Babies: 0 - 3 Months

irritated with DH....vent

Ok so LO is 3 weeks old at this point, and we have been blessed with an easy baby.  I am a SAHM, since DH works long hours I took over ALL night duties.  Im not resentful of the care our son needs but I m resentful of the sleep DH is getting!!! We are EBF so its not like there is very much for DH to do at this point.  But Im angry at him most of the time.  Plus I care for LO all day.  DH works 16 hours most of the time, again not DH fault.  Help is anyone else in the same boat? Or am I just crazy!!!!
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Re: irritated with DH....vent

  • I'm in the same boat, I take care of LO pretty much 24/7 and we also have an easy baby and ebf. I'm not really holding any resentment, I have been soo lucky in taking care of LO so far and any time I'm awake DH is anyway cause all 3 of us are in 1 room for right now. If it's something that really bothers you then you should talk to him about it (if you haven't already) because you don't want to build up a whole bunch of resentment and him not really know what's going on. Hormones also play a big role, you're not crazy- just a new mommy. Hang in there (:
    "I know this is love-and this bundle is our lifetime proof."

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  • Sometimes I hate my DH for no good reason.  I figure that's the hormones talking!
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  • My DH works 70-80 hours/week. He owns a consulting firm so this is just life for us.

    DD STTN now but he did get up and help when she was waking frequently during the night. I just couldn't do it all alone. During the night he'd get up, change her, and reswaddle her while I went to the bathroom then he'd make sure I was all set with the bfing, get me a glass of water or whatever, then go back to bed. Really, he would only be up for 15 minutes at the most and he can go right back to sleep so NBD and no worse than when he use to have to take calls in the middle of the night.

    For bedtime, DD was going to bed around 12-1am for quite a while (and still does sometimes). DH would head to bed at about 10:00 then if she was being really difficult, I would get him up to help. If either of us dealt with trying to put a fussy baby down for more than an hour, we'd switch so neither of us would be up all night.

    Let's be honest with ourselves here. Most of our DHs are not off creating world peace. Sure, he's going to work but it's not any easier to be home with a fussy baby all day that you are trying to BF, especially in the beginning. My DH is in IT and works in an office. He carpools to work. He might not love it but it won't hurt him to function on 5-6 hours of sleep. It might be different if he did something physical that could potentially be dangerous to do without enough sleep but he doesn't.

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  • I totally get it. My DH doesn't work as much. He COULD be home by 4 to help me, but he often stays and talks at work and it makes me so mad because by 4, I'm ready to have him spell me, especially on days like today when she is hungry all day long and fussy. I am definitely jealous that he is at work, talking to people, and I'm at home. Then, he throws a fit when I want him to get up and help in the middle of the night, but he gets up at 6 for work, and I get up at 7 with baby girl and usually don't get a nap. He acts like being at school being tired would be so bad but I have to be awake enough to take care of the baby!
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  • We EBF too and I SAH with DD so I generally do all the night feedings DD is 10 weeks so she's down to 2, sometimes 1. But in the beginning, when she was taking a long time to eat rock back to sleep DH would get up, change her, get me a snack or glass of water. Sometimes stay up while she ate rocked her back to sleep. Around 2 weeks I also had him give her a bottle every once in a while never had any nipple confusion so that I could get a lOnger stretch of sleep. Even though he is working outside the home, you are working at home taking care of your LO he should be able to help out some.

    I will say around 7 weeks it got a lot easier because DD got much more efficient at the breast I could put her down drowsy she would fall back asleep. So the 1 hour nighttime feedings have been reduced to 1520 minutes which is much nicer for mommy's sleep!

    Bottom line, even though your DH works, he should help you at night when you need it which in those early weeks you do!. And talk to him about your feelings, he's a guy and likely doesn't think he needs to offer to help if you are EBF, let him know there are things he can do to help, even if it's just sitting up with you and giving you support.
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  • I don't resent my DH at all. He works hard 50 hours a week, helps after work with dinner and DS, and lets me sleep in on the weekends.
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  • I don't think it is reasonable at all to ask DH to get up with you for nighttime feedings when you are BF, staying at home with LO, and he has to leave for work the next day.  His compant isn't requisite to a successful nighttime feeding, even though it might be nice to have him stick around.

    THat said, I do understand what it is like to hit a wall, feel resentful, etc.  You do need sleep too.

    DH gives DD her last feeding of the night.  That allows me to be in bed about 9 PM and sleep for a few hour stretch at least; longer now that DD is 9 weeks old.

    Also, in the morning if DD wakes up for the third time around 5 am or so I've asked DH to just bring her to me so that I can BF her while lying in bed.  Often DD and I will both fall asleep.

     

  • I get annoyed when DH is snoring while I'm BFin at 3 in the morning, but I reconize I'm being irrational.
  • image ThePinkSuperhero:
    Sometimes I hate my DH for no good reason.  I figure that's the hormones talking!

    Yes

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  • It can be frustrating but it does get better. I have done the same (but bottle feeding) DH is gone 13-14 hours a day so I thought this was the fairest thing to do especially since I don't want him driving to work sleep deprived. But it would be really nice to get some relief on weekends...does your DH help out more on weekends?
    My family is my life!
  • At 6 pm last Friday, I handed DH the baby monitor [after putting LO in the crib ready for bed], told him there were two bottles on the fridge and I headed to bed. I got up at 10 to pump and then slept again until 2.

    Ask him to do the bedtime routine on Friday and Saturday nights. He'll figure it out.
    I make cute babies.

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  • I'm actually dreading this in a few weeks when new baby arrives. With DS, my DH was in grad school finishing up his phd. He was not working much at all, though he was getting plenty of sleep. He would actually put a pillow over his head to block the noise! I wanted to strangle him at 3 in the morning, especially after I went back to work.

    It got much, much better after DS was sleeping through the night. DH helps out a lot now. However, I'm dreading going through this new baby phase with him again. My hormones will be raging, plus this time I won't be able to sleep during the day because of caring for DS. Fingers crossed he helps out more.
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  • DH is a chef so weekends are worse than during the week. His only day off is Monday. goes in at 8am doesn't get off till 10 or 11 most nights.  I might as well be a single mom.  Thanks for the support.  Im still healing and I know its mostly hormones. I knew that his schedule was going to be like this before we even got married.  The reality is just harder than expected.
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