Toddlers: 24 Months+

Almost 3yo and "ignoring"

I am at my wits end with my DD ignoring me... I have reverted to counting, giving "reminders" etc. etc.  

I don't know what to do when I ask her to do something, for example, this morning she pulled all the books off her bookshelf in her playroom and I told her we were not going to the playground until she picked them up.  She tried to take my hand and pull me into her playroom to "help" her... Should I start to help and then encourage her to keep going / finish??

This is a daily / hourly battle and I can't take it anymore.  Please help! 

Re: Almost 3yo and "ignoring"

  • IDK. Just wanted to say I can relate. My H ignores me when I ask him to do something (hence the nagging) and I think DD is taking his cue.
    Mommy of two girls: DD1 4/14/9 DD2 4/15/11
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  • I think some of it is honestly unreasonable requests we give. If DD wants something, like she can't open a bottle of water, and I'm busy washing dishes, I expect her to wait for a bit until I have a stopping point and then I help her. If she screams and cries that she wants it RIGHT NOW!!! then I (rightfully) get frustrated with her interruption and rudeness. But I think a lot of parents (myself included at times) expect instant compliance when they tell their child to do something, and fuss, yell, nag, or punish when they don't get instant compliance. Total double standard. Of course, we can draw value judgment that my washing dishes is "important" compared to her watching tv, but our kids are not skilled prioritizers. They don't see the difference and it's not really fair for us to expect them to.  I have been trying to keep this in mind with my requests. If it's something that can wait, I will tell her that I want her to do X when she gets to a stopping point. If it's something that can't wait, I explain why: "Stop and look! You spilled your milk and it is pouring all over the floor. You need to get a rag right now and clean it up. You can play with your cars again when it's clean." Sometimes it's a medium priority, like her stalling before we go somewhere, and I set a timer or tell her I'll count to ten (or 14, her favorite number) and then do it. As for helping clean, yes, I've always heard you help until age 6 (less help for small tasks, more help for big ones as they get distracted too easily or need more specific requests).

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  • I make sure DD is looking at me when I notice she isn't responding.  Sometimes I'll hold her hands, that usually gets her to turn towards me.  I'll also wait for a response like "ok" to show me she's heard me.  If she's a bit resistance than I say, "Let's clean up your toys.  Mama will help."
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  • Cleaning up is a tough one, bc usually the mess seems overwhelming to a small child and they get distracted by their toys and start playing with them. My almost five year old still does this. I always help clean up, but I also expect them to help me clean up too. For us it works. 

    The ignoring thing can be frustrating, but it is also really common. I try to give fewer demands and more choices when I see a lack of response. Aka, if it is time to get dressed instead of just saying take off your jammies and put them away, I start by saying "Do you want to wear your purple dress or your dots?" Then follow it up with a "oh, look, you're still in jammies.... should we put your dress on over top? Ha that's so silly! What should we do with them?"

     

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  • Thanks ladies, I will go with the "Mommy will help" route and see how far that gets us... we have been back and forth all day... in and out of her room, giving positive compliments "you are so fast at picking up" keeping to my guns about not going anywhere but it is getting hard as I am ready to blow my top / going stir crazy and my sister is having surgery today so I want to get to the store to get something to deliver for dinner.

     

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