February 2013 Moms

went on interview today ..felt guilty not telling them i was pregnant

HI everyone,

    First let me explain, I recently graduate with my Masters as a Nurse Practitioner in may. I am 15 weeks and 6 days pregnant with my first child and my husband and I couldnt be happier! Today I went on an interview for my first full time NP job (currently i work at a hospital as a RN). Everything went great during the interview but I feel guilty for not mentioning that i am pregnant. I guess I would not feel soo guilty if i wasent as far along pregnancy wise. Just wanted any input from any other mothers to be or mothers who have been in similar situations.

I know that i do not have to tell my employer that i am pregnant and can wait until they offer me the job. I know that it is possible telling them during the interview could influence their decision. I am just a very honest hardworking person and I dont want to start off on the wrong foot. Also, the place i interviewed for , is a specialty office so i would be training/orientation for 3-4 months which would only leave me a month or two before I am due to be off orientation.

I really want the job and it would be a great fit for me professionally, I guess I just have received mixed feelings and opinions (despite not asking for them until now) about whether I should tell them or not prior to them offering me the job.

I have had a terrible experience with another potential employer who said it wasent a problem me being pregnant then basically wanted me to sign a contract on the first day with different hours, salary and added additional responsibilities to my job etc..pretty much making it impossible for me to work there so i declined the offer.

As you can tell i know this is a tough subject..anyone with experience with this ..i would love to hear your input...Im so excited about our baby that I dont want to hide it but i also dont want to be overlooked for a great job that I know i deserve and I am qualified for just because I'm pregnant and will be on maternity leave for a couple months.

thanks for your help!!Grin

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Re: went on interview today ..felt guilty not telling them i was pregnant

  • I'm a PA just out of school. I started working 2 months ago. The department hired 2 new PAs to cover for 2 PAs who are out on maternity leave. Little did they know that both the PAs they hired are pregnant too! The other PA is due in November and they didn't know she was pregnant when she was hired- it was a surprise when she came in the first day with a big bump. They still don't know that I am pregnant. I will probably let them know in a few weeks. 

    You shouldn't say on an interview that you are pregnant, but if you think it will present an issue with the schedule for some reason, you may want to mention it eventually. Did you ask the question on the Working Moms board? You will get lots of great advice there. 

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  • I didn't have to deal with this so I'm not really sure what advice to give (although I think PP advice sounds great about consulting working moms board). All I would like to do is comment on how sh!$$y I think it is that women are made to feel this way when presented with these circumstances.  It shouldn't even be an issue with a potential employer!!!  You shouldn't have to feel guilty or nervous about this and it makes me feel bad for you that you do.  Hopefully if you get the job they will blow you away with understanding and support! :)  
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  • I went through this with my last pregnancy. I talked to my dad about it before I interviewed since he is a manager and does a lot of hiring. He said I shouldn't say anything because, while they legally can't discriminate, it's tough for an employer to get past the fact that they are hiring somone who they will have to replace, even temporarily, very shortly.


    "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'"
    ~Mary Anne Radmacher


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  • thank you very much for your input.. i was not planning to share my baby news during the interview.. i just have been hearing way too many opinions from others..especially my parents who no longer work (retire) and feel that I should tell the world. ha-ha. They dont understand how it can influence a potential job decision. Thank you for your help and congrats on your pregnancy as well.
  • I interviewed during my initial few weeks of pregnancy and had no idea I was pregnant myself. However, at the time of the offer, I did know I was pregnant, but talked to HR about maternity leave policy and benefits and had them keep it confidential. However, I believe HR had forwarded my email about maternity benefits to hiring manager and he still hired me! 

    My manager has been really nice about my pregnancy (his wife is due at the same time as I am ), but the team members didn't take the news well. I did have to face some harsh comments and my guilty feeling kicked in. It is part of the game. If I were you, I'd check the maternity policy because you don't want to end up in a job with no room for leave under 1 year. You don't have to tell anyone anything. Everyone has personal situations so, it shouldn't just be the pregnant women always to be made feel guilty. Your job is as important to you as the baby. It's ultimately your call. I heard the phrase once "Never be sorry for being a woman".

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  • I am in a similar situation. I quit my career of 10 years and immediately started trying to conceive. I took one job before I was even pregnant, a job I knew I could walk away from if a better job comes along, and have been hunting for the "dream job" ever since. 

    I've had a few interviews and have gotten a few offers and I'll admit I've used the "I just found out I'm pregnant" excuse as a way to politely turn down offers I didn't want.

    Ultimately you say you are a hard worker. If this is the case, your team will be happy to have you and excited for you.  I always said I'd make sure that my boss was very impressed with my work before I let the cat out of the bag. That way you've established some ethos. 

    If anything, having a baby means you will be even more committed to your job because you'll need more money. It's something that will tie you to your job, committing you to work harder than, say, an employee with no ties who can pick up and leave at any opportunity. 

    Don't stress it. It is good news that you're pregnant! Think of it that way and they will as well. 

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  • KD79KD79 member

    As someone who works in HR AND has been discriminated against while pregnant (though they would never admit it), don't say anything.  You're not doing anything wrong by not saying anything.  

    I hope everything works out for you and you get the job! 

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  • I'm pretty much in the same exact boat as you. I just interviewed for a RN job in a great hospital and did not mention anything about being pregnant during the interview - it's really not relevant to my experience level or how I would fit into the team AND I also feel they might discriminate if they knew, even though that's illegal. I do feel a little guilty too though, it feels like I am sort of misleading them. They called me back the same day and offered me the position and I accepted. Now I'm in the same dilemma as you... when do I tell them?! I won't start til Oct 1 or later, so by then I'll be like 19 or 20 weeks along and it will likely be much more obvious than it is now. By the time I'll be done with orientation I'll only have about 3 months left before having to go on maternity leave... I'm thinking I might break the news to HR whenever I go in for the pre-employment paperwork, so I can find out their maternity leave policy and tell my new nurse manager the next time I see her (likely my first day of orientation?!)

    I like what a PP said about having a baby only ties you more to the job because you'll need the money. Hopefully my new employer will see it that way too Wink

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  • I did the same thing during my last pregnancy. We moved so I had to find a new job and since I had been in a manager position previously I knew it could lessen my chances of getting a job, just out right saying "oh yeah btw, I'm having a baby in a few months" they can't discriminate just because you are expecting but it can make you look like a less desirable applicant... They have to hire knowing in a few months they will need a temp. To replace you. Don't feel guilty at all. I think I told them about a month or so down the road and it was all congrats and happiness, no animosity or anything from anyone in the company. You are doing what's best for you and your growing family, there's no shame in that! 
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