February 2013 Moms

When did you/are you telling?

Hi Ladies! I hope you are all doing well. Sorry I haven't been around much.

 DH and I are having the inevitable battle that I knew would happen... when will we tell friends and the extended family.

Our parents and siblings already know along with my few best friends...which he resents me for because I won't let him tell his friends yet (they will not keep a secret) I am telling my grandma this friday because it's her birthday and I thought good timing...although i'm still super nervous i'm not at 12weeks yet. I told him he could tell his friends at 12 weeks but he keeps insisting that he should tell them sooner because they know about our loss and god forbid we had another loss, he would be too heartbroken not to tell everyone which i agree with BUT something is still stopping me.

So...just wondering what you all think & when you broke the news or when you will be breaking the news.

BFP #1 3/6/12, EDD 11/15/12, Natural MC 3/21/12 @ 5w4d:( so sad i lost my turkey baby * BFP #2 6/18/12 . EDD 2/28/13 Please stick baby image
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Re: When did you/are you telling?

  • We have any ultrasound next Tuesday and I'll be 12 weeks so I think we'll start telling people after that. Right now just a few close friends and my sister know.

    We're not ones for cutesy announcements so we'll probably just blurt it out. 

  • We just announced on FB yesterday. I told work a few days before 12 weeks because I couldn't handle working with m/s anymore. Our friends we told whenever it felt right. My best friend knew within hours. DH told his friends around 10 weeks-ish. 
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  • I've told 3 close friends and my parents and brother.  I was comfortable telling those close to me after my 7 week u/s once we heard the heartbeat. As for DH's family, we're telling them this week.  His sister is getting married this fall and they are planning dresses, and bachelorette party, etc. etc. and i need them to know i'll need an empire waist!  I'll tell work people and extended family after my NT scan at 11 weeks. Probably a FB post around 20 weeks.

  • Our family and friends all know already.  We will make the announcement on FB after the NT Scan & Bloodwork.
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  • Our parents/siblings already know.  His mother (I have now learned) cannot keep a secret and has told her mother and her siblings, so it's out on his side.  Since it is, I'm telling my extended family next weekend (family reunion).  I'll be 11 weeks.  Even though I wanted to wait until 13 that's not going to happen.  Friends and work I won't tell until at least 13 or even later for work (if I can hide it).


  • We've got a total mums the word policy until Friday when we should (fingers crossed!) hear the baby's heartbeat (finally!). So that'll be a day after 12 weeks. I just need that piece of mind before I jump into the craziness.

    We've agreed I can tell my late husband's mother first, just felt important to do it that way. Then we'll both call our parents/family and then Facebook (so everyone else).

    I totally understand where you're at, hun, but I think it saves a lot of arguments to do an all or nothing as you're finding out. If you've already told yours maybe he could tell a few really close friends? If something did happen, it'd be better for him to have other people to express that to so he can be there for you. Just IMO.

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  • We told each of our immediate families, as well as one friend each.  We will tell other friends around 12 weeks and then I will post on Facebook probably between 12-14 weeks.  

    You have to feel comfortable with who you are telling and who you would feel comfortable knowing if something unfortunate happened.  It's a hard decision!

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  • I wouldn't tell anybody until you are ready for everyone to know, because someone Might slip up and tell someone else. For us, that was at 7 weeks. We knew that our families wouldn't be able to keep their mouths shut, so we were prepared for everyone to know at that point.

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  • we told immediate family after our 8 week appointment when we saw the heartbeat.  I told 3 good friends the week after, and DH told one good friend yesterday.

    We had our 11 week check up last week, and heard the HB.  Everything looks ok (knock on wood), so I think this weekend we might give family the go-ahead to start spreading the news (large extended family), and tell friends as we see them.  I don't think we will do a FB announcement, but we will not hide it on there either.

    I was always of the opinion "don't tell who you can't handle re-telling if something goes wrong", but i've read once you hear/see the  abaies HB and are around 12 weeks, your odds of a m/c are the same as they will be at 20 weeks or 30 weeks.

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  • We told both of our parents and siblings around 4.5 weeks (because of complications and an ER visit). We would have waited until our 6.5 week appt to tell them. I have told a few close friends over the weeks since and then after our 10 week appointment we told everyone!  Both babies had good heartbeats and were growing well, so we decided we were close enough. It's completely up to you!

    I had a friend that told everyone (and facebook) the day she took a positive pregnancy test and that was at 4 weeks!  Different strokes for different folks!   

