Parenting

Need Advice- have you had trouble with In-Laws too?

Long story as short as I can get it... I am a  PT working mother of one with one on the way. My husband works out of town so while Im at work my mother-in-law and my mother split the responsibility of watching my 3 year old son. I do pay them 20 a day, which is about 5 dollars less that most daycares in the area. I am grateful for their help, however I now realize this was a mistake and caused more harm than good.

Both the moms have keys. They have been just letting themselves in the house while if we are still sleeping and we dont answer the door . Both the moms stop by unexpectedly without calling so I end up seeing them almost every day of the week (i work only 4 days a week and cherish the days off with my son) I have talked to my mother about this and my husband has talked to his mom. However, my mother-in law continues to stop by unexpectedly (we live 2 blocks away from her work) and says "oh i wasnt going to stop by but...." She is very hyper sensitive and over-analizes what we say, she is a drug addiction counselor and she just told me she thought I was on drugs when I had "acted weird" during this summers camping trip (yes, she comes along on our vacation time) I was not on drugs- I was pregnant. I have dealt with this for 5 years and am realizing I am at my wits end. I know she will probably never change so I either need to just let it go and deal with it or move to another state. When we do bring stuff up she does something strange to let us know shes upset. Does anyone have any advice for my sanity?! I love my mother-in-law and want a good relationship with her but I am pregnant with baby#2 and its getting worse. With baby #1 she came into the delivery room not a half hour after he was born and said I was "hogging the baby" while I was feeding him for the first time. I am not going to let her do this with baby #2!! aaaaggg!

Re: Need Advice- have you had trouble with In-Laws too?

  • Can you install a deadbolt lock that has a separate key that you would only lock when you are inside the house? 

    The stopping by unannounced would drive me crazy.  I would have to do the deadbolt route.

    My mom and I live less than a mile from each other, and we have each other's keys, but we agreed early on that we would not treat each other's homes as our own and we would always respect each other's privacy. 

    Also, we didn't have anyone visit the hospital until the next day.  It sounds like they are very well meaning, and I have a lot of appreciation for close-knit families, but too much is too much. 

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • Change your locks and don't answer the door if you do not want company.

    Don't call her until after the baby is born and you are showered and  ready for visitors.

    Definitely stop inviting her along on your vacations if she's driving you nuts.

    image
  • image Hesterlicious:

    Change your locks and don't answer the door if you do not want company.

    Don't call her until after the baby is born and you are showered and  ready for visitors.

    Definitely stop inviting her along on your vacations if she's driving you nuts.

    All of this.   You gave her the chance to act like a reasonable adult when your DH talked to her and asked her to stop dropping by.  She chose to ignore your wishes, disrespecting you and your DH in the process, so it's time to lock crazy out. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I swear the OP had 2 responses but now they are gone.
    image
  • I would definitely install a deadbolt. She needs to back off from the sounds of it. 

    image

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers



    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You and your H need to set more firm boundaries and stick to them.  I know you've talked to both of your parents before, but I would have your H talk to his mother again, and tell her that it's not acceptable for her to be dropping in like that just because she has a key.  If she continues to do it after another talk, take away her key so she can't just walk in on you guys.  I can totally see why you're at your wit's end - I'd be pretty pissed too if my parents or ILs did that!  Good luck - hopefully you and your H can work something out with your MIL so she stops!
    O&D November Siggy Challenge: Thanksgiving Fail
    image

    2 Bostons, 1 Preemie, & 65 Roses

    image
  • Tell the hospital that no one is allowed in the room besides your Dah until YOU say so, you are a patient.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • Have a long talk with her I'm assuming your mom has chilled out, lay it flat out that this is unacceptable, and tell her if it continues, you will be forced to change the locks. And yeah, stop taking her on all your vacations. Not to sound snarky, but is YH a mama's boy a little bit, or is she just like that?

    Also, since you're paying them such similar wages to a DCP, have you considered just sending your LO to daycare? Or maybe bring LO to her house instead of vice versa?

  • Deadbolt or security system. If you have an alarm set maybe she will be less likely let herself in? IDK. She is definitely out of line. Over sensitive or not, maybe talking to her again would help. You're adults and entitled to privacy. Tell her you sleep naked or something.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • Next time you hear her letting herself in, strip quickly and assume a fun position with your DH. It won't happen again, I promise.
    Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
    http://25.media.tumblr.com/1b081e49f637d2a6cfee816c4436f401/tumblr_mw70i7PPZ71slruimo1_500.gif
  • image KlondikeBar:
    Next time you hear her letting herself in, strip quickly and assume a fun position with your DH. It won't happen again, I promise.


    Lol! I was going to suggest the same thing. She probably won't make eye contact for weeks.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
                                 
                               photo photosig3_zps92919c91.jpg Just said good bye Sept. 19th (MMC at 12 weeks)
  • image KlondikeBar:
    Next time you hear her letting herself in, strip quickly and assume a fun position with your DH. It won't happen again, I promise.


    Like!

  • I wouldn't even bring it up for a second time. I would simply pay the extra 5-10 a week, and move your LO to a daycare. I would then ask for the key back saying simply she doesn't need it anymore since LO will be in daycare. If she raises a stink about it and tries to make herself out to be the victim tell her it's for LO's social development and call it a day. If that is an issue change the lock.

    My MIL can be pretty inappropriate about boundries and I have had to be pretty firm with her more than once. It's no good and she acts like a complete idiot about it but it needs to be done.

    GL

    image

     image

    image 

     








     

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards