April 2013 Moms

Inviting Anyone to Dr. Appointments?

First of all, it's a given that we would all invite the father's of our children to our doctor's appointments. For those of you ladies with brave men in the military, I totally expect you may even invite your mothers. This post is more geared toward addressing other people. Anyone plan on having someone else come with them to  the ultrasounds to see the baby? My MIL called to inform me that she wanted to come to my doctor's appointments b/c DH started a new job and cannot get off work. I am totally weirded out by anyone other than DH around me while I'm being medically examined. I don't care that it's just my belly - I feel like I'm on display  with my huge bump. Besides the fact that I have a cyst on the other ovary and other medical information relating to my feminine bits that I don't want her to know about. I even admit that I'm probably being selfish in that I don't want anyone to accompany me b/c I want that special moment either to myself or with my husband. I feel like she had her moment and can settle for pictures until the baby actully arrives. I informed my parents of the same thing but I have yet to break it to MIL. She literally spent a large chunk of my DH's life being in and out of institutions because she was crazy which equates to me being a wussy when I need to tell her to back off. So there's my vent for the night. Please tell me someone else out there shares in my sentiments about not wanting others to hear your medical info. Also, feel free to share if you have anyone distantly related (cousin, friend, etc) who you plan to have at your appointments.

Re: Inviting Anyone to Dr. Appointments?

  • For my first pregnancy, I had invited my MIL and my mother along to the 20w ultrasound so they could see the baby. We were Team Green, but thought it'd be fun for them to see the baby anyway.

    This pregnancy, we are finding out, and will have MIL and SIL in the ultrasound room with us. My mother doesn't want to know (as long as she can hold out not finding out), so she's declining to come.

    The first time the clinic was remodeling and it was really tight having four adults and the tech in the room. This time, the remodeling is done and the room is much larger, to where I could probably have a whole party in there. Order party subs and cupcakes or something. Maybe a keg for the non-pregnant folks.

    I don't think I would have invited them to any other appointments, especially if they involved an internal. I think to each there own, and you should be able to invite whomever you want.

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  • Yea - I would not want anyone, even my own mom at my appointments.  DH, and that is it.  With my first, we made a big deal with getting a 3d ultrasound when I was 30 weeks, and we invited my MIL and my mom to come to that.  But that was not a medical appointment, it was totally about seeing the baby, so to me it was not weird.
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  • My mom and I went to my fake sister's (aka best friend and daughter of my mom's best friend) ultrasound appointment when her H (bf at the time) was overseas and her mother lived in a different state.  I wouldn't have gone if she didn't ask me though.  

    If DH can't go with me, ain't no one going with me is what I say.  Luckily, the ILs live pretty far away and aren't an issue. 

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  • I think it's weird to invite people like it's a party.  I would also think that it's annoying for techs to have a million people in the room while they're working.  Also, it's a pretty private thing. 

    I don't even have DH come to my appts with the doctor, just the u/s beforehand.  (He could come with if he wanted to but I'm not requiring it.  I am 100% fine going solo and it means he misses less work.  I think he came to a few with DS and will probably come to a couple later on... but it's not an issue to me if he does/doesn't come.)  DS did come with me to my last appt (no child care that day) and he got to hear the heartbeat, which he thought was really neat.  We may or may not have DS come with us to the anatomy scan -- he is a part of the family and it would probably be cool for him to see the baby on the screen to start realizing that it's real and we'd kind of like to share that with him... but we may still have it be just us because you never can tell how an almost-3 year old will act. 

    Last time I did have my mom come with me to one of my u/s because DH couldn't get away from work and mom was going to be visiting.  If the opportunity arose, I would let my mom come again or one of my sisters (and not all at once) but that is all.  I would never have my MIL come with me.  We have a good relationship but I'm not lifting my shirt for her ever, let alone in a clinical setting.  No. 

    Good luck breaking the news to your MIL that you don't want her coming along to your visits.  It's sort of sweet I guess for her to want you to have company but also incredibly intrusive and, IMO, inappropriate to tell you she's coming with.  Just my opinion.  

