Ok ladies... I need some help/validation/guidance/or a swift kick in the arse. Here's my problem: my husband.
He's a sweet sweet man. He's funny, kind, and giving. But he's very young mentally. He's not the most mature man. He grew up the baby of older parents in their second marriage, and he's very used to getting what he wants, and being the center of everyone's attention. *Example: When my parents came into the delivery room the morning of my induction, my dad asked "how's it going? how you feeling?" and my husband responded by saying "well I'm a little tired, and I could use some breakfast, but I think I'll do fine". Seriously.
So I'm having a hard time keeping my frustration and irritation under control. I'm not good with letting things go, and I'm still trying to work through/get the heck over some majorly frustrating situations that happened early in in LO's life. Here they are (just so you know what I'm working with)...
I was induced, and labored naturally for 26 hours. the last 7 hours of my attempts to labor naturally were overnight. My husband slept through most of it. At a hospital, there were no midwives and when my husband decided to curl up and go night night, I was left to do it on my own. I had been given Ambien so I wasn't really "with it". It's all very hazy but I do remember hearing him snore, and a few times where my moaning woke him up and he rolled over, looked up at me, and covered his head with the pillow. Eventually I hit 26 hours of contractions with no change, so they gave me an epidural. The next morning I was ready to push and he was of course rested, and shining when my parents arrived to be there for the delivery. Everyone was so impressed with how supportive he was and how much energy he still had. um... yeah this is a big one.
Next on my list of things to get over, is the events that surrounded LO's trip to Children's hospital. He was 10 days old, started panting, and turned blue. So... we rushed him to the ER. Spent one night at the local ER, then moved to children's. My husband is a teacher and school was starting (no kids yet, just teacher work days the first week of school). He decided he needed his sleep (he loves sleep) for work and left myself and the baby at the hospital for 4 days. He did make 2 trips to come see us including the day we went home. I was breastfeeding and because LO was nursing every 2 hours, I was sleeping about 3 hours a night. But even that is an over estimate. I fell asleep nursing LO several times and the nurses were no help either, suggesting they just give him a bottle so I could sleep. That wasn't something I wanted to do, so I just went without sleep. (I understand my husband couldn't have helped with feedings, but once the baby had fed, he could have rocked him while I got an hour of rest. taking turns). In the end, the biggest issue here is my husband literally left his 10 day old infant in the hospital when we had NO IDEA what was wrong with him, so he could work 4 hours a day getting his classroom set up then go home and "rest". This is not ok to me. I doubt most men would be so selfish.
Next... no help at home. This baby literally did not sleep for more than 2 hours at a time for the first 5 months. The other hours of the day were spent nursing. Needless to say I was tired. Again, this is not my husband's job to nurse the baby. But... instead of me being the one to nurse for almost an hour, then rock the sleepless baby to sleep for 45 minutes, just to get maybe an hour of sleep, i wished my husband would have taken over at the times it was possible for him t help. ie, rocking LO back to sleep. I asked, I b!tched, I complained, I begged, and all it did was put him into a bad mood. He would pout, sulk, mope, then get angry and come back at me saying I was being "mean" and "too hard on him", and acting like a "b!tch". He would then encourage me to seek professional help for my PPD and suggested medication to "make me happier".
So those three big items are still looming in my brain, even though I try every day not to let them creep up. But it's hard to combine that daily struggle of mine with all the other "little things" that go wrong when I leave the baby with the husband. I'm a SAHM, and we only have one car. So I don't leave the house. We go on walks if it's not too hot outside, but most days are spent in the living room, playing, reading, singing, dancing with LO, broken up with nursing, and two naps (i love naps). When my husband gets home from work I allow him time to change, shower, relax, watch a little TV. Then about an hour before LO is going to need to nurse before bed, I leave LO with my husband while I finally shower, and spend a little time working (I'm a wedding photographer and I work at night/weekends when we have weddings). Every time I come back downstairs from "my time" LO is playing with my husbands cell phone (I hate screen time for infants, and he knows this) or my husband is on his cell phone checking baseball games scores while LO plays by himself.
We could use a little extra cash but my husband refused to get a summer job because he "misses LO and wishes he could spend more time with him". So he's not working this summer while school is out. Does he spend much time with LO? Nope. He sleeps in, and when he's finally awake, he wants very little to do with LO.
I'm writing this post because two days ago I went to Walmart to pick up some things for the party we were planning the next day (4th of july). It was delightful to shower, put on make up, clothes that match, and go to a store. It was really awesome. But when I came home (after an hour and a half) LO was plopped in front of the TV watching baby tv shows. Hubby was on the computer. I was livid of course. Hubby's response was "look... this is my summer vacation. So if he needs to watch some TV so I get a moment to myself, so be it. it's not going to hurt him".
How the heck do I move forward without being a "b!tch" as I'm called on a daily basis? Please help