Blended Families

Phone visitation with BF's GF?

If your BF has a GF does she talk to your child during phone or skype visits?  And I mean GF's not wives. 

 

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Re: Phone visitation with BF's GF?

  • The few times BD would call and talk to the kids he would have his GF talk to them for a few minutes (they later got married).  It never bothered me.  I felt that if she wanted to talk to the kids, then she clearly cared about them and I appreciated her efforts to establish a relationship with them.  Before my husband and I got married or even engaged, I would talk with K when he was on the phone with her.  Usually it was just a "hello" and asking how she was doing.  I really believe that me talking to her between visits made our relationship with each other what it is today.

    Plus, you know this isn't just some girlfriend.  They live together and she is an active role in your son's life when he's with his father.  It's good for your son to encourage him having a relationship with her.  If he picks up on your bitterness and resentment, it's going to impact him later on.

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  • When I was the GF I never talked to SS but if I was there I would tell DH to tell him I love him and miss him.

     

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  • If the child asks to talk to the gf/bf  then you should definitely let him.  We let SD ask to talk to other people, if she doesn't ask, we don't push it, or if it has been a while between visits. 
                           
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  • I used to talk to the kids when I was the GF. I didn't call myself but if DH was talking to the kids and they wanted to talk to me I would get on and talk for a minute or so to each of them. This was when I was the serious GF and we were living together which we already knew we would get married when we moved in together we just hadn't had an "official" proposal at that time. Before we moved in together, I did not talk to the kids on the phone.

    And I agree with PP, you know this isn't just any GF. This is a serious GF and you need to remember that it's in your son's best interest for he and the GF to have a good relationship  especially since she lives at his other house.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

  • When BD and BM2 were together she was the one who initiated BD calling DS (BD never called before being with BM2, and he never calls now that they're not together.), and it first it annoyed me that she would talk to DS. She was the GF, not the SM - I had the same mind set you did.  I didn't want DS and BM2 having a good relationship and I was jealous. That was very, very, VERY selfish of me, and was not in DS's best interest. Put your DS first. You may hate GF, and you may be extremely bitter, but all of this is not good for DS. I couldn't stand BM2, but I learned to accept the role she had in DS's life, and learned to 'be a duck and let things roll off my back.' I too would make comments about how BM2 was just a GF, not a SM. However, she is the BM of DS's sister, and she saw DS about 80% of the time BD saw DS. And, mind you, BD only has EOWE. Your BD has 50%, correct?

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  • I talked to my SD on the phone occasionally when I was "just" the GF.  And when she's at our house she'll ask to call her mom and then want to speak to anyone and everyone in the house (relatives and non).  We don't tell her no unless we are getting ready to do something (eat dinner, go to bed, etc...).  They're in her life, it's good for her to talk to them.
    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
  • before DH and I were married I would talk to SS on the phone. He had a cell phone that DH provided for him, and SS would call me to tell me how his day was going. SS and I still to this day have a close relationship that BM resents (she has taken his cell phone away now and we havent talked to ss in 2 weeks.)

  • If they are serious I think as long as he leads the call it is appropriate because they need to bind if it is going somewhere.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • As far as I know, XH's girlfriend has never talked to DS on the phone. I wouldn't care if she did.

    If DS asked to call her/talk to her, I'd tell him to take that up with his CA Dad (XH). I don't have her number. 

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  • BF and I are really just starting to co-parent but he has told me that he is seeing someone for the past 1.5 years and they have been living with each other for 10 months. So I know this GF is serious and that she will be apart of their life, so if she wants to talk to them after they meet her I think it is important that they do. I don't know how I would feel about her calling herself, but if he calls and she talks to them during that time I will be okay with it.
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  • As of right now no. I am hoping my ex is learning his lesson. He has introduced girl after girl to our son. DS would become attached then when they would break up he would wonder why they don't come and see him any more.

    When my ex was with a serious girlfriend (who he did end up marrying and then divorcing) I encouraged the relationship. When his dad would call DS would also talk to the gf.

    Now he is on his 3rd girlfriend since the divorce and from what I understand they haven't met yet. But if this relationship does go anywhere then of course I will encourage it. 

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  • DS's (soon to be stepmom...tomorrow!) has never talked to him on the phone. But I think it would be totally fine if they did!
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
  • My situation may be a little different, but I started dating DH when his DD was 11months. At first, he wanted his weekends with her to mainly be just them, and I respected that. After a little while, DH and I moved in together, so I was a bigger part of her life. Even after DH and I had been together for 3 years and engaged, his DDs mom didn't like that I wanted to be a part of DDs life. DD already had a mom, and I was "being too motherly" towards DD. Even being in DDs life since she could remember wasn't enough. Because DDs mom acted like this, it has sorely affected my relationship with DD. DD tells me she loves me, but isn't affectionate with me like she is with her dad, mom, AND moms boyfriend. Her moms resentment towards me has changed how DD views me too and I hate that.

     I think that if the GF is a big part of your child's life, then she should be able to talk to and have a relationship with that child. Nothing should be forced, but they shouldn't be influenced not to talk either.

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  • I never spoke with either of the boys when I was a girlfriend.  DH introduced them to me once we were engaged.  They also lived long distance. 
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