1st Trimester

stolen from 2nd tri; judging in pregnancy

What do you think others judge you for while pregnant, and what do you judge other pregnant women for?

I think I am judged for being a student. People automatically assume I'm really young, don't have insurance, think I'm living off of welfare--- all of which are very, very far from the truth.

I try very hard not to judge anyone in any situation.... but I do judge people (in general, not just pregnant women but ESPECIALLY pregnant women) for not wearing seat belts. 

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Re: stolen from 2nd tri; judging in pregnancy

  • I know its hard to quit and all but I do judge about smoking in pregnancy. I guess I just dont understand how you cant give up for 9 months and if you give it up that long why not longer? I know its wrong to judge but its one thing i do :/
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  • image Chas0915:
    I know its hard to quit and all but I do judge about smoking in pregnancy. I guess I just don't understand how you cant give up for 9 months and if you give it up that long why not longer? I know its wrong to judge but its one thing i do :/

    This exactly. 

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  • This is my second so... I don't really worry or think much about what other pregnant ladies are doing. I'm not going to smack a sandwich out of someone's hand at Subway or tsk, tsk on someone with a bump smoking. If they're chowing down at McDonald's or in the welfare line or a student or a very young mom then hey, I am sure they have enough challenges. They don't need anyone judging them.

    Luckily we're car-free so I don't have to worry about seat belt judging. Wink

     

  • I judge moms who have their kids under 2 forward facing in their car seat. That and the smoking thing.

    Other than that I am super care free when it comes to what women (IRL - because lets face it judging people on the bump is so much fun!) do it isn't any of my business. There is always a reason that someone could be doing something differently than me.

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  • sekurasekura
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 1000 Comments 250 Love Its
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    Yeah, see, I don't think judging is a bad thing.  I think it is wrong to smoke and be pregnant at the same time.  I won't tell someone to stop or do anything to them, but it IS wrong, and I'm ok with thinking that.

    Of course, if we end up with socialized health care, then I might just have to do something--cuz then we're all forced to pay for their bad decisions. 

    TTC #1 Since 8/2010
    Me: 34, DH: 35 DX: DOR (FSH 14.9, AMH 0.67, AFC ~10) and Egg Quality

    IVF #1 Feb 2012. MDFL protocol w/ Met. 7 ER, 0F.
    May Donor Egg IVF cycle:3 EF, 1 blast ET 5/12, 2 frosties
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  • I think people might judge me for my age, piercings, and stretched ears.

    I judge women who smoke while they're pregnant, drink while they're pregnant, or continue to party while pregnant. And I dont think thats wrong.

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  • sesigssesigs member
    Like others said, really the only things that bother me are smoking and excessive drinking but those bother me whether the person is pregnant or not! I'm certainly not going to judge a pregnant woman with a ham sandwich or even taking a few sips of wine every once and a while. 
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  • You don't need to worry about those judging you! Like you, I was a student while I was pregnant with my second child.  I was married, my husband was in the military and I decided to finish my degree after the birth of my first child.  Nobody knows your story and your story is none of their business.  Keep your chin up and just blow them off!
  • I have a difficult time with any pregnant woman who smokes, uses drugs, or drinks at all.  Having smoked for 22 years, fully understand how difficult it is to stop.  My eyes roll every time I hear someone say that a sip of wine or a small drink here and there won't hurt.  To me, that's ridiculous.  Few people would not react if they saw a pregnant woman take a drag from a cigarette, yet for some reason, many are okay with an occasional drink.  We expect nicotine addicts to stop when pregnant.  Why don't we have the same expectation about alcohol?  Just as I won't take even one drag from a cigarette while pregnant, I expect that alcohol will be completely avoided for the duration of pregnancies as well.  
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  • Hmm. I have an issue with women smoking cigarettes while pregnant and I will say so too. I know a woman who smoked through hers and one day I saw her. She looked at me and said "I know, I'm terrible" and I shook my head and said "yeah".

    Eating nothing but junk is another thing that bugs me. I mean, it's her body and her baby but I admit to judging women who are pregnant and constantly talking about what they ate at McDonald's or the tons of ice cream they've been eating. I am guilty of eating junk too which I need to quit doing.  It's difficult when you have morning sickness but I can at least have real potatoes that I make myself rather than potato soup, lentils instead of gluten free pizza and real fruit smoothies instead of ice cream. I just need to have the will power and make the effort.

