Babies: 9 - 12 Months

BFF scheduled her baby shower on my son's 1st Birthday Party

My BFF scheduled her baby shower on my son's 1st birthday party. She was in the room when I delivered him. Of all dates, I thought for sure she would recall his birthday. Apparently she didn't. I received her invite to her baby shower this week, scheduled on the same day as my son's birthday party (In September). My son is her godson. When I said something she remarked that she was taking childbirth classes the two days before her shower, and her husbands has off that weekend, and that's why they chose the date. Problem is that when I mentioned the scheduling conflict, she had the nerve to ask me if I would change the date/time of my son's birthday party to accomadate her shower. What boiled my blood was that she was unwilling to change the date or time of her shower at all. Pretty much told me it was set in stone and if I wanted her there I would have to change my son's birthday party to a different time, or select a different day. Is it me or does this seem rude? I can't change when my son's birthday is (he was lucky enough to manage to not be like his Mama who shares her birthday with Thanksgiving every 7 years) and by a stroke of luck it fell on a weekend day when all of my out of state family will be in town. Furthermore, she doesn't see that asking me to change my son's birthday party was rude and self-centered. Am I the only one who thinks her logic is ridiculous?
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
«13

Re: BFF scheduled her baby shower on my son's 1st Birthday Party

  • If the party is on his actual birthday, I would simply tell her that you're sorry she's unavailable to come to the party.  If she still says you need to change the party to accomodate her, say that the party has been scheduled - just like her baby shower - and won't be rescheduled just to accomodate one person. 
    So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

    Cookies? What cookies? image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Voted "Mom of the Year" 2012 Sweatpea Mom Awards Follow Me on Pinterest
  • Yes his party is on his actual birthday. That's why I was so tickled it worked out perfectly, family in from out of state, on a weekend...etc. I was really hoping to make it to her shower, she's pregnant with her first after TTC after 2 miscarriages, and while I love and am thrilled for her, I feel it would be not only bad parenting to let her shower (a celebration of another child) to take precedence over my son's birthday, but it would seem like I'm allowing her celebration to be more important than my son's. I am just floored that she really see's nothing wrong with the day she picked, asking me to change my son's birthday party, or most of all, thinking that how she went about it all was fine and perfectly in line.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think you are overreacting. As important as our children and their birthday's are to us - it is not the same for our friends. 

    I would not change the date or time of my child's birthday if it was already set. If it wasn't set or if invites hadn't gone out, I might try to change the time if it allowed me to pop into the shower, but most likely I wouldn't worry about it. I would be annoyed that she expected me to change my child's party to accommodate hers, but since you seem to expect her to do the same, I guess that doesn't work. 

    You each picked a time and date that worked best for your event and planned accordingly. Unfortunately, you picked the same one. It stinks that you both can't share in the other's celebration, but that's life. 

     

    image
    E 9.08, V 8.11, J 4.14
  • Weird? Yes.

    Rude? Probably. I can see where you're coming from and I wouldn't be thrilled either.

    However, no matter how close you are to someone, at the end of the day birthdays are one of those events that really only matter to the person having the birthday. Not sound brash but it's not a National Holiday, so life goes on.

    Just like it was the only weekend that worked for your party, It may have been the only weekend that worked for her too. Maybe she has out of town family, another friend she really wanted their, work schedule issues, a close family member with a ton of plans, 16 weddings for the next 16 Saturdays. Who knows.

    I wouldn't let it get to you. No one can be everywhere all of the time. Play the bigger person and say, "I'm a bit sad our parties fall on the same day! However, I understand. You enjoy yours and tell me about it after and I'll enjoy mine and we'll catch up later." Then send a nice gift. IMO, birthday parties and baby showers are not big can't miss events in the grand scheme of life.

    And as for her asking you to change the party just simply say, "I can't. We have a lot of out of town guests making plans for it and the invites are out." Then leave it at that. It was so, so strange she asked you to do that, but remember pregnant women get wrapped up in their own little universe too easily sometimes.

  • I would reschedule the birthday party if it were my best friend. I also want to celebrate my daughter's birthday just the three of us, so her birthday party is will be the week after. They are turning one, they won't remember the day and you could potentially ruin a friendship by being so offended. Let your friend enjoy her moment. It's not all about you.
    SAHM to two beautiful girls. A - 9/16/11 E - 4/29/13
  • My friend got married on Tim's birthday last year, it was annoying but there wasn't much I could do it. It worked for them and I;m sure she didn't pick it to annoy me.

