Working Moms

Need advice on daycare issue

Hello all. I'm afraid this is going to get long. I've been having some daycare issues and it's time to get your input. We had a meeting with the director regarding our issues up until now, which were employee related. I understand that daycares have high turnover rates, but I also don't like the way they handled it (2 teachers just disappeared with no letter to us as to what happened). They moved our head teacher into a new room after she had only been there for 4 months. But we had to deal with it, fine. We considered pulling him but didn't. In all of this though, I have come to really, really dislike the Director. So the day after our meeting, LO threw up at school. We get a phone call saying we have to come get him. When SO goes to get him, Director says he can't come in tomorrow either. I was livid, and asked questions. He had no fever and seemed completely fine to SO. Come to find out they gave him Puffs. If this kid has a puree that's too thick he pukes. So there's your reason for puking, he was fine and I took him in the next day. I see Director when dropping him off that morning and said "He is fine, really, they gave him Puffs blah blah" she is just condescending and nodding at me and smiling. Doesn't say I'm glad he's ok, nothing.

Cut to today. LO gets bit. I know, I know, this happens. But first of all, I get a message saying "We were waiting to see if it left a mark to call you" WTF?!! So, you don't call unless it leaves a mark? Second, SO went to see LO at lunch to see it, Director was in.the.room and said nothing to him about it. Last, the kid that bit him (was described to SO as "knawed on" my LO and he now has a bruise) has had several incidents of the biting. I have seen some posts on here in the past and I'm guessing what I should do is meet with the awful Director (which I sooo dread) and ask her their protocol on biting? I don't know what she isn't "allowed" to tell me due to privacy, as in how many times this kid has bit other kids...should she be able to tell me that? I know she can't tell me who and frankly I don't want to know. ugh I just really have zero faith in this Director and I feel like she is going to just tell me what I want to hear. I am sick to my stomach and just don't know what to do. Sorry so long :(

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Re: Need advice on daycare issue

  • Sorry your going through this. Finding a DC is hard but if you do not like the care they are giving LO I would find another center. GL!
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  • image wychets:
    Sorry your going through this. Finding a DC is hard but if you do not like the care they are giving LO I would find another center. GL!

     

    I agree. I would start looking for another Daycare. 

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  • find another daycare.

    nothing that you described sounds really bad, but if you have toxic, negative relationship now, it won't improve.

    In the meantime, ask the director what the protocol is for bites and how they are handling it.  You can't manage it for them and shouldn't tell them what to do, but you should ask questions and feel satisifed w/ the answers you get.

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  • Why is your 9 month old around a kid old enough to bite?  From what you have posted, I would not be too thrilled with this place. GL. 



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  • I agree with PP's that it's time to find a new daycare.

    We hated the first daycare we used with DS. There was nothing huge that they did but there were a lot of little things that added up to me always having a bad feeling about it.  We ended up finding an in-home daycare that we really liked (didn't love) until we could get into our current daycare.

    Yes, it sucked that DS was in 3 daycares in 1 year, but I'm so happy that we looked for another daycare because we are now in one that we love. 

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  • We have had only a handful of very minor situations in the three years we've been at our daycare. If I had all of the situations and questions you had now, in just a short time, I'd probably start looking. Nothing majorly red flag has happened, at least not IMO. But, you should feel very confident when you leave your child at a daycare, and if you aren't getting that feeling, then you need to move along...
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  • image Margaret Lemon:
    Why is your 9 month old around a kid old enough to bite?  

    This was my first thought too.  Also, OP, I would start looking for other daycare arrangements.  My main reasoning behind this is that I would definitely not feel good about leaving LO at a place where I had such a negative relationship with the director.

    I don't think anything that you listed is particularly terrible, but given the hard feelings you have about that place, I think it just compounds any normal annoyance you would feel about any given incident.  Seeing as your LO will presumably be in daycare for several years, having a good relationship (or at least not a bad relationship) with your DCP is something important to consider.

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    "I love when people believe in conspiracy theories. It immediately tells me I'm smarter than you"- Daniel Tosh.
  • My kid got bitten plenty at daycare for a certain time.  Oh man, did it bother me then!  It is only when I read posts like this that I even remember it happening.  You have got to let it go.  Some kids bite, some kids get bitten and some kids do neither.  We think of it as a terrible thing but your child doesn't.  Lots of times kids won't even react to being bitten, as hard as that is to imagine as an adult.

    Every daycare I have had contact with has a 24 hour rule for vomiting, diarreah or fever.  24 hours symptom free before you are welcome back.  This is standard no matter what the reason for the illness or how short lived it is.  You just gotta deal with it.

    Too bad you don't have a good vibe with your daycare.  If you don't think it is a good fit then shop around.  But expect these kinds of 'rules' to be the same.

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  • If you don't like the place, switch, but none of your issues seem worthy of "getting livid" to me.