    I have no idea what others would judge me for? People do not know I'm pregnant nor did they know last time until I lost it. I'm 30 years old, college educated, married to a man I've been with for 11 years, I don't smoke,  I don't drink, I'm known for being a bit of  "hippie" with what I eat and how I do things.

    I could be judged for my weight. I am starting out 20lbs overweight. Last time I was 40lbs overweight!! I'm only 4'9" so that was a ton of weight and even losing half of it has made a big difference.

     

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    Missed m/c found @ 10 weeks - May 2010
    Missed m/c found @ 10.5 weeks - August 2012
  • I judge when I see moms post on FB things such as "This sucks! It's friday night and I'm stuck at home with my kids because I can't find a sitter". Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the need for a date night here and there, but when your upset because you can't get wasted every weekend because you have a kid, maybe you should have thought about that before you got pregnant.
  • I judge for smoking too.  My parents smoked while pg with me, and until I was 14 in the house.  So yeah...I have a BIG chip on my shoulder about being forced to "smoke" as an infant/child/teen.  Other than that, I don't think I judge anything else really just looking at someone...well, obviously drugs too.  I have plenty of cousins who were born to addict parents (messed up family).

    As far as being judged, I got pg with my first when I was 20 and engaged (we now regret not being married yet).  It wasn't on purpose, but we were OVER THE MOON thrilled.  It was all I'd ever wanted, but I know I got judged.  And I have a young face too, so I'm sure I didn't even come across as 20.  I had my second when I was 23, and still got judged, got told I didn't look old enough to be a mom, etc.  I had my third when I was 26 and got some judgement for looking  young, but mostly for having a thrid when I already had "the perfect set" of a boy and girl.  People looked at me like I'd lost my mind when I was pregnant with my fourth because I had "so many" kids already.  I can't wait to see the looks I get this time while pregnant with my fifth and a double serving of "the perfect set" of kids-boy, girl, boy, girl.  I'm 29 now, so hopefully the age thing is all over with.

    I don't judge pregnant teens.  I wish I could befriend them because I'm sure they have a rough road ahead of them and most of them probably don't have much support.  God hasn't opened a door for me yet in that though.

    Momma to 4 here and 4 in Heaven, cautiously expecting #5!
    Ds1-9yo, Dd1-6yo, Ds2-3 1/2yo, Dd2-1 1/2yo.

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  • i guess people could judge me for coloring my hair and drinking coffee. i was huge when i was pregnant with DD so i'm sure people judged every time i put something in my mouth. 

    but i am heavily tattooed so i am used to being stared at / judged as it is, pregnant or not LOL

    i judge pregnant women who smoke. i used to smoke (quit almost 4 years ago), i KNOW how hard it is to quit. but there is nothing that could make me keep smoking while pregnant. flame away, but i'll still judge this.


  • image SunshineMuffin:
    I have a difficult time with any pregnant woman who smokes, uses drugs, or drinks at all.  Having smoked for 22 years, fully understand how difficult it is to stop.  My eyes roll every time I hear someone say that a sip of wine or a small drink here and there won't hurt.  To me, that's ridiculous.  Few people would not react if they saw a pregnant woman take a drag from a cigarette, yet for some reason, many are okay with an occasional drink.  We expect nicotine addicts to stop when pregnant.  Why don't we have the same expectation about alcohol?  Just as I won't take even one drag from a cigarette while pregnant, I expect that alcohol will be completely avoided for the duration of pregnancies as well.  

    This is a dumb comparison.

    Cigarettes are filled with chemicals and cynanide. We know without a shadow of a doubt cigarettes are harmful and have zero benefit.

    Wine is different. Wine has been consumed for thousands of years, is natural, and provides health benefits to the human body. There are a number of studies that show light drinking has no harm to a pregnant woman and can actually provide benefits. Women have been using wine during pregnancy for generations to avoid preterm labor.

    http://www.buzzle.com/articles/drinking-red-wine-while-pregnant.html

    http://news.discovery.com/human/alcohol-drinking-pregnant-women.html

    http://www.winespectator.com/webfeature/show/id/Study-OKs-Some-Wine-During-Pregnancy_4439

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  • sekurasekura
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 1000 Comments 250 Love Its
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    image KC_13:

    image SunshineMuffin:
    I have a difficult time with any pregnant woman who smokes, uses drugs, or drinks at all.  Having smoked for 22 years, fully understand how difficult it is to stop.  My eyes roll every time I hear someone say that a sip of wine or a small drink here and there won't hurt.  To me, that's ridiculous.  Few people would not react if they saw a pregnant woman take a drag from a cigarette, yet for some reason, many are okay with an occasional drink.  We expect nicotine addicts to stop when pregnant.  Why don't we have the same expectation about alcohol?  Just as I won't take even one drag from a cigarette while pregnant, I expect that alcohol will be completely avoided for the duration of pregnancies as well.  