    I was annoyed because I wanted his party on his actual birthday, but such is life. I went to the wedding for a little bit and then left early so I could spend the rest of the day with Tim on his birthday

    It's possible, that date worked best for your friend for whatever reason. I'm sure she wasn't trying to stir anything up by picking that date

    I think they only thing that would make it awkward is if you decide to keep the party the same day and have the same group of friends causing people to choose a birthday party or a shower.

     

    Ok I'm done rambling. 

    Amanda and Mike~ 06/07/2008

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Baby Birthday Ticker Tickerimage
  • I know a heck of a lot more planning went into my baby shower than my son's first bday (and definitely what will go into dd's first bday).  So I get her not being willing to even consider changing the shower, esp. if the invitations have already gone out.  If it wouldn't totally throw everything off, I would consider moving the time of the bday party or even moving it from one weekend day to another, but if it would be too much of a hassle for you I'd just leave it. 

    As for if she's being rude, it would kinda depend on her attitude.  I wouldn't expect her to change her party, so that alone isn't rude, but if she's put off by you not being willing to change your party too, then yes, that is rude. 

    Honestly though, I think you are being just as self-centered as you are accusing her of being.

    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPicBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think it's a little rude of her to expect you to change your party.  I wouldn't change it though.  It would just be one of those things where I would miss her shower and she would miss my child's 1st birthday party.  I certainly wouldn't change it for one person.  Birthdays are a big deal in my family, so a lot of planning went into DD's first bday party last month.  If your LO's bday fell during the week, I would just say change it to the other weekend (before or after), but since it's actually that weekend, I wouldn't change your party.
    BFP 1/8/10, MC 1/15/10 | BFP 3/20/10, MC 6/24/10 | BFP 12/13/10...EDD 8/22/11...DD born 6/7/11 @ 29 weeks 1 day Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I definitely think it is rude and A LOT does go into planning a first birthday party. Usually there is someone else planning a shower, unlike you who are planning your son's 1st on your own. I'd be mad. 
    image
    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I know how you feel. My son's godfather set his wedding for my son's birthday. I was furious. He could have chosen any day for the wedding but my son's birthday is predetermined. Needless to say we will not be attending the wedding. I will be enjoying my child!
  • hocushocus
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member

    Overall it sounds like you told her she needed to be there and then she said that you'd have to move it for that to happen. It is sad that she won't be at your party and visa versa but I don't think either of you is wrong. She's got her own life and schedules to manage and so do you. Life is busy. These things happen. Since I didn't hear exactly what she said I have no idea of whether she suggested moving your son's party was rude or not. Simply making the suggestion is not rude to me, but our parties tend to be much more relaxed than other parties. In fact there is a family party on the weekend that would be best for my son's first and I am just doing his party a week later which is fine with me. We're just doing a simple backyard BBQ anyway.

     Send a gift. Take her out for a nice lunch and show her pictures of the birthday and don't let something that isn't a huge deal ruin a friendship.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • *GASP*  You mean someone doesn't think that your child's birthday should take precedence over something in her life?!?!?  How dare she?  She should be calling up the person who was kind enough to offer to throw her a shower and insist that they change the date, despite other dates not working as well, because, well..YOU expect it.  I mean, it wouldn't cause any trouble, invitiation haven't gone out or anything...oh wait...they have! 

    You expecting her to change her date and then getting mad that she dare suggest that you change your date is a little rediculous.  I think you calling her up expecting her to change her date is the rude and self-centred part.  Was she right in suggesting that you change your date?  Probably not, but she was probably also hurt that you would expect her to change the date for a party that invitations have already been sent out for. 

    Seriously, get over yourself. Your one year old son is not going to a) know b) care or c) remember whether or not his birthday party was on his exact birthday. It's clear that you have a bit of an entitlement issue, afterall, how dare Thanksgiving fall on your birthday once every 7 years?!?!?

    image

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

    "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13
  • Her logic is no more ridiculous than your own. Can't you see your both guilty of the same thing? Wanting the other person to change their day. Keep your day if it works bet for you but just don't get all pissy that she does the same thing. Missing a baby shower or a birthday is simply not the end of the world, life will go on and hopefully you can let this go so your friendship can go on too.
    <3 <a href="http://lilypie.com/">Lilypie Second Birthday tickers "Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth."-Albert Einstein
  • image Accounting Chick:
    *GASP*  You mean someone doesn't think that your child's birthday should take precedence over something in her life?!?!?  How dare she?  She should be calling up the person who was kind enough to offer to throw her a shower and insist that they change the date, despite other dates not working as well, because, well..YOU expect it.  I mean, it wouldn't cause any trouble, invitiation haven't gone out or anything...oh wait...they have! 

