Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

given up in tears.........

so i know i have been putting sleep post questions for about a yr now.. i just dont know what else to do anymore. Last nice was prob it for me. My DD has never STTN ..ok maybe a total of 7x in the 21 months that shes been here. Last night was the worst. My DH and i have a regular routine w her bath 7:30 bed at 8. shes always fine and falls right asleep but then is up at 11:45...2:30...5:30.. and up for good by 6:15. we have let her CIO other times my DH says just go in and rock her its faster t get her back to sleep. well last night at 2:30 she wouldnt stop.. and it wasnt her usualy cry it was screaming crazzzy cry. she even fell out of her crib. for an hr 1/2 i was trying tio get her to sleep and everytiime after 5 min she would wake up screaming in a frantic. by 4 am i just put her in our bed which we have never done before and she fell asleep onmy chest and woke at 6:30. i dont kow what to do!!!??? why she crys.... why shes up.... why she wont sttn...

shes not hungry..no fever..no pains ( that i know of) so i just sit and wonder at 4am in the bathingroom as i cry in frustration.

Re: given up in tears.........

  • It could be separation anxiety. Would you ever consider moving her crib into your bedroom for a night or two and see if it helps? I can't imagine what you're going through... I'm a complete disaster without sleep! Maybe talk to the pedi for suggestions? GL!
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  • Oh honey, I'm so sorry.  I can't even imagine how frustrated you must feel.  I second PP with checking with your pedi for suggestions.  How does she do for naps during the day? 
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  • As horrible as it is going to be for you and your daughter, I would go cold turkey not going in and getting her, no more rocking, no more letting her fall asleep on you. If you need to, switch her to a toddler bed, work with the "sleep seperation technique" that supernanny does. (If you google it, you'll find great tips!) And put a gate up on her room door. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, she'll cry at the door, but at least she'll be confined to her safe room (assuming her room is baby safe). She'll learn that you're not coming to get her in the middle of the night anymore. You can also get a toddler alarm clock. We have a bunny one. When it's ok to wake up, the "daytime bunny" lights up. When it's bedtime and not ok to get up, it's "night time bunny" we call him nigh nigh bunny. That might help also, but read tips on how to get her to learn and understand the meaning of the clock. She's the same age as my DS and girls tend to understand more (I think) so I think she'll get it pretty quickly. This might take a couple weeks for her to get it...but it's going to be worth it to finally sleep through the night. I hope you find something that works if you don't use this method. She might be scared of being confined in the crib...that's why I suggested the toddler bed. Good luck.

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  • I agree with PP about going cold turkey.  She will get over it easier and faster if you guys just stop going in there when she's crying.  At this point it is habitual and you're doing what she is expecting by going in there.  DS goes through stints of waking up when he is teething or sick or whatever, and I can understand if they're in pain.  But if it is every night you're talking...jeez, she should def be sleeping through!  GL.

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  • I'm so sorry you are struggling.  My best advice is to pick a plan and stick with it.  Personally, at this point I would try Ferber or extinction CIO, but if you aren't comfortable with that there are other plans out there. Whatever you do, just stick with it.  You are confusing her and making it so much harder on yourself when you go from CIO, to rocking, back to CIO.  Wouldn't you be frustrated and confused if one night someone came in to comfort you and the next they didn't?  
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  • I'm so sorry you're going through this!  I know how hard it is to be exhausted and just want some sleep. 

    My DD does not STTN and she is 15 months old.  She has never slept through the night.  DH and I decided when she was a tiny baby that we would not do CIO as we don't believe that it is the right choice for our family.  I don't feel comfortable deciding that my DD doesn't need anything as she can't talk.  (teething, a headache, a bellyache, reflux. . . all of those silent things could be causing her discomfort)  I also believe that the need to be close to her mama and daddy is a real need that should not be ignored.  My job as a parent does not end because a certain time on the clock has been reached.  If she needs me, I will respond to her.  With that being said, I know how hard it is as my DD's schedule is normally much as you describe above (Usually a 3-5 hour stretch followed by 2-3 hour stretches for the rest of the night.  She goes down about 9:30 and is up for the day around 8:00).  I try to look at this time as an investment in my DD and her development and I know she won't need me forever. 

    Here's what helps me stay sane. . .

    I go to bed shortly after she does so that I can get as much sleep as possible.  We still have her crib in our room so when she wakes, I can get to her before she wakes up too much.  I bring her to our bed and nurse her until she is sleeping and then I return her to her crib.  She is usually back to sleep and in her own bed within 15 minutes.  She used to wake up after only 2 hours and that was hard, but she has increased her sleeping times and her sleep is slowly getting better with time and patience.  We have nights like the one you experienced last night.  Generally, if she wakes more frequently than usual, I will give her a dose of tylenol and that usually seems to do the trick as teething is the main thing that wakes her more than normal.  Also, if she wakes after I lay her down or continues to wake frequently, we let her stay in our bed. 

    As far as your LO goes, is it possible that teething is contributing?  Can your DH take some of the night time wakings so that you can both get as much sleep as possible?  Would you be willing to let your LO spend part of the night in your bed to help all of you get more sleep?  I highly suggest reading anything by Dr. Sears as far as gentle sleep methods go.  http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/sleep-problems

    Good luck, mama! 