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  • Due to needing to see an RE to get pregnant most of our immediate families knew we were in the tww.   Our immediate families knew once we did (well a few days later).  Then at our 6 week ultrasound and we learned there were two they knew that.  By our 8 week ultrasound extended family were texting us and calling asking as they had heard it from a little birdy.. we decided to let the news loose.  I was hoping to wait until the 12 week mark but I figured I would rather us control the news than have the calls of why didn't you tell me, I had to hear it from such and such.  I really didn't want to say well such and such has a big mouth and was told not tell etc.  So for us it was just easier to let it out.  We did not release it on facebook until a couple of days ago and only did that due to a completely unintentional slip on my part Embarrassed

    I think to each their own.  Some people would rather let it out there way early and hope for the best crossing bridges as they get there and well others like to keep it private for a longer period of time or for the entire pregnancy only celebrating with those closest to you.  I honestly think this is a decision that you and you alone can make with what you are comfortable with.

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  • We told immediate family around 6 weeks. Most of our friends found out when DH went on a boys' trip (he was definitely over-served) , so all of his friends and the entire town of Nashville knew around 9 weeks...at least he was excited right?!

    I have the NT scan tomorrow and a doctor's appointment on Monday. My OB said they would have the results by next Monday, so that's when we'll make the big announcement for extended family and Facebook. 

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  • We aren't really keeping it a secret, except from my work.  I am at least waiting until after I get farther than my miscarriage, which is still 3 weeks away.   I want to hold out even longer.  I don't really care if people know I miscarriage, if God forbid I do... It's just work was clearly annoyed I was pregnant last time, so I don't feel like the negativity (or fake happiness)  I am still pretty emotional at times, and just don't feel like talking about the pregnancy to everyone. 
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  • My parenrs know (and have known since day 1), my yoga & spin instructor know, work now knows (*was hoping I could keep it a while longer but ny supervisor found out and I told my officemate and a colleague asked this morning - darn getting chubby/having better skin ppl are noticing and there's no bump!). 

    We'll start telling family (IL, aunts/uncles, cousins, siblings) and close friends after our ultrasound at 12 weeks.  Everyone else will find out on a as needed basis. 

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  • I am 11 weeks, and we are telling family this weekend because we are hosting a big BBQ at our house.  Otherwise our entire family on both sides lives out of state and we'd have to do it over the phone or on Facetime, which is not as fun.  We had an ultrasound at ten weeks and everything looked good.  Ideally I would have liked to have waited until after the NT scan, but that's not until the 31st. We have no history of any of the genetic disorders the NT scan is for, so we are just putting our good vibes out there and getting ready to share our excitement with our families!! Party!!!
  • We told our families at around 10 weeks and went fully public at 12 weeks after the NT scan. I think its a personal choice.

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  • We told family right away (after my first u/s at 6.5 weeks), and I told my manager and a couple coworkers at the same time b/c I had complications with my first pregnancy. Most extended friends, though, we haven't told yet. I'm waiting till 2nd tri.
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  • LinMLinM
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    I think everyone is different and you have to decide as a couple what seems right. I can understand your DH's frustration since a variety of people already know you are expecting. Tough call. With my first pregnancy I told my sister and DH's mother at 12 weeks only (my mother is deceased or we would have told her as well). For the rest of my family we waited until 16 weeks which was on Thanksgiving Day which made it easier to make an announcement. Then that weekend we told all our friends and FB. After our loss at 22 weeks I am much more hesitant this go around. I really don't want anyone to know but I realize that is unrealistic. I would like to wait until my cervical cerclage at 13 weeks just to have the extra reassurance but I think I am showing a lot sooner than our first pregnancy. Again at 12 weeks I will only tell my sister and MIL. I will be holding off as long as possible for everyone else, but I assume it will be around 16-18 weeks as long as I can avoid seeing my extended family for that long.
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  • My parents and DH's parents we told around five weeks.  I told my BFF at 6 weeks.  DH told a couple of his close friends around seven weeks, and his grandma and an aunt and uncle at eight weeks.  I've told a few of my other friends on kind of a need to know basis (really just a couple of running buddies, we were planning to start training for a marathon).

    My plans were to go public on my blog this coming Monday, but now I'm not sure if I'm ready.  I have a few more closer friends I'll tell at 10 weeks, and then somewhere between then and 12 weeks I'll probably go more public.

