Breastfeeding

My family is not supportive that I BF

For example, my MIL came over today and immediately went straight for the baby. I handed him over to her and within a few minutes, he starts wiggling around and begins to fuss a bit. She tried calming him down but to no avail. She then says with a smile "See, this is what happens when you breastfeed. He's spoiled already" I told her very boldly "you cannot spoil a newborn" She says "I know, he just prefers you over anyone else" I just left it at that. I did not want to start an argument with her. Especially since we just mended our relationship after some family drama that happened last year. I just get the feeling she doesn't like the fact I breastfeed. All throughout my pregnancy, she kept asking me if I was going to breastfeed and I kept saying yes. She would always tell me I was going to give in into formula because it was going to be very hard. She had 5 kids but did not breastfeed any of them. She told me she regrets it very much now. I get the feeling maybe she is a tad jealous that I'm breastfeeding because she never did. Either way, I end up getting pissed off at her comments and always dread her visits because she always has something to say.

Also, my mom and aunt have both expressed their thoughts. They try to be a tad nicer with what they have to say, but nonetheless, it still ends up bothering me. They both think it's not normal for a baby to feed every 1-1 1/2 hours. That he is not getting enough to eat and that maybe I should give him a little formula just to make sure he can be nice and full. I tell them over and over that he eats plenty and that he is producing the right amount of wet and dirty diapers. Just like my MIL, both of them did not breastfeed any of their kids. Maybe it's the fact that they never experienced nursing that is triggering all these comments. I just wished they could be more supportive. I'm just so glad hubby is totally on board with my decision to EBF.

Oh, and my MIL nearly had a heart attack when I told her my plan was to nurse at least 15 months. The look on her face was priceless Big Smile

Anyone else have less than supportive family members? What do you say to them?

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Re: My family is not supportive that I BF

  • When my second DD was born, I got a lot flack from my in-laws. They wants to know when I was going to give her a bottle. They kept telling me it was easier to bottle feed. Needless to say I breastfed her for 14 months and she only took 1 bottle that entire time. Hang in there and it's good to have your DH's support.  We just told them to get over it, its not their child.
  • I'm sorry that your family isn't supportive. BFing can be hard enough by itself - you don't need people to make it worse! And, who cares if your kid prefers you over other people?!
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  • My sister thinks it is gross and my mom thinks it is a waste of time and energy (my sister and I were both FF).  My mom doesn't really say anything too bad, I just know how she feels about it since I FF ds #1 and I'm BFing ds #2.

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  • My inlaws make really dumb comments all the time but I'm not fazed. Dh shuts them down.
    Where does your dh stand on all this? He needs to handle the negativity.
    Just keep in mind that this is you decision and if anyone makes a negative comment tell them it's not up for discussion. If you don't have any supportive friends I'd look into a bf support group,
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  • No one in my family had BF either. My grandma was always like "stop BFing and give the baby formula. It's better, and it's what you had." Thankfully, she lives overseas so I was always like "Yeah, OK grandma....." on the phone. My ILs were also SHOCKED that the baby had to eat every 2-3 hours even at night! Even the hour after birth! I personally didn't let any of the comments get to me. Now that everyone sees how healthy and smart he is they STFU and realized I must know SOMETHING after all... 
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  • I EBF and my grandmother told me I need to start going four hours between nursing sessions because DD is eating too often. She is 4 months and on a 3 hour schedule. My mom thinks I need to give her water because she thinks DD needs to develop a taste for water. WTH? And how am I alive?
  • image karleegirl:
    My inlaws make really dumb comments all the time but I'm not fazed. Dh shuts them down. Where does your dh stand on all this? He needs to handle the negativity. Just keep in mind that this is you decision and if anyone makes a negative comment tell them it's not up for discussion. If you don't have any supportive friends I'd look into a bf support group,

    I don't think he notices what they say and I haven't spoken to him about it. I really want to bring it up (What his mom says) But I want to avoid problems at all cost. I do tell my mom how I feel about breastfeeding and the comments she says do not bother me as much as what my MIL says. Oh and she said the reason she did not breastfeed her kids was because her ex husband (my FIL) did not allow her to nurse.

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  • image atdavis87:
    I EBF and my grandmother told me I need to start going four hours between nursing sessions because DD is eating too often. She is 4 months and on a 3 hour schedule. My mom thinks I need to give her water because she thinks DD needs to develop a taste for water. WTH? And how am I alive?