    You expecting her to change her date and then getting mad that she dare suggest that you change your date is a little rediculous.  I think you calling her up expecting her to change her date is the rude and self-centred part.  Was she right in suggesting that you change your date?  Probably not, but she was probably also hurt that you would expect her to change the date for a party that invitations have already been sent out for. 

    Seriously, get over yourself. Your one year old son is not going to a) know b) care or c) remember whether or not his birthday party was on his exact birthday. It's clear that you have a bit of an entitlement issue, afterall, how dare Thanksgiving fall on your birthday once every 7 years?!?!?

    That was kind of a rude response. 

    Actually, I think it is was kind of weird that she planned her baby shower on the same day. She isn't "just a friend" as some posters have said- she is the child's Godmother. That is a really big deal.

    Maybe she picked that day without thinking (although it seems kind of unlikely considering how involved her role is supposed to be with your child).

    Anyway, I'd tell her that you're sorry that you cannot be there for her shower and would love to meet up the following week to talk all about both babies and swap gifts. I would NOT change the date of your party (especially considering that you already said that it is the only date that works for out of town family). I would also not expect her to change her shower date. It is probably the only date that works for her family and invitations have already been sent out. It seems that both parties are set in stone, and I wouldn't risk your friendship over these events. Put a smile on your face and try to not take it personally. She is probably just very excited to finally be having a baby after two miscarriages and probably thinks its just her turn to have the spotlight.

    I'd definitely chose a family member as a godparent for the next child, though!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • image tiffitaya718:
    I know how you feel. My son's godfather set his wedding for my son's birthday. I was furious. He could have chosen any day for the wedding but my son's birthday is predetermined. Needless to say we will not be attending the wedding. I will be enjoying my child!

    Really? If this person is your son's godfather, I'd think they were an important person in your life. You will really skip this once in a lifetime event - a wedding, which is HUGE, b/c you are mad it's on your son's bday?

    I just don't get it. There are only 365 days in a year. Only 52 Saturdays (common party and wedding day). There will be overlap.

    In this situation, I'd probably laugh, say it's funny that it's DDs bday, too, but how fun b/c I'll always remember the date! Then I'd plan her birthday either the weekend before or the weekend after and assume the godparent would be sitting this one out b/c of wedding/honeymoon plans.

    Kids don't care when we celebrate their birthday.  

    image
    E 9.08, V 8.11, J 4.14
  • image Accounting Chick:

    Seriously, get over yourself. Your one year old son is not going to a) know b) care or c) remember whether or not his birthday party was on his exact birthday. It's clear that you have a bit of an entitlement issue, afterall, how dare Thanksgiving fall on your birthday once every 7 years?!?!?

    Yes! I was wondering about the holiday birthday issue, it seemed like projecting to me.

    image
    E 9.08, V 8.11, J 4.14
  • I think you're overreacting.  I'm making an assumption here that you have NOT sent out invitations for your son's birthday.  She has sent invitations to her party.  As much as you think it would common knowledge that you would have your son's party on his actual birthday, lots of people have them on a different day for scheduling reasons.  I don't think her asking if you could change it was rude and she was likely looking at it from the point of one being finalized with mailed invites and one still in the planning stages.  I can understand that you don't want to but I guarantee she doesn't yet realize that a 1st birthday is a big deal.  She's got a big deal going on in her world right now and it's different from your big deal.  Neither is better.  Different.
    image
  • You're out-of-state family isn't in town for 2 days, just 1?  If so, or your invites are already out, or the day is that important to you, I would try to do both parties if possible.  For example, BFF comes to the 1st hr of the birthday and you go to the last hour of the baby shower.  If not, you could miss each other's parties and mutually (and kindly) agree to celebrate together another day (more celebration!).  Otherwise, I would consider rescheduling my DD's birthday or having two parties (more celebration!).  For example, for the birthday out-of-state family a small party on the day and the big party on other day.

    I might be sad, but not offended.  Since you are offended, I wonder if there is more to it than this request.  I hope you two work it out.  It's going to be even trickier once there are multiple children and naptimes involved!  GL.

