October 2012 Moms

Bonding with newborn/milk production/nipples/visitors question...

Now that it's clear that baby will arrive two days before the ILs and SIL fly in, I'm trying to figure out how to best establish some bonding time. I'd like to establish expectations before everyone arrives, so there is no disappointment on anyone's end...

Doula says that bonding is natural, and I won't have to work at it. Doctor says I need to walk around my house barechested, with baby right there to help my milk come in. Pedi says that visitors holding baby all day might interfere with milk production.

1. in your experience, was wearing a shirt comfy? Or should I really expect/prepare to walk about nekked?

2. How long does it take to BF in those first days? 20 minutes? an Hour? (I'll have people sitting in my living room for probably 8 to 10 hours  a stretch, so I want to prepare them timewise for my frequent disappearances.)

3. How did you manage newborn bonding/instructions/dos and don'ts with all-day visitors? (in my case, they'll be here for over a week.)I know they will want to hold, change and bathe the baby.. But pedi said baby doesn't need a bath until the stump falls off. So again, I want to manage expectations, but I don't want to come off super bossy either.

4. Did you watch your ILs handle your baby/change your baby? Did ILs come with you to baby's first doctor's appointment? If so, how did it go? 




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Re: Bonding with newborn/milk production/nipples/visitors question...

  • image BronzeMama:

    Now that it's clear that baby will arrive two days before the ILs and SIL fly in, I'm trying to figure out how to best establish some bonding time. I'd like to establish expectations before everyone arrives, so there is no disappointment on anyone's end...

    Doula says that bonding is natural, and I won't have to work at it. Doctor says I need to walk around my house barechested, with baby right there to help my milk come in. Pedi says that visitors holding baby all day might interfere with milk production.

    1. in your experience, was wearing a shirt comfy? Or should I really expect/prepare to walk about nekked?

    I wear a shirt other than while bfeeding. I do find it easier to take off my shirt to bfeed. I 100% don't think being naked helps your milk come in or matters for bonding, but I will say when your milk comes in things can get very messy so plan to spend some naked time at least while bfeeding. 

    2. How long does it take to BF in those first days? 20 minutes? an Hour? (I'll have people sitting in my living room for probably 8 to 10 hours  a stretch, so I want to prepare them timewise for my frequent disappearances.)

    Hrm, before my milk came in things were pretty easy - probably 10 minutes? Afterwards, I had engorgement issues and latching issues and whatnot, so it takes between 20 minutes and an hour. These days we are still learning so we often can't get a quick latch and then it takes forever. Just depends how it goes.  

    3. How did you manage newborn bonding/instructions/dos and don'ts with all-day visitors? (in my case, they'll be here for over a week.)I know they will want to hold, change and bathe the baby.. But pedi said baby doesn't need a bath until the stump falls off. So again, I want to manage expectations, but I don't want to come off super bossy either.

    You can do a "sponge bath" without the cord falling off. Not necessary, but it's fine to do.  I do find with the bfeeding I have plenty of bonding time with just me and him. I let others hold him probably 1-2 hours a day. We try to hold him most of the time during the day (as opposed to putting him in an infant seat/swing/etc). There are plenty of hours during the day to go around! Luckily my mom also is totally fine changing diapers and enjoys that "bonding" time, so she does that as well.  

    4. Did you watch your ILs handle your baby/change your baby? Did ILs come with you to baby's first doctor's appointment? If so, how did it go? 

    Hrm, I don't have ILs, but I let my Mom change the baby all the time. We had a circumcision, but she was fine with following all the procedures and I obviously trust her 100%. We went to our first pedi appt by ourselves (just me, baby, and DH). I don't think I'd want family there personally. They asked tons of questions about breastfeeding that were semi "personal" and I wanted to ask my neurotic FTM questions without others being around. 


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  • Ok sorry, but I am mocking your doc's suggestion of walking around with your shirt off. I have never heard of or read this anywhere. But it might be a great way of keeping the house free of guests... Aren't you having boundary issues w your guests?! GL!
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  • I think the uncertainty of everything bothers me. NO clue what will happen or how or how easy/hard it'll be. I'm trying very hard to Let go! But then docs introduce a whole new issue with this milk let down thing. I wasn't even THINKING about that until they brought it up. But glad to hear that the crowd sourcing says I can wear my shirt. It's the fall. It's too cold to be in my house without covering up.

    I think I don't need to know too much in advance. I might do better with a learn as I go approach to baby care bc i'm definitely a worrier.

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  • We have not had in home overnight visitors yet, but IL's came to the hospital and the house the first day. MIL did change him once in the hospital, but other than that it was all DH and me.

    As far as BF, my sleepy baby is just now getting up to about 15 to 20 minutes. The first few days he would only eat for about 10 minutes at a time. With my nipples so sore, I actually found it more comfy without a shirt. Once the bleeding stopped and they weren't quite as sore a shirt was fine.
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  • Yeaaahh just walking around naked with your baby isn't going to make your milk come in. Its having her continue totry to nurse. You and her being naked makes baby feel comfy and warm. At least this is what all my doctors and nurses told me.
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  • 1.  I never walked around with no shirt on.  We had no bonding trouble or problems with my milk coming it (I ended up so engorged I had to pump because DS couldn't latch).  Skin to skin may help some, but it's not absolutely necessary IMO, especially all the time!

