Baby Showers

1st birthday guest invite etiquette?

We received an invite to a friend we know's daughters 1st bday (we'll call this friend Jill). I'm not really friends with Jill or her DH, I had Jill and her DD over for one playdate with my DD. Because they invited us to their DD's party do we have to invite them to our DDs party (almost exactly a month later)?

As of now our guest list is all family except for my best friend and her boyfriend (they're DD's "aunt" and "uncle"). We're not even inviting my other friend who's daughter is a month younger then DD but they spent a ton more time together then Jill's daughter and I'm actually friends with this women.

I know this isn't a shower question but I figured you ladies may have a better idea of proper etiquette in general then I do.

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Re: 1st birthday guest invite etiquette?

  • No. Invitations, regardless of the event, aren't tit for tat so just because she invited you to her party doesn't automatically put them on the guest list for yours.
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  • I'm of the "keep a first birthday really small cause most people besides family doesn't care and baby will never remember" club.  So I say no.  Invite who you want.
  • image Aleja0918:
    No. Invitations, regardless of the event, aren't tit for tat so just because she invited you to her party doesn't automatically put them on the guest list for yours.

    I completely agree.

    Also, FWIW I think 1st birthday parties are best kept for family and close friends.   

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  • No party in life is reciprocal unless you make it so. 
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  • image Allycat11:

    image Aleja0918:
    No. Invitations, regardless of the event, aren't tit for tat so just because she invited you to her party doesn't automatically put them on the guest list for yours.

    I completely agree.

    Also, FWIW I think 1st birthday parties are best kept for family and close friends.   

    This exactly. Birthday parties are meant for family and a very few select, very special friends! 

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  • It may seem rude, but don't worry too much about it. If the situation arises where she asks about it, then just explain you're keeping it intimate, and if you're in the same boat as me, then it's also budget related too. Just be honest in that regard. If she's particularly immature about it, then mention how your close friends were not invited either, just family. Worst case, she'll just have to get over it.
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  • image Aleja0918:
    No. Invitations, regardless of the event, aren't tit for tat so just because she invited you to her party doesn't automatically put them on the guest list for yours.

    This.

    I don't necessarily agree with those that are in the "smaller, 1st Bday parties" though.  Our kids' first birthdays were huge bashes!  lol  As they are getting older they are actually getting smaller (more kids, less adults).

  • Ditto all the others.  No.  And I don't even find it "rude".  You're having a smaller, more intimate party than her.  Your perogative.  Just as a bigger party is hers.

    And heck- even if you were having a big party, you still don't HAVE to invite her.  You have a different idea for your party - people you're closer to.  It sounds like you hardly know this woman!

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  • image BallSox:
    No party in life is reciprocal unless you make it so. 

    I agree with this, 100%

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  • Thanks ladies! I appreciate it, I feel less scummy now about not inviting them.

    Funny thing, our party is a combo of what everyone was saying. It's going to be big, like 40 people but it is literally ALL family except DD's "aunt & uncle" who are my best friend of 6 years and her boyfriend of 4 years. Not too mention we literally can't fit another person in our apartment, I'm praying at least 5 people can't come! Being someone who never had there first birthday celebrated, no pictures, stories, nothing... I always knew we would have big parties for our kids, it's also inevitable because both of our parents are divorced and married or seriously involved... And everyone is still alive and seen regularly! ... It makes all holidays hell in a handbasket.

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  • It doesn't really sound like you are having a lot of people over, just family. So unless she was a really close friend why would she be the exception? I wouldn't feel bad about not inviting her. If she asks about it, you can simply say it was family party. But really, no need to invite because she invited you.

    Lillian April 17, 2012
  • No, you aren't obligated to invite her.  If it ever comes up, you can just say that you decided to have a small family party for your child, which is the truth.
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  • I went overboard for DD's 1st birthday- I invited something crazy like 50 people. My IL's wanted their group of BF's from high school/Sunday School class to be invited, which also meant their kids that were around the same age, my whole family (which is massive) and then our friends. (It was like a flashback to our wedding where 50% of the guest list was mandated by my IL's...)  I invited a few of the kids from DD's class because I was wanting to meet some of the parents (potential play dates) and said no gifts. 

    One of the girls birthday's was a month later and we get an invite, not necessary but I know the older kids get it tends to trend that way. We show up and it's ALL FAMILY. Like, family that drove/flow in for hours, haven't seen them in months, etc. It was VERY awkward for us... just hanging out with their family and we had met them once before... 

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