3rd Trimester

Hospital Visitors

I read a previous post from a new mom who said that if she could do one thing differently it would be to limit the number of hospital visitors when the baby was born. She said people were constantly in and out and they never got to spend time just the three of them as a family. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and want to limit the number of visitors. Our families live 5 hours away, so any family that visited would be from out of town. My parents, MIL, SIL, my sister and her hubby are all staying with us after the kid is born - that's 6 people, staying in our house. I have a list of 10 people who I am cool with visiting in the hospital and I would like everyone else to wait until we are settled at home. My hubby thinks the more the merrier but supports the limit. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'm being generous...

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Re: Hospital Visitors

  • Short and sweet:  Your baby, your rules. 

    I also want time to get used to it being the three of us.  I've warned everyone that no one's coming in for at least an hour after I give birth and I'm definitely kicking people out when I need to nurse. 

    Holy helI at 6 people staying at your house afterwards though!

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  • I think that is reasonable.  While you are in the hospital you will likely be in a small room with nurses and doctors coming in and out to check private areas and ask questions that you don't want anyone to hear.  Most people in your life do not need to be around for that.  Do what you feel like you need to do but it sounds like a good idea to me.
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  • i feel like your going to need a little rest in the hospital or you could do like my friend did. She went to sleep and didnt care who came in lol.
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  • image sjgurl784:

    Short and sweet:  Your baby, your rules. 

    I also want time to get used to it being the three of us.  I've warned everyone that no one's coming in for at least an hour after I give birth and I'm definitely kicking people out when I need to nurse. 

    Holy helI at 6 people staying at your house afterwards though!

    These are my thoughts exactly. If I want alone time with SO and my baby, I dare someone to try to defy me. :)

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  • If I was in your shoes, I would be more concerned that you have SO MANY people staying with you at your home right after the baby is born.  That seems much more stressful to me than having visitors stop by the hospital.  You'll be tired, sore, and adjusting to a new life!

    Hopefully, your house guests will be helpful and not  typical "guests" that expect you to host them, cook for them, clean up after them, etc.  

    In the end, you need to do what you are most comfortable with.   If you want less visitors at the hospital, then stick to it!

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  • Not unreasonable at all!!

    I've already informed my friends and family that the waiting area at the hospital is small and my room is just as small and there are set visiting hours by the hospital staff and No I will not be calling them on my way so they can meet me there. My mother, my step mom and my sister are the only ones allowed in the room as my support team and my dad and siblings are allowed to be there to see the baby after she arrives but other then that NO ONE is coming until at least the next day. 

    I've even put a ban up on my family posting about my labor or the baby on Facebook until after I have had a chance to say something.

    This is a time for you and baby to get to bond and if a million and one hands are there to take baby from you and not allow you to bond then putting your foot down is the best thing you can do. 

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  • What you are most comfortable with is what matters.

    I was totally ok with visitors I loved showing her off to everyone. Plus you can't visit past 6:00 at our hospital so we had all night just the three of us and most people didn't come till late morning or lunch time. At times we were bored and loved when people showed up. You could say ahead of time that plans are to limit the amount of people in the hospital to give you time to adjust to motherhood, and then play it by ear.

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  • Your baby, your rules.  I'd let people know that you'd prefer not to have hospital visitors.  Then if you change your mind, and you might, you can call and let them know at that time.  I thought I wouldnt want ANYBODY visiting us, but ended up really enjoying having our family and friends stop by for SHORT visits.  What bothered me was having my mom and DH's aunt park themselves in my room for hours on end while I was trying to breastfeed/sleep/etc.  Set some boundaries, and dont feel bad enforcing them.  You can always change your mind later on, but its better to put some rules in place ahead of time so people arent surprised.
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  • image sjgurl784:

    Short and sweet:  Your baby, your rules. 

    I also want time to get used to it being the three of us.  I've warned everyone that no one's coming in for at least an hour after I give birth and I'm definitely kicking people out when I need to nurse. 

    Holy helI at 6 people staying at your house afterwards though!

    All of this.

    My husband's parents live two hours away, so I'm not sure what to do about them....I asked my MIL when she wanted to be called (when I go into labor, when I have him, when we're home?) and she said when I go into labor, but they probably wouldn't be able to leave right away since they both work, which is fine.

    I do want some time with just the three of us so everyone may get kicked out of the room a lot...  

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  • My husband and I created a 3 day rule for when we get home.. absolutely. No visitors for first 3 days. My family hates it but I know we wont have any time alone if we didn't..
  • "MIL, SIL, my sister and her hubby are all staying with us"

     

    WHAT???  Why?  They can stay at a hotel.  No way would I allow that many people to stay over after bringing a baby home.  I could barely handle guests coming over all day and then leaving.  NO NO NO.....do not allow this, you will regret it.  I repeat, do not allow people to stay over.

  • If you think about it, you're not in the hospital that long--it does seem absurd to have everyone and their brother come during that short window.  (I mean, you wouldn't have that kind of stream of visitors in your home in most cases, why have it in the hospital?)  You might also think about setting a time that's just you and DH and then allowing visitors to start.
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  • That is the one thing that I wished I could have changed when I had my son! Not so much with the visitors after he was born but before. I was induced and slept horrible the night before. It took a whole 24 hours of labor before I had to push. My husband?s grandma and sister got to the hospital before I even got checked in and stayed in the room the whole time and even stayed the night! I was so exhausted and all I wanted was to just be with my husband and have private time to rest and try to relax but that was difficult especially when the rest of his family showed up and we had like 10 people in the room the whole time including kids running around. Everyone was so excited to be there I didn?t have the heart to tell them to get out. It was chaotic! When it came time to push I was so tired I was falling asleep between contractions. I know people might get offended this time but I told my husband for this baby we aren?t letting anyone come visit until I am dilated to like an 8 so we can relax for the majority of it.

