Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Why does my MIL do this?

So, when I was pg., my MIL told me every story about horrible births and people who died in labor, etc. I didn't know one person could know this many tragic stories. Now, she keeps telling me about all the babies that she knows that have died. I had such nightmares last night that I didn't sleep much at all. I've asked that she stop and I told DH I don't want to be on speakerphone anymore, but what do I do when she is here? I just can't believe some of this isn't made up!
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Re: Why does my MIL do this?

  • *lurker from 3rd tri*

    Maybe tell her stories of people you know that are her age that have died or come down with awful medical conditions?  You could throw in "I'm so glad you are able to be an active/involved grandmother...my bff's MIL came down with x,y,z and now can't a,b,c and she's around your age!" I'm clearly still pregnant and hormonal here so take my approach with a grain of salt ;) Anyway, in all seriousness, I would tell her enough is enough and you don't want to hear her morbid stories anymore.

  • image tobysnuggles:

    *lurker from 3rd tri*

    Maybe tell her stories of people you know that are her age that have died or come down with awful medical conditions?  You could throw in "I'm so glad you are able to be an active/involved grandmother...my bff's MIL came down with x,y,z and now can't a,b,c and she's around your age!" I'm clearly still pregnant and hormonal here so take my approach with a grain of salt ;) Anyway, in all seriousness, I would tell her enough is enough and you don't want to hear her morbid stories anymore.

    love this!!!

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  • image tobysnuggles:

    *lurker from 3rd tri*

    Maybe tell her stories of people you know that are her age that have died or come down with awful medical conditions?  You could throw in "I'm so glad you are able to be an active/involved grandmother...my bff's MIL came down with x,y,z and now can't a,b,c and she's around your age!" I'm clearly still pregnant and hormonal here so take my approach with a grain of salt ;) Anyway, in all seriousness, I would tell her enough is enough and you don't want to hear her morbid stories anymore.

    LOL!!! Love it! 

    It might be her way of working through her own anxiety about your LO. I'll never forget watching my mother when my oldest was born. She seemed more worried about his safety than I was. She was just learning to drive a stick shift and was driving our car. She was at a stop light and rolled back a bit before she could get going. She completely panicked and asked repeatedly if my son was okay. (We didn't even hit anything! LOL!) She had to pull over to double check him. I laughed and told her that if I thought that my son was in ANY danger with her driving, she wouldn't be driving. 

    When she's in your home, if she starts telling a story, stand up, say "Excuse me" and walk out of the room. You've told her that you don't need to hear it. She's had fair warning. 

  • image judahsmommy1:

    When she's in your home, if she starts telling a story, stand up, say "Excuse me" and walk out of the room. You've told her that you don't need to hear it. She's had fair warning. 

    This. You don't have to listen to it, and it's rude of her to say these things to you. If you start walking away, she'll get the hint soon enough. Heaven k nows we have enough to worry about without that sort of thing being put in our heads! :)

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  • She may not even realize that she's making you so incredibly uncomfortable.  I would just tell her that if she continues, that the conversations with you will end very shortly.  Tell her that you appreciate her thoughtfulness, but obviously she is going on about it the wrong way.  Ask her when she starts with one of these stories about what your DH was like as a baby (and any other children in the family) to turn it to a positive spin.  I lost both of my parents in the past three years, and my DD is only 22 days old, and I don't tell stories about it.
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  • image tobysnuggles:

    *lurker from 3rd tri*

    Maybe tell her stories of people you know that are her age that have died or come down with awful medical conditions?  You could throw in "I'm so glad you are able to be an active/involved grandmother...my bff's MIL came down with x,y,z and now can't a,b,c and she's around your age!" I'm clearly still pregnant and hormonal here so take my approach with a grain of salt ;) Anyway, in all seriousness, I would tell her enough is enough and you don't want to hear her morbid stories anymore.

    Yes
  • Honestly when she started up with another horror story, I'd interrupt her and remind her that I do not wish to hear horror stories from her anymore.  If she continued then I would leave the room.  I think you need to be pretty firm to get your point across.
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  • image tobysnuggles:

    *lurker from 3rd tri*

    Maybe tell her stories of people you know that are her age that have died or come down with awful medical conditions?  You could throw in "I'm so glad you are able to be an active/involved grandmother...my bff's MIL came down with x,y,z and now can't a,b,c and she's around your age!" I'm clearly still pregnant and hormonal here so take my approach with a grain of salt ;) Anyway, in all seriousness, I would tell her enough is enough and you don't want to hear her morbid stories anymore.

    Love it!

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  • Why beat around the bush?  I would honestly just say, "MIL, I find these stories very upsetting and I don't wish to hear any more of them.  Please stop sharing them with me."

    My niece and sister were in town and were all about sharing stories of decapitations, cancers, etc.  I flat out told them I don't want to hear these stories!  When they forgot I reminded them.  They shut up immediately (and, I think, felt stupid for sharing such unpleasant, unnecessary information!)  I would absolutely take the same approach with MIL, and I make all efforts to be on good terms with her!

  • When she starts, just tell her to stop.

    Similiar but different. My MIL always has to tell us who now has cancer, or is sick, or died. Most of the time we have no idea who she's talking about. DH has started telling her that she kills the mood. We're hear for a good time, we don't need a Debbie Downer. We even went on vacation with them for a week and right away DH said "No talking about other people's health issues". After time and time of being told this, she has laid off being a Debbie Downer, to us anwyas.

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