     

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  • Hmm interesting question. My mom's a nurse and worked in the ER and has seen it all but I'm still not even sure I want here there. My sister and I have been really close over the past few years - but recent events like telling her I'm pregnant have really stressed our relationship so asking her/having her there wouldn't be a good idea. We don't associate with SIL. And his mom can't keep a secret so I feel like if she saw something abnormal/sex of the baby/etc she'd tell all her sisters/daughter/etc. It'd also feel really weird having MIL there esp if I was being examined beyond a tummy u/s. I'm enjoying keeping most of the experiences between DH and I. At the end of the day, it's nobody's responsibility but ours. And it's great for it to be our journey. I don't mind sharing u/s photos after the fact but I'm cherishing our appointments together.
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  • This is one thing that I am actually not weird about. My friend was with me on Wednesday at my dr. apt. She was also with me when I had my dd, along with my doula and another friend, although I ended up with a c-section.My MIL was at my anatomy scan with dd, not sure if I will do that again with this one or not. I think to each his own, if you are uncomfortable with anyone other than DH, then that is what you should do.
  • My husband couldn't go to my 2ND u/s and I decided the night before that I didn't want to go by myself, so I called and invited my mom. It ended up being an internal, and we just giggled about it while I undressed. I thought it would be weird, but it was awesome to share the excitement of seeing the baby. I wouldn't have wanted my mil there though!
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  • When I was pregnant with G I had u/s at each of my last 4 appts because they were worries about his size. My MIL asked to come once [because she is pushy like that] and I let her. I asked my mom if she wanted to come to the next one. My hubby wasn't able to get off work for these so I would have been alone, which wasn't a big deal, but I knew it was special to them to see him since u/s have come so far in 30 years.

    This time I will be telling MIL thanks but no thanks.
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  • I can't relate to not wanting others to hear/see your medical info b/c I'm a pretty open person. That said, I don't really feel comfortable with anyone other than DH (or my sister) coming to big appts. If I am going to hear bad news (which can very well happen at the a/s), I don't want an audience. Maybe I'm weird that I tend to prepare for the worst case scenario.

    Besides, my doctor's office asks patients to limit the number of guests to 1 for space. 


  • Our families live far away, so this is kind of hypothetical for me.  However, even if they were in the same city, neither DH's parents or my parents would be invited to any medical appointments, ultrasounds etc related to the baby.  DH hasn't even joined me at any of my appointments yet.  He is coming to my NT scan today and this will be the first baby-related appointment he has attended.

    For us, pregnancy and birth are a special experience between husband and wife, and I see it as a bonding experience for our little family.  Of course, it is exciting for our parents and siblings too, but the focus for me is on building our own family.  This is one of the many reasons only DH will be there when I am giving birth.  Neither family is even invited to wait at the hospital or at our house. 

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  • I would feel the same way, and I woiuld not let my MIL come to appointments.  I might take my OWN mom, but not DH's mom.  That's just how I feel about it.

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  • image Grace0609:
    I would feel the same way, and I woiuld not let my MIL come to appointments.  I might take my OWN mom, but not DH's mom.  That's just how I feel about it.

    This.  I like my MIL, but I'm not super comfortable around her and so there's no way I would take her with me.  But if DH couldn't be there and I would either ask my mom or just go on my own.

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  • We considered bringing my MIL, but as I kept thinking about it, I worried about if they were to find something wrong or weird at the Dr appt. If something goes wrong, I would want to digest it and then share.  For someone to whom I'm not hugely close to be there, I would be really uncomfortable. 
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  • Hell to the no.

    (I haven't read other responses).

    Other than the scenarios you described above, I can't imagine wanting anybody other than DH with me -- probably not even my own mom (who I am very close to!), and CERTAINLY not my MIL.  I MIGHT ask my best girlriend if DH couldn't come for some reason, but only becasue Id' want somebody there in the event somethign was WRONG.