    2.  BF is different for everyone and every baby.  DS would nurse for 5 min each session.  I know I was super lucky and he was a super efficient eater.

    3.  If nobody will listen or you feel steamrolled, just take LO to your room and lock the door.  Nobody should hold it against you to be overwhelmed!  This LO is taking her sweet time and if she doesn't come this weekend I'm going to end up delivering 1-2 days before my parents fly in to visit.  At least I know I can tell them no because they're my parents.  I would talk to YH ahead of time and make sure he has your back to support how your feeling and to be able to talk to his family.

    4.  I would let them help, but again, make sure YH knows that if someone needs to step in and tell them to tone it down he needs to do it.  I would have YH manage letting them know what would be helpful (like cleaning bathrooms or making food, whatever you're comfortable with).

    Honestly, I would not let anyone else go to the appointment other than DH.  That should be something special for you guys and I'm sure the pedi doesn't want a ton of people in the room!

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  • I didn't need to walk around bare chested. I stayed dressed except when we fed, I just took my top off while we fed and he stayed swaddled.

    It took me about an hour at first- 30 minutes on each side.

    I just took him when it was feeding time, and went in the nursery, Everyone understood.

    I let my parents hold/change my baby without hovering. They raised me fine :) DH and I only went to the appt.'

    Good luck :) 

    *B*



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  • 1. in your experience, was wearing a shirt comfy? Or should I really expect/prepare to walk about nekked?

    No, but it is the best way to sooth sore nipples.  I wore a robe over a nursing tank or over nothing. I do love skin to skin with a squish newborn though.

    2. How long does it take to BF in those first days? 20 minutes? an Hour? (I'll have people sitting in my living room for probably 8 to 10 hours  a stretch, so I want to prepare them timewise for my frequent disappearances.)

    At minimum, 10 minutes a side of active nursing (no sleeping), every 2-3 hours or more often if baby needs it. 

    3. How did you manage newborn bonding/instructions/dos and don'ts with all-day visitors?

    Visitors are there to hold the baby and help us (cooking, running errands).  I handed off the baby when I needed to sleep or do things, but you shouldn't feel obligated to hand over your baby. Dh and I did all diaper changes/sponge baths.

    4. Did you watch your ILs handle your baby/change your baby? Did ILs come with you to baby's first doctor's appointment? If so, how did it go? 

    Yes to make sure my bsc mil knew what she was doing.  And no.


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  • Bottom line you need to do what feels right for you. Each mom and baby is different.

    That being said I echo previous posters. I definitely wear a shirt around the house. The first week I lives in nursing cami. Super comfy and east access. Now I sometimes strip down when u just have a bra and normal shirt as its easier.

    My mom has been with us for weeks one and three. I totally trust her and she does anything and everything. She often takes the 10 to midnight shift and is alone with baby. My dad and gma came the first weekend and they held baby plenty. Sisters came weekend two and again held baby and helped with diaper changes. I still feel like I have plenty of time to bond. Especially with breadtfeeding.

    In terms of feeding I've just done it on the living room With my family because its easier. My IL come this weekend and I plan to excuse myself to the nursery. They will understand.
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  • image BronzeMama:

    1. in your experience, was wearing a shirt comfy? Or should I really expect/prepare to walk about nekked?

    I wore shirts but once you get engorged, anything touching your breasts can seem painful.  You just want to be wearing loose fitting clothing as much as possible. 

    2. How long does it take to BF in those first days? 20 minutes? an Hour? (I'll have people sitting in my living room for probably 8 to 10 hours  a stretch, so I want to prepare them timewise for my frequent disappearances.)

    I find it takes about an hour between feeding, burping, and changing diaper.  "actual" feeding time for us is typically about 30 minutes. 

    3. How did you manage newborn bonding/instructions/dos and don'ts with all-day visitors? (in my case, they'll be here for over a week.)I know they will want to hold, change and bathe the baby.. But pedi said baby doesn't need a bath until the stump falls off. So again, I want to manage expectations, but I don't want to come off super bossy either.

    i give baby a sponge bath one or twice a week until stump comes off.  I'm typically the one to hold baby most of the time because if he is not eating or being changed, he is most likely sleeping.  You could have people help with diapers and burping if they want.  I typically let people "help" with non-baby stuff when they want to give me a hand.  Like cooking dinner, playing with my other kids, cleaning up, etc. 

    4. Did you watch your ILs handle your baby/change your baby? Did ILs come with you to baby's first doctor's appointment? If so, how did it go? 

    I trust my family to do things with baby so I dont feel the need to watch everything they do unless it was someone like my BIL that doesnt have much baby experience.  I think drs appointments should stick to just mom and dad, no extra family.  the rooms are crowded enough as is and you dont need other people getting in the way of the questions YOU want/need answered. 




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