  • We had a similar situation, and I went cold turkey.  By night 3 she was sleeping through the night.  It sucks, but like others have said, you just have to bite the bullet and give it a try consistantly for a week.
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  • It sounds like she was in pain.  Is she teething?  For some kids the first molars are the worst, for others it's the canines or 2 year molars.  My older DD had a terrible time with teething, and she basically didn't STTN until all of her teeth were in.  There were a few times that I remember her waking up screaming--it was awful.  Once all her teeth were in she started STTN basically every night (just before she turned two). 

    I remember when I took her in for her 18 month appt the pedi said she could see eight teeth coming in at once.  That's gotta hurt, right?

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time.  It WILL get better eventually.


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  • Not sure that I have advice for you, but definitely sympathy! My 23 month old doesn't STTN either.  He did for a short time, but now wakes up 1-2 times between 3 and 5am and sometimes doesn't go back to sleep.  

    I've tried everything CIO- he gets so worked up he vomits everywhere, rocking him, walking him, etc.  Nothing seems to work.  He can be dead asleep in my arms and as soon as I put him in the crib, he stands up, is wide awake and starts screaming.  I've given up on even trying to put him in the crib anymore b/c it wakes him and I have to start all over again to get him to sleep.  He's been sleeping in our bed for a few months now and he still wakes up, just not as hysterical.  I even tried converting his crib to a toddler bed and he won't even go near it.  Can't even get him to sit on it!

    Best of luck with whatever you try, I hope it works for you.  I'm still looking for a solution myself.  Just know that you are not the only one with a non-sleeper!

  • image rimjobrock:
    Oh honey, I'm so sorry.  I can't even imagine how frustrated you must feel.  I second PP with checking with your pedi for suggestions.  How does she do for naps during the day? 

    haha, love your siggy!!! I thought my kids were the only ones who loved posing with the ON dog!

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  • I've always found that going in to the room makes my kids 10x worse.  I'd just shut her door, your door, put earplugs and do CIO for a few days.  During he say you can cuddles and love her as much as you want.  I believe in CIO and I don't believe that it will scar my kids.  
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  • image google123:
    I've always found that going in to the room makes my kids 10x worse.  I'd just shut her door, your door, put earplugs and do CIO for a few days.  During he say you can cuddles and love her as much as you want.  I believe in CIO and I don't believe that it will scar my kids.  

    I realize that we have different opinions about CIO.  I'm glad you've found something that works for your family.  I'm curious about the bolded above. . .   When doing CIO this way, how would you know if something was wrong with your LO (fell out of bed /crib, vomited, got a limb stuck in the crib. . . )?

  • image mesmom2011:

    image google123:
    I've always found that going in to the room makes my kids 10x worse.  I'd just shut her door, your door, put earplugs and do CIO for a few days.  During he say you can cuddles and love her as much as you want.  I believe in CIO and I don't believe that it will scar my kids.  

    I realize that we have different opinions about CIO.  I'm glad you've found something that works for your family.  I'm curious about the bolded above. . .   When doing CIO this way, how would you know if something was wrong with your LO (fell out of bed /crib, vomited, got a limb stuck in the crib. . . )?

     

     

    Video monitor!  Last night, for example, DS cried for 5 or 6 minutes before he decided to get over it and go to sleep.  I saw on the video monitor he was just sitting up, being a butthole, and not wanting to sleep.  Here he is now, awake, playing with trucks, and talking about them to me.  100% fine haha

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  • My cousin had night terrors when she was a baby/kid. Maybe that's it?

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  • EDWHIPEDWHIP
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    When you say you've tried "CIO" how did you implement it?  Have you tried the Ferber method?  The reason I ask is that most people think that Ferber = CIO, when it's not.  We did Ferber with DD at 6 months and she has slept great since.  If you haven't done any research on it, you should get the book from the library and read the whole thing.  It sounds to me like you are a candidate b/c you've tried everything else and you are at your wits end.  We Ferberized DD in one weekend and it ended up being very easy.  Now she says bye to us when we put her to bed b/c she wants her sleep!
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  • image ThatWasAHoot:
    image mesmom2011:

    image google123:
    I've always found that going in to the room makes my kids 10x worse.  I'd just shut her door, your door, put earplugs and do CIO for a few days.  During he say you can cuddles and love her as much as you want.  I believe in CIO and I don't believe that it will scar my kids.  

    I realize that we have different opinions about CIO.  I'm glad you've found something that works for your family.  I'm curious about the bolded above. . .   When doing CIO this way, how would you know if something was wrong with your LO (fell out of bed /crib, vomited, got a limb stuck in the crib. . . )?

     

     

    Video monitor!  Last night, for example, DS cried for 5 or 6 minutes before he decided to get over it and go to sleep.  I saw on the video monitor he was just sitting up, being a butthole, and not wanting to sleep.  Here he is now, awake, playing with trucks, and talking about them to me.  100% fine haha

    Okay.  That makes sense.  We don't have a video monitor so i hadn't thought of that. 

  • We have a 19 month old that doesn't like to sleep either.  He has STTN maybe twice?  I have that "shoot me" thing going on too at my house.  Ever since he was born, we just brought him to our bed if he woke up after 2:00am or so.  Now that I'm pregnant, I decided I just couldn't do it anymore and kicked him out.  We tried getting him to stay in his own bed (twin size bed), but he still woke up screaming hysterically around 2:00am.  I finally gave up one day and dragged a mat of blankets into our room and layed him next to our bed on the floor --- and there he has slept with no issues for almost a month!!  This was a great solution for us!  He can hear us breathe and see us and if he wakes up, I just say say shhhh or hum from my bed. 

     

     

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