Pregnant after 35

Scared, scared, scared

Hi.  I'm new to this forum and to this experience.  This is my first baby and I am 35 years old.  I work in the healthcare field as a surgical assistant and my advanced medical knowledge is just scaring the crap out of me.  In my 18 years in health care I have only seen 3 uncomplicated, normal births.  So in my mind, there is no such thing as a normal pregnancy.  Right now, I am having pain in my lower left groin.  It is scaring the heck out of me because all I can think of is ectopic pregnancy on the verge of rupture.  I know this isn't true, I'm sure its fine but I am so scared.  How do I deal with this over whelming fear of losing this baby?  I have never been pregnant before.  I feel like an idiot.
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Re: Scared, scared, scared

  • Newbie here, too, and I definitely understand the worry. People close to me have experienced loss and complications, and it's hard not to think of that.

    What is helping me is positive visualization. Closing my eyes and imagining my baby's healthy heart and body. Focusing inward and thinking good thoughts. It sounds simplistic, but it's calming.


    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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  • Also, all of those people I know now have healthy children. Remember that healthy pregnancies do happen. Read stories here as well. Lots of ladies have had several healthy pregnancies.

    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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  • I'm not pregnant but I'm sure once I am I will be nervous too, it's not silly to feel that way I think it's normal. It does seem like you hear a lot of horror stories ,but women have given birth to healthy babies in the back of cars, in the toilet the tub you name it ! You have the benefit if great medical care and your own knowledge , if something is feeling wrong you will be able to get help right away. Keep imagining a healthy beautiful baby growing in you :
  • I also work in the medical field (ICU and ED nurse), so I totally get where you're coming from. Of course, as a surgical assistant, you're only seeing the cases that make it to the OR. When I did my maternity rotation, there were GOBS of healthy, uneventful pregnancies and a only one that was complicated and ended up with the mom in the ICU (she had had too many kids and her uterus just pooped out).

    I will also say that where I practice, we have a lot of underage and/or drug addicted and/or morbidly obese and/or alcoholics and/or heavy smokers and/or irresponsible pregnant women (you know, the type who don't know they're pregnant until they're 4 months along and haven't been to a doctor in 3 years and they show up to the ED with all sorts of hygiene issues in their "undercarriages" or whatever). These women manage to have unremarkable pregnancies-- although their babies end up in the NICU more often than not-- and if THEY can do it, then so can you since I'm assuming you're not a smoking, meth-addicted, alcoholic who eats nothing but Domino's pizza and McDonald's food...

    Hang in there! I wanted to have a chill, relaxed pregnancy and I find that my hormones don't let me-- I always have to make the effort to reel my crazy back in and think logically through everything...


    "You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was." 
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                               Me:39  MH:39 
    DD born 6/1/2013 after 15 months of TTC with one loss.    
    TTC #2: BFP 4/22 but stalled growth and no HB at 9w3d on 5/30        

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  • Pregnancy is very Scary I Agree specially the older you are!  I am 39 ...!  Here's is to Healthy - Growing Babies !!!


    me: 39 DH 40 Trying to Conceive #1 Since Nov. 2010, BFP # 1 1/14/12 EDD 9/20/12 -M/C between 7-8 weeks - :( BFP # 2 10/9/12 EDD 6/16/12 - No Embryo Found 8 weeks 4 day U/S :( Waiting to Miscarry - 9 weeks today Will Try for one more BFP in 2013
  • First off congrats!  I totally understand the worry. It is common to have the pain you are talking about and as long as it does not get severe then you shouldn't worry.  Yes alot of women have miscarriages but more often the pregnancies are successful so try to stay positive.  For me this first trimester has been hard and long just waiting to see if this baby is ok.  Now that I have seen it on ultrasound a few times I feel a little better.  Hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months :)
    TTC since Dec. 2010. Me: 37, DH: 38...unexplained RPL
    BFP #1 - missed m/c 4.18.11 found @8w3d, d&c @13w 
    BFP #2 blighted ovum found 8.2011 @8w, misoprostol
    BFP#3 - missed m/c 6.11.12 @ 9w3d, d&c revealed extra chromosome 15
    BFP#4 8.10.12, DD born 4/26/13
  • It is very comforting to hear your story and those of other women on this site/forum.  I was worried about getting pregnant (I am 36) and now I'm worried about keeping this baby!  But I am positive and feel really good.  It's nice to know that others are having the same concerns and to get support!
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  • Hi, Jenn. I do not work in the medical field, but your description made me think of round ligament pain, which is totally normal, as I'm sure you know.

    I think the medical establishment has made us WAY too concerned about our age at conception/delivery. It's not like a switch suddenly flips or that your lady parts all have an expiration date on your 35th birthday. If you are otherwise healthy, there is no reason whatsoever that you won't have a wonderful and uneventful pregnancy and delivery.

    As Daniele said, if the methhead McDonald's eater can manage a successful pregnancy, so can you. I also agree with visualizing your strong, healthy baby growing inside you. I often have a cup of hot cocoa before bed, and while I sip my cocoa and relax on the couch, I think warm and happy thoughts about my baby and how happy I am to be having him. It makes me feel better and sleep better.

    There is another board on The Bump called Birth Stories. I like to read them. Even though there are some unexpected bumps sometimes, the deliveries generally go quite well, and the posters tell honestly how they felt and what happened throughout the process. I find those stories quite reassuring as well. Pregnancy is a natural process and in the vast majority of cases, the body knows what it's doing. My own grandmother gave birth to my mother in 1944 at age 38, which was QUITE the odd thing back then. I can only imagine how much negativity she must have been showered with, yet all went well and my mother is still alive and kicking at 68 years old.

    Over-40 parents...what we lack in vigor, we make up for with cunning.
  • lurking..

    I am a critical care RN and I felt the same way in early pregnancy. I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant on my own, and then had lot of left lower quadrant pain.

    turns out it was a small cyst on my ovary, no big deal, saw it on the u/s and it shrunk over the next few weeks, but I did think "ectopic!" when I first felt the pain.

    how do you deal? you just tell yourself it will all be ok, basically reassuring yourself, sometimes I did this outloud. Yoga, deepbreathing, excercise, and vent those feelings to your partner or close friend.

    It's hard when all you see is the pathological stuff, I get it. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d


  • I think it sounds like ligament pain. Very normal. Your body is just loosening in to being pregnant. Have faith! I have had 6 completely uncomplicated pregnancies (one miscarriage), and 6 completely uncomplicated deliveries. You can do this!
    Soon to be a mom of 7! Guess who's in the market for a 12-passenger van!
  • My 1st was a med free vaginal birth.  I had to be cut a little, but other than that, the birth itself was very normal, as was the pregnancy.  I cannot say the same for my daughter: much more high risk, but both children are healthy. 
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