1st Trimester

Happy Sad Situtation :(

So, I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant, I've had my first ultrasound and got to see the little peapod and heartbeat! I was so excited and happy. However it was short lived (it shouldn't have been but it was) as my long-term boyfriend of over 3 years has decided to have nothing to do with me or it. He was extremely pissed off I said no abortions as it goes against everything I value and believe, told me I was being selfish for only considering my feelings in this and to never call him again unless it was to tell him I got rid of it. I'm ripped apart by this, I'm happy but I feel heartbroken at the same time and I just dont' want him to rob me of this precious moment in my life, yet I feel powerless to stop how I am feeling about it. Any thoughts? Advice?

Re: Happy Sad Situtation :(

  • Do what feels right to you- and that sounds like continuing your pregnancy. You can always replace him but you can't replace the baby inside of you right now. Maybe he will come around when you get further along... Either way, try not to let him spoil your joy. It an amazing thing seeing and hearing the heartbeat. I just got to hear little bean's today. Good luck!
  • In my opinion it is the woman's decision and the man should support the decision. He obviously didn't seem to take precautions to prevent the pregnancy so he shouldn't be mad that it occurred. Sorry for the loss of your BF and hopefully he will come around.   
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  • Congrats on the baby!!! Sorry for what you're going through I know that's tuff. It doesn't sound like he's worth your time to have such poor moral character. You should stick to what you believe is right for you and the baby. Keep your head up and try to surround yourself with positive people!
  • I can't say a whole lot, but I am sorry you are having to go through this. Maybe your boyfriend just needs some time to adjust to the idea, especially if this was an unplanned pregnancy. You can't make the decision for him, or change his mind, but just keep your baby at the forefront of your thoughts and be happy! Hopefully you have a supportive family that will rally around you. Having an abortion means a lifetime of potential guilt/remorse, especially if it is something that you strongly object to based on personal or moral reasons. Make the right decision for you and your baby (& I think you are doing that), and all of the other pieces will fall as they will. Good luck!

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  • Obviously none of us can make that decision for you.. however from what your beliefs are you don't want to get rid of this baby and thats the thing you need to focus on. If he can't be there and stand by you and HIS baby also then he sounds worthless to me. It's such a shame you aren't going to have him in your baby' life but what kind of a role model would he be..? 

    On the other hand he could be in shock and may take some time to get his head round the stress. Men can react very oddly about things and he may just need some time.

    If that doesn't happen and your choice is to keep LO then you need to decide what is best. and that is that precious little miracle growing inside you that needs your love. help, nurturing and support from RIGHT now. Taking care of yourself and LO is now your priority. I am so sad that he been so selfish to put you through this but perhaps in the long term you will be better off. 

    It also makes me furious that you have to choose to abort your child to have "permission" to call him what a jerk. You deserve better. If you decide to abort thats your choice not his, he should of though about protection if he was so against having a child, it does after all take two. Who does he think he is giving you an ultimatum?? do NOT do it for him if thats what you decide. (excuse pg hormones)

    But congrats on your pregnancy and I really do hope everything works out no matter what you decide to do ((HUGS)) 

  • Thanks guys, I know what I want to do, and that is keep the baby, I love it so much already. I have a lot of supportive people in my life right now, but it doesn't stop me from breaking down and crying in the middle of the work day. This was a unplanned pregnancy, neither him nor I thought we could have kids as we both have a medical history so this may even be a once and a lifetime thing for me. And to destroy something that is perfectly healthy and thriving inside me is just a horrible thought. I just don't want to be stressing out about this because I want the baby to be healthy and happy, but its all so overwhelming sometimes.
  • You have every right to mourn the possible loss of a 3 year relationship.  It can be hard to feel two sets of emotions at once.  You will never regret keeping your baby :)  Its perfectly normal to feel stressed and overwhelmed right now.  Hell, I am stressed and overwhelmed and I have a great marriage so I'm not dealing with half of what you are going through!  Hopefully you have some close friends/family members you can talk to.  If not, maybe seek a counselor so you have an outlet for your feelings.  There are so many aspects of pregnancy that are overwhelming, and its doubly hard when you have other life stressors at the same time-you just need to take it a day at a time.  Congrats on seeing the heartbeat!
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  • Seriously, screw him. I understand his frustration and his desire to have a say in the situation, but no man should try to pressure you into an abortion if it's not what you want. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. having said that, you definitely are going to have to step it up if he's out of the picture in terms of working and earning money. It's probably going to be a hard road, but you CAN do it by yourself, and if you're bound and determined to parent, you can make it work.

    Feeling some sadness is inevitable, but also take time to feel happy about your baby. Look at pictures of nurseries on pinterest. Read blogs of other new moms. Get a book and read about your baby's development. Hang your ultrasound pics on the fridge. It's okay to mourn a loss, but don't lose the excitement that you also have for your pregnancy.

    Also, I would definitely turn to family and friends for support, encouraging words, and people to be excited for you. 

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  • To be honest...it sounds like you and your baby are better off right now.  Just keep thinking about the amazing little baby.   If he's worth it, he'll come to his senses or you can always find someone to replace him.  There are a lot of great guys out there and he won't step up, someone else will!

