October 2012 Moms

Setting limits on visitors- crazy mother story

This happened a couple of months ago, but I've really just been a lurker during this pregancy.

My mom lives several states away, and we don't have the best relationship.  When talking about her visit for when I have the baby, I politely told her that a visit of a long weekend would be perfect. I used the excuse that we're not hosting anyone since it's a second pregnancy (we're not, but my step-mom and MIL are local and will probably be by pretty often to lend a hand) and that we need time to ourselves for our family to adjust to the new addition.  Really, a weekend is perfect because my brother can come visit too and be a great buffer for her craziness, plus my mom may actually be useful in helping to entertain DD#1.

At first, she threw a fit.  She told me she couldn't understand why I didn't want her for a lot longer as she was "such a big help" with holding and rocking DD#1 last time (yep--she actually used that as proof of how helpful she is--during the last post-baby visit, she would say things like, "Oh, it's dinner time--why don't I hold the baby so you can cook?").  She also told me that it's not my fault that I'm not remembering how great she was, because I was so hormonal.

I actually laughed when she tried to remind me how helpful she was. Then I calmly told her that if that if my hormones were truly to blame, I will be equally hormonal this time, and a long weekend works best for our family.     

I'm glad she backed down without picking an even bigger fight--and perhaps I can actually hold my "hormones" in check for a weekend with her. 

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Re: Setting limits on visitors- crazy mother story

  • Good job standing your ground.  A weekend is plenty.  I'm happy that my family lives close, so I won't have anyone actually bunking up and staying with us after our baby is born.  I would go insane.  : )
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  • Excellent response!! Good for you for staying strong. My mil is a little like that, and I have to rely on DH to set the limits. She is totally crazy, but I do my best to ignore it. Plan is that they'll leave soon after we get home from the hospital. My mom will be here to help and that's more than plenty! GL!! (Babies and weddings totally bring out the crazy!)
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  • My parents are coming and staying a week, but we have a decent sized town house with multiple levels. And normally, yes, my mother drives me nuts, but when she has a purpose and is "needed" she's great!

    And this has been proven, as Pumpkin is the 7th grandchild for them :)

  • My parents are coming for a week, but I know my mom will actually be helpful.  Unfortunately we live in a 2br townhouse so we'll all be a little cramped.

    FIL is coming for a long weekend and I think that's perfect for him.  I don't doubt he would be helpful if we need it though.  At least MIL decided she hates flying enough that she doesn't want to meet her grandbaby because she'd just get in the way!

    N~May 2004     C~Oct 2012

    It's the internet. Like you don't own shit. Even Al Gore doesn't say shit like that and he invented the internet. ~~Mbenit4
  • I feel the same way about my Dad, and well-my dad's whole side of the family. I'm planning to not even tell them I'm in labor, just wait and tell them the baby's been born because I don't want them all camped out at the hospital waiting to see the baby. I don't think I can handle any of them right away. Although, i would much rather them come up to the hospital than come to our house when we get home.


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