody, visitation, child support....the list goes on and on.

    If it were me, I would do everything in my power to make sure that my rights, as a parent, were protected so I can be the father to the child. A lawyer will ensure that the laws, not the mother, are dictating all of those areas.

    Best to Lawyer up!!!!

    image

  • image WWMS:

    Female lurker here too

     Yes, laws vary in states but speaking from an unmarried woman's perspective in PA here is what I know.

    I could tell the hospital who I wanted to be let into my delivery and recovery rooms. I could also have them list me under a different name or not at all so nobody could find me at the hospital.

    In most states a father has to sign some type of acknowledgment  that he is in fact the father if the couple is not married. In PA it is called the Acknowledgment of Paternity (AOP). Once that is signed the father is put on the birth certificate. The father can even sign this without the mother if he believes he is the father.

    The mother or parents can name their child anything they want so if she wants to give the child her last name she can.  

    If the father does not sign the form stating he is the father then he can request a paternity test.

    In PA if the father is not listed on the birth certificate or no paternity test has been done then he has no rights to the child if the couple is unmarried. Even after a paternity test has been done the father still has to file for custody/visitation with the court or the mother can keep the child away.

    In my case my LO's father signed the AOP a few weeks after the birth, took it back and said he wasn't the father, then a paternity test was done, child support was order, then he filed for visitation a few months after that.

    Your friend should seek legal advice though even if she does stay with him because things can always change. 

    ALL OF THIS.

    If she doesn't want him in the delivery room, there's nothing he can do about it.

    He needs to sign the AOP, or order a DNA test through the court.

    Once paternity is established, he needs to file for custody/visitation.

    This stuff is pretty standard.

  • Where I live I was shocked that I owned the baby. He was mine. H had no rights until we left the hospital. I got to choose whether or not to put him on the birth certificate. So I agree, he needs to look into his specific state laws.
  • No one should face this kind of situation for the god sake; I feel sorry for your friend he must have consultation with the specialized lawyer in this field.
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