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  • None of this is a big deal. Especially the teacher turn over and lack of "explanation" to parents. We are never told before a teacher leaves, just when they hire on a new teacher. We certainly aren't given a reason for why they are leaving.

    As far as the puking, that is standard. I'm surprised they let you back in. For certain things, we have to a get a note from the doctor clearing us to come back in, otherwise, it's 24 hours symptom free, doesn't matter why they got sick.

    The biting will happen. Your kid may be the next biter. You never know. The most they can do is correct the offending child and address it with the parents. I've been on both ends there, B went through a 2 week biting phase, and has been bitten at least a half dozen times in recent memory.

     

    But if you just have a bad feeling about the center, don't like the director, and all these things add up to enough to make you throw in the towel, that's ok too. Look for a new provider, hopefully you will find a better fit in your next place. You need to be comfortable with where you leave LO.

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  • image mabenner1:

    If you don't like the place, switch, but none of your issues seem worthy of "getting livid" to me.

    I agree with this.  I'd switch because you're uncomfortable... but none of these issues would make me uncomfortable.

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  • image Margaret Lemon:
    Why is your 9 month old around a kid old enough to bite?  From what you have posted, I would not be too thrilled with this place. GL. 

    even 9 month old kids bite. 

    And chances are the infant room goes up to 12ish months and for sure there are 12 month old kids that bite.

    I honestly don't see anything that is that big of a deal that you posted, but like others said you need to find somewhere you are comfortable.

    And ps- the 24 hour no puke rule is standard.  So, yeah, once again, not surpised that LO couldn't return.

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  • The director can make or break a daycare. You need to be confident that you can go to this person no matter what. If you don't feel comfortable approaching them with questions about your child's care then it is time to move on.
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  • image abartow:

    image Margaret Lemon:
    Why is your 9 month old around a kid old enough to bite?  From what you have posted, I would not be too thrilled with this place. GL. 

    even 9 month old kids bite. 

    And chances are the infant room goes up to 12ish months and for sure there are 12 month old kids that bite.


    Well, after I posted this it occurred to me that as a FTM,  I actually have no idea when the biting phase starts.  I suppose I will learn soon enough. 




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  • image ridesbuttons:

    Every daycare I have had contact with has a 24 hour rule for vomiting, diarreah or fever.  24 hours symptom free before you are welcome back.  This is standard no matter what the reason for the illness or how short lived it is.  You just gotta deal with it.

     This.  We checked out a bunch of daycares and I'm about 90% sure that I remember someone telling me it is a state law (in NJ).  Our DC has a policy that they have to be picked up within an hour (although they are understanding if you aren't exact) and have to be out for the following day, and from what I remember every place we looked at had something similar.  But I am sorry you are going through this.  I hate having those kinds of difficult conversations, but on the flip side, the conversation usually is never as bad as I imagine it will be. 

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  • image mabenner1:

    If you don't like the place, switch, but none of your issues seem worthy of "getting livid" to me.

    This. That said, however, the relationship with the director is HUGE.

    Long story short - we loved our last d/c - teachers, director, etc. Then the director changed over - had a lot of small issues with (the way she approached me with questions on how I did things with my second child, like "what does your doctor think about this?" really irked me; part of it being b/c she personally did not have children and here she was questioning my parenting.) Then she decided to change rooms and age groups with nothing more than a 2-week warning. At 9 months of age, this was going to disrupt my son's sleeping pattern there. (And I knew she was doing it for business reasons - make more room in the infant room, you make more $.)

    In the end, after much tension and behaviorial issues with my older son (which only occured at school, not at home or when around other kids outside of school), she kicked him out. (And dared to ask me if my DH was coming to the mtg that day and to let them know if he would be....90 minutes before the end of the day when they called to request a meeting.)

    So, I feel it all ended up being very personal with her. We love the respect we get now rom our "new" d/c (even though there are some issues there as well). Go with your gut. Good luck!

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  • Personally, I know biting happens but I expect to be told if my child is bit. Always, whether it leaves a mark or not. I also expect to be told if he tries to or actually succeeds in biting another kid. I guess it can make a difference if the center is large or small. Mine is small enough that I am able to ask questions about his day when I pick him up and get a run down of how everything went-which I always do.

    Also, they should not be giving your kid food that you have not yet approved. 

    If they aren't willing to talk it out and make the changes they need to make so that you will feel like your child is safe and happy then I would consider looking into a new place. 

     

     


  • image mabenner1:

    If you don't like the place, switch, but none of your issues seem worthy of "getting livid" to me.

    I was thinking the same thing. 

    As far as employees leaving, well that happens but I don't think they need to send a letter notifying parents every time an employee leaves.  Daycare centers tend to have a high turnover, it's just the way it is.

    To me, it just sounds like you don't like the place.  Find somewhere new where you feel more comfortable.

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  • I think if you feel like the director isn't helpful and your concerns aren't being addressed, then you need to look for another place.  Good luck!
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