  • We told our parents and siblings right away, then grandparents/aunts/uncles and close friends after we heard the heart beat with a doppler.  After having a successful NT scan on Friday we aren't keeping it a secret any more.  I haven't come out on FB yet but that's only bc my H keeps forgetting to upload the picture I want to use.
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  • We told our parents/siblings after the 1st ultrasound and shared with friends/Facebook at 12 weeks after our good NT scan. At this point, I would want the support if we suffered a 2nd trimester loss or a high-risk result from any of the bloodwork. 
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  • We are going back and forth about telling people.  DH wantes to telll people because if we were to have a loss again, he doesnt want to have to feel like he has to keep it a secret.  he feels that he never really got to get all his feelings out aftet the loss.  So its really hard to say.  Just take one day at a time and you will know when it right
    April 10 IUI BFN Sept 10 IUI BRN Feb 11 IVF hoping for a BFP! Feb 27 ER 28 eggs Mar 4 8 health eggs, 2 ET Mar 17 - Beta 180!! BFP!!! Mar 21 - Beta 1295!! holy cow what a jump Coming soon 1st Sono March 30!!! Crossing fingers for healthy stick bean(s) Mar 29 miscarry :( 6w 3d 2nd IVF July 2011 BFP July 2011 M/C 11/11/11 hate to say good bye again! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 3rd IVF 4/3/12 ER 46 eggs (holly cow batman) 40 mature, 36 fertilized 4/8/12 ET 2 AB put back 4/10/12 15 make it to FREEZE 4/22/12 Beta BFN 1st FET 6/7/12 Day we are going to put back 2. 6/21/12 BFP 1285 6/25/12 4780 I hope this time they stick!! Deaglan William welcome. My rainbow is finally here February 7, 2013
  • My plan is to tell our parents somewhere between 15-16 weeks when I get back from a business trip (I'm going with my DH). I suppose we'll tell a few friends then too. I have a cousin and two friends who already know because she blabbed.

    Once I tell my parents, it's over. Everyone will know. My father will tell my sister and she will tell the entire universe. She has no filter and cannot keep anything to herself.  She thought I should have children years ago (she got married in 11th grade, first kid at 19) and will want to tell everyone all about it.

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  • There is only one person right now who knows other than my husband and I and that is my best friend. I told her after I had my first ultrasound. Her and I are super close and I know she won't say a word..... especially because she is in Tennessee and I am in California. I have been waiting to hit 12 weeks to tell anyone else but I may end up telling my family this weekend at 11weeks 1 day because we will all be camping together. I figure once we start telling people we will be telling everyone. I think I am most excited to tell my kids though!
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  • Provided all goes well with the CVS next week, we'll start telling everyone - family and work - after that.  So far, there are 2 close friends who are keeping it quiet for now, but that's all at this point.  We'll just email people.
  • We told close friends and family pretty much as soon as we found out (I was 5 wks at the time). I'm pretty transparent when is comes to my feelings anyways so I figured I might as well just tell them otherwise I would just end up with a bunch of "what's going on with you?" type questions. Also, I decided that if anything did happen I would prefer to have them to go through it with me (again, they would have known that something was wrong anyway). We have not gone FB yet but that's only because it's been so long since my last appmt. (or it seems like it!). We will go FB with it after the next appmt. 
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  • We told our moms and siblings right away.  We told my grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins on the 4th of July because we were all together and that rarely happens.  We had already had our first u/s and saw the little heart flickering away.  I was about 7 weeks at that point.  We also told our bosses because of doctor's appointments.  I told my best friend this weekend, at exactly 10 weeks.  I want to keep waiting to tell anyone else, but my DH is going crazy.  We will probably tell more people (close friends, co-workers) after our 12 week appt.  I haven't told any co-workers yet, but I'm going to have to tell them really soon.  I am not one to miss work EVER, and I have had several appointments already, and have 2 coming up on 8/7 and 8/8. Luckily, I will be 12 weeks by then because I am running out of excuses!
  • We told our parents at 11 weeks and some close friends before that. Our families both live about 5 hrs away, so this was the only chance we had to travel up there to tell them. My mom was a little sad we waited that long to tell her, but she was so happy anyway that she didn't really care. DH is so excited I don't think he could have held it in for any longer than we did!
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  • My in laws know and some of my husband family. One of my sisters and my bestfriend also knows. The rest of my family and everyone else will find out either when i hit 12 weeks or when I'm 4 months. 
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