Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Paranoid mom

Being a first time mom I know it's normal to worry. But how do I lean not to be so paranoid ? My baby is 2 weeks today and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to fall asleep because I'm so afraid of SIDS. She will make little noises and I'll fear she's having trouble breathing or she wont be making any noises and I'll fear she isn't breathing. This leads me to check on her multiple times while she sleeps and I have been waking up in night sweats. I also worry of doing something wrong as a parent and losing her. Is there anything I can do to relax a little bit
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Re: Paranoid mom

  • I'm not downplaying the seriousness of SIDS or anything, but in recent years, it seems like the media and other sources have contributed to the increasing paranoia by telling us over and over again that just about everything we do as parents has an associated SIDS risk. Yes, the warnings should be taken seriously, but a little common sense goes a long way. Try to remember that you are doing everything in your power to keep your LO safe, and as long as you use common sense, the risk of SIDS is pretty minimal.
  • Take a deep breath!!!  You are doing a good job, and it is completely normal to be scared of doing everything wrong as a FTM.  But assure yourself that you are doing everything right!!

    I recently transitioned DS to his crib a week ago, so before that he was in his RnP in his own room and I'd say after about a week or two I stopped worrying.  I knew nothing was going to happen to him in his RnP.  Now that he is in his crib, I am starting to worry.... I've seen him start to turn to his side, so I'm afraid of when he rolls to his belly since he hasn't been able to roll back yet.  I'm afraid of him sleeping face down in the crib....

    I'm also afraid of him hitting his head on the rails or getting stuck.... Basically It takes some time to keep reassuring myself that he'll be safe and fine and that you can't hover over them all the time.

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  • It is hard to relax those first few weeks, I remember it well. 

    I did try to follow a few of the recommendations that would help reduce the risks - nothing in the pack in play w/ her, appropriate temperature in the room, ceiling fan going, and we co slept (not bed shared, just room shared). Knowing that a baby will regulate their breathing to mom's breathing was a real fear-reducer for me. 

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  • The PPs have already said several useful things. I just wanted to add that your nightsweats may not be anxiety related. I think nightsweats are common post-partum. I had them for months and it was awful.

    (I'm not saying you aren't ALSO anxious, just that the two may be independent.)

     

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  • I was the same way.  My DD is almost 8 months old and I still go in her room 2-3 times a night to check on her even though we have a video monitor.  From your pic, it looks like she's on her back, in a bassinett which I assume is in your bedroom, so she's as safe as she can possibly be!  If you are this anxious, talk to your doctor and maybe he/she can prescribe something for you to calm you down.  Worry is absolutley normal but don't worry, your baby is as safe as she can possibly be!

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  • I remind myself that even though SIDS is tragic and I in no way want to downplay that, it's also really rare overall. The media and even our pediatricians make such a huge deal out of SIDS and SIDS prevention--and while that's important, I think that the attention devoted to SIDS makes us feel like it's more likely to happen than it really is.  

    At the same time, and only you know this--if your anxiety is really crippling, you may want to consider talking to someone about therapy or medication.  Your OB or midwife might be a good place to start, since they should be discussing postpartum depression and mental health with you anyway. 

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  • Have you considered an ANGELCARE monitor? When my LO went to the crib, its truly a great invention. It has a pod that goes under the mattress and sense they child's breathing, the (literal) second they stop breathing it sends out a fire-alarm type sound to alert you. I know this because of the research I did before registering for it and when you pick baby up w/out turning the monitor off it goes off. 

    I started sleeping much better once LO was sleeping in the crib and not in the bassinet next to me, because I was like you constantly checking on him.

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  • the first couple days back from the hospital, i was the SAME way. i was so paranoid, i'd check on her periodically to make sure she was still breathing, i made sure she was never sleeping on her side, no blankets in the crib, i wouldn't even sleep at the same time with DH! it took a lot of coaxing from DH to make me realize i was being super paranoid and that she'll be just fine. just make sure to always have her sleep on her back, no bumpers or anything in the crib, etc. just take the necessary precautions and she'll be fine.
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  • PPs have given you great advice.  I think all FTMs feel nervous and worry that their LO is not safe.  A friend of mine had a lot of anxiety when she first became a parent.  She was afraid to sleep when her LO was sleeping b/c she was afraid of SIDS.  She would wake up with night sweats and terror that something was wrong.  She was so terrified that she would do something wrong that might inadvertently hurt her daughter that she hired a nanny to stay home with her and her DD.  I think it helped her feel better that a "professional" was nearby in case something happened.  For my friend, it was extreme anxiety that left her not sleeping and not comfortable being a parent.  Ultimately, after talking to her doctor, she decided that her anxiety was related to PPD.  She did not end up needing medication, but she did seek out help and just being able to talk to someone about the situation helped her cope.  I am not trying to say that you are suffering PPD, as my friend did, but please know that if you begin to feel such extreme anxiety that you cannot sleep or it is interfering with your daily activities, there is help.  GL, momma!

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  • SIDS was also the one thing I was really paranoid about for DD. I think one thing that helped was researching it online and in books as much as I could. I read about certain stats that make a child higher risk or not and found that my DD is almost as low risk as you can go. I also learned at what age most SIDS cases happen. At 2 weeks you have not even really entered the prime SIDS risk time frame. Read up on it a bit, and you can help lower your baby's risk or become more comfortable knowing that you are already low risk :)
  • Thank you everyone that makes me feel a lot better.
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  • This is sooo normal i was like that too but i also tested positive for group b step and i went into delievery fast and he did not get all of his antibiotics and i was a wreck the first 4 weeks i didt sleep or eat all i did was cry everytime i looked at him cause idk what id do if i lost him. i was insane maybe it was hormones but i was over emotional about the whole thing. and then i scared myself to death with reading it on the internet. dont do that! lol but just lay on his back read up on how to reduce the chance. also breastfeediong reduces the chance by 70% so i am EBF my son he is now 7 weeks. 

    (:

     

    if you can relactate that would be a great life savor there and an ease of mind.  

  • Blame the hormones! And just the fact that you love your little man. I invested in an Angelcare monitor but it ended up not working right so I got a snuza. Best thing ever. 
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  • Honestly the Angelcare monitor saved my sanity when I was worried about SIDS. I used it in the bassinet for the first 5 months and then in her crib. We are still using it almost a year later.
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