Dads & Dads-to-be

Question for dads-to-be

My dear sweet husband is darn near perfect, and I'm a very lucky lady for snagging him.  However, for some reason, now that I'm pregnant and really starting to show, he's weirded out by having sex with me.  We slept together a few times in the first trimester, then didn't for several weeks (because I was feeling pretty crummy).  Now that I'm feeling better, he's seen baby on the ultrasound a couple of times, and my belly is really starting to pooch, and he just can't get his head around it.  I've tried to tell him that there's no possible way he can hurt the baby.  I even included pictures haha.  He's just not buying it.  And honestly, that may not even be the issue.  I think it's more that he's just really weirded out knowing that our son is in there exactly where he's sticking his peen.  I know he's attracted to me so that's not the issue (I'm assuming this from the way he looks at me with a pregnant belly and things that "pop up" while we're spooning).   I think at this point, he's just set that we won't be having sex again until the baby is born, and he's ok with that.  After all, we can both take care of each other in other ways.

 I guess my question is, did any of you have this same problem? Did you eventually get over it, or did someone say/show you something that made you feel it was ok?  I just want that closeness with him and don't really want to wait 6+ months to have it again.  Thanks for any help guys!

ETA: I guess I should add he has deployed 4 times during our relationship, so actually going that long without sex is not an issue for either one of us.  It's not like he's eventually going to get tired of going without and just give in.

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Re: Question for dads-to-be

  • He may be having issue with the transition of wife and sexual being to you becoming someone's mother too.  When I went to Daddy Boot Camp several of the dads in the room mentioned something along those lines.  The experienced dads that were present said that it is mostly a pregnancy thing and once the baby comes and the energy comes back a bit, the sexual conflict in him goes away.
  • My wife and I are still in the first trimester - but I can totally see how he might be having some issues. I'd say just try and talk to him about it.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image Coltsdad:
    He may be having issue with the transition of wife and sexual being to you becoming someone's mother too.nbsp; When I went to Daddy Boot Camp several of the dads in the room mentioned something along those lines.nbsp; The experienced dads that were present said that it is mostly a pregnancy thing and once the baby comes and the energy comes back a bit, the sexual conflict in him goes away.


    This sounds like it could be the problem. I think he views my body's purpose right now as just to grow our child, and he feels like he'll kind of be invading the baby's "home"? If that makes any sense. I just don't know how to get him over that way of thinking.

    Also, something else I forgot to mention, his little sister and nephew were killed about 5 years ago in a car accident. I know he kind of blames himself for it, even though there's absolutely no reason to. I think he just feels like it was his job to protect her as her big brother, but clearly there's nothing he could have done. So I think maybe he thinks if we had sex, then something went wrong, he would assume it was his fault. He doesn't talk about it, so I would never know if that's part of the problem. That's something that hadn't really crossed my mind until now, so now I'm thinking I should probably just let it go for his sake. Thanks for the responses y'all!

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  • ::lurking::

    DH and I haven't really been terribly frisky, and when I asked him about it, he said part of it is because he's overly concerned about positioning because he doesn't want to squish the baby and part of it is that he's terrified he'll feel the LO move while he's inside of me.  The little guy kicks and squirms a lot, so I can understand this fear, but I think it's pretty rare for that to happen.   


  • We didn't have a lot of sex during my wife's pregnancy.

    She was really sick the first trimester, the second we had a little fun but we're both crazy busy with work and life to truly enjoy that season and in her third she was hot (summer time in Southern California) swollen and really tired. I didn't get any in the third until we hit 39 weeks and she wanted to try to see if it would speed up labor. It was the best 90 seconds ever....

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  • image mejane123:

    ::lurking::

    DH and I haven't really been terribly frisky, and when I asked him about it, he said part of it is because he's overly concerned about positioning because he doesn't want to squish the baby and part of it is that he's terrified he'll feel the LO move while he's inside of me.  The little guy kicks and squirms a lot, so I can understand this fear, but I think it's pretty rare for that to happen.   

     

    Ha, that's funny!  I never even thought about that.

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  • Don't have this problem!  Good luck

    image

  • most guys are panting for it. maybe he's just freaked out. it happens
  • My wife and I did not have sex for the last 4 months of her pregnancy. She had some issues, so that contributed to it, but I also felt a little uncomfortable with the idea of having sex while my wife was itchy and not really quite herself.  Plus, it was during this past summer, and the heat really played a number on her.

    I guess at the end of the day I was more focused on the changes that were taking place, my wife's health, and preparing to concern myself with trying to get laid.

    There were other ways that my wife took care of my needs, and I was fine with that.

    Now, the problem is finding the time to get busy in the sack.  The baby is the priority, so time is very, very limited. And now the bed really is for sleeping as we are both knocked out by the time the head hits the pillow. 

    image

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