August 2012 Moms

How are you breaking the news you don't want your mom...

in the delivery room with you? My mom just ASSUMES I want her there for the labor and delivery. I only want my DH and the doula. I love my mom and wouldn't mind her in there for part of the labor, but the whole thing?! It's one of those moments I would love to just focus on DH and I and our DD. How have you broken the news? 

Re: How are you breaking the news you don't want your mom...

  • I wanted my mom in all along- looks like I cannot have her with a c section. If I were you I'd be honest now.
  • Well how many people are allowed in the delivery room?  My hospital allows 2.  So you could tell her your sorry but doula has to be there.  

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  • image Reilly626:
    I wanted my mom in all along- looks like I cannot have her with a c section. If I were you I'd be honest now.

    You're right, I need to be honest now. She is coming next weekend to stay with us before our baby shower on Sunday and DH and I should talk to her then. Thanks! 

  • My mom wasn't at all suprised when I told her I just wanted DH in the room but my mother in law asked today and was very dissapointed when I told her that she could not be in there with us. She just kept asking why and my answer of "I just want it to be us" was not enough for her. She keeps pushing but I am sticking to it. It is the beginning of MY family and I want to start it MY way. I know this is her first granchild and she is super excited ( I love that) however, she got to bring her children in the way she wanted and now she needs to respect that I want to bring in mine, my way. Be honest and stick to it no matter what. Although I feel slightly bad about it, it is really important to me that it just be me, DH, and our little boy for that first hour and I don't want anyone there to take those moments from us. I let everyone know that after that hour is up, it's game on and they can smother him all they want.
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  • This one is a toughie...I just had a conversation where I lovingly but directly explained to her mi wishes for when I went into labor. She totally understood:)

     

    Good luck!

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  • Tash13Tash13
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    I told my mom that it took an intimate moment between the two of us to get this process started and I think the finale should be an intimate moment as well.  That I didn't mind her being there in the waiting room in case I changed my mind (was across the country and had him early so it ended up irrelevant) but that I wanted that moment of becoming a family of three to just be between the three of us (and the medical professionals).  She was disappointed but understood.
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  • My mom really wants to be in the room with me and DH, but I told her that I don't know how many people are allowed in the room with me. She said that's fine and will wait outside the door until she can come back in. That's fine with me.
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  • I wasn't sure if I wanted my mom in the room or not with DD1. I didn't make up my mind until the actual time came, then I decided this needed to be special between DF and I only. So I just told her right there straight out. If she was upset, she didn't say anything. I just explained I needed this to be just for us.
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  • I just said it. I brought it up before she did and told her I had been thinking about the birth and I was pretty sure I wanted it to be just me and DH. She understood. 

    Now the funny part is I am actually still going back and forth about it. My mom and I are very close and my DH wisely said it was my call. I know that if I change my mind she'll be there right away but I didn't think  it's fair to leave her hanging or tease her with the possibility. I am just going to keep quiet and call her if I change my mind while I'm in labor. 

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  • I told my dad that we would let them know when I went into labor and when they were welcome to visit. I'll just let him pass the message along. 
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  • With DS I originally told my mom I just wanted it to be DH and I but when it came time to push I changed my mind and wanted her there. 
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  • Ive been having the same problem. I want it to be only me and my husband during the delivery and for the time afterwards. I have told my husband that I dont mind people coming to visit and say hi if I am comfortable during labor but who knows what Ill actually be feeling like. As for my mom, I havent come right out and said it yet, she asked and I kind of just skirted around it, awkward!
  • Being upfront and honest is the best policy. Tell her exactly what you told us...that you want this moment for you and DH. You are beyond excited for her to meet the baby and she will....a few hours after babe is born.

    My Mom was surprised I wanted her in there with me. I explained that what I really needed was her to be there to support DH so that he can support me. If I end up with another c-section, she won't be in the operating room and she is clear on that. I've also asked her that after the baby is born to leave DH and I for a few hours so that we can bond and have some alone time. Then I'll see her again in the pp room when they transfer me out of l&d. She was 100% in agreement. Made it very easy. 

    Oh, and I also told her that a condition of her being in there is that once the baby is born the ONLY person she is allowed to tell the sex of the baby to (we are team green) is my Dad. No phone calls, emails or texts to the family. DH and I want to tell our siblings and such the special details. Again, Mom was in total agreement and said her lips are sealed, but she did thank me for the Dad exemption (since he'll most likely be in the waiting room, lol).

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  • Fortunately mine didn't really want to be there (visit right after yes, but not be at the delivery) as she screamed at my poor dad for all of hers.

    My MIL is another story, so I lovingly explained that this is a private time for DH and I to welcome our son and get to know him.  When she continued to push the matter I finally said, "If you didn't put him there, you don't get to see him come out."  That did the trick, now it's just keeping the name a secret (she got to know the gender, something has to stay a surprise).

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  • I took the flattery route, both because it's the truth and because I wanted mom to feel good about the decision. I told her that I loved the fact that she had raised me to be independent and to think for myself, and my decision to have just DH in delivery was a testament to how well she had done her job as my Mom. She's now using that line proudly when her friends ask why she's not going to be in delivery.
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