Baby Showers

I Want to Do the Planning.

So I know it's traditional to have someone else plan and host your baby shower, but I really like planning parties, and for this, I really, really want it to go the way I want it to go. I hate some of these trends like diaper games and torso cakes.

I'm thinking I should have someone else host it but make sure all the ideas go through me before they become part of the schedule. I hope to have my "sisters" (my sister and my two sisters-in-law) host it. I have an event planner for a sister-in-law (Andi), but she lives several hours away, and my other sister-in-law, Misty, lives almost three hours away. My sister is still in high school, and I'm not sure if she will even want to do it. I don't have a mom, but I want my mother-in-law and my grandma to be involved. Andi really wants to be the coordinator, but I've made sure to tell her I want to be highly involved with the planning.

I have some ideas. I could have someone to make and send invitations, someone to make decorations, someone (probably my grandma and mother-in-law) to make the food, and have everyone help decorate. What other duties are there for shower hostesses?

Also, am I being too obsessed about this? I planned my wedding in about a month and everything went well, but some feelings got hurt. I want this to go better.

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Re: I Want to Do the Planning.

  • Oh my. You must be new. You should read some other posts. I know this is a very exciting time, but you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. 
  • I think you need to take it down a notch... or ten.

    If/when your hostesses offer to give you a shower, it is a gift from them to you.  Be gracious, not demanding.  Unless you're asked for input, it's not your place to call the shots.   

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  • Short answer... YES you are being way too obsessed about a baby shower.

    Long answer....Tacking the word "host" on a random person does not mean you can plan and dictate your own baby shower.

    If your MIL and Grandmother want to be involved with a baby shower they will throw one for you. 

    You should NOT throw your own baby shower. Ever. 

    It is a baby shower, not some holy pentacle event that needs to be absolutely perfect. Because trust me... no one cares THAT much about any baby shower.  Well except for obsessing mothers who think everything needs to go according to their plan.  Everyone else just wants to show up, eat cake, visit with the Mom to be and drop of their gift.

     

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  • If you want to plan, then have a meet and greet or a sip and see after the baby is born.

    Showers are for other people to plan and host. 


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  • image SmileyGirl18:

    If you want to plan, then have a meet and greet or a sip and see after the baby is born.

    Showers are for other people to plan and host. 

    OP, I agree with SmileyGirl.  This is the nicest way to explain how I feel about your post.

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  • Ditto everything PPs said, and also realize you're only 12 weeks along.... You have MONTHS before a shower should even be thought about.
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  • Have all of these people offered to host a shower for you?  If so, then let them plan it.  Your SIL is an event planner so I'm sure she will know what is needed to be done.  A shower is a GIFT and is not something where you have much input except the guest list (keeping it at the max they can accomodate) and the date (obviously you have to be available).  Otherwise...it is ALL up to them.  If they ask for your input then fine, give it. 

    BTW...a shower is NOT a wedding...not even close.  It's just a get together with friends and family (the guests come, eat, you open gifts, they leave - sometimes there are a couple of games).  I'm thinking you are definitely obsessing about it...not to mention the fact that you have months before your due date.

  • You can't plan your own shower.  A shower is a gift that is voluntarily given to you, meaning that you cannot ask/suggest that others throw it for you nor can you call the shots when someone else is throwing it for you.

    You can help develop the guest list, but be sure to not invite more people than your hostess is willing/able to accommodate.

    A high school student is in no practical position to host a shower, even if she wants to do it.

    I understand that you must be very excited to be a mom and, after attending probably several other baby showers in the past, are really excited to have your turn in the spotlight.  But your role as the mother to be is to graciously accept the offer of a shower if one is given, and then to largely stay out of it.  If you want to control so many of the details, really the only way you can do that is to throw a shower for someone else. 

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  • Just be grateful for what you are offered!  I cannot understand the entitlement you feel, OP.  Come on! 

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  • image mariahskelton:

    So I know it's traditional to have someone else plan and host your baby shower, but I really like planning parties, and for this, I really, really want it to go the way I want it to go. I hate some of these trends like diaper games and torso cakes.

    I'm thinking I should have someone else host it but make sure all the ideas go through me before they become part of the schedule. I hope to have my "sisters" (my sister and my two sisters-in-law) host it. I have an event planner for a sister-in-law (Andi), but she lives several hours away, and my other sister-in-law, Misty, lives almost three hours away. My sister is still in high school, and I'm not sure if she will even want to do it. I don't have a mom, but I want my mother-in-law and my grandma to be involved. Andi really wants to be the coordinator, but I've made sure to tell her I want to be highly involved with the planning.

    I have some ideas. I could have someone to make and send invitations, someone to make decorations, someone (probably my grandma and mother-in-law) to make the food, and have everyone help decorate. What other duties are there for shower hostesses?

