Preemies

Should I feel guilty?

I have tickets to a concert for this weekend tickets were bought before I was even pregnant on one hand, I feel like I deserve the break after 2 weeks in and out of labor and then 2 weeks in the NICU and could use the break from reality. on the other hand, I feel guilty. That I shouldn't/can't have any fun while LO is inthe NICU. She is doing great, they are removing her pic line today because she no longer needs it. She's on full feeds and tolerating well. But I still feel guilty. My question is, would you go?
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Re: Should I feel guilty?

  • I don't know if I would have, but I know now that I should have - if that makes sense. It's OK and encouraged to do fun things. You'll feel better and that will make you a better NICU parent. So, I encourage you to go and have a wonderful time. You have nothing to feel guilty about - it's just how we're wired as moms, especially when they're in the hospital.

    <3 

  • Everybody is different. If that's what you feel like you should do, then go right ahead. You shouldn't feel guilty about it.

    Personally, I wouldn't. While DS was in the NICU, the only place we went was the hospital & grocery shopping. It worked for us & I didn't mind it at all. I didn't feel complete without our little guy. It's just the way it was for us. 

    I do think that especially because you had these tickets for so long & you're okay with it, you should go. It's all up to you though & how you feel. If you go, have a good time! :) 

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  • I wouldn't have gone, but in retrospect a break would've been good.  One thing I learned is that you need to take time for yourself and your H/SO, and it sounds like this concert would be a good way to do it.  That feeling of guilt can be hard to shake, but you're allowed to go do something fun even though your LO is in the NICU.  Look at it as a way to de-stress.  So if you're comfortable enough going, go!
  • You should totally go.   And you will feel guilty, but both you and your lovely daughter will survive it.  As my friend says "A crazy mommy is not a good mommy."  You need a mental break now and then. 

    My husband and I bought tickets to the play Chicago after the girls came.  We went to dinner, the show.  We did go to the hospital after, but there have been one or two days when I haven't gone.  I play bingo on some Wednesdays (which I did every Wed before) and even stayed home to sleep once. 

    The NICU nurses will be the first to tell you it's okay if you don't visit every single day...but I get that it's hard.  My husband and I usually do twice a day, and to not go at all...I felt SO guilty the first time.  But - it's the old oxygen mask analogy...if you take some time for yourself and to blow off some of the stress...you will be a better mom, IMHO.

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  • I would go.  I think it's good to have a break from reality every once in a while.  DD was in the NICU on my birthday and DH insisted that we still go out to dinner that night.  It was only couple hours, but it was a nice break from the stress.  If while you are at the concert you decide you can't handle it, you can always leave and head back to the hospital to be with LO.  Nothing says you have to stay the whole time if you don't want to.
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  • OMG! You should NOT feel GUILTY in any way, shape, or form!!!

    I completely relate to your feelings, but you absolutely deserve to have some fun.  We took the occasional night off to do something for ourselves when DS was in the NICU (and after he came home).  It does a world of good for the parent, and it doesn't hurt your LO in the least.  She is in good hands in the NICU, and you will see her the next day (and maybe earlier that day).  I would absolutely go if I were you and not feel the least bit bad about it.  Enjoy your concert!

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    DD2: BFP January 2013...P17 shots, delivered via VBAC at 39 weeks
  • DH and I went for a nice dinner the night we roomed in with DS, so the night before he came home. I felt pretty guilty that I was going to be late to go see him, but in retrospect, I'm glad we did it.

    DH and I didn't a last hooray since he came early, we used that dinner as that. We all need a break sometimes and I'm sure you'll be better in the long run for it. 

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  • It sounds like you could use the break and you shoul not feel guilty about it.  Go and make some extra calls to your nurses to check in on your LO, it will make you feel better.

    We had a long 124 day stay but were lucky that the hospital was in a great city with lots to offer.  Over the course of her stay we treated ourselves to a nice dinner at least once a week as well as an occasional hockey game, art opening, and walk around town.  We visited our DD before and after each dinner or occasion, but it really  helped my Husband and I stay connected and sane.  

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  • As our NICU nurses would say, we had the highest paid babysitters!  Lol  So, yes, go, try to enjoy yourselves and the "break!"  You need some time for yourself, now and when LO comes home! 
  • You should totally go.  I spent lots of time at the NICU (approx. 8 hours a day), but also took time for myself, DH, and my older DD.  We went out to lots of restaurants and did fun things (going to BBQs, wedding, etc) while Julia was in the NICU because we knew we would have to be on lockdown once Julia was home.  I'm so glad we did those things and it was great for mental health.
    DD#1, Alexa, Born 8/08; TTC # 2 since 3/2010; 8 IUI BFN; 1 cervical pregnancy in April 2011; IVF #1 Dec 2011 worked. EDD = 9/7/12. Bedrest starting 6/4/12. Julia Mae born 7/1/12, home 8/12/12. Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • You should totally go. I was on bed rest while pregnant and was supposed to be missing my SIL's wedding. I ended up having LO so early that I was out of the hospital for her wedding. I had a hard time deciding if I should go to the wedding and miss out on a day in the NICU with LO. The wedding was an hour and a half away from the hospital and of course being in a wedding is an all day event. I went to see LO at 6am and went on with my MOH duties for the wedding. :) I told the nurses to expect a lot of calls from me that day. I think I called to check on him 3 times that day. But I did go to the wedding, had a few drinks and enjoyed myself. You deserve a break!! just go!
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  • image urbanflowerpot:

    I don't know if I would have, but I know now that I should have - if that makes sense. It's OK and encouraged to do fun things. You'll feel better and that will make you a better NICU parent. So, I encourage you to go and have a wonderful time. You have nothing to feel guilty about - it's just how we're wired as moms, especially when they're in the hospital.

    <3 

    My DD wasn't in the NICU, but I totally understand what Urbanflowerpot is saying. I would encourage you to go, but the decision is totally up to you. GL!! :)

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  • The one thing that the NICU nurses told me is that to take care of my LO, I had to first take care of myself.  Talk to the NICU nurses and see what they suggest, as you have been in an out of the hospital for quite a bit.  The day before my DD was released to go home, they sent us home from the hospital to just sleep in our own bed that night so we could rest up.  If this is a concert that you have been looking forward to for some time, I say go, then call the NICU to check on your LO while you are out.  

     

    I do understand about the feeling guilty...I felt guilty about coming home for an hour one day and going back to the hospital.  Now that she's been home for two weeks, I realize that I was doing it for myself and it was the best thing that I could have done.

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