  • First off... CONGRATULATIONS!! In know it may hurt but as a pp said, you can always replace him, and the feeling that you have for that baby will never go away. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be with someone that didn't support me, period. But please whatever you do, take this as a learning experience. Birth control and child rearing isn't only a woman's responsibility and this conversation is a lot easier to have before it happens. If you aren't on the same page, more precaution should be in place... Not trying to lecture though.
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  • CONGRATS ON THE BABY!!! Sad he is being such a loser. You have to be a mom first now and unfortunately that means leaving those that don't support you far behind

    Good luck and best wishes!

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  • image brinkman17:

    To be honest...it sounds like you and your baby are better off right now.  Just keep thinking about the amazing little baby.   If he's worth it, he'll come to his senses or you can always find someone to replace him.  There are a lot of great guys out there and he won't step up, someone else will!

    Ditto this!  I am sorry you are going through this, but you are blessed with this amazing baby and it will change your life!  It will work out! 

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  • I was actually very shocked to read your post, because I am in a very similar situation.  I just got a BFP.  I'm around 7 weeks pg.  My H (together 4 years) was pushing me to "get rid of it".  On Friday morning everything came to a head and after a huge blow up, I started looking into lawyers.  (My H realized what he was losing and seems to have smartened up.)

    I know how hard this is emotionally, and just want to say that you have to do what feels right for you.  YOU are the one carrying this baby.  YOU are the one who has to live with your decision.  If he can't respect that, he is the one that needs to go.  You are going to have a baby, and there is nothing more wonderful and special than that.  He will either come around or he will miss out on something amazing. 

    I wish you a healthy and happy 9 months!

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  • I forgot to add...screw him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • Congratulations on your new baby.

    And on ditching the one you've been dating for 3 years.

     

    I'm sorry this is happening.  it is awful.  But he sounds extremely immature.

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  • Well firstly, congratulations.

    If you are excited about the baby, you should steer clear of anyone who could ruin that excitement - even if that means the child's father.

    So stay happy, and stick with what makes you happy, and since you feel excited no one should rob you of that.

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  • First off: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

    I am so sorry your boyfriend turned into such a jerk. You're definitely doing the right thing by putting the baby first.

    Good luck! 

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  • Oh dear, I just want to hug you.  Like others have said... he has just as much responsibility for creating this child as you do, and if his only answer is to just "get rid of it", then in my opinion, that says everything about what kind of man he is.  I'm sure after 3 years you have strong feelings for him, but I do agree that you and your baby are going to be better off without him.  It's going to hurt for awhile, sure.  But don't LET him take your joy away from you.  Take comfort in sharing your news with people who support and care about you.  You and your baby will be just fine!

    I'm not far ahead of you... hopefully I'll see you on the (edit, because I can't do math) MAY 2013 board!  :)

    And Congrats!!!!!!!!

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  • He is being stupid. Stay strong and fight for your baby! it may be a difficult road ahead but your beautiful baby will bring you joy! 
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  • Wow.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It sounds like you two have very different priorities in life.  I hate to be the one to say this, but it sounds like you're better off without him.  

    I'm gonna screw this up a bit, I'm sure, but Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel bad without your permission.  I know it's hard to do, especially with your hormones running wild, but choose to be joyful about your child, and focus on that.  Of course, after three plus years, it's normal to grieve your relationship.  Just don't grieve so long or hard that you lose perspective of the wonderful that is with you now.  

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  • I'm so sorry you are going through this. But I'm with everyone else.

    You do what YOU want to do. It's his loss. Maybe he'll come around, maybe not. I was raised by a single mom too until she was remarried when I was 8. I know I'm better off not having my sperm donor in my life. 

    Congrats on the baby and good luck!

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  • Don't call him back. If he is pushing you to do something you don't want to do you don't need it.

    However. Just because he wants nothing to do with you or your child does not get him off of the hook. He is still obligated to supporting his child financially and he does not have a choice in the matter. For all you know, he could be pushing this because he doesn't want to be financially responsibility for the child for the next 18-22 years (depending on your state, child support can still be ordered if your child is in college full time- unless the child support laws between now and 2032ish ha).

    Don't let your ego get in the way. I have seen numerous women in the court system here who take the attitude "I don't need a man/my ex/whomever to support me and my baby". You are right- you don't. That is money every month that should be going to your child. If your pride gets in the way- take the monthly child support payments and do nothing but dump it into an account you don't touch. Use that as a college fund for your child or something.

    Don't let him bully you into doing something you don't want to do. And this is coming from a guy- he will be obligated financially to your child. That is the most you can ask for.

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  • You know, I've heard a lot of stories about ambivalent men who hold their tongues throughout the pregnancy but are then upset when their partners give more attention to the baby and less to him.  Obviously a baby is an adjustment for both parties and some amount of this is normal, but the level of selfishness this guy is exhibiting now makes me think that he wouldn't be able to tolerate any kind of change in your focus 9 months from now.  It is very easy for me to say this from the outside looking in, but maybe it's a good thing that his true colors are being displayed now as opposed to when you're physically recovering from birth and adjusting to life with your baby.  And all those ambivalent men I mentioned, the women in their lives cut them lose shortly after having their kids because a) they fell in love with their children and b) were unwilling to cater to an adult acting like a child.  
  • I'm so sorry. It is YOUR body therefore it should be YOUR decision. Like what is said above... maybe it is a good thing he's shown his true colors now rather than later. I know it's probably not what you want to hear though. Just remember that this is something wonderful that is happening in your life and you should surround yourself with supportive people. Know that here at the bump you can ask us all kinds of questions and share your feelings. We're all here to support each other. I hope you have a happy pregnancy and that things get better from here on out.
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