    Also, am I being too obsessed about this? I planned my wedding in about a month and everything went well, but some feelings got hurt. I want this to go better.

    The duties of the hostesses are to throw the shower THEY want to throw.  Not to take orders about what their duties "should" be from some overly dramatic, entitled twit MTB who thinks she knows better than everyone else what her shower should be like.  And what does wedding planning have to do with anything?  This is a shower...not a wedding.  You need a serious reality check and to get off your high horse.

    If I had a friend or sister who "made sure to tell me that she wanted to be highly invloved in the planning", I'd tell her to suck it.

  • Some PPs are being entirely too nice. You're acting like a brat. I'm not surprised there were hurt feelings about your wedding if this is how you behaved. Sit back, relax, and let go of the whip.
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  • image Cranang:
    image mariahskelton:

    So I know it's traditional to have someone else plan and host your baby shower, but I really like planning parties, and for this, I really, really want it to go the way I want it to go. I hate some of these trends like diaper games and torso cakes.

    I'm thinking I should have someone else host it but make sure all the ideas go through me before they become part of the schedule. I hope to have my "sisters" (my sister and my two sisters-in-law) host it. I have an event planner for a sister-in-law (Andi), but she lives several hours away, and my other sister-in-law, Misty, lives almost three hours away. My sister is still in high school, and I'm not sure if she will even want to do it. I don't have a mom, but I want my mother-in-law and my grandma to be involved. Andi really wants to be the coordinator, but I've made sure to tell her I want to be highly involved with the planning.

    I have some ideas. I could have someone to make and send invitations, someone to make decorations, someone (probably my grandma and mother-in-law) to make the food, and have everyone help decorate. What other duties are there for shower hostesses?

    Also, am I being too obsessed about this? I planned my wedding in about a month and everything went well, but some feelings got hurt. I want this to go better.

    The duties of the hostesses are to throw the shower THEY want to throw.  Not to take orders about what their duties "should" be from some overly dramatic, entitled twit MTB who thinks she knows better than everyone else what her shower should be like.  And what does wedding planning have to do with anything?  This is a shower...not a wedding.  You need a serious reality check and to get off your high horse.

    If I had a friend or sister who "made sure to tell me that she wanted to be highly invloved in the planning", I'd tell her to suck it.

    This.  IF someone even offers to throw you one. 

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  • It's all pretty much been said,but yeah - you are obsessing and it's not even clear if you've been offered a shower or not.

    It's a SHOWER.  Not a wedding/  Put it in perspective. 

    And it's a gift to you. It's not something you dictate and control.

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  • image Estwd2:
    Some PPs are being entirely too nice. You're acting like a brat. I'm not surprised there were hurt feelings about your wedding if this is how you behaved. Sit back, relax, and let go of the whip.

    Yes

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  • Is this real life?

    Please stop being self absorbed and allow someone to throw you a nice shower as a gift. 

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  • I know the book of Baby Bargains is very popular on the bump, and as I was reading it last night, one of them was to ask someone to host you a shower!!! And the other tip was to register for things that makes your life as a parent easier like a digital camera!!!! I was LOLing as reading that page.

     

  • image SmileyGirl18:

    If you want to plan, then have a meet and greet or a sip and see after the baby is born.

    Showers are for other people to plan and host. 

    This.

    Weddings are not Baby Showers. If someone would be kind enough to host a shower for you, this does NOT give you the right to act like post-bridezilla and dictate how you want your shower thrown. A baby shower is a gift to the MTB; not some entitlement to you.


  • Oh. My. Word....

    Why can't I quote multiple posters and bold almost everything they say? Seriously - you need to read around a board a bit before posting.

    Quit being a spoiled Brat... It would suck to be in your family if this is how you treat people...

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  • Everything everyone said above is spot on. Step back and let someone offer to host you a shower, then let them host it. If they ask your opinion, great, if not, keep your mouth shut and be grateful.
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  • Exactly what PP said. 

    Take a chill pill and relax...a baby shower is a gift, just like a wedding shower is (or should have been). You sound a little young, a little spoiled and a little annoying.

    Sorry, it's Monday and apparently my snark is on. 

    Bets on a GBCB anyone? 

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  • image jobiann:

    Exactly what PP said. 

    Take a chill pill and relax...a baby shower is a gift, just like a wedding shower is (or should have been). You sound a little young, a little spoiled and a little annoying.

    Sorry, it's Monday and apparently my snark is on. 

    Bets on a GBCB anyone? 

    I already saved it for the DD that's forthcoming.

  • Am i the only one who wants to know what the heck she did during wedding planning that hurt multiple people's feelings? Please, enlighten us OP.
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  • image Liz4444:
    Am i the only one who wants to know what the heck she did during wedding planning that hurt multiple people's feelings? Please, enlighten us OP.

    I don't think she is going to come back and play. Maybe it will pick up tonight. 

