March 2013 Moms

Sister is TTC (Monday rant)

When I saw my sister last year, we were joking about babies and she said, "You better not get knocked up before me, I'm the eldest after all."  I think she was partly serious because I was the first to get married, buy a house, etc. and a lot of family attention went with that.  I think she wants to get pregnant first so she gets some of that attention finally. I told her that sounded fair and I would probably wait a while to have kids anyway.

My sister is nearing her 30th birthday, and she and her partner were TTC via sperm donor.  Everything was rolling along smoothly until they found out the donor they chose didn't have enough swimmers, so now they have to do the whole process over again.

Fast forward to this year, and after much discussion DH and I decide we can't wait any longer.  We started trying in June, and to our surprise we got a BFP our first time!  I immediately thought of my sister.  She lives two states away, and I won't see her until mid-August (I will be 12 wks along) at a big family reunion.  I was going to do a big announcement at the reunion, but I don't want to rub it in my sister's face that I got pregnant first. 

I was thinking of two choices- either call her in a few weeks after my ultrasound and try to have a heart to heart over the phone, or wait until I see her next month and gently break the news in person.  I don't know if she will be genuinely upset that I couldn't wait any more, or if she will be happy for me despite being a little bummed out that she couldn't be the one bringing the first child/grandchild into the family.

If you read this far then thanks for your time.  I just needed to vent about something I know needs to be done, just afraid to do it.

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Re: Sister is TTC (Monday rant)

  • I would call her ahead of time so she has time to let it sink in before the "big announcement".  She may be upset at first, but I'm sure she will be happy for you.  
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  • I would call her and tell her so it can sink in before you announce it to everyone at the reunion. She may be upset but I bet she is very excited for you! Good luck :)
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  • I'd call ahead also. I think being sensitive to the situation and discussing it before the reunion would be appropriate and potentially avoid some hurt feelings.

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  • Another vote for call her.  This will let her react in private once the call is over.  I am sure by the time you see her she will be happy for you.  Good luck!

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  • I agree, call ahead.  Hopefully she'll be able to be happy for you.  Good luck!
  • I agree with everybody else, tell her in advance so it can sink in
    BFP #1 (7/13/12) MC (8/14) 9 weeks. D & C 8/17.
    BFP #2 (5/18/13) due 1/26/14. Grow baby grow!
    Its a surprise! Team green!


  • I agree with everyone else.  Call and tell her.  Keep it short and sweet if she seems like she is upset.  This will give her time to digest it before a "big announcement" in public.

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    BFP #1: 7/10/2012 .... DS Born: 2/26/2013
    TTC #2: 5/2014
    BFP #2: 7/8/2014 .... MC at 4w4d
    BFP #3: 9/14/2014...EDD 5/30/2015


  • heart to heart... and just remain sensitive as PP said to her feelings. nice to hear your empathy in this situation
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  • I agree you should call her first. I hope she is happy and doesn't make you feel bad.
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  • Thanks ladies, looks like the vote is unanimous!  After thinking about it more I agree with you all about calling her first.  I just hope that I can effectively convey my feelings over the phone, basically that I waited as long as I could out of respect for her and I'm wasn't trying to steal the "first baby" title from her.  We aren't very close emotionally so I hope she understands.

    Also I talked to my parents and they basically said I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to start my own family.  True, but I still feel a little bad, I can't help it.  Here's hoping for the best!

     

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  • I would definitely talk to her before you make the big announcement. I am sure she will be happy for you but if she is struggling with IF she will likely be sad for herself at the same time.
    TTC since 12/09 - RE DX: Mild PCOS with irregular cycles and Male Factor Infertility (2% Morph)

    BFP: #1 3/11/11 on cycle #14; EDD 11/15/11; M/M/C @ 12w 05/03/11; Baby K 9w; D&C 5/4/11

    BFP: #2 6/28/12 on IVF cycle #1; EDD 3/13/13; ER 6/20/12, ET (2 embryos) 6/23/12

    Beta #1 7/5/12 346 @15dpo, Beta #2 7/9/12 1716 @19dpo, Beta #3 7/12/12 4356 @22dpo, U/S 7/25/12: 1 perfect peanut, HR 127


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