    Looking forward to your DS' birthday!  Congratulations!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC#2 2012 BFNs, 2013 FET, DS b. Nov-2013

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC#1 2003 BFNs, 2004-2009 5 angels above, 2010 IVF-PGS-FET, DD b. Aug-2011

  • Asking someone to change their child's birthday party for their baby shower is about as rude and self-centered as asking someone to change their baby shower for their child's birthday party.

    I understand the desire to throw a first birthday party, I'll probably do one.  But you do understand that it's all about you, right, and that your LO doesn't know and doesn't care what is going on and what day the party falls on?  If it's important for you to be at your BFF's shower, then cange the date or time of the bday party.  Otherwise, send your regrets and life goes on.

    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I would do your son's bday party when you want to.  If she can't make it, that is too bad.  If its that important for you to have her there, change your date? 

    I would still do whats best for your family though.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think you are being dramatic. Your baby is going to be one. Yes, its a big deal for you, but not really for anyone else. You have many more years to throw birthday parties, years that your child will actually remember. If we were in this situation, my BFF and I would agree that it stinks that we didn't coordinate better and we'd be sorry to miss each other's events. Then we'd move on because we are adults. 
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image LalaMama81:

    I think you are overreacting. As important as our children and their birthday's are to us - it is not the same for our friends. 

    I would not change the date or time of my child's birthday if it was already set. If it wasn't set or if invites hadn't gone out, I might try to change the time if it allowed me to pop into the shower, but most likely I wouldn't worry about it. I would be annoyed that she expected me to change my child's party to accommodate hers, but since you seem to expect her to do the same, I guess that doesn't work. 

    You each picked a time and date that worked best for your event and planned accordingly. Unfortunately, you picked the same one. It stinks that you both can't share in the other's celebration, but that's life. 

     

    All of this.  Plus her shower is quite likely (hopefully) not being put on by her.  She may've had to work with what weekends were good for the hosts, plus her and her hubby, etc...the same as you did. 

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     Lilypie - (HrHz)

    Lilypie - (2L9u)

     

      My Recipe Blog
    ~All AL'ers welcome~

  • From what you said, she didn't ask you to change the party.  You said there was a conflict and she said that she couldn't change her plans (I'm assuming she's not throwing her own shower and that she had to pick a time that worked for her AND her host.) and she said if it was that important to you for her to be there, you can adjust your scheduling and she would attend.  She was offering a solution because you were getting all worked up over something silly.  It's one birthday party.  Your kid will have a lot of them and I'm sure she'll come to next year's.

    And honestly acting like she's horrible for not uprooting her plans to attend a party for your son is just silly.  Your son is too young to remember who comes to his birthday party.  So this isn't about your kid, this is about you.  You want her there for you.  She can't be there because something very special to her is already planned for that day.  You need to deal with it and not be such a drama queen.

    My best friend planned her vacation for the week I'm having my son's birthday. I guess I should tell her she's self-centered for not rescheduling her trip.  AND she had the nerve to give birth to her daughter on MY husband's birthday.  What a selfish woman she is for not gluing her knees together until after midnight.

     

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image LalaMama81:

    image tiffitaya718:
    I know how you feel. My son's godfather set his wedding for my son's birthday. I was furious. He could have chosen any day for the wedding but my son's birthday is predetermined. Needless to say we will not be attending the wedding. I will be enjoying my child!

    Really? If this person is your son's godfather, I'd think they were an important person in your life. You will really skip this once in a lifetime event - a wedding, which is HUGE, b/c you are mad it's on your son's bday?

    I just don't get it. There are only 365 days in a year. Only 52 Saturdays (common party and wedding day). There will be overlap.

    In this situation, I'd probably laugh, say it's funny that it's DDs bday, too, but how fun b/c I'll always remember the date! Then I'd plan her birthday either the weekend before or the weekend after and assume the godparent would be sitting this one out b/c of wedding/honeymoon plans.

    Kids don't care when we celebrate their birthday.  

    My thoughts exactly! Have you ever planned a wedding? There are sooo many factors that go into setting a date. Venue availability, other vender availability, personal significance of dates, your schedule, your fiance's schedule, your close family's various schedules, regional weather, seasonal considerations....now couples are supposed to add "groom's friend's child's birthday" to the list????

