November 2011 Moms

At a loss...

The past few days Maya has been atrocious. She has never been bad (well overly cranky, I don't really think a baby can really be "bad"), she screams and cries until I pick her up... and that's all she wants is to be picked up. But once I do she's reaching and stretching for the ground... then when I set her down she loses it again. I don't know what to do, it's been a constant occurrence for the past 3 days. I feel like I need to be firm and not pick her up, because it will just teach her what she's doing is okay and that's how she gets what she wants yadda yadda. But she cries so hard, and gets herself so worked up.. and they say you can't spoil a baby right? And then she starts saying mama and really trying to get at me, and that breaks my heart to ignore her then.

God help me, I'm going to be the pushover parent.

Proud babywearing, breastfeeding, vaccinating SAHM of 2U2!
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Re: At a loss...

  • When my LO does that (often) I just start tickling him and holding him high above my head and acting like I'm going to drop him (like fastly pulling him down i guess? I never take my hands off him, if that makes sense.) I just do whatever I can to make him laugh then he takes thing better. There have been days where I go between the swing, the jumper, me holding him and the floor, one right after the other for hours. I'm also going to be a push over but I don't mind.
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  • We are there too.  I can't even go to the bathroom without him screaming.
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  • image quinncat:
    We are there too.  I can't even go to the bathroom without him screaming.

    this.

    My personal opinion is that they do this because they need us.  They say that at this stage the separation anxiety stems from LO's having the alertness to realize we aren't there but not having the developmental ability to realize we are coming back.  If that's the case, I don't see any reason why we should let them cry to teach them a lesson.  They won't have the ability to realize we are coming back any faster if we leave and let them cry.  It is a developmental milestone that has to be reached on its own.  Just my opinion.  Sometimes I have to let him cry because I have to pee.  But I don't extend the circumstances unless necessary.

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  • jb2rnjb2rn
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    my son has started the back arching. oh dear. when he gets frustrated (or these days, it's overtired) he will throw himself backwards. Usually on the floor, but sometimes also in his crib or on the changing table.

    it's frustrating. I try to calmly talk to him and wait for him to stop being so worked up before I pick him up.

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  • image ACAsomeday:

    image quinncat:
    We are there too.  I can't even go to the bathroom without him screaming.

    this.

    My personal opinion is that they do this because they need us.  They say that at this stage the separation anxiety stems from LO's having the alertness to realize we aren't there but not having the developmental ability to realize we are coming back.  If that's the case, I don't see any reason why we should let them cry to teach them a lesson.  They won't have the ability to realize we are coming back any faster if we leave and let them cry.  It is a developmental milestone that has to be reached on its own.  Just my opinion.  Sometimes I have to let him cry because I have to pee.  But I don't extend the circumstances unless necessary.

    definitely sounds like separation anxiety. 

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  • Wonder week!

    But seriously, they just start to realize that you are capable of leaving them behind and they can't do much about it, so that freaks them out. She'll get her self-confidence back soon enough, I wouldn't worry about her wanting you close in the meantime.

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  • Been doing this for a couple months.  She started the back arching with lots of things, as well, specifically the car seat and when she is on her back on the floor.  Also, when I need to put her down she already started the 'scrunch-up-her-legs' thing and clings to me.  OMG. 

    I, too, think it's a learning thing right now.  For us and baby.  I agree with both sides: cant spoil a baby / they need to figure things out on their own.  I actually talked to myself out loud yesterday when I set her down so that I could clean just a few dishes.  I said "if she is never set down she will never learn that she will be ok and that I will be back for her.  If she never cries, she will never learn that things will eventually be ok". 

    I agree, I don't prolong the circumstances, but I have been making an effort to let DD sit while I get what I need done and if she is crying then I go to her afterwards and encourage that playtime where ever she was left is a good thing.  Like PP, I don't pick up and coddle, but do fun things like pick her up and 'drop' her, just do fun things where ever she is. 

    Everyday, I'm worried that I've created a high-needs baby.  She seems SO extreme, she wants what she wants when she wants it, very seldom content on her own when it comes to being around me.  But, I think it's her personality and I need to be supportive yet encouraging without enabling.  Yes, she's a baby, but I can encourage her to have fun on the floor or jumper without being picked up.  I am going to do whatever I can to build this connection with her and surroundings as it's so important to me for her to feel secure with herself in her future. 

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  • image clizh:

    The past few days Maya has been atrocious. She has never been bad (well overly cranky, I don't really think a baby can really be "bad"), she screams and cries until I pick her up... and that's all she wants is to be picked up. But once I do she's reaching and stretching for the ground... then when I set her down she loses it again. I don't know what to do, it's been a constant occurrence for the past 3 days. I feel like I need to be firm and not pick her up, because it will just teach her what she's doing is okay and that's how she gets what she wants yadda yadda. But she cries so hard, and gets herself so worked up.. and they say you can't spoil a baby right? And then she starts saying mama and really trying to get at me, and that breaks my heart to ignore her then.

    God help me, I'm going to be the pushover parent.

     

    I think it's atrocious that you would even use that word to desribe your LO. God help her if you ever use that term to her face, she's a baby and is probably going through seperation anxiety. Be a parent and empathize, you were once a baby.

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  • This is very, very normal. I think I read something once about how when they become mobile, they also develop separation anxiety.  It's like their instinct is to go, but not too far.  They want to move but they also want mom to be close.

    Just do the best you can and don't worry about spoiling her.  If she wants down on the ground, but also wants you, I would get down on the ground with her. 

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