    My mom asked me when he was a few days old if he can have a little water Indifferent

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  • My mom has told me that since DD is already 6 months old that I should really think about weaning.  Especially since I'll be going back to work because it's just going to be too much for me.  Seriously?!  My mom also thinks it's caused DD to become too attached to me.

     My MIL actually said something to me about my DD being spoiled but not BF related.  I always wear DD and I respond to her quickly when she cries.  It's one thing when your own mother makes a comment like that but for your MIL to comment is completely uncalled for in my opinion. 

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  • image skibunny59:

    My mom has told me that since DD is already 6 months old that I should really think about weaning.  Especially since I'll be going back to work because it's just going to be too much for me.  Seriously?!  My mom also thinks it's caused DD to become too attached to me.

     My MIL actually said something to me about my DD being spoiled but not BF related.  I always wear DD and I respond to her quickly when she cries.  It's one thing when your own mother makes a comment like that but for your MIL to comment is completely uncalled for in my opinion. 

    Yes!

    At the end of the day, they are our kids, not theirs. 

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  • GLAD that you are choosing to do it! I had support but was also being encouraged to mix in formula which I ended up cutting out after a few tries. We have had some issues with baby being attached to me but I don't mind it and I LOVE the bonding time! Hope you end up getting the support of all your family!
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  • My mom is proud of me for EBF since she couldn't make it work with my brother or me. But she doesnt understand how it works, like needing to pump if LO gets a bottle, she thinks i can just take a break However, MH and his family are less than supportive. I think MH feels left out. But his parents are just crazy. MIL says I should wean before returning to work bc I might leak at work and a male coworker might see. She also told me she used to give her kids bottles of water with flavored gelatin mixed in and was shocked when I said that was frowned upon now. Guess who isn't babysitting my LO?!
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  • Wow, the ignorance displayed by the stories on this board is stunning. Clearly governments have their work cut out for them educating the public and normalizing BF again. We have lost so much collective wisdom!  

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  • I breastfeed and supplement with formula...i have gotten flack from one side because i breastfeed...then i have gotten flack from the other side because i use some formula.  I think it is no one else's business how you choose to feed your child.  I think both formula feeders and breastfeeders deal with pressure and it drives me crazy that people feel the need to stick their nose in on things like this.


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  • image sadsadie:

    Wow, the ignorance displayed by the stories on this board is stunning. Clearly governments have their work cut out for them educating the public and normalizing BF again. We have lost so much collective wisdom!  

    Agreed!!!
  • Luckily my family and MH's mother's side are very supportive. I've had more conversations with MH's uncle about my boobs than is normal in any circumstance.  His step-mother on the other hand didn't breastfeed any of her 4 boys and, while she didn't come out and say anything rude, she was not exactly supportive in the beginning.

    She seemed to think that I had chosen to breastfeed for the sole purpose of monopolizing the baby (e.g. since I'm nursing, they can't babysit).  I felt like saying.... "believe it or not. my decision to breastfeed had absolutely nothing to do with you".

     She's much better now, but sometimes I wanted to scream in the beginning.

     Hang in there! They'll get over it.

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  • I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I think BF, especially early on, can be tough enough, and it's got to be even tougher without any support. Luckily for me my DH, mom and sister have been very supportive. But my MIL has made it very clear that she isn't happy with my decision to EBF. I think she also carries guilt, she didn't BF any of her 3 kids and I think she regrets it. When we were in the hospital and our pedi came to visit, MIL actually asked the doctor what kind of formula DD should get "just in case things don't work out." That was the first of numerous comments insinuating that I was going to fail. It honestly motivated me even more to prove her wrong! 

    I wish I had something to comeback with, I posted last week about that. Right now I just ignore her and bite my tongue because I'm afraid what I will say will be really harsh.  

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  • I feel your pain.  My MIL didn't BF her 3 kids, but yet still likes to offer her "advice" and comments.  My daughter is going through the 4 month wakeful/growth spurt/who knows and I mentioned how she's been getting up in the middle of the night to eat recently and she of course had to say "Maybe you'll change your mind about BF if you have to keep getting up in the middle of the night"  I guess because in her mind a FF baby wouldn't get up in the middle of the night to eat?  I always try to be positive and educate her as much as I can.

    I agree that I think some of it is jealousy that she didn't BF, but she needs to mind her own business.  I don't mind her asking me questions, but I ignore any advice she gives me.

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  • Personally, I agree, I think they are jealous. I feel that I am also jugged as an EBF. Even my neighbor who never had kids tried to lecture me on my LO not getting enough food! HE is always hungry. Thank God i had this board to help support me with the same stuff as you.

     

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