Babies: 0 - 3 Months

So mad at DH...

I always thought I had a strong marriage. Ever since the birth of our first LO, however, I find myself becoming more and more frustrated and angry with DH, and I'm not even sure why. Little things that didn't bother me much before seem like a bigger deal now. 

Is anyone experiencing anything like this? Could it be hormonal? 

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Re: So mad at DH...

  • Yes it could definitely be hormonal. My LO is almost 4 months and I'm still experiencing crazy hormone swings. My Midwife warned me it could take up to 6 months for my body to get back to normal. I'm not sure what to tell you other than try to take a step back when something bothers you, and give yourself a second to look at it from fresh eyes. Remember he's new to this to! =) Good luck love! 
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  • Make sure you are letting him know your needs. I think so many times in life we expect the men to read our minds. I know I am guilty of this and with the baby I keep telling myself I have to tell him what I need.
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  • image Foster1Mom:
    Make sure you are letting him know your needs. I think so many times in life we expect the men to read our minds. I know I am guilty of this and with the baby I keep telling myself I have to tell him what I need.

    I'm guilty of this with and without the baby. lol 

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  • image Greco1014:

    I always thought I had a strong marriage. Ever since the birth of our first LO, however, I find myself becoming more and more frustrated and angry with DH, and I'm not even sure why. Little things that didn't bother me much before seem like a bigger deal now. 

    Is anyone experiencing anything like this? Could it be hormonal? 

    I think the "little things" are getting to you because you obviously are having trouble with (and haven't yet resolved) the bigger issues in your marriage. You need to sit down with your husband and have a serious talk. Share how you are feeling (try not to attack or be acusatory) and try to get him to talk about his feelings. Unless you are willing to communicate openly and talk about the problems they will get worse. Sure, hormones may be exacerbating the situation, but until you get to the core issue and resolve it you will continue to have problems.

     Good luck!

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  • I think it's hormonal. Every mom I know, myself included, went through a period of hating our husbands after the baby is born. I think it's legitimate, but exaggerated by the hormones.

     For me, it stemmed from a few things. I EBF and we don't give DS bottles so I am the only one responsible for feeding DS, which means it doesn't make sense for DH to get up in the night with us. Also, that I have to do everything under the assumption that DS will be attached to me, whereas DH can operate under the assumption that I'll take care of DS, nothing has to change for him at all. Combine that with trying to juggle taking care of the house and myself, and it just built a lot of resentment. Why doesn't my partner want to make my life easier? Why doesn't he want to do more or spend more time with DS? I honestly felt like he duped me into believing he was ready for a baby and now it was like I had a baby and care for him, and DH is just in a perpetual state of waiting for me to get DS to sleep.

     All that being said, as time passes and hormones go back to normal, my feelings toward DH have gone back to normal. He found his rhythm with DS, he offers to help more, etc. It will get better! Just know that it takes some time and work! 

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  • Oh, i do hope it is hormonal.  My DH has been amazing, but i do find myself snippy over the most ridiculous things.  Yesterday, everything was great, and i brought up some topic for us to discuss that i KNEW was going to annoy me.  Yeah, i hope it is the hormones and not just me.


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  • Ive been talking to some of my girlfriends who have kids and it seems pretty normal. Ive been having some issues with DH- it gets better then hell do something stupid and I get mad again.

    I think its the hormones, life style change, your home with the kid more...all that put together.  

    recently my biggest beef is that DH is going to be out of town the night before LO's baptism for a concert he didn't even discuss with me, he is seeing the concert in the same city that his parents live (so we plans on driving up the morning of with them) but still Im pretty mad.  

  • This is me exactly. It feels like my life is the only one that has changed. I am hoping I am less annoyed by this and that he steps up a little too ;
  • Having a first child can be really stressful on a marriage.  When most of the feeding and caretaking falls to the mom, there can be a lot of resentment as others have said.  Also, I think a lot of women fall into the trap of thinking their way to do things is the right way and tend to nag and correct their husbands for not doing it that way.

    Just try to remember that you guys are on the same team and tell him when you need help, rather than expect him to be psychic all of the sudden.  Also, know that it does get better as the baby gets older and becomes more self-sufficient, sleeps through the night, becomes more interactive, etc.  Things won't always be as they are right now.

     

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  • Wow, some of the stuff on this board really shocks me. We (DH and I) have already begun discussing how we can both be fully hands-on in taking care of LO so that neither of us has to bear too much of the burden; for example, while I will be BF, that doesn't mean DH can't get up at night and take LO to get changed or get me a glass of water or put the baby back in the bassinet after we are done feeding etc. There's lots a husband can do besides feed the baby; baths, laundry, cooking, playtime, it is all important. Also, I can't imagine my husband booking a night out to go drinking with his buddies or go to a concert without consulting me first. Obviously I'm not trying to police my husband, it's just courtesy!

    I guess I'm just the type of woman who outright asks for help as opposed to hinting and my husband knows full well what is needed from him (which also makes him feel needed, loved and important). Why do so many of us rely on "hinting" or are just too afraid to ask for what we need? I see this type of thing all the time on TB and am wondering why so many women are unfairly burdened with the majority of responsibility for child rearing (and are resenting the hell out of it). It's really sad!  

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  • This usually happens to me when I'm tired and haven't been out of the house in a few days but yes it could definitely be hormones. Try just a little bit of exercise or maybe if possible getting out of the house even for a little while to the store or for a walk
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  • image khill86:

    I think it's hormonal. Every mom I know, myself included, went through a period of hating our husbands after the baby is born. I think it's legitimate, but exaggerated by the hormones.

     For me, it stemmed from a few things. I EBF and we don't give DS bottles so I am the only one responsible for feeding DS, which means it doesn't make sense for DH to get up in the night with us. Also, that I have to do everything under the assumption that DS will be attached to me, whereas DH can operate under the assumption that I'll take care of DS, nothing has to change for him at all. Combine that with trying to juggle taking care of the house and myself, and it just built a lot of resentment. Why doesn't my partner want to make my life easier? Why doesn't he want to do more or spend more time with DS? I honestly felt like he duped me into believing he was ready for a baby and now it was like I had a baby and care for him, and DH is just in a perpetual state of waiting for me to get DS to sleep.

     All that being said, as time passes and hormones go back to normal, my feelings toward DH have gone back to normal. He found his rhythm with DS, he offers to help more, etc. It will get better! Just know that it takes some time and work! 

    this is us EXACTLY right now!!! so frustrating :( 

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  • Chalk it up to hormones! I am a lot more on edge now as well.
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