    This is a dumb comparison.

    Cigarettes are filled with chemicals and cynanide. We know without a shadow of a doubt cigarettes are harmful and have zero benefit.

    Wine is different. Wine has been consumed for thousands of years, is natural, and provides health benefits to the human body. There are a number of studies that show light drinking has no harm to a pregnant woman and can actually provide benefits. Women have been using wine during pregnancy for generations to avoid preterm labor.

    http://www.buzzle.com/articles/drinking-red-wine-while-pregnant.html

    http://news.discovery.com/human/alcohol-drinking-pregnant-women.html

    http://www.winespectator.com/webfeature/show/id/Study-OKs-Some-Wine-During-Pregnancy_4439

    Yes 

    TTC #1 Since 8/2010
    Me: 34, DH: 35 DX: DOR (FSH 14.9, AMH 0.67, AFC ~10) and Egg Quality

    IVF #1 Feb 2012. MDFL protocol w/ Met. 7 ER, 0F.
    May Donor Egg IVF cycle:3 EF, 1 blast ET 5/12, 2 frosties
    BFP 5/21! beta #1 5/22 306 beta #2 5/24 818 beta #3 5/31 15,038.

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    "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey

  • image KC_13:

    This is a dumb comparison.

    Cigarettes are filled with chemicals and cynanide. We know without a shadow of a doubt cigarettes are harmful and have zero benefit.

    Wine is different. Wine has been consumed for thousands of years, is natural, and provides health benefits to the human body. There are a number of studies that show light drinking has no harm to a pregnant woman and can actually provide benefits. Women have been using wine during pregnancy for generations to avoid preterm labor.

    Yeah, I agree. Not a good comparison. Also, if I see a woman smoking I'm likely to make the assumption she does it on a regular basis since rarely does a smoker take a drag once a week or once a month. On the other hand, I took two sips of beer after I knew I was pregnant and I told a friend she could do the same. I hate alcohol. I just wanted to see what these beers tasted like. Everyone knows I'm not going to be having a drink everyday. My friend won't either. We're not alcoholics. Smokers smoke...and they do it all the time, otherwise they wouldn't be "smokers".

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    Missed m/c found @ 10 weeks - May 2010
    Missed m/c found @ 10.5 weeks - August 2012
  • I already posted about smoking but forgot to add, I am sure I am judged for one I am overweight, after going thru thyroid cancer at 21 it has been really hard to get my weight back on track. Also I am a young mom, I do not hide the fact I am 24 and have a 6 year old daughter. I have a highschool diploma college degree and single parented for 4 years of her life. Now I am happily married and expecting number 2.

    Many people judge when they see me with my daughter, I do look my age in my face but I do not act 24. I am not a partier I do not smoke, only drink on a very very rare occasion and love being at home with my daughter watching disney. 

     

    We all get judged about something I think the biggest difference is something that is a HEALTH concern or a STATUS QUO... pregnant women are supposed to be at least 25 and married type thing... but as I stated before smoking is known as a health risk to both mom and the baby. Why would you put ur baby at risk ?

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  • Smoking.  I don't think there is an explanation needed.

    Also, I know this one shouldn't be warranted, but I do judge women who drink even a little in the first trimester..  It's very clear that the amount of alcohol consumption that can harm a baby is UNKNOWN so why even chance it?   

    After the baby is more developed and you have a glass of wine one random night, I won't judge. ;) 

    I Was probably judged for giving my baby formula. 

     

  • PEOPLE!! This is not the game. The game is say 1) What others judge YOU for, and 2) What you judge OTHERS for. Apparently the ladies responding so far on this board have nothing to be judged for. As for me:

     1) I haven't done it yet, but once I'm further along in 2nd or 3rd tri I fully intend to start enjoying a 1/2 glass of wine on occasion. And since being pregnant I've indulged in more coca cola than ever before in my life.