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  • I don't think you're being unreasonable. However, some hospitals have an all or nothing rule, like TMH in Tallahassee, which is where I will be delivering.  I want to be able to have visitors, but on our hospital tour we asked if there was any way we could limit the visitors coming in.  They said that they will only allow 4 visitors at a time (in addition to DH).  We asked about whether or not we could put certain people on a list to not be able to visit, and they said that they could not.  There are quiet hours at most hospitals I believe.  When we get close to our EDD, I will probably let friends and family that we appreciate visitors, but would prefer if they'd call/text beforehand.  Also, we will be letting everyone know that we would like to not have visitors past a certain time of day.
  • It's totally up to you and what you're comfortable with. Someone will always not like your decision, but it's your family!

    We didn't limit the number of people who came, but we did limit the hours we wanted people there like visiting hours so we could have some time to ourselves. At one point our room was definitley full, but everyone was out by 8, so we had time for our family.

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  • image delaine0821:
    I think that is reasonable.  While you are in the hospital you will likely be in a small room with nurses and doctors coming in and out to check private areas and ask questions that you don't want anyone to hear.  Most people in your life do not need to be around for that.  Do what you feel like you need to do but it sounds like a good idea to me.

    This.  Plus, I was so exhausted for being in labor for so long, etc.  Do what you feel is right.  :)

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  • The only people that will be allowed to come see him in the hospital are my MIL, FIL, SIL, and BIL.  We are having a meet the baby party at our house some point after his birth so the rest can come then.
  • It's your rules don't feel bad, but you might find it to be a nonissue. I never discussed with anyone who would visit. It ended up just being immediate family sporadically. MILs best friend worked in the hospital and stopped by for 5 minutes, but I was in the shower and was actually bummed that I missed her (though I was excited that she saw the boppy on my bed bc that's the gift she gave me.) I actually would have enjoyed more visitors, I was a bit bored by the end. I don''t think I would start telling everyone they can't see you before you are even at the hospital, but if they call/text asking to come visit just reply that you'd love visitors at home after all of your family has gone (that seems like the crazy part, hopefully having 6 extra adults in your house goes well!)

     

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  • What are your hospital visitor rules. Mine are 12noon to 8pm, and i am going to make sure everyone knows so i have time in the morning to relax, get it together, etc.
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  • Just a different perspective I was so blissed out in the hospital oxytocin is an amazing hormone that I regretted not having more people come then. I was tired and struggling more once we were home. I only share this because it truly can go either way. And as PP's said, yes, baby rules.
  • I don't want a ton of visitors at the hospital either. I'm not even telling my inlaws or friends that we are in the hospital until we are ready for visitors. My mom and dad will be the only ones that know. I will be delivering in the OR so it's not like people can visit anyways. Also, I want some time as just us as a family before we get bombarded with people in our room.

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  • I'm struggling with this too!  I told my MIL she is more than welcome to be at the hospital, in the waiting room as long as she wants (because she has asked REPEATEDLY about this).  I also let her know that we would need at least an hour after birth to just be together and breastfeed and what not.  I also worry about a bunch of people trucking their germs in the room and sharing with us.  No thank you!

    I know our hospital is VERY open about visitors so we have to set some boundaries and insist people call before coming to see if we are up for it.  As a nurse, I always tell my patients to use me as their excuse any time they need to.  I have found, it is never a lie to tell a family/visitors that I am looking out for the patient's rest and recovery by limiting visitors.  Maybe your nurses can help with this too?

     I cant get over your house guests!  I get anxious thinking of people stopping by, let alone sleeping over!  Good luck! 

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  • You may want to check with rules from the hospital.  We have a 3 visitor max in the room and no later then 9pm visiting.  One "support" person overnight.

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  • Props to you for being willing to have all those people in your house afterward. 

    Like PPs have said, whatever you are comfortable with.  I told DH that we will have no visitors in the room until after I BF, then whoever wants to come in can come.  As far as home goes though, just DH, baby and I for the first week.  

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  • I just had my husband and my Mom at the hospital.  We didn't invite anyone else, and it was fine.

    I was recovering from a c-section and having issues with breastfeeding.  We didn't need anyone else there.  

    My in-laws came to visit after we got home. 

     

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  • image Ivana.Stolichnaya:

    "MIL, SIL, my sister and her hubby are all staying with us"

     

    WHAT???  Why?  They can stay at a hotel.  No way would I allow that many people to stay over after bringing a baby home.  I could barely handle guests coming over all day and then leaving.  NO NO NO.....do not allow this, you will regret it.  I repeat, do not allow people to stay over.

    I couldn't agree more. You need time to bond with baby, get BF and heal. You can't do any of this well with a bunch of people around. Yes, we all want to be kind and allow relatives to "meet" the baby, but really...it could actually be detrimental to your LO's development. 

    In my house, there will be no visitors for at least two weeks. I'm completely putting LO's needs first. Everyone else can just wait. 

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  • I'm encouraging MORE visitors in the hospital this time around. I realized after having DS1 that it's MUCH BETTER to have hospital visitors than house visitors. House visitors will stay for HOURS, but it's awkward to stay long at a hospital. Plus, the room is so small that if they're a lot of people there, some will just leave. If the nurse came in to check the baby or check on me, people would leave. If my food came, people would leave. And eventually, visiting hours will end. But if they come to your house, there is NO GETTING RID OF THEM.
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