Okay, here is my confession...I don't like being pregnant. I never planned on being pregnant, I never had the pregnancy itch, and I am really not enjoying being pregant. I know this is bad, I know there are so many women out there who want to be in my shoes and I feel awful about it. I am not even sure I like babies. I dont' dislike them, but I am very glad when they go home. I adore kids...once they hit age 2 or 3, I am all good.
Please understand, because of previous medical conditions husband and I were told there is basically no way you are going to have biological children, unless you go through IVF. We accepted this, and while we kept having sex and didn't use protection (why bother if pregnancy was a no go) we were okay with it. We actually had just started the adoption process and were thrilled. We knew it would be a wait but we were going to adopt a toddler. We were so excited to start the process that would bring home our child.
Now we are pregnant. Everyone keeps saying, how exciting it is to feel the life growing inside of you. I am just sick. I am afraid I will never have a body again, and even before I had a kid I had to exercise a minimum of 60 minutes a day and eat no more than 1200 calories a day just to stay at 160 lbs. Will I ever look good after having a baby? I am really selfish when it comes to the way I look because I have been judged by it for so long (everyone else in my family is skinny and gorgeous, I have always been the fat one). I don't really want to breast feed even though I know it is better for the baby, the only reason I am considering it is that it is cheaper and that it helps you loose weight.
I know this is awful. I should be excited, I should be happy to be pregnant. I know this is a miracle baby, I know we are blessed, I am so excited to have a child. Just in 2 - 3 years. It's just that us being pregnant has already created issues. DH side of the family wants us to play down the whole pregnant thing, because it hurt SIL feelings because they are TTC and we got pregnant first when we weren't supposed to. So we have been asked not to acknowledge the pregnancy on that side. My side of the family is so excited and my mom who had 4 kids and loved being pregnant is already sewing pregnancy clothes. I don't want that much attention. I dont' want people looking at me. Am I such a horrible person? I have a SIL who would give anything to be pregant, and all I wanted was to adopt a toddler. I feel horribly horribly guilty for not reacting the way a woman is supposed to.