    Is it just me, or have 1st birthday parties recently, inexplicably morphed into these gargantuan events that somehow require months of preparation, complicated themes, long guest lists, and rigorous social expectations? It's exciting to us when our children have birthdays, but it's unreasonable to expect that our friends and family will plan their lives around them. 

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

  • Wow....my BFF and I have missed several important events in each others lives. We take pictures, and share our experiences with one another. To expect her to be there at my every beck & call is immature and ridiculous.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Photobucket
  • You can either a) change the birthday party and go to the shower or b) keep the birthday party and skip the shower. Sorry your "BFF" thinks her child is more important than yours, but I think you are blowing it WAY out of proportion. It's just a party.

    photo 049e383f-c323-49e9-a863-e93c76d7c086_zpsbc4c1d5e.jpg photo 76577154-f2ad-44a9-94f1-46bb5cafe8be_zps691ea31b.jpgLilypie Second Birthday tickers 
  • image Pinkpeppers:
    Her logic is no more ridiculous than your own. Can't you see your both guilty of the same thing? Wanting the other person to change their day. Keep your day if it works bet for you but just don't get all pissy that she does the same thing. Missing a baby shower or a birthday is simply not the end of the world, life will go on and hopefully you can let this go so your friendship can go on too.
    This sums up my take on this.

    The amount of emotional investment people tack onto these events these days is stunning to me.  

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • image MommySept13:
    My BFF scheduled her baby shower on my son's 1st birthday party. She was in the room when I delivered him. Of all dates, I thought for sure she would recall his birthday. Apparently she didn't. I received her invite to her baby shower this week, scheduled on the same day as my son's birthday party (In September). My son is her godson. When I said something she remarked that she was taking childbirth classes the two days before her shower, and her husbands has off that weekend, and that's why they chose the date. Problem is that when I mentioned the scheduling conflict, she had the nerve to ask me if I would change the date/time of my son's birthday party to accomadate her shower. What boiled my blood was that she was unwilling to change the date or time of her shower at all. Pretty much told me it was set in stone and if I wanted her there I would have to change my son's birthday party to a different time, or select a different day. Is it me or does this seem rude? I can't change when my son's birthday is (he was lucky enough to manage to not be like his Mama who shares her birthday with Thanksgiving every 7 years) and by a stroke of luck it fell on a weekend day when all of my out of state family will be in town. Furthermore, she doesn't see that asking me to change my son's birthday party was rude and self-centered. Am I the only one who thinks her logic is ridiculous?

    How do you ever get through those years where your birthday falls on Thanksgiving?? It must be so hard to not be the center of universe that year. Confused

    I think it's funny that you are insulted and think she's rude and self-centered to ask you to reschedule the party when you also asked her to reschedule her shower.

    As PP's said, a lot of time and planning go into a baby shower and that time and effort most likely falls into someone else's hands. Your LO will not remember who was there and who wasn't, and will definitely not remember or realize if his party was on his exact birthday.

    I think you're being unreasonable and self-centered.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

  • image EastCoastBride:

    image Pinkpeppers:
    Her logic is no more ridiculous than your own. Can't you see your both guilty of the same thing? Wanting the other person to change their day. Keep your day if it works bet for you but just don't get all pissy that she does the same thing. Missing a baby shower or a birthday is simply not the end of the world, life will go on and hopefully you can let this go so your friendship can go on too.
    This sums up my take on this.

    The amount of emotional investment people tack onto these events these days is stunning to me.  

    Exactly. And OP, usually people DON'T plan their own showers so it's also probably not entirely your BFF fault that she didn't have YOUR son's birthday in a big red circle on her calendar.  She has to probably accomodate more people than you do and GOD FORBID your child doesn't come before her own child.  Both of you should just move on, its just a conflict that can't be avoided and asking either one of you to change the date for the other person isn't reasonable.  Get over yourself.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • All I can say is wow.  What makes your son's birthday anymore important than her baby shower? You really sound like a spoiled, self entitled brat.  People have their own lives and events are ging to overlap.  Take pictures, get over it and move on.

    Oh, and having your birthday fall on Thanksgiving?  BFD.  It happens to my brother and he loves it becaus the entire family is there to celebrate with him. 

    I know thismay come as a surprise, but the world actually doesn't revolve around you. 


    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BFP 3/6/12  - DS 11/9/12
    BFP 5/28/13 - MMC 7/19/13
    BFP 1/1/14 - EDD 9/15/14
«13
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards