October 2012 Moms

Loving my inside baby

I don't know if this is going to make sense, but I am really enjoying my baby on the inside, and I have no idea how I feel about it on the outside. People ask if I'm excited, and I really don't know - I don't think it's actually hit me that in a few weeks I'm going to have a real live baby. I cannot imagine it, I cannot picture the birth, or coming home with a baby, or a baby living in our house. But I am enjoying all its movements and kicks and jumps and stuff. And as much as I am ready for this pelvic girdle pain to be gone, I'm in no hurry to meet the baby. Feels terrible actually writing it, but I'm really going to miss what's going on inside. 
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Re: Loving my inside baby

  • I understand you perfectly. I was kind of like that with DS (although, towards the end I definitely wanted him OUT). I didn't really understand why people got 3D u/s and stuff...I was totally cool with just letting him chill. And it's sooo hard to imagine what it's going to be like, impossible really, that it's hard to get excited about. Plus, what you do imagine is all the bad stuff, like the crying and pooping, etc. But this time around I've been dying to meet LO...it's like waiting for Christmas, only better!
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  • I was scared shittless of having an "outside baby" but it hasn't been bad at all. I mean, the sleep deprivation sucks, but really there aren't any hidden horrible secrets of newborn care that I've found (assuming your baby is born relatively healthy).
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  • I'm right with you, hon. (So I sure hope it's normal!! :P)

    I got a little emotional today thinking about the fact that I won't have her so close, I won't have her to myself, we won't be a little unit anymore, I'll have to share her, I won't be able to protect her the same way I'm used to. I'm trying to just embrace these last days as much as I can; it helps me a little when I'm sitting here with huge ankles and calves, feeling like I can't do it for one more second, to just focus on how a part of me she is right now and to remember to love it. 

    Don't feel terrible. I totally get it, and I bet everyone else here does, too.


    Here's to enjoying this time as fully as we can! <3 

    @frownyface + @ellcore fah lyfe 

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  • I completely agree! I love feeling him move and how "low maintenance" he currently is. No need for diaper changes, feedings, strollers, car seats, or lack of sleep other than for a quick trip to the bathroom or to turn over because my hips are killing me in bed. I get him pretty much all to myself except when people pat my belly and talk to him, including my husband.

    ...But then again, I can't see his little face, truly cuddle, or start experiencing life with a little being Hubby and I made. I'm terrified in some ways of delivery, but not completely. I know what to expect, I'm fairly ready as far as things go, but then things, for some reason, seem to be more "real" thinking about him being born. I know it's real right now, but it still has that almost intangible feeling. And I'm so scared I'll drop him when he's finally home in my arms! That's one of my bigger fears, surprisingly!

    So for now, despite my OB telling me at my 36 week appointment yesterday that he thinks Xander will be here early (I'm 50% effaced, 2cm dilated, and at station -3, all of which I take with a grain of salt), I'm happy having him inside me: safe and sound and rumbling 'round. :)

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  • image rachelmichelle1:

    I got a little emotional today thinking about the fact that I won't have her so close, I won't have her to myself, we won't be a little unit anymore, I'll have to share her, I won't be able to protect her the same way I'm used to.

    It's interesting that you shared this because my mom who was here last week for my baby shower said that once she had me (I am the oldest) it was hard for her to realize exactly what you wrote above, that she didnt have me all to herself, that we werent a little unit anymore.  She was excited that she had finally met me but she also missed having me so close to her.  I thought it was beautiful and I actually could perfectly relate to her statement.

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  • Totally get what you mean! I am so protective of him now-  i imagine him being out just yet...but I cant WAIT to meet him

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  • I'll miss feeling him move, but at this point I'm uncomfortable most of the time and just so ready to meet him!
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  • I think the thought of having a baby 100% of the time to take care of and the fact that he could be here any day is scary and exciting at the same time. I do agree with PP, I think a big part of my nerves is the fact that he won't just be for me and DH to spend time with. People are going to want to hold him and I would really love time for just us before we have to share.
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  • I love having him inside, and I will definitely miss having him in there.  But I am so excited about having him on the outside too.  I am not afraid of the sleepless nights or the constant responsibility - I have waited for it for a long time.  My scariest thing is that I know that as the time passes and he passes his stages and gets big so fast, I am going to get emotional.  I want him to be born, but I am going to want him to stay little forever. 
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  • I can totally relate to what you're talking about.  I've gotten used to the movement and just touching, rubbing, and showing off my baby bump.  Plus, I too have had trouble envisioning being a mother and caring for a newborn on the outside.  It's much easier to see to their needs while they're still cooking. 

    On the bright side, I'm super excited to meet this baby and see what he or she looks like and what kind of personality emerges.  Plus, DH will finally have a chance to share in some special bonding once this kid is born!

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  • I agree.  I love having him safe inside of me.  It is like our own personal bubble of a relationship.  I am scared of him being outside and unable to protect him.  Yet, I can't wait to hold him and let DH experience a bit more.  It is all weird.
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  • I understand what you mean. The other day a coworker commented that she can't imagine having a baby at home.  I agreed before realizing that she was commenting on my plans for a home birth, not on actually living with a baby in the home.  I'm just trying to imagine DH and me raising a child.
  • I understand. This could possibly be my last pregnancy and that makes me sad. Its hard to believe these could be the last few weeks I ever feel a baby moving inside me but I know we may be done after 2. I'm not ready for it to end. 

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  • Thanks everyone! Glad you understand... many of you have articulated exactly what I'm feeling. This pregnancy thing is a funny thing.


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