Blended Families

When thinks are ok with BF does DH ever seem jealous?

Since BF and I have been getting along DH has been a little irritable. It almost comes off as he is jealous that BF and I are getting along or maybe its that BF is finally taking an interest after 2-3 years of having no interest in the kids.

Has anyone else had this happen during times where you were getting along with the birth parent? Any suggestions how to deal with this or atleast how to bring it up to DH without sounding stupid? Thx
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Re: When thinks are ok with BF does DH ever seem jealous?

  • As a step parent, I have actually been where your DH is.

    I was upset/jealous because DH and bm were getting along so good and had so much to share in life kids and a whole history that I wasn't included in I sorta felt like an outsider in THEIR family. But DH did a great job of blending us and giving lots of opportunities for US to do family stuff with the kids.

    And eventually I just adjusted...we get along FANTASTICALLY with bm now both of us and I feel way more like a part of dh's family.

    Also one day my SD had said to me "it's so awesome that I have a mom and an EXTRA mom... And I'm lucky you guys are so nice to each other" she went on to say how her friend's mom and sm are always fighting but that was the quote that struck me.
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  • Is it possible that your husband just doesn't want to see the kids get hurt over this?  

    My ds is from a previous relationship but his BF would not meet him until he knew for sure he was his father. He met him after his first bday. In between that time I met my husband and my son and my husband developed a relationship. They are inseparable and my husband views him as his kid. (Even though we always made it clear who his BF was) My ex has this habit of being super involved and then not super involved. So when ever that does happen my husband becomes extremely protective and is just cautious.

    Whatever the answer is the sooner you get this out in the open with your DH the better. So there really is no way to tip toe around it. Just be up front but polite. 

     


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  • I am also like Jessys_Girl and the step parent and have been where your DH is.

    Mine was more from the fact that BM actually tried to get H back when we were first together, so every time they were together or simply exchanging I would question if anything hinky was going on.  I finally had to tell myself to stop and simply put my trust in H.  I came right out and asked him if he had any feelings for BM still and if I should have anything to worry about.  He assured me no and I let it go.  Now I could care less whether they are together.

    It was something that I had to do on my own, however my H helped me.  I think somehow you need to bring it up to your DH and just reassure him that you have no feelings for BF in that way.  Also explain that it's easier to be civil with her for the kids, so having H be on board will just make the whole situation better for the kids, which is the ultimate goal.  Also, if it's not a jealousy in regards to you but like PP mentioned that the kids will get hurt it still needs to be addressed.

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  • DH actually LIKES when BD and I are getting along because it means I am way less stressed and that DS's best interest is being served. I would just be open and honest with your DH - say "It seems like it annoys you that BD and I are getting along. I just want to assure you that this is good for everyone - I am less stressed and having BD be more active in the kids' lives is what's best for them - even though it may be annoy or hard for us. Am I over thinking things, or are you having a bit of an issue with BD and I getting along?" If you're cautious about it and make it about the kids and not BD, DH might realize is jealousy is silly and you guys could have a great conversation about it - GL!
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  • Both myself and DH have been in that position, so it is easier for us to compare it on the other side and make how we are feeling understandable. I try to only talk to BD when it does involve our son so that it's easier for me to say "it's just about the child" and have him accept it. As for me being jealous of his DDs mom, DH and I were a little rocky in the beginning because he was upfront with me and told me he still had feelings for her. He and I split until he was sure who he wanted to be with, and I'm the one he married. That is enough for me to know that I don't need to feel jealous, but that isn't always the case with everyone. Just be as honest and thoughtful as you can and ask him if there really is a need to feel that concern.
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