     

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  • I let H and DD watch the NT scan, and we're taking all of the grandparents to the elective scan to find out the sex.  But, I don't let anyone in the room when I'm discussing medical history or being examined, not even H.  Flame me if you will, but I don't disclose my entire medical history to anyone, including H.  He has no desire to sit and listen to a conversation like that, or to be present when I'm being examined below the belly.  So, I'm fine with people seeing u/s's, but not sharing personal info.
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  • My MIL who lives out of town was constantly commenting on how she wasn't going to see DS until he was several weeks old....I should add that we have never been close. So in an attempt to be nice(and shut her up) I invited her to our 36 week ultrasound (my parents have never gone and will never go to an appointment) .  The office was awesome...they did not disclose any information....I think they are used to others being at appointments.The problem was my MIL who just stood there the entire time, never expressing any emotion and she never said thanks for inviting her....it was like it was a burden.

    I have mixed feelings about having invited my MIL. I am glad I did because it shut her up but I really wish it would have been a private moment since she didn't think it was as special as I did.Trust your gut and follow your heart. 

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  • I am lucky that my DH is able to come to my appointments. I don't have medical problems but I am a really private person.  I would never want a bunch of people in the room for anything. If my DH couldn't come with and I didn't want to go alone the only person I would let come would be my best friend.  We've known each other since 5th grade so I would feel comfortable with her coming with me.  I think maybe you and your DH should talk to your MIL together - it might make it easier.  Good luck!
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  • I go to my appointments alone. DH will take a day off work for the anatomy scan and he will be there for delivery.  I don't see the point of bringing a buddy for BP checks.
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  • We will be having family come to our A/S, but my doctor knew of our circumstances beforehand and offere to schedule my monthly appointment with my OB about an hour before the A/S. Our situation is a little different, though. My MIL has terminal lung cancer and they don't expect her to be alive to meet our baby (her first grandchild), so we're trying to include her in as much of this pregnancy as possible.

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  • I'm a super private person and would never invite anyone other than my DH or my mother to an appointment. The only reason I invited my mother last pregnancy is because she was hoping to be one of my labor support people but her flight didn't arrive until an hour after my son was born.

    I went so far as to refuse to inform anyone other than my mom that I was in labor or the hospital. I waited until a full day after my son had been born. I feel exposed and violated to have be seen in a medical situation by others. I plan on doing exactly the same this time.  

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  • My husband was in basic while I was going to Dr appts, so my mom went with me to almost every appt. Most of them she stayed in the waiting room for, but she came in just to see the ultrasounds. Also my best friend came to an ultrasound. She and my mom were the 2 in delivery with me as well.

    Maybe you could invite her to wait with you, and have her come in for only the heartbeat or ultrasound? That way she isn't around for the private information. Have you told DH that you don't feel comfortable with her coming? What is his take on it?

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  • We live really far from family so it's just us two most of the time. BUT my parents are going to visiting for Thanksgiving and that just happens to be the week of our A/S so they are going to come with us to find out the gender. We're going to find out just the two of us and then bring them in to show them and they can check out the baby Big Smile
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  • I don't want anyone but DH tagging along to my appointments, including my u/s. That's just my personal preference.  
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  • I'm having the same issue with my mom. She has been asking to go to my appointments ever since we told her we were pregnant. I have so far held her off but I'm pretty sure I'm going to offend her when I downright say, "I'm sorry, I just feel more comfortable going by myself."

    My reasons are my own, but I've had too many bad ultrasounds to be optimistic about my appointments, and if something were to go wrong, I would not want my mom there having a break down while I am trying to cope with it myself. I would want some time to digest it.

    Mostly I just want this to be between me and hubby, and that's just the way it is. If he can't make it to an appointment, I much prefer going alone. I don't like making small talk with anyone while I'm sitting in the waiting room worried and nervous.

    What I'm most nervous about is telling her I just want it to be DH and me in the delivery room. That will NOT go over well...at all. She was in with my twins seven years ago (I was a lot younger and a lot more dependent on her) and now I think it has set a bad precedent. Oh well. Can't please everyone. 

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