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  • Let it simmer, whew.

    You don't plan your shower, period. It's an honor, not a right.

    You sound really type A, control freak. You might want to unclench a bit before baby gets here. Kids have a tendency to throw order and what you want out the window.

    Flexibility. Learn it. Live it. Love it. YWIA.
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  • My guess is that if you were anything like THIS for your wedding, nobody in their right mind is going to ask to throw you a shower. OMG...how many ways can one person go wrong in a single post? I think you just took the record for that.
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  • image mariahskelton:

    So I know it's traditional to have someone else plan and host your baby shower, but I really like planning parties, and for this, I really, really want it to go the way I want it to go. I hate some of these trends like diaper games and torso cakes.

    I'm thinking I should have someone else host it but make sure all the ideas go through me before they become part of the schedule. I hope to have my "sisters" (my sister and my two sisters-in-law) host it. I have an event planner for a sister-in-law (Andi), but she lives several hours away, and my other sister-in-law, Misty, lives almost three hours away. My sister is still in high school, and I'm not sure if she will even want to do it. I don't have a mom, but I want my mother-in-law and my grandma to be involved. Andi really wants to be the coordinator, but I've made sure to tell her I want to be highly involved with the planning.

    I have some ideas. I could have someone to make and send invitations, someone to make decorations, someone (probably my grandma and mother-in-law) to make the food, and have everyone help decorate. What other duties are there for shower hostesses?

    Also, am I being too obsessed about this? I planned my wedding in about a month and everything went well, but some feelings got hurt. I want this to go better.

    You're about to be a mother... You should have a better perspective on the important things.


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  • Wow. I had to stop reading the replies because some people are being so rude. Is this how you treat all people who ask questions that may imply something you don't totally agree with?

    I'm not treating people badly. I haven't even done much talking to people about it and I certainly haven't been bossing people around about it. Why would you assume that?

    Also, I was ASKING here. I wanted advice, not insults.

    The main reasons I want to be involved with it are, one, because it's about me and my baby, and two, because I want to avoid the really stupid things I've seen or heard about that happen at baby showers that would make me or my family look bad. 

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  • image mariahskelton:

    Wow. I had to stop reading the replies because some people are being so rude. Is this how you treat all people who ask questions that may imply something you don't totally agree with?

    I'm not treating people badly. I haven't even done much talking to people about it and I certainly haven't been bossing people around about it. Why would you assume that?

    Also, I was ASKING here. I wanted advice, not insults.

    The main reasons I want to be involved with it are, one, because it's about me and my baby, and two, because I want to avoid the really stupid things I've seen or heard about that happen at baby showers that would make me or my family look bad. 

    You just don't get it.  It's a GIFT for you and your baby.  Actually, it's just for you, but I'll use your words.  You don't get to decide on a gift that is given to you.  If you're so concerned about how it "would make you or your family look bad" then decline a shower and have a meet the baby party once you give birth.  Then you can throw the pretty-pretty-princess party you want without being rude to people who are trying to do something nice for you.

    As far as our responses, we were giving you truth.  I mean, look at what you wrote.  You're worried about giving responsibilities to people, assigning tasks, etc.  They're giving YOU a gift.  Your job is to show up, be gracious to the people who have spent money on you, and smile.  THAT'S IT.  But you're so hung up on it being "about you" that you can't see what a spoiled little brat you're being.  You SHOULD be glad that a bunch of internet strangers gave you the truth instead of going ahead with your "plan" and offending your family.  I mean, I planned my wedding too, and I didn't come out of it saying "there were some hurt feelings."  Perhaps you need to evaluate why there were hurt feelings and why you got this reaction on this board.  Sounds like it's a problem with YOU, not everyone else.

    Oh, and quit whining on other boards about how "rude" people were to you.  You're pregnant.  Grow up and stop acting like a kid.  And don't use the "I'm pregnant and sensitive" defense.  Pregnancy isn't a defense for stupidity.

  • I agree with all of the other comments.  If people offer to give you a shower then let them give it to you.  If they ask you for your opinion then give it but otherwise it is their place to choose everything.  My mom asked me if I wanted a pic of me and my dh on the invite since she found one she really liked.  I personally did not want that so I told her it was nms.  I did not offer alternatives or tell her what to get instead, I just simply answered her question.  I don't think that there is anything wrong with asking not to play games or have one of those cakes since you really don't like it. Other then that leave it alone.  

    You have PLENTY to plan already since you are having a baby.  Trust me when it comes time to plan you are going to have so much to do already you are going to be happy to not have to plan a shower.


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  • You can do all those things....for someone else's baby shower that you throw in their honor.

    As for your baby shower, IF someone OFFERS to host, then all the details are at their discretion and your only role is to show up and be gracious.  Oh, and you get to provide the guest list. :)

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