Working Moms

Rudeness: to address directly?

Ug, there is a point of contact at another office that I interface with somewhat regularly. She's pretty snippy via email and her last few emails to me have been just plain rude. My team leader noticed and told me that I didn't do anything to provoke her, she's just like that. But I'm worried my boss will start to think I've done something to offend this woman. So I replied to the last email apologizing for having offended her and that I would XYZ differently going forward as she requested. 

I'll be seeing her at a meeting later today and part of me wants to address this directly, but it probably would be better to just deal with it indirectly by roll modeling the kind of professional behavior I wish she'd exhibit. I'm leaning towards indirect, but ug, I kinda dread having to deal with this again and again in the future. We're supposed to be collaborative offices, working hand in hand, and I don't see how that's supposed to happen when the POC is so rude to our staff. 

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Re: Rudeness: to address directly?

  • My advice would be to ignore her. Your not going to change her. She is angry and bitter for some reason. I've had to work with difficult people and it can be very hard but I bet everyone else who comes in contact with her feels the same way. If you start making remarks; it's possible that it could be flipped and you'll look like the bad guy so just be polite and professional. Obviously, she is not neither so hopefully it will be addressed by her manger soon and her attitude will have to change. Good luck! 
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  • I wouldn't worry about this - just keep your tone appropriate and professional (and cc your boss and her boss as appropriate) and let her be an ass.
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  • You ladies are totally right. It just felt like kind of a harsh jolt first thing in the AM. 
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  • I would try to shrug it off.  I had a person in another office much the same way.  She was very rude and condescending in e-mails, and a little in person too.  Everyone knew it though, so I just had to take a deep breath when opening an e-mail or talking with her, and let it out. Don't apologize unless you did something wrong to provoke it, or gave her a dose of her own medicine.  

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  • image KathrynMD:
    I wouldn't worry about this - just keep your tone appropriate and professional (and cc your boss and her boss as appropriate) and let her be an ass.

    This. Be the better / bigger person here and keep your tone courteous and professional no matter how much you'd love to bring it up with her. Trust me - the people who matter will notice. And it's highly unlikely to make her "see the light" and start being nice if her default is rude.

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  • If you don't need the glue, don't beat the dead horse.  You addressed it already.  Leave it be.  Conduct yourself professionally and courteously.  If her actions become a problem in terms of performing your own job, escalate as needed even if just asking "she said XYZ, how do you think I should handle this?"


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  • Don't ever apologize in the work place if you didn't do anything wrong. Women are too quick to apologize and too quick to try and make things better. She's short on emails, as a lot of people are. Just be pleasant and ignore her behavior.
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  • I'm dealing with someone like this at work and it's really frustrating.  I rely on this person to be able to get my work done and her attitude towards me is starting to impact my work.  Everyone agrees she's not a nice person and not pleasant to work with, but they just accept it and say not to take it personally when she yells at you.  I realized that no one is calling her out on her behavior, so my way of dealing with her going forward is to say something along the lines, "It appears you're in a bad mood, so why don't we talk later?" 
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