    2)  I judge other pregnant women who say they would never, ever, abort a baby even if blah blah blah. Yes, this may be true for some women, but for the majority of people, you don't fully understand the gravity/complexity/ambiguity of a situation until you've lived it.

  • image KC_13:

    image SunshineMuffin:
    I have a difficult time with any pregnant woman who smokes, uses drugs, or drinks at all.  Having smoked for 22 years, fully understand how difficult it is to stop.  My eyes roll every time I hear someone say that a sip of wine or a small drink here and there won't hurt.  To me, that's ridiculous.  Few people would not react if they saw a pregnant woman take a drag from a cigarette, yet for some reason, many are okay with an occasional drink.  We expect nicotine addicts to stop when pregnant.  Why don't we have the same expectation about alcohol?  Just as I won't take even one drag from a cigarette while pregnant, I expect that alcohol will be completely avoided for the duration of pregnancies as well.  

    This is a dumb comparison.

    Cigarettes are filled with chemicals and cynanide. We know without a shadow of a doubt cigarettes are harmful and have zero benefit.

    Wine is different. Wine has been consumed for thousands of years, is natural, and provides health benefits to the human body. There are a number of studies that show light drinking has no harm to a pregnant woman and can actually provide benefits. Women have been using wine during pregnancy for generations to avoid preterm labor.

    http://www.buzzle.com/articles/drinking-red-wine-while-pregnant.html

    http://news.discovery.com/human/alcohol-drinking-pregnant-women.html

    http://www.winespectator.com/webfeature/show/id/Study-OKs-Some-Wine-During-Pregnancy_4439

     

     

    There is no known "safe amount" of alcohol consumption during pregnancy.   

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  • image wph961:

    PEOPLE!! This is not the game. The game is say 1) What others judge YOU for, and 2) What you judge OTHERS for. Apparently the ladies responding so far on this board have nothing to be judged for. As for me:

     

    I had noticed I had only posted what I judge for but I did go back and post again. We all have something we do/ have done that another person might not agree with :/ It happens cant please everyone

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  • I had a woman approach me in walmart when I was picking up a pregnancy test (didn't trust the first 2) and told me I should be ashamed to be tattoo'd, pink-haired, and unwed even thinking about bringing a child into this world.

    I work as a nanny in a very snobby rich town, so I'm used to people mistaking me for mom and being rude about my appearance, but it never really stops bothering me. None of my tattoos are inappropriate (most of them are flowers & butterflies), and my pink hair streaks aren't hurting anyone. I guess I lucked out working for an engineer and lawyer who are tattoo'd harley riders who don't care what I look like, but I'm still nervous about being noticably pregnant and having people like that woman in walmart approach me.

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  • I try really hard not to judge. That being said I work in the worst place to a woman who is TTC. I am an OBGYN nurse. It kills me every time I have a baby shaking like a twig in a hundred-mile-per-hour wind and the parents ask my why. I calmly explain it is because their child is withdrawing from nicotine. Then the mother gives me this shocked I-had-no-idea-look. Right honey how about you go cold turkey and see how you feel. AND these women think it is only about low birth weight, not the fact that their children are far more likely to has reparatory issues their whole life.

    But this small compared to so many of the other things I see. I worry about my fourteen-old moms. I struggle to still be compassionate with moms that are illicit or prescription drug users. I want to slap the moms that would not work to control their blood sugars during their pregnancy and now this kids are in NICU on sugar drips. I hate sending babies home with families that clearly are not excited about them or not willing to change their life style to give the babes what they need.

    I don't care what color your hair is, what piercing or tattoos you have, how you dress, where you live or work, or who you love. All I want to know when I send a baby home with you it that will love it with everything you are and that you will do anything or give-up anything to give that child that all that they need and more 

  • image Kathryn Grice:

    I try really hard not to judge. That being said I work in the worst place to a woman who is TTC. I am an OBGYN nurse. It kills me every time I have a baby shaking like a twig in a hundred-mile-per-hour wind and the parents ask my why. I calmly explain it is because their child is withdrawing from nicotine. Then the mother gives me this shocked I-had-no-idea-look. Right honey how about you go cold turkey and see how you feel. AND these women think it is only about low birth weight, not the fact that their children are far more likely to has reparatory issues their whole life.

    But this small compared to so many of the other things I see. I worry about my fourteen-old moms. I struggle to still be compassionate with moms that are illicit or prescription drug users. I want to slap the moms that would not work to control their blood sugars during their pregnancy and now this kids are in NICU on sugar drips. I hate sending babies home with families that clearly are not excited about them or not willing to change their life style to give the babes what they need.

    I don't care what color your hair is, what piercing or tattoos you have, how you dress, where you live or work, or who you love. All I want to know when I send a baby home with you it that will love it with everything you are and that you will do anything or give-up anything to give that child that all that they need and more 

     

     I LOVE THIS WHOLE POST .. I am sure you are in a very hard position seeing everyone doing things they know very well is harmful to their babies .. I am pre diabetic and I have to check my blood sugar many times a day now that I am pregnant because I fluctuate so much. It is hard :(

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  • I think I'm judged for: I don't always wear my wedding ring and I always see people looking at my hand when I'm out with my two daughters. I am a SAHM and I don't wear my wedding ring around the house and I usually forget to put it on when I run to the grocery store.

    I judge pregant women for: Not wearing their seatbelts and letting older children ride in the car without carseats.

     

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  • I judge smoking.  Because they know better.

    I was judged for feeding my baby formula. Mostly by my mom, though she never bothered to ask why. 

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  • image Chas0915:
    I know its hard to quit and all but I do judge about smoking in pregnancy. I guess I just dont understand how you cant give up for 9 months and if you give it up that long why not longer? I know its wrong to judge but its one thing i do :/

    I do too. I know judging is wrong but I do it with smoking.  Nobody outside of my family hears me, but I say stuff. About everyone who smokes actually. I mean I don't think I need to even go into how stupid and bad for you it is to smoke. I actually take a few IQ points off for the person when I see the cancer stick( horrific that I say this, but's it's really what goes on in my head) in their hands. I'm a nurse, I see SOOO many preventable diseases related to smoking. It's so sad.

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  • image sekura:

    Yeah, see, I don't think judging is a bad thing.  I think it is wrong to smoke and be pregnant at the same time.  I won't tell someone to stop or do anything to them, but it IS wrong, and I'm ok with thinking that.

    Of course, if we end up with socialized health care, then I might just have to do something--cuz then we're all forced to pay for their bad decisions. 

    Often we are forced to pay for their bad decisions. It is more common for those in the lower income class to make the poor choices and those are the ones that qualify and have Medicaid(or MediCAL if you are in CA).

    That being said, not everyone on these programs makes poor decisions, I'm just saying they tend to be younger, more inexperienced. I mean, car insurance companies charge more when you are in these age groups because of this reason. (Plus I was on this when I was in nursing school so I am not judging anyone in need of these programs).

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  • I feel I'm judged for:  Being overweight (about 20 lbs).  I feel like they'll look at me and only think about how fat I am while pregnant.

    I judge other pregnant women for:  Smoking and taking illegal drugs.   

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  • image KC_13:

    image SunshineMuffin:
    I have a difficult time with any pregnant woman who smokes, uses drugs, or drinks at all.  Having smoked for 22 years, fully understand how difficult it is to stop.  My eyes roll every time I hear someone say that a sip of wine or a small drink here and there won't hurt.  To me, that's ridiculous.  Few people would not react if they saw a pregnant woman take a drag from a cigarette, yet for some reason, many are okay with an occasional drink.  We expect nicotine addicts to stop when pregnant.  Why don't we have the same expectation about alcohol?  Just as I won't take even one drag from a cigarette while pregnant, I expect that alcohol will be completely avoided for the duration of pregnancies as well.  

    This is a dumb comparison.

    Cigarettes are filled with chemicals and cynanide. We know without a shadow of a doubt cigarettes are harmful and have zero benefit.

    Wine is different. Wine has been consumed for thousands of years, is natural, and provides health benefits to the human body. There are a number of studies that show light drinking has no harm to a pregnant woman and can actually provide benefits. Women have been using wine during pregnancy for generations to avoid preterm labor.

    http://www.buzzle.com/articles/drinking-red-wine-while-pregnant.html

    http://news.discovery.com/human/alcohol-drinking-pregnant-women.html

    http://www.winespectator.com/webfeature/show/id/Study-OKs-Some-Wine-During-Pregnancy_4439

    I'm glad you typed this so I don't have to :). Agreed, that's an ignorant comparison. Cigarettes and wine are not the same. At all. Of course no one advocates heavy drinking but a glass of wine once